Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

We've ordered a take away too. I've not had time for lunch as I've been so busy sorting out stuff. I had a latte and lemon cake instead. Surprisingly I don't feel the need to binge, whereas normally knowing there's a take away coming and having cake I'd be planning my chocolate binge too thinking 'don't worry the diet starts tomorrow'.
My passport photos made me feel a bit sad as my face looked very plump but you know what they say, your face or your ass (in my case my tummy). So yes, I've got a big tummy and quite a nice smooth wrinkle free face! 😂 Always look for the silver lining.

Gooducj with it, but to try to enjoy some as you don't want to deprive yourself. 😊

Oh enjoy every mouthful of yojr takeaway. We're having some bits and bobs leftover from our picnic yesterday and some veggie burger things.

I took a leaf out of your book and put on my shorts today and didn't change them to do the school run. Normally i would. I had a moment catching myself in the mirror and thought I don't really have the legs anymore for shorts. Then caught myself and thought "I have legs, I have shorts on - therefore I have legs for shorts" such a nice feeling to be cool.

Sounds good Breathmiller, it's so hard to be positive about ourselves, but we must try. The more we repeat it the more likely we are to believe it.

Really struggled to order as for the first time I didn’t actually want to eat unhealthy food! I really do think I’m starting to change. We ordered a carvery and I had loads of veg and treated myself to a sticky toffee pudding after. I don’t feel disgustingly full, I just feel satisfied and happy

Well done pashunfoot

• I *am popping on for accountability at my witching hour. This tends to be my difficult time. I've had dinner, a delicious fresh, healthy balanced dinner. I am full. I wasn't even starving before I started but I enjoyed it and can feel my stomach is comfortably full. But, I had a pang if disappointment that it was over. I could have quite easily gone back for more food. But I AM FULL!!

If I'm hungry later I can eat then. Talking to myself here.

I also feel that the evening ahead is long, it's partly boredom. Maybe I should go out for a walk to distract me. Meanwhile I've come upstairs and finishing off an online jigsaw to keep me occupied and away from the kitchen.

Glad a few of you have got the Just Eat It book, I hope you find it useful. I've just finished listening to it and it all makes so much sense, but i still find it hard to really convince myself that I am free to eat whatever I want.
I'm trying to be more aware of negative self talk and thoughts about dieting. It makes me so sad thinking of all the time I've wasted on this shit.
There have definitely been moments this weekend which could have triggered a binge but didn't, so hopefully something is working!
I'm with you on the journalling @BusterGonad keeping any sort of food record is a huge trigger for me, but I am making a mental note of how I feel when I finish s meal.
@Breathmiller I remember you from the alcohol threads, I was a serial lurker but never posted. Am now 6 months AF, mainly inspired by those threads.

I'm still kind off upset about my photos today but I'm trying to shrug it off. I need to accept myself for who I am today otherwise I'll be binge eating forever. I've not got far into the book yet but hopefully I'll find some time tomorrow to read more. I'm just having a glass of wine then I'm off to bed. I'm having so many weird dreams at the moment, I think I'm wishing that I was in the past rather than living my life now. My dreams involve old friends, other places I lived and my son is tiny again. Its funny how facing the binge eating brings up so much more. It really makes you look into yourself. For me anyway.

yes, I agree. Admitting to ourselves that we do this throws up all sorts of things in our minds. Like me realising that dressing like an aged Greek widow doesn't, in fact, make me invisible. I need to ditch the drab clothing.

😂

Just wondering about how you talk about your binge habits with others or do you keep it secret. Im very open about it as the secrecy and naughtiness is part of why I do it. By being honest (with selected people) it takes a lot of the power and strength away. I'm very honest with myself about what triggers me and that I can't be trusted with 'just one' of so many things.it sounds like I've got my shit together but I haven't ... I'm binge better not binge free.

Only a few people know. Its something that I find very humiliating. An adult woman who can't control herself around food (I'm judging myself not others). I'm still very ashamed of it. Especially as in my past I've been extremely disciplined.

I was talking to a friend the other day about my health problems and said that I know I need to change my approach to food. She remarked that I have a v healthy diet, which just goes to show how much of this is smoke and mirrors. I couldn't bring myself to tell her just what shite I am capable of cramming into myself when I fall off the wagon - because it is a habit that I am too disgusted with myself to admit to.

Just had a most lovely breakfast, some of the boys porridge left over and greek yoghurt with honey. The full fat kind. It's so much nicer than the 0% kind.

I'm trying to slow down and eat mindfully noticing any negative thoughts. Today I had some about the type of porridge (it'll probably cause a sugar rush blah blah) and random stuff from diet books in the past (carbs first thing mean you'll be eating all day etc etc) so just let them go.

It was very nice though and did enjoy it.

Hi difford great to hear that there are lurkers on that board that it has helped. I've always had a feeling that there must be as many if not more lurkers than posters who have been inspired. I'm coming up to 2 years in August and I couldn't have done it without that thread. Its full of lovely supportive people who get it. I get the feeling this is the same which is why I wanted to join.

I tend to hide my binging too, I also feel ashamed to admit that I can't control myself around food. I don't blame my mum, she had her own stuff going on but she was disordered around food. It's generally accepted in the smaller family now that she tipped into anorexia especially when stressed. She is naturally a small person, small and petite framed and I take after my dad's side, tall and bigger framed. She used to call me a "greedy pig" and these words stuck. I no longer repeat them to myself. I had what was called bulimia nervosa as a very unhappy teen but now realise it was a manifestation of binge eating disorder. I binged more than vomited. I felt I "failed" at being anorexic, that's how fucked up my thinking around food and self worth was.

Believe it or not I now have a job that puts me in front of groups of people that is pretty body focused. I have come a long way. But I still binge when stressed.

pinkyboots you've nailed it. i am binge-better not binge free.

Richard Osman was talking about it and it really was a lightbulb moment for me. That he will always have binge eating disorder it's just that sometimes it will be better managed than others. I do feel I am stepping into a much healthier attitude though. I feel so good for having eaten 3 meals and 3 snacks yesterday. Not bloated from over eating, i had energy yesterday because I had fuel and I wasn't starving or berating myself. Who knew that all I needed to do was to eat more often? It has been quite a revelation this last year.

I've also been a lurker on the drink free threads. I feel it is linked to my bingeing in a way as seems to be worse when drinking. So trying to deal with both really.

This eating regularly seems to be really working here. Didn't even fancy a snack this morning so had a sandwich for lunch and just had a jaffa cake with a cuppa...usually would have eaten most of the packet...

Also finding not thinking about food as much. It's quite freeing in a way, hope it continues.

I've also been to Bravissimo and bought some XL bras which actually fit and are a bit better than the old sports tops I had been wearing which were not very supportive.

When I was 18-20 years old I moved out into a house share. I rarely thought about what I ate as was busy working and socialising and I was slim and didn’t think about my weight. Then I got married and suddenly I was responsible for feeding us both and I didn’t know how to so we ate lots of pasta and take always. Then I got a desk job and I didn’t know you were supposed to actually exercise (up til that point I walked everywhere).
They weight crept up, then several years of fertility issues equalled comfort eating. Now I have a family and I’m responsible for feeding us all, I have to think about food all the time as I do the shopping and cooking and making sure everyone eats a balanced diet but still allowed some treats but not too many etc etc.

I cannot lose weight, I cannot get back to the time I didn’t have to think about food because I have so many dependents. I wish I could just not have to think about what’s for tea, what’s happening at the weekend and who has what in their lunches.
I exercise pretty much every day and am healthy but my body is obese. I feel uncomfortable and frustrated as I have no idea what will sort it out as I’ve done every diet and every non diet imaginable.

Struggling a bit today. The house is a mess which makes my mind really messy and stressed. I’ve been good and satisfied my sweet toothed with some fruit but my god this is hard! Haven’t had the chance to catch up with any cleaning as the kids have been so busy today and my husband is at work till 11. He said he would do it when he gets home bless him but I said to leave it, it will be late and I just want to cuddle (and not snack haha!)

Yes pooky i also feel that my whole life seems to revolve around planning, buying, cooking and eating food for a family. It's all consuming. I have had biiig gaps between my children as well so it's been like that for a long time.

Sorry to hear you've had a stressful day pashunfoot. i also find mess stressful* *and chaotic. I sometimes dream of having a minimalist house with a minimalist kitchen and I'd feel safe.

I failed tonight I'm afraid. I was kind of not going to admit it or slope off from the thread but I am here and I am being honest.

I have had a good day, I went on an impromptu day out which was lovely. Was doing quite well, came home and had a healthy and delicious meal. Then dh came home via the shop and it all went to shit.

I am posting here to remind me of how uncomfortable and bloated I feel and how annoyed and ashamed I am at myself. I could watch myself getting up to get more food knowing that I was already overly full and was in binge mode. As i got more food I could hear myself saying to stop but it was like the message didn't get to my body and it kept going through the motion of getting more food and eating it. I feel sick and horrible. I have IBS and it has triggered that so I feel very uncomfortable. I feel...i don't know...stupid. What a stupid thing to do to myself after a nice day. I have a busy and important 4 days ahead of work and I am starting it feeling yuck.

I can't explain this to anyone else. I can see it must be bizarre to other people who don't do this.

@Breathmiller dont be hard on yourself. Just reset tomorrow, it’s a brand new day. Hopefully the sun will be shining and it will be a good day. I’m actually quite hungry so I’m planning on a snack that won’t lead me into a binge. Very difficult!!

Thanks pashunfroot you're right. I'll reset tomorrow and try not catastrophise this.

We've all been there @Breathmiller try and stop yourself sliding into the self hate mode if you can, and chalk it up to a bad evening instead. Can you think what your trigger was though? Maybe it would help to explore that a bit in your head if you can. Well done for sharing here and not sloping off - this thread can hopefully offer support when we go through those moments. Tomorrow is another day.

Breathmiller I had a bad day too, I had an important meeting at 11, I went too long without food. Got home at about 3pm, made my son some lunch and then had eggs on toast, followed by some sweets and then 4 chocolate biscuits. I definitely had a mini binge. We had left over takeaway which I didn't finish. I felt bloated. Then, wtf, I had more sweets. In the evening watched some TV with 4 glasses of wine. The wine isn't an issue, it's the end of school and its been a stressful year so that was just a natural fuck it drink. The food is an issue but I'm hoping that today will run smoothly. I'm home on my own and am just planning to chill out and enjoy the peace as school is over for us tomorrow and everyone will be home.

And I ate a packet of crisps. I know it definitely was a binge as I was up and down hunting down crapy food.