Please or to access all these features

Eating disorders

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Adult eating disorders support

850 replies

thesootherfairy · 23/11/2020 18:02

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?
Smile

OP posts:
Rustnot · 27/06/2021 12:48

@gemandjule I hope the admission is soon and you see some improvement in both her mood and eating.

@thesootherfairy I'm so sorry you're in the situation you're in. I think you should ask for a referral to CMHT, you need far more support than you have at the moment. How are your obs at the moment?

@bubblemonkey I hope the assessment tomorrow is ok. I know they can be really exhausting. Have you been referred to an ED service? Please make sure you get your bloods done.

@theorigrights how are you doing?

Bubblemonkey · 27/06/2021 13:27

@Rustnot apparently I don’t fit their criteria. It’s a nightmare. I’ve been passed everywhere with no luck.

Rustnot · 27/06/2021 13:37

Oh @bubblemonkey this makes me so angry on your behalf. Have they specified in what way you 'don't meet the criteria'?

It just isn't good enough, is it? It just should not be this hard to access help and support. I'm so sorry. It makes all the 'reach out and ask for help' messaging seem so unbelievably trite. Flowers

Bubblemonkey · 27/06/2021 13:48

@Rustnot too fat/don’t throw up enough/not pregnant. Take your pick 🙄

Rustnot · 27/06/2021 14:17

I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say other than it's fucking shit.

thesootherfairy · 27/06/2021 15:06

@Bubblemonkey that's crappy. Solidarity 👊🏻

@Rustnot don't think so. Already been through that in December. ED service wanted me to speak to CMHT about depression before the ed treatment. CMHT wouldn't because of the ED.

So no one will help. It's a joke. Wish I'd never said anything. The so called "help" I've had from the ED service has made everything so much worse.

No idea about obs. No one has done them for 7 weeks.

I always thought there would be help but I was completely mistaken. Unless you're under 25, no one wants to know because when you're old, you're finished and worthless and not worth saving.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 28/06/2021 10:02

All my NHS ED support has been in the last 5 years ie over 40.
I think it's very dependent on where you live. I have had support from 2 different counties, with the first round lasting over 2 years.

I'm sorry you have not been able to access the support fairy

Rust thanks for asking. I think I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit scared to think about it too much in case I've swapped one behaviour for another ie not really moved ahead with the ED mindset.

I am aware that many of my thoughts are the ED talking.

I do feel stronger emotionally.

I am starting to come off my ADs. They are associated with a period of my life that I want to put firmly behind me.

Bubblemonkey · 29/06/2021 14:46

Anyone know much about low urea? Like, when does it go from “low but ok” to bad? Ended up in a&e with hideous palpitations yesterday.

TheOrigRights · 29/06/2021 15:41

Did they say it was related to your palpitations? I'm sorry you ended up in A&E, that must have been scary.

Low urea can indicate malnutrition I think. I think high urea is of more concern (kidney or liver damage).

How are you feeling now?

Worried234 · 29/06/2021 15:48

I am 42 and have anorexia and addiction to exercise. I have three children, and am divorced. Have been through outpatient therapy with my local ED Service once already.

Bubblemonkey · 29/06/2021 15:55

@TheOrigRights they said there’s nothing on my bloods, electrolyte wise to cause palpitations. Whatever it is, has got over itself now.

TheOrigRights · 30/06/2021 15:55

Well, that's good I suppose. Why are you asking about low urea?

Hello Worried. Are you under ED services at the moment?
Did the therapy help the first time?

I was discharged from my second lot of support fairly recently. I think the first lot was more helpful for me; at least I think about the therapy and the tools I learnt more. I don't know if that means it was more suited to me or whether it's taken all this time for it to click or for me to be in a head space to put things into action.

Who knows....but I'm doing OK.

Bubblemonkey · 30/06/2021 16:19

^
Mine was low, just curious 😊

kowari · 30/06/2021 17:45

I think low urea is associated with low protein intake.

bluewellyboots2 · 30/06/2021 20:21

I feel so lost and don't know where to turn.

What started as a diet to stop being overweight, turned into an obsession to be thin and control my food. I became underweight.

I'm now in a constant cycle of starvation and binging, terrified about putting on weight but losing control and eating thousands of calories at once. And then eating nothing for days to make up for it. I think 'I'll eat everything in the house now so I can have a clean day without temptation tomorrow'.

I am putting on weight and scared about what's happening to me, but I can't get a grip on myself. It feels the only options are starvation or binging.

I've called the GP but can't get an appointment for weeks. And I'm not sure what help they can offer.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 30/06/2021 20:36

My dd ( nearly an adult!) has just been diagnosed with anorexia. I wound the bank on much help tbh , we had a meeting and they basically said put her on a 1500 calorie a day diet and crack on with being assertive and not give the ED power .. err ok! 🙄.. camhs are no use and going private is fruitless ..it's just shit!

kowari · 30/06/2021 21:26

@bluewellyboots2
If you are or were underweight then your body needs a lot of calories to repair itself as well as to put weight on. A lot gets put on hold when it's just prioritising keeping you alive. Can you try to put the previous day behind you and have a fresh start every day, rather than restricting more because of the day before? I know, easier said than done! I found that the extreme hunger went away when I gained weight. Try to get outside help if you can.

I was at a high normal bmi a few years ago, just began (again, I was anorexic as a teen) as intentional weight loss, tried to maintain at just underweight but ended up at a bmi of 16. I'm maintaining at a low normal bmi now (19.5) and not restricting.

kowari · 30/06/2021 21:40

@huuuuunnnndderrricks
There is a teen support thread, the parents there may be able to give you advice. The consensus there seems to be the same as what you have been told. If you can get the calories in and the weight on then if the anorexia is not entrenched yet then hopefully a lot of the mental stuff will resolve on it's own. I can imagine how difficult it could be with an almost adult though.

Rustnot · 04/07/2021 18:23

@huuuuunnnndderrricks if your DD is nearly 18 you are in that really difficult position of CAMHS probably not wanting to take her on, and then the difficulty of access to adult services, be it CMHT or EDS. I know CAMHS isnt always great, but accessing adult services can be a real battle. Sorry to be so negative. Why do you say private services are fruitless?

@bluewellyboots2 I am bulimic so I can empathise with that binge-purge cycle. It feels so all or nothing sometimes. I am unable to eat what could be described as a meal at the moment. With lockdown easing, I would love to be able to go out and enjoy days out with friends, but the ED makes me feel paralysed and unable to do so. Planned regular eating can help stop the cycle, but I know how hard that is to do. Please get to the GP when you can, there should be support they can offer you.

Spud13 · 17/07/2021 22:37

I'm a chronic bulimic, 20 yrs of recovery and relapse. I'm currently trying to escape a long relapse after leaving an abusive relationship.

Long story!

I want you to know you're not alone, I'm looking for accountability and support in moving forward. Would love to support others in the same boat. Xx

livingthesimplelife · 30/07/2021 21:21

I couldn't read and run...THERE IS HOPE! I had anorexia, addiction to exercise, compulsive movement and had many side effects of starving myself - I was unstable, a terrible mother, depressed etc. Then I came across a wonderful lady called Tabitha Farrar. She has a book called Rehabilitate, rewire, recover. I read this book, followed all advice and can truly say I am fully recovered, with NO disordered thoughts, no compulsion to move and am free (realise I'm sounding like a marketing pitch but today is my anniversary for full recovery so want to spread the word!).
The fundamentals are eating exactly what you want, when you want, in the quantities you want. This involves throwing away meal plans, buying all your fear foods and allowing your body to take over. In practice, this meant a month of two of what would be considered 'bingeing'. I prefer the term feast eating - i would eat whole tubs of peanut butter, whole cereal boxes, whatever my body wanted. I gained weight fast, and everytime I had a thought about food, I would eat (that's mental hunger - you must eat to satisfy physical and mental hunger). Also, if I had a disrodered thought, I would counteract this. At the beginning, every bite had a disordered thought attached. E.g. if the thought said you'vehad too much, I would eat an extra two bites. You get the jist. Also, if i were to think 'you'll get fat' I would say to myself really casually (fake it till you make it), yeh I could get fat, not the end of the world. It gave less power to the thought. I also stopped all movement. I would previously get up early to do HIIT workouts or run, or obsessivley clean the kitchen, park in the furtherest parking space. I actively prevented myself from doing that. Initially involved me literally sat on my sofa telling myelf to sit, and doing adult colouring books. I also looked in the mirror naked every day with my young daughter as my body changed, and actively praised areas of my body e.g. wow ii love my squidgy tummy, i love my arms. The miraculous thing happened - my hunger naturally stabilised, my weight went to where it was before i ever restricted and natually stabilised whilst still eating exactly what i wanted, and the desire to compulsively move went away. This took about 6-8 months so give it time. I told myself to give it a year, if i hate it, i could go back to being miserable as an anorexic. But no need for that, I live without a single disordered thought now and I have a great life. You can do it!!

livingthesimplelife · 30/07/2021 21:23

Oh and for those who binge and purge, whether through laxatives, being sick, exercise etc. I promised, as soon as the restrictive aspect is stopped (follow advice above), the desire the binge goes away. You are not, as commonly believed, 'addicted' to sugar, carbs etc. It's a great biological response your body has when it has had prolonged restriction. But you need do as I said above re. exercise, with your way of purging. At first, you will still binge whilst still eating as much as you want during the rest of the day, but gradually this will ease.

KatharineRose · 10/08/2021 18:09

I hope this is okay to share, and I'm sorry to ramble, but I feel utterly desperate and out of control. I'm mid-20s now, but I've suffered with Anorexia for many years (including being stuck as an inpatient etc..). To be honest i've tried many avenues (CBT, body image work, various group and creative therapies, and nothing actually seems to help me. I wish I could change my self-perception but I see 'normal weight' as fat, and crave to look like what others call a"famine victim". I get this is horrible, and I don't condone my thoughts, but I can't seem to shake them despite much therapy.
To others I've done great and am all okay, as I am no longer underweight, but I feel mentally almost at my lowest again. I ate up to this point because all I want is to have a chance to be a Mum, and I guess I wanted it more than I wanted to be happy and thin. I swore to myself I would try this 'healthy body' for at least 6months to give it a real go, but every day i'm surpressing the desire to tear at my skin and get rid of the flesh that is everywhere on me.

I'm meant to be moving to a new job soon, but I can't face starting it at this size, and I'm now considering not taking it.

I suppose I'm desperately looking for some advice if anyone has been in a similar position?

Rustnot · 12/08/2021 12:44

I'm sorry you're feeling so low and things are so difficult.

Has the therapy you've had been from an eating disorder specialist?

I don't have anything in the way of advice, other than however difficult it is, continuing to eat and fuelling your body is the right thing to do. I know how uncomfortable that can feel.

Are you taking any medication? It might be worth investigating if you aren't.

TheOrigRights · 31/08/2021 23:31

Am away on holiday and it's been lovely, BUT my ED mindset and behaviours are creeping in. I am out of my routines.
I have put some weight on in the last months and I hate it. I am just a healthy weight but I don't want it.