Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Lou it sounds like the holiday gave you space to try changes, it sounds like it suits you well. You should be proud of yourself, that is quite a corner you have turned.

I am struggling wih the eating something sweet at the end of my meal again. Thanks for the advice there sleep, I will follow that.
my eating has been a bit wobbly of late. As life has been unsettled I have been over eating. not enough to say binges, for me but more than I need. I know why and I tonk because I have been tackling the emotions the food hasn't been full blown binges but enough to comfort.

I finally feel as though I am coming out the other side now. The weight gain isn't really bothering me, no plans to restrict etc. (Although now I don't feel depressed I am getting much more excercise in, DH looked a little tired this morning ).

How is everyone today? All DC's back to school now?

Not so good ... now I'm back at work I am absolutely struggling again, severely restricting. I just find the working environment so stressful and there is a culture of not breaking for lunch or eating at all. I am really worried as I know this will inevitably lead to weekend binges when I am not in work but I don't know how to change this pattern. I just want to leave my job.

Lou, are,lunches not possible or not popular? If just not popular ignore it, if you can! I struggle with lunches at workdays too, as i refuse to eat anything I do not enjoy and there is nothing enjoyable in our canteen.

If lunches are just not popular, start a different trend - have a lunch! If not possible, maybe at least some fruit or even dry fruit at your desk would help a bit? It is virtually impossible to beat the evening binge or weekend binge if you starve atmwork. Rule of nature, I guess......

Hi ladies, sorry for my delayed reply. Lou I agree with jassS, she has some great advice there. Even if it's just 10min away from your desk, it can help to get a little routine going. It may seem hard and as though you're going against the trend but your health is far more important. You can give yourself permission to look after you, your colleagues may even decide to join you.

Regarding the dislike of your job, is there anything else you have always wanted to do? Could you start a plan to go for that instead? Even if it takes time, it could make being at the present one bearable as it would have an end?

I may remember wrong but was this a fairly new job you felt too early to leave? If so don't let that hold you back from going else where. In the past I have done it and it didn't hold me back.x

JassS, how are you getting on?

sleep have you settled back into the school routine ok?

I'm doing ok, having a very quiet week as I'm unwell again. Finally got someone to listen at Dr but not through the barriers yet. Pretty sure most of me being ill since Jan is one underlying thing. I'll get there eventually.

Thanks for asking, Sleep! I am technically more or less OK, still sugar and gluten free and of course still occasionally overeating like today, but overeating on fruit and cheese somehow feels better than doing the same on cake and choc, I do not know why. Also, am finding it difficult to understand when I am full now, tend to eat too little at mealtimes, esp. lunch, and then of course overdo it in evening. But I also feel very tired, could that be because of the change in diet? I literally have to drag myself to do everything, from getting up to work to homework to dealing with kids. I am of course about a month off my steroids for pg, so maybe the withdrawal, I just do not know.

Hi jassS, are you still struggling with the tiredness? I can see how the change in diet may cause you to feel that way but I think sleep is better qualified to answer the question. It may be something else and my knowledge of food is pretty skewed.
Hopefully you'll be back home now after all your travelling.

Margo, how was your session yesterday?

Maggie, DuskyDolphin, Lou, tea, spanky, gum, assistance, navywife How are you all doing, thinking of you.

Hi everyone, hopefully we are going into a good week. I wanted to share some thoughts on how I'm struggling lately but due to the length, I wrote it in a blog post. Let me know if any of you are feeling anything similar

Expectations v Reality

Well the days is getting on. I managed the dishwasher, go me (insert unsure emoticon here). I made the school run and back in relative quiet so not too bad. Even being out for a purpose was a light relief before the winey demand of tired DC started.

How I'd love to stick a film on and disappear into a take out dinner. Thankfully I have a counselling session, much more productive use of my time. Also means I won't raid the cupboards looking for that magic feeling. DH will likely cook so that removes tonights issue.

I know I'm not alone in struggling lately and to anyone lurking, feeling crap for what ever reason have yourself a virtual hug. Another day where I wish this thread was a RL location, I suspect a lot of us could do with it at the moment. Thinking of you all and here if you need someone to talk to.

Hello ladies. Sorry I've been quiet - I was having a really good time of things, but then it all went a bit wrong again. I'm trying to see it as part of the natural recovery cycle but it's hard to have faith that I'll bounce back. Also DP was away last week and I always struggle when I'm on my own with the DCs.

After my referral a while ago, there was a cancellation so I was finally able to get a last-minute appointment with an eating disorder clinic. I had a long chat with a very charismatic (that's me being polite) therapist who told me at the end of the hour long session that there would be a 12 month+ wait to get any kind of therapy, so she recommended I try and get seen by a psychotherapist privately. I'll need to look into that as enough is enough now. Hope everyone's having a better time... ?

Rubbish here too. Thanks for keeping the thread going fighting when you need support just like the rest of us.

Hope dinner by DH is nice. x

Completely focussed on weight here . Was doing so well as well. Keep fantasing about joining SW etc! Just want to withdraw from everything.

We talked about 'self-soothing' at the group on Fri & creating a self-soothing kit. It sadly occured I'd never considered putting something nice into my handbag just for me.

Had a nice weekend, it was DS's bday and his party went well, but relapsing into binging spoiled it.

Maggie flying solo is difficult with young DC.

Sorry to hear of 12 month wait. It might be worth seeing someone privately if you can. I'd go for someone experienced with ED, as obvious as that is, I have spent a lot of talking about things but not really the specifics of my BED. The NHS ppl might do private too.

Let's hope the week improves for us all. We are here, trying to overcome our EDs, that is all we can do.

Sorry for,everyone struggling. I guess,this is,part of our life forever - it can lessen, but I have no hope it will be completely gone.

I fell off track Saturday, after having sat close to my son's birthday cake for hours. So allowed,myself to eat some and see where I am afterwards. I then ate 3 more pieces, but then it ended. I felt it was too sugary and too creamy and did not want it anymore (was a home- made cake with lots of berriers, so dfinitely not sweet for most people). Sunday I felt,regret I had eaten it, but managed to eat properly Sun-Mo, albeit overdid white wine in order to not eat but still have a treat. Not a good idea, I guess.....Anyway, trouble is that even if I am only restricting sugar and gluten, and I had not had the binge, I still felt the guilt I ate what I had not planned to. I guess I need to factor in that even with gluten and sugar free occasionally I might need to give in every now and then. How to do it guilt free and how not to then stay oof wagon once fallen off I have no idea now and no courage to think what if I am not able to gold on to this regime, get pg and miscarry because of my relationship with food? Horrible thought.....

read your blog now Fighting. I try to overcome my fear of summer clothing by saying that elderly people always also look invariably horrible with skin showing, but that is what life is. Only tiny proportion of ppl look good in revealing clothes, majority do not and since I am seriously middle-aged it is time to start forgetting about the looks. I even try to go without make -up nowadays to show myself that my colleagues do not think I am weird if I do. They do not give a damn, I can see. But of course the good thoughts somerimes give way to the despair I am not what I was say 10 years ago. Is it weight- related or just normal sadness for youth gone? I have BEF, so I make it a weight issue, maybe someone else will have it as wrinkles issue instead? No idea....

Oh wow, sorry to hear you all feeling so low . I think everyone needs first of all to find a bit more self-compassion here, no one with an ingrained habit/coping mechanism is going to change that overnight. You have all come so far and done so well - your self awareness has rocketed, you've made some amazing changes, don't forget that. And when it comes to the stumbles, forgive yourself, there's no such thing as perfection, no one eats perfectly all the time (whatever the hell that means). Try to see the process as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your BED, write down anything and everything that is coming up, whether before, during or after.

Maggie, I'm glad you got to see someone, although the outcome must have been a bit of a blow for you. It would be very good to seek private avenues and I agree wholeheartedly with Margo, ED specialists are a must. I just don't think others would give you the treatment you need. What may be worth looking up are those about to qualify. They need case studies to work with and are free (I believe) in most cases. Some advertise on Gumtree etc but it may be worth calling a governing body local to you and asking for somewhere to contact?

Margo, sorry to hear you are having a hard time too. Happy birthday to your DC for the weekend. Have you been able to unravel all the choas inside to determine what has caused the changes? Just remember, this isn't forever and we don't need old resources that promised all we wanted. SW is enticing because they employ brilliant marketers, the reality isn't as pretty, we know that deep down. I have every faith in you and the slower more caring process will benefit you much more.

I was told something today that I think may help us all (it did me)...think of a seed germinating, it has to crack through a pretty tough shell and still travel a way through dirt before the shoots reach the surface. Even then there is a very long period of growth before it becomes a blooming flower. It doesn't just go from seed to plant, although it can't all be seen, the process has a path. Very much like us is it not ladies?

I appreciate the thanks Margo, I just wanted anyone worrying that they were the only one struggling to know they are not alone. Even if your just lurking, know that someone is thinking about you. I am in a difficult place too, tbh I think the majority of us are right now. Even more reason to talk and help each other when we can. If we only spoke of the positives it wouldn't be a true representation of life with BED. The journey inevitably has it ups and downs, its not failure, it is simply a learning process in which we can all help to untangle.

I wish you all a good sleep tonight and a positive day tomorrow x

I am going to be sensible and get to bed but will let you know how the counselling went tomorrow.sleep thank you for the post My session brought up a lot of what you said, its helped a bit.x

Glad the counselling is helping Fighting, it can be tough even though it is healing, a bit like a very nasty splinter being pulled out , but have faith that you can (all) recover .

Morning. jassS, I didn't have time to say thank you for your support. Your post made a lot of good points that made sense to me. It's odd that I worry about some areas and not others. I hardly ever wear make up during the day without a thought. Yet don't have the same with clothes. A work in progress I guess.
I think you were righy about the cake eating being inevitable at times. You have done absolutely amazing to make such a change. The odd bit once in a while is more likely to keep it up than complete avoidance. With regards to those thoughts that worry you, could thinking about how your looking after your mental health keep them at bay?x

My counselling session managed to flag up a few areas that would explain why I'm struggling but couldn't say why. I was low a few weks ago dealing with my DM confrontation. As we had a family death I shoved all my emotions to one side and pretended I was fine. Eventually I forgot about the emotions but my eating became really bad. Once we identified that it sort clicked into place and I could see what I'd done.

Being physically unwell for so long and struggling to be taken seriously has made me rather tired. Add that to Depression and Anxiety and I'm worn out but can't stop because of DC. Instead of giving myself time to get better, I am happy to take it easy for a few days and then expect myself to be better and fear being a burden on others. I expect them to be mad that I'm ill all the time lately. Just like you said Sleep, I need to be less hard on myself. When I said it all out loud as if talking to someone else it was clear why I'm in a bad place.

I will start the Fairburn steps again. Looking over them I was initially apprehensive at starting again. However when I read them, I have naturally been doing half of them anyway. It isn't back to square one, more a refresher. That's the other area you were right about, I (we I think) am terrible at praising myself. Expectations for myself are still ridiculously high, I expect 100% from myself in everything and the back slides 'should' be small by now in my head. I don't apply this to others at all. So I need to work on this a lot.

I am anxious today but feeling a little better. The tangled emotions are now clear areas I can improve on.

How are you all today?

Fighting, think of yourselves in the process of recovery as babies learning to walk - do you get cross with them when they fall and hurt themselves?

I am convinced, Fighting that your illness is all part of this process too, the mind-body connection is so strong, you are finally dealing with so many things you've suppressed now, it's not surprising that you are having a physical and emotional response. Take care of yourself and let those who love you do the same, stop aiming for perfection, go for authenticity instead and the sooner you will get through the rough patches and the stronger you and your relationships will be afterwards

Thank you sleep it was lovely to read that, I know you're right and will keep your post a check in when I get those thoughts.

Jass - such a difficult situation for you with balancing restrictions that may help conception with overcoming BED . It must be very hard. Does your doctor who recommended cutting out gluten and sugar know about the BED? Can you seek some clarity on how strict it needs to be, does it need to be equally so with gluten and sugar? i believe that sugar has much more impact on hormones than gluten (but not an expert) so could there be scope to be more relaxed on gluten (even if it just means cutting out wheat rather than all gluten)? Also how long do you need to do this for?

My best idea on this if you can't relax it is to take it one meal at a time and try your best to think of it as a choice for the benefit of your body, rather than a rule or restriction. Use the one step at a time mentality, as if climbing a mountain. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other, not the peak so far away. And try not to beat yourself up if you don't always make the 'right' choice, additional stress will not help anything at all .

On the ageing thing - also difficult! Try and channel your inner Queen we've discussed before. Remind yourself of role models of a similar age - who would they be? Middle age doesn't have to be about giving up on your appearance, it can be incredibly liberating, a time to please yourself, be comfortable and enjoy your looks, dress how you like, wear make up (or not) that you like, you can achieve a different kind of beauty to the one people identify immediately as culturally 'attractive' but that really doesn't make it less beautiful at all, in fact it can be deeper and much more interesting .

Margo - what's been happening, why do you think you are having a rough time now?

Lou, you had some great suggestions upthread. Does DH know how unhappy you are in your job? Can you take steps to change it? And before that, somehow make sure you take a lunch break and eat? You sound very unhappy .

Did you see the 'health cairn' I posted in the last thread? It may be worth looking over each 'rock' in that and making a list of what you'd like to change - then thinking of baby steps that will move you towards the changes? I am happy to help if you want to PM .