Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

Mines all round my middle too and my bum. Sounds like we are similar size. I'm short as well though!

Luckily I'm kind of tall, 5ft10in. So I do carry my weight quite well but I certainly prefer being slimmer. But I must deal with the urge to binge first. Today I'm definitely going to read some more of my book.

Ive also has fleeting thoughts of dieting again. I had to get my photo taken a good few times yesterday for a work thing and it has sent me into a spin.

I also finished a big year long project yesterday and there was food a celebration as a group. Everyone over ate. But i also went home and ate more. Not the biggest binge by any means, mostly because clever dh gad deliberately not bought loads of crap.

I definitely have an issue with celebrating for want of a better word with food. And commiseratating the crap days. Again like alcohol, booze fkr the high days and booze for the low days. I do the same with food.

I have a day off today and then only 1 week till I'm on holiday and I can feel that worry that I will just get bigger and bigger over the holiday.

I also have my weight all around my middle. And my boobs. I feel really uncomfortable at the moment. I feel very big. I'm not sure how i can go up and down so easily. In weight and wroghr related mood.

I am struggling with the thought of not over eating this morning. And it's cake or biscuits I'm craving.

Sorry for typos.

@Breathmiller its what to do instead isn’t it? Now I’m not going to binge eat, what do I do? I remember feeling similar about giving up smoking and I still don’t know the answer. Feel fat and flabby too. the Cambridge diet woman once told me that I was sitting in a rubber ring of fat, that’s how I feel today. You’re right, it’s so difficult to let go of the thoughts of ‘what do I do about it?’

Yes, what do I replace it with is a good question.

I do think i need to address the underlying reason why I feel the need to fill some void or hide from some feeling with food or alcohol. What am I really looking for? Instead of just swapping one unhealthy addiction for another I need to look deeper.

I'm pretty sure I initially binge eat due to boredom and being lonely, then when I've put weight on k binge eat because I'm unhappy with my body (makes zero sense!). It's my husbands birthday today and I've got a cake arriving, which isn't so bad as I can't really binge on a cake that isn't mine, I only binge on stuff that it's noticeable as people discovering I've binged is so shameful for me.

Sorry about typos. I only binge on stuff that ISN'T noticeable, like a packet of biscuits I've bought ghat no one knows about etc

Agree with you both. Finished the book and I don’t feel that is addressed. A bit disappointing at the end as it spends a lot of time on nutritional facts that any seasoned dieter would know very well. I’m ok today as still on holiday, but tomorrow when everything is back to normal, how do I stay positive and cope with bumps in the road. This is what I have done for years and nobody really knows that I do it. Off to find another book 🤓

Oh no. Was the book rubbish! Have you read the book Never Binge Again? You can get it free as a download off of the website. The first time I read it it made so much sense, I didn't binge for ages. But like with everything you get complacent and back to square one. I do find reading books and finding help does put the spot light on my eating issues though. And obviously the more I focus on it the more obsessed it makes me. I'm feeling quite positive today. I feel like I look okay today. The truth is I'm just so obsessed with looking nice. I must be completely shallow. I just want to wear nice clothes. 😢

the book made some good points, and I can see that I want to find it more about ie, and practice it. I read the threads on here about what slim people eat and I know that I have lost touch with listening to my body. As you say, I also cannot make peace with being the size that I am. I have always enjoyed looking groomed and wearing nice clothes and I struggle with the thought of just getting larger. As a taller woman I just feel large and broad and manly, rather than curvy as I carry more weight. I can see that a huge mindshift is needed to let go of the control I felt I had, as it plainly hasn’t done me any good. I will try nbe. I think I may already have it on my kindle, is that the zen 10 one? I remember readin ‘eating less’ which seems similar, but has techniques for delaying and planning eating, which I suppose is still restriction. I see the theory of rejecting the diet mindset, but I will struggle actually do it, as many of you say

Yes, I feel like I look bulky too with extra weight. It's all around my boobs so I'm top heavy but obviously my tummy is big too. From behind I look okay. Nice enough bum and hips but the front is just bulky af. Groomed is the right word. I want to look groomed and cared for.

www.neverbingeagain.com/

Yes, I'm tall too. When I'm slimmer I can see that it lokks better as I look tall and slim(ish). But when i put on weight it makes me feel like I'm just big. Bigger width wise and bigger height wise so I just feel hulking. I'd be happy with tall and athletic. Just not tall and hulking.

I had a piece of toast witb peanut butter and jam (sugar free jam which I actually prefer these days after trying a sigar free month). And that has fulfilled my cake desire. But DH has gone out and gas gone tk get cake. Or flapjack as I asked him to get. I wish I had said not to bother after my toast. I could have messaged him to say don't bother but I didn't. And now he is home with it. Of course, any normal person would, in my mind be able to have it in the house and enjoy it later. My fear is now its here I will have it anyway. When in truth I don't need it. It's that issue I have . No bloody willpower. I will enjoy it much more later or even another day when I am hungry. So now I have to work with that and not go downstairs and ransack the bag he has just bought and wolf it all down. Which will start a cycle of binging all day.

I might do my little tick box on my phone. I've had breakfast and I can have a small snack at 11. If I'm hungry. I know it's in a way quite controlling still but it keeps me safe. Gives me normal safe parameters. If i lose these I just go "fuck it. I've fucked up now, I'm a greedy pig so I may as well just keep stuffing my face like the greedy pig I am"

Hmmm, that has been quite enlightening to write down.

I am not a greedy pig. And I can treat myself well today. I deserve to be treated well. And that means treating my belly well. I will feel sad and bloated and sick and angry and uncomfortable and sore and ashamed if I stuff more food in me than I need. I can treat myself better than that. I can. Wish me well. Wishing us all a good day of treating ourselves well. We deserve it.

That sounds like a familiar thought process, but good to talk it through. I know what you mean about knowing it’s in the house, but as you say, the food there until you want it. I had toast and pb with cinnamon and a banana, delicious and balanced. Keep listening to what your body needs

Yes a very familiar thought process.

Yes, it was really useful to write it down somewhere it can be heard and understood.

I feel i had a mini win. I did go downstairs and didn't eat anything. I don't need to because I'm not hungry. I have had a nice relaxing morning. Walked my neighbours dog round the woods twice while they're out. Watched a film with my youngest. Much nicer ways to wind down than over eating.

Just got to keep focusing on these little wins and being present with how I'm feeling and what I need at this point. If I can just focus on today, this hour, this moment in time and be gentle with myself it will all add up to better habits.

Definitely, we really need to be kind with ourselves, we too have an eating disorder, no one would chose to feel like we do. It literally is one hour at a time for us. I can honestly say though that it is amazing NOT to be counting calories, points and syns. It is great to go food shopping and to buy what I want. I just need to learn to stop 'last suppering' which is what we do when we say 'I'll diet tomorrow so I'll eat ALL the food today'.

It is a huge relief to find others who have exactly the same thought process as me.
I am thinking about starting to calorie count again though.

It makes me feel more normal. And it is helping me to move forward. I've just had a piece of extremely lovely birthday cake. I've no fear around it, and I really enjoyed it. Normally I'd be binging for the rest of the day as its 'ruined' but not today. We may go out for food later and that's okay too. I think it's a long process but we will ALL get through it. One step at a time. 😊

You don't need to calorie count. It's what got you here in the first place. Just take it slowly. You are good enough as you are

I've been finding that book quite helpful. Been working on the food and body neutrality stuff. Realising how negative my thoughts and worries can be. I haven't finished it yet though.

Eating quite randomly at present, not really bingeing but eating what I like. Which makes for some odd 'meals'. On Friday, wasn't really hungry for dinner after eating quite well in the day so had some darkmilk buttons and a coffee. Feeling a bit better in terms of food. Hope it continues

I've had a good day so far. Having space has actually helped me to check in whether I'm actually hungry or not.
So, I've eaten lightly but enough. No timings, no counting, no limiting, just noticing if I'm hungry and eating accordingly and slowly so the brain gets the message.

I'm quite pleased as days off after a big day like yesterday usually result in over eating.

That sounds good. I grazed a bit today but nothing I didn’t enjoy or feel out of control with. Just dreading going back to work tomorrow

You all sound like you're doing really well. I've binged today and yesterday. I've been thinking about it and realised I enjoy it. The thinking whst to buy, buying the food, the thrill of it being a secret! It's like being a secret smoker or drinker.