Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

@Rustnot

How did it go *@bubblemonkey*?

I will be waiting at least another two weeks to start any therapy, bloods still out of whack. I am just about keeping it together!

Apparently it’s ?bulimia on my notes despite not really bingeing? “Bingeing” being when I eat somewhat like a normal human around my period because it makes me shockingly dizzy. I’m definitely more on the restrictive end of things.

Otherwise it went fairly well. Gps gonna chase up referrals for places now she knows everything.

I’ve called quits on work today, I’m an absolute wreck but gp also said to consider getting signed off for a while to get on my feet again. It got to about 6pm yesterday & I was regretting not getting a sick note in my appt. did an online request for a sick note so hopefully they’ll get it sorted soonish.

I hope it's OK to ask a question here about how to support my Mum who is in her 80s and is eating very little and losing weight. She has always eaten tiny portions and eaten mostly snacks but her weight seemed to be fairly constant - although she's always been very slight- and she was energetic. However, in the last year (lots has happened including my Dad dying) things seem worse and she sometimes tries to hide food and put food off her plate in the bin instead of eating it. We've not been able to visit for a while but reports from carers are concerning as she's only having a couple of sips of her cups of coffee - she always loved coffees and drank lots - and not eating even tiny snacks. Meals they shop for together are still in the fridge the next day and Mum says she can't remember if she's eaten. Sometimes the meals are in the bin with only a tiny bit gone. The social worker was round the other day to see if Mum needed support and spoke about how she was worried my Mum looked like she'd lost weight and that she would arrange for her to be weighed and Mum immediately said that she wouldn't know from that if she'd lost weight as she (SW) hadn't known what she weighed before. I would like to be able to help her. I've asked for the GP to do a health check - is it best to ask him what options are for support? I feel she needs some mental health help rather than someone coming in and making meals for her which is what is offered at the moment. She'd hate that and is also able to do this for herself so would be unlikely to agree to it. I'm also worried that anything heavy handed like that might make the problem worse because pressure around food doesn't help. She never wants to talk about this or anything to do with how she's feeling, always saying she's fine. Thanks for your help

Great thread! Thank you v much for starting it OP. I’m plucking up courage to seek help for bingeing, but even if can pay it seems hard to find services. Would prefer not to go to my GP. Main motivations are some health problems and setting a terrible example for my DC.

Sorry about your mum, windowdrawing, and the loss of your dad. Her weight loss and health sounds a big worry. As well as this thread posters might have advice or similar experiences in the elderly parents’ section.

Thanks Dozer I didn't think of that - I hope you can find some good support - it's hard to know where to start looking

@windowdrawing your mum could have a long standing eating disorder which has gotten worse.
The hiding food and putting it in the bin would suggest that. However given her age, it is worth considering other things as she says she can't recall whether she's eaten.
And you would need to rule out she isn't physically unwell in some other way.
Hope you get some answers.

Thanks sootherfairy - definitely going to check out possible health issues and we know there are some slight memory problems there. If it is an eating disorder as well can anyone give me any advice on how to help - should I talk to Mum about it and how etc?

Given the difficult year your mum has had, is it possible she's depressed and has lost her appetite? Without wanting to be negative, given her age, I think it will be almost impossible to get any specialist ED input, as the services just aren't there. You say she would hate someone making meals for her - if she does have an ED that could well be because she no longer has control over what she is eating. With teenagers suffering from EDs, parents take control of the meal plan and I wonder if, even though your mum won't like it, that might be what she needs. When you see the GP, you could also ask about getting a prescription for fortisip or similar, which are high calorie shakes and will help if your mum won't eat much.

@thesootherfairy I hope the last few days have been a bit better.

@Bubblemonkey it sounds like the GP appointment was positive. Are they referring you to the local EDS? I hope some time off work is helpful and gives you the breathing space you need.

@dozer good luck finding some help - your GP might be aware of local charities or have a private recommendation so it's always worth seeing them to see what they can offer.

Thanks Rustnot - I was wondering about depression - she seems in quite good spirits mostly but we'll maybe get a better idea when we see her which we're going to do soon. It's helpful to know about services as I was wondering what would be available if needed and I did think there might not be much . It's also useful to know that Mum might benefit from someone making meals for her. Thanks for your help

Just found this thread. Have an adult daughter who is sliding back into despair and disordered eating. I can't contribute anything except to be amazed at the strength you all have to keep functioning when the damned condition takes up so much energy abs brain bandwidth.
If I could take on her ED I would, even knowing how debilitating it is.

Thank you @shallIswim
If you want any advice or info (that we can give/have knowledge of) please ask.

Is your DD able to access help?
Hope so.

Not so good here. The therapy I was allocated isn't going well. I think it's the zoom aspect and the upheaval it's causing my family. I've another thread on it on mental health board as I'm completely lost with it all. All I know is, it's not working, I'm getting worse, it's causing me immense stress so it's going nowhere. It's a huge disappointment tbh.

Hope everyone's in a better place than me.
❤️

We are trying to find a CBT type therapist for her in SW London, where she lives. Or anywhere tbh since she doesn't mind online. But I'm scarred that if we don't find the right one we'll do more damage than good. So if anyone has any top tips for finding a good fit that would be great.
DD is fully accepting of what's going on. No denial. She wants tools to help her implement better behaviours

The Beat Helpfinder might be useful if you are looking for ED specialists. If you are SW London are you anywhere near the Maudsley? If I'm remembering rightly I think there is a lot of good NHS support near there. No idea about waiting times though.

@thesootherfairy I'm sorry things are so tough right now. What sort of intake are you managing at the moment? I am also finding things similarly awful at the moment, so no real advice, but some solidarity.

@thesootherfairy

Thank you *@shallIswim* If you want any advice or info (that we can give/have knowledge of) please ask.

Is your DD able to access help?
Hope so.

Not so good here. The therapy I was allocated isn't going well. I think it's the zoom aspect and the upheaval it's causing my family. I've another thread on it on mental health board as I'm completely lost with it all. All I know is, it's not working, I'm getting worse, it's causing me immense stress so it's going nowhere. It's a huge disappointment tbh.

Hope everyone's in a better place than me.
❤️

she has previously tried to access help via her GP in Durham where she was an undergrad. GP pretty dismissive and the counselling she was sent for was not specialised and probably need more damage. Now she's in in London and not keen on returning to GP, so i'm trying to just find someone good for her to talk to who will at the very least not make things worse! from having a low BMI (unsure what it was but she was very gaunt) she is now a 'healthy' weight and has got there all by herself. But the demon sits on her shoulder and controls everything she eats and when she eats it and tips her over into bulimic behaviour. it's exhausting for her and she feels so alone. Reading this thread is amazing because so much just resonates. x

Hi @Rustnot
Thank you for the solidarity. I need it.

I just feel broken.

I couldn't do the zoom therapy because the DC overheard some of the stuff and DS heard me crying.

Ed service won't do anything but zoom.

So I tried to bring it up with therapist. Turns out she didn't like honesty too much and now I've no therapy.

I've emailed my GP. She's been the only one within NhS whom I've ever found good or had support from.
Not sure what she can do but so far she has pulled rabbits out of hats for me.

I'm not expecting her to perform miracles but hopefully she has advice whatever that is.

How is everyone getting on? @thesootherfairy @Bubblemonkey

I’ve got a double appt with gp on Monday. Send her an essay of an email prior to the appt to explain everything. Who knows what’s gonna happen.

@Bubblemonkey I really hope it goes ok!!

@Rustnot thank you for asking.
It's not good. No treatment or help and no idea what to do now.

I hope the appointment goes well tomorrow @bubblemonkey. Let us know.

@thesootherfairy have you been able to see your GP and make a plan for moving forward?

My DD has been struggling with disordered eating, binging and purging for a number of years. She’s just 20 and finished first year in uni. She admitted when she came home that things had escalated in uni. She now has very low mood and is isolating herself in her room. She has great support from CBT therapist she was seeing before she went to uni and her GP. They have both suggested meds to try and lift her mood and treat her self loathing and the hopefully allow he to regulate her eating but she refuses meds as she’s afraid she’ll gain weight. Her GP has referred her to a psychiatrist specialising in EDs. She was assessed today and apparently has been offered inpatient treatment. I’m not sure what to think. Will it help her turn this around? I have heard that it can entrench behavior as inpatients can learn from each other but that seems unlikely. Anyone any experience of inpatient treatment?

@gemandjule no experience of inpatient

Your DD is very very lucky to be offered such good treatment! She should grab it with both hands.

I was referred to the local Ed service here who made a mess of my care, didn't provide therapy only a clinical trial and have just discharged me without proper treatment. They apparently don't do adults. So I'm without treatment. My GP is trying to apply for funding elsewhere but who knows whether that will happen.

So I'd say your DD is lucky. I wish I could get treatment for anorexia but apparently I'm too old and no one cares.

@thesootherfairy thanks so much for getting back to me. Really sorry you are struggling to get support. I have had a day to think about it and have totally come around to the fact that I’m going to put my faith in the professionals and stop applying the psychological equivalent of snake oil to the situation. I just hope now a bed becomes available while she’s still amenable to accepting it. X

Is it a specialist ED unit or an acute pysch ward? I would imagine they would be keen to medicate her once she is inpatient. I don't know if this is NHS or private, but inpatient treatment can help stabilise someone, but isn't necessarily therapeutic. Patients can pick up bad habits from each other, but if it's been recommended then she must be quite unwell.

@thesootherfairy is it worth asking your GP to refer you to the CMHT?

@bubblemonkey how was the GP appointment?

@Rustnot I've given up. Pointless.

@Bubblemonkey how did you get on?

Very long appt, has left me an absolute wreck. Was vomiting to the point it hurt to sit up from the aftermath anxiety of it. I have another assessment with someone who I can’t say I’m too thrilled with the prospect of, apparently somewhere between iapt & cmht? Briefly spoke to a mental health nurse on Friday & got told they’d be able to offer 6-8hrs of cbt which isn’t gonna cut it when there’s a very extensive history of woes. Currently on the verge of cancelling my bloods & follow up appt because I feel like a hugely vulnerable dickhead 🙃

@Rustnot it’s a private facility but very well known respected. There’s a specialist unit attached to an adult psych unit. My understanding is that she would be admitted into the eating disorders unit but as her mood is very low maybe they’ll prioritise that. I don’t really know. Obviously because she’s 20 all the discussions take place with her and she’s so blunted at the moment it’s hard to know how much she is taking in.