Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

I binged last night. I'm home alone this week, so have got off to a bad start. This morning I felt crappy and had to face a 2 hour drive to visit DM in her care home. So I stopped off at the Range and bought... a lovely plant pot and a face mask. No multi pack of double deckers this time! Yay.

I am someone who struggled for years to give up smoking, and every time I broke down and had one, I did a 'fuck it' might as well start again, rather than just having the one. I seem to take the same approach with bingeing - once I start all bets are off.

I've just got back from the burger meal and I couldn't actually eat it all!!! Crazy times. I wore my new jeans too, I didn't save them for when 'I've lost a few pounds' . I took the labels off and binned them. They are my jeans for my weight now and they feel pretty good. I put some make up on too for the event. I feel quite nice today, and my husbands been saying nice things too. Just a really lovely day for me.

I gave up smoking a few years ago and for me the best way for me was to give up the following day after smoking too many on a night out. You know when you wake up and even the smell of a cigarette makes you heave. Maybe have a huge binging session on your favourite foods to the point of literally feing sick? A bit extreme? There are some foods I cannot touch again after being ill after. M&S fruit puff biscuits and Cadburys sugar free dairy milk. Ugh. I was so sick after eating those 2.

I'm in the danger zone now. Evenings are my downfall. It's like I'm disappointed that i won't eat anything else tonight.

I've had some crisps and as usual finished them. Wasn't a massive amount as it was a shared bag but I think I only stopped because I ran out.

I've come upstairs to break the spell of the sofa. Sitting in front of the tv does me no favours.

mistyrock it's* *an interesting thought but I have eaten so many foods until I feel physically sick but can't seem to get the link on my brain.

It's funny though I have had a terrible reaction to food at wagamamas 3 times now, like I had food poisoning. The first 2 i realised I was allergic to edamame beans so can no longer face them at all. The last time I don't know what it was, maybe it actually was food poisoning but for someone who loves that kind of food I have a visceral reaction to the thought of going into one of their restaurants now and can't do it. It makes me feel sick just the thought of eating there. So, it obviously does work on a certain level. I just haven't got it about my trigger foods which are mainly crisps.

I've even done Paul McKennas hypnosis on making your trigger binge food disgusting. It did work for a bit but I've gone back to eating them. Maybe I should try it again.

I think i need hypnosis to figure out a way to avoid feeling over full. So that as soon as I feel a little full, the thought of being overfull feels really horrible and uncomfortable so I stop. I think that's how normal people eat

"Ive eaten a certain amount, i feel full, if i eat anymore i will be uncomfortable and I don't want that so i will stop" . I notice that thought but my brain overrides it and 'future me' (bloated sick me) wonders why the hell 'present me' didn't listen.

My current fave binge food.

I'm the same, if I get over full I can't stop eating. Even though I feel so horrible and gross. So I'm thinking, maybe I do it because I'm too far gone, that I'm feeling so gross that I may as well carry on and feel even uglier! So when I don't binge I feel more attractive which in turns stops the urge to binge. Its a bit like when I severely restricted my food, I'd feel really powerful and smug that I had the will power to not eat. Its all about power. Once I've overstepped the line I may as well eat the whole house.

Absolutely!

I'm bored and want to snack. I did have an early tea and I'm a bit hungry. Quite want toast!
Bloody good job I don't have any of those chocolate.pretzels in the house.

I find a bowl of cereal a good snack as it fills you up and the milk helps if you're actually thirsty. So it's satisfies both hunger and thirst.

Lol.

I just fancied sharing!

Does anyone else have this mindset.
So it's my birthday in August and all I can think is that in my last birthday I promised myself I would be slim by my next birthday which I'm not. I always set these little goals and never meet them

I always tell myself ‘on Monday I’ll eat better and won’t order food/binge eat so I’ll eat as much food as I can between now and Monday.’ Monday comes and I say, ‘on Friday I’ll start eating better’ and the cycle continues. It’s as if I’m in a hamster wheel going round and round.

I’ve now stopped setting these unrealistic goals and just say ‘I’m not going to eat that today’ and just take it day by day

I feel like setting these goals is kind of acknowledging you have a problem and you know things have to change. But in reality it just seems impossible

Yes. I thought I'd have hit my target weight by the 29th (my now cancelled holiday) but no, I haven't. But I'm trying to see it as a good thing. I NEED to sort out this binge eating if I've got any chance of feeling normal again. My husband is up watching TV, I'm getting settled in bed. I've done my teeth so I'm not tempted to get some sweets etc. My new jeans today have given me lots of joy though. 😊

Teeth cleaning is a really good idea!
So pleased about your new jeans!

Thanks. They've made me feel a bit more like my old self.

Great to hear your jeans made you feel good. I've been wearing a pair of denim shorts and they fit me unlike my normal jeans. It's so nice to feel comfortable with clothes that are comfortable instead of cut me in half. Looks so much better too. And I'm trying not to get caught up in the thought that I don't have the legs for shorts. I am cool in the hot weather and okay, they may not be the best legs in the world but they're fine enough.

I had wondered if I over ate a bit yesterday but definitely didn't binge. The difference of how i feel waking up the next day not feeling sick or bloated is so good. Going to try to listen in to what i need again today. I have a birthday party for ds after school today. Hoping not to binge after when everyone is gone.

It is good to wake up not feeling sick and having the mental hang over of a binge. We've obviously still got birthday left, and I'm going to have some today. It's not a problem though. I'm feeling a little bit low, my husband was looking at old photos of after our son was born (he's 13) when I was very very slim, he was premature and I was already slim but the stress and breast feeding made the weight drop off. Skinny arms, no tummy. Makes me become really judgemental of my current body. I could see him looking at me thinking the same.

You're right, the mental hangover is as bad if not worse after a binge.

I imagine your husband wasn't judging you as you thought or as you were yourself. I think we project our feelings about ourselves on to others.

I also look back at photos and wish I was that slim. But a few things come into my mind now I think of it.
In some of these photos I was deeply unhappy, especially teen ones, I had a full blown ED and severe depression. Life was in no way happy, home life was chaotic. But, yes, i look young and slim.

Then another time about 4 years ago when I was starting a business up and it was very stressful, i lost loads of weight and was on the ball and excited about my new venture, busy all the time. In fact too busy to eat. I passed out a few times, once on the stairs going up to the supermarket. So, yes, i was thin but in no way healthy that was sustainable.

I think it's easy to look back and only focus on what you see body wise. When i first see the photo, i only see skinny. But when i look deeper it wasn't great.

You said the stress made the weight drop off. That's not a healthy place to be.

I am much happier now in life. I just need to find balance in eating and self image. I'm not sure I would swap present me for that past me just to be thin again. Hopefully i can find a balance between happy, contented me and a body I'm happy and content with. Maybe it has to be a conscious decision.

My mantra for today will be "I am happy and content with who I am (including my body)"

Maybe then I'll start treating it better with healthy food in healthy quantities and enjoyable movement and exercise.

He was definitely comparing. He's very much a Eat less and get active type. Because he goes running a lot and once he's decided something he'll do it, even if it effects his health etc. He treats everything as a challenge. He's mentioned the photos before, saying look at you. You must be about 3 stone lighter. Yes I was 3 stone lighter. But life was hard.

Oh that's a shame. I hope he doesn't mean it meanly. People often say things without thinking and not realising the impact their words have to someone.

I know a friend of mine who was always very slim and now has changed shape/put on a bit of weight round her middle and has a similar husband. He is super skinny, runs, cycles and just can't understand why she doesn't eat less/move more. It doesn't make her feel very good about herself. If only it were that easy for everyone.

Can you say something to him? That, yes you were lighter then but really stressed and commenting on it in the way he does just doesn't help! I know my husband needs these things spelled out for him sometimes.

I remember a friend at school who was slightly overweight, nothing major. A boy at school called her Amanda 'Huge' as it sort of rhymed with her second name. It started her on a spiral of an ED that lasted for years. I know it was mean as hell but I imagine he would never have thought his words would have the power that they did. He was actually a friend in her group who grew into a lovely man and it seemed out of character even at the time. I often wonder if he realises and regrets it or doesn't even remember the day he was a total tosser and made a nasty but (in his mind) throwaway comment.

Shows the power of our words.

I hope today you can enjoy not being in such a stressful situation as you were then.

I've binge again today. 11am and I've already eaten a (sharing) bag of chocolate sweets, a ham sandwich and 2 bags of crisps. What is wrong with me. Today was supposed to be the day I stopped/took back control. But nope. I am going to try not to eat for the rest of the day. I'm certainly not hungry after this mornings gorge and I've already eaten todays calories and more. I do not need any more food today. I'm going to try so hard today.