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Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

994 replies

FightingBed2014 · 13/04/2015 18:49

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

OP posts:
IMustEatMoreVeg · 06/05/2015 07:53

Jass that is so brilliant that you can have a little giggle about it with your DH. Your advice to tell my DH is obviously the right thing to do but I will need to work up to it. I am so defensive any time somebody mentions my food. I feel myself put my guard up like a prickly hedgehog! It is completely my issue, not DH being unsupportive.

I do have history of going on a diet that is woeking well, then DH asking questions about how it works, then BAM! (this is my phrase for it ) 'the spell is broken' and I am triggered to go on a massive several week long binge. So yes I do need to chat to my husband but I can't just yet.

FightingBed2014 · 06/05/2015 12:26

jassS your progress with your husbands understanding is brilliant. It does sound like he is starting to grasp some of what BED can do. Having a giggle together is such a great sign.

IMust, I have the exact same thing when someone speaks to me about food etc. I am yet to understand why, although I am much more able to talk myself down now. Your description is very apt. Do you think it has anything to do with people seeing a vulnerable side to us? Have you ever had someone in your life that has undermined your confidence and jumps on any errors you make?

I am back to monitoring and using the programme again. It has shown very quickly that I am not eating in the pattern I need or enough really. Its a comfort using the sheets again and feels like a structure to support me through this rough patch.

How is everyone else doing? I do hope that things are picking up for all those struggling. Thanks

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IronMaggie · 06/05/2015 18:28

Hello there. How are things going with you all?

Hi IMust - welcome to the group, it sounds like you're making good progress already.

I had a couple of good days, then 5 horrendous days in a row, and today has been ok again. I suspect that when I have 'good' days I'm simply relying on willpower, and not being as naturally calm and balanced as I'd like to think. The long weekend (although lovely) was also really stressful because I find the lack of structure to my day so difficult. This bank holiday I spent at least 80% of my waking hours eating. I wish I was exaggerating.

I'm now anxious because I'll be giving up full-time work soon and will have much less of a strict routine once I'm working from home / travelling for much of the time. This could be really terrible for my recovery. I know that some of you are managing ok while working for yourselves, but I'm so weak. I'm thinking about ways in which I can make things easier for myself when the time comes, like by eating the same meals every day (with small variations). That way there should be no temptation to have a bit more, and a bit more, ad infinitum, as I can tell myself that the meal has ended. That's the theory anyway, but if it was that easy I wouldn't be here.

I haven't made much progress with real life help as I need to look into my work health insurance and if it'll cover me for this. It's on the long list of things I haven't done. Everything's feeling a bit chaotic again and like I'm not keeping my head above water very well. I'm going to have a bit of a de-clutter tonight, that might make me feel a bit better. Sorry for the moan, will pop back when I can be a bit more positive!

jassS · 06/05/2015 20:45

ImUst, take your time to work up to telling hubby. Esp. if he has been supportive of diet routine. Mine bthw has always instinctively thought diets are evil, as he says this obsession of dieting is very disturbing to see, even if there are results. He believes all BED comes from overthinking. Well, if you are 1.90 and sporty, you can eat all you want even in late 40ies and never gain anything, so he does not understand why people gain in the first place, but at least can support no diet approaches.

IronMaggies, do you not think that labeling days good or bad depending on how food pattern was, is another way of limiting behaviour? I try not to label, just observe that there are days I overeat (I have not binged I believe now for months, but can massively graze and therefore still overeat). I am now honestly neutral to these days and notice that it means I do not spin out of control for weeks anymore. These days come in twos or max threes, then pass. But for some reason the key is to be neutral towards these days. I can not say how I achieved this, but I have. It certainly was not a snap decision, I have grown into it trying to do it. Somehow it started to work. Even going gluten and sugar free and having a clear reaction of "I will eat today then stop tomorrow these substances", I kept my calm and did not tell myself "stop now or you will gain a lot". I said tomyself, this is a diet induced binge, I need to see it pass. And after a week or so it stopped and I relatively easily moved to gluten and sugar free for health reasons. I have so far had one episode of "falling off", and again, with no judgement, just observing as if it were someone else, not me, it passed within 48 hours.

IronMaggie · 06/05/2015 23:50

I'm so pleased that you're in a good place jass. I'm certainly not there yet. When I say a 'bad' day I'm not merely grazing, I'm eating 4-5 times the recommended amount for an adult, and making myself feel physically ill with it. So for me that is objectively bad. On a good day I'm able to gather my thoughts before the binge starts and think about ways of making it stop - generally by exercising / going to bed if I can / having a shower etc.

I could maybe train myself to use different words, but it doesn't feel like it would make a bad day any better. But let me know if there's a knack to it that I'm missing.

Generally I'd like to not eat as much wheat / sugar as well, but at the moment I'm not ruling out any food groups so am continuing to eat everything.

dajmibuzi · 07/05/2015 08:47

Can I join? I've been reading through your posts I'm so glad there's a thread helping each other.

FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2015 11:29

Hi Maggie. Are you using the monitoring sheets or any other ways of assessing your emotions? You are still planning how to help yourself, that is good. Although you feel it is a struggle, all is not lost. Please don't feel that you have to apologise, we're here to help and listen, however you feel. Your emotions are not a burden to others.x

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FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2015 11:32

Welcome dajmibuzi, glad you found us. Are you finding what you have read so far any help?

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FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2015 11:41

My monitoring is going well. It's showing that I need to balance what I eat each day. During the day I'm not having a lot and slipping into lots of food at night again. I managed the meals and snacks yesterday.

Maggie, working out of the office could give you chance to carve out the routine you want? Would planning meals or even freezing them in batches help?

I am no longer working, my mental health isn't stable enough to cope. I tried as long as I could but it's too much. Time out to allow myself to recover is my only option. My DC need what focus and energy I have. I can return to it when ready. DH is in full support which has been good.

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dajmibuzi · 07/05/2015 18:48

Thank you fighting. It is really helpful just knowing this thread exists really. I need to start using my worksheets again. I used getselfhelp for most things in the past. I'm going through a particularly rough patch at the moment and struggling with insomnia and money worries too. And I have a baby that does not like sleeping! My BED symptoms have only flared up over the last month to a worrying level.

It reminds you that you always need to work at the coping mechanisms so you don't slip back into old habits! Hope I can help people too as well.

FightingBed2014 · 07/05/2015 19:06

dajmibuzi, sorry to hear your having such a hard time, hopefully things pick up soon. I agree, we will always need to check in now and then to stay on the right path.

Sleep deprivation is horrendous, are you able to get any naps in at all?Thanks

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jassS · 07/05/2015 20:59

Maggie, I have no idea on tips. I think I also ate like maybe 3-4 times the adult food needs, but somehow I decided to start to make no fuss about it, making sure I also get loads of veg and fruit in among other stuff and my brain finally started to get it. Also, I made myself driink water even if binge was ongoing. Usulally I dehydrate on a binge, because what is the point of drinking "good" when all is goong badly? I started forcing the good stuff in in addition to bad. And indeed, it is not that I now eat always normally, but it tends to nowadays end far sooner and be shorter. Binges went away when isntead of living them I was standing beside myself and observing. Overeating occasionally remains, I am not cured and I think never will be. But I discovered this actually only a couple of weeks ago that even if I still do not eat normally, the abnormal is getting less serious. i have been having lighter bingeing episodes when before for some time now, but then suddenly realised it. Previously I did not notice, as was looking forward to gaining really good eating habits. But giving up on that hope now, it will never happen, I guess.

dajmibuzi · 08/05/2015 03:32

dh took the baby from 8-12 last night because she's mixed fed now. As it happened she slept til 2ish anyway!

jass maggie I also try to make myself binge on "good" stuff if I must do it. I will still end up overeating bad stuff occasionally but I think it's better to break it up with healthier stuff. I never know whether to do cbt type stuff after any/all types of sessions or just the ones where I feel I have excessively eaten bad stuff. Because its all the same thought processes going on for me whether it's good food or bad food. The self loathing that follows is horrendous and I do all kinds of bargaining with myself in my head.

I usually use running to stop myself doing it and it's the perfect time of year for it but I just can't get myself out of the door to do it at the moment. After a hard day with the kids or a sleepless night it's the last thing I feel like doing... But I know it's going to help. I kid myself that it is more comforting to sit and eat when I know it is anything but because I hate myself afterwards. It's just a constant battle to convince myself to be doing more constructive things when one is comforting and familiar and the alternatives are so much effort and so much more daunting.

IronMaggie · 08/05/2015 06:57

Hi daj, things are tough when you're not able to get enough sleep. Good that your DH is able to help though.

I think there's still some value in being self aware, whether you're bingeing or not. At 'good' times, it might help you to be mindful of how you're feeling before the binge has taken hold of you, and be more ready to replicate those conditions in another, less balanced moment.

I was filling in my daily food / feeling logs religiously, but have slightly fallen out of the habit. I'll restart them again from now onwards. I did think having some accountability might help - I might try to pop back here more regularly with updates.

Fighting, wishing you well. Hope you're able to get some rest and feel back on an even keel soon? No doubt your DCs are enjoying having you all to themselves...?

DuskyDolphin · 08/05/2015 14:07

Flowers fighting. Very pleased to hear that your DH is supportive.

jassS · 09/05/2015 11:27

There are so different copying mechanisms for everyone. I can not food log, tried for a couple of days but it was so limiting to first eat an orange, then decide whether it was a snack or a meal and then logging it. And what if I want another orange in an hour and have run out of options, i.e. app allowed 6 entries per day. I often eat small ampunts and more often when home. It made me nervous and impatient and I felt it was so wrong for me. Too much attention on food, I am past that stage when I deal with food any minute anyway. So deleted the app.....
Running is a great appetitie killer, the only thing is you start to enjoy it only after 3-4 days of consecutive effort when you fall off the habit. Then it is hard to get back into habit, even if it may sometimes only be 3days you missed. I try to run regularily, but have cut distances to only 5-6 km at one go, seems reasonable and not overdoing it even if done 5-6 times a week....

FightingBed2014 · 09/05/2015 13:05

Hi ladies, just caught up with messages. Today is an OK day food wise but anxiety always keep my appetite down. I would like to say I'm getting better but it's not happening right now. I have found some great music that is helping and got outside in the wind for a while, it was nice. I need to do more walks alone with music I think, sitting on the sofa all day isn't good for my health. Thank you for the supportive messages, they help.

JassS as always your insight into what will and won't help you is great. I am also in awe of how far you can run.

dajmibuzi I think it's normal to find getting out for a fun hard when you have so much to do in a day with DC. The key may lie in noticing which days you may benefit from making yourself go and ones where your body is genuinely telling you to rest. You know your body best. Also it could be good to think about whether you run because you genuinely enjoy it or whether you are doing it out of expectation (from what ever external source). If it is the former then may a positive approach help along the lines of... 'tonight is my free time to escape the house and DC for a while'.

Maggie & Dolphin how are you both doing?x

Margo, I hope that things have improved for you.x

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dajmibuzi · 09/05/2015 19:54

Thanks for the encouragement fighting it helps to think of it differently actually you're so right. I'll know when I'm ready I guess. Sorry you haven't felt very motivated lately. It's hard. I tend to ride it out until I get a more energetic spell... And also try not to beat myself up over feeling lazy. You can't help it right now.

The thing that always makes me feel better is to be really easy and forgiving on myself ... But I always forget to do it. The thing I always manage though is to punish myself with "I should have done this", "I musnt do that" type talk... Which I find really counter productive. I hope that helps/makes sense. I am in some terrible habits right now but I keep reassuring myself (and trying my hardest to believe it!) that in a minute I will feel a bit stronger and go back to a healthier lifestyle.

FightingBed2014 · 09/05/2015 20:14

Thank you tooThanks . I find the same, (perhaps we all do?) It comes so easy berating myself, the self induced guilt is like a heavy weight. Yet I feel embarrassed almost self congratulating at times. My councillor is helping me work on it.

sleep helped too, she got us to imagine what we would say, in a given situation, if someone else were experiencing it. It is amazing how different the response would be and yet we are just as worthy of that treatment from ourselves too.x

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dajmibuzi · 09/05/2015 20:26

if I really can't do 'nice to myself' with conviction then I just do a list of things I'm grateful for/that are going well. I aim for 10 but I usually just keep going til I fill the page after a week or so. And then when I'm in a more positive place I try the nice to myself stuff. Its not easy. I definitely know what you mean about the embarrassment. It just feels very forced initially.

FightingBed2014 · 09/05/2015 20:51

That sounds like a lovely idea.x

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SkodaLabia · 10/05/2015 04:30

Hello, I'm new here and in a state. I'm awake in the middle of the night once again feeling awful about my weight.
I don't know how to sort myself out and I need help.
I eat 'blindly', if that makes sense, I overeat when I'm bored, when I'm anxious and just out of habit too. Unfortunately I'm bored and anxious a lot.
The foods where I have no control are sugary ones, I need to stop eating sugar as it sets off a rapacious need for more, but I can see from looking at this thread that restricting isn't recommended. Can someone explain that?
I so desperately want a healthy relationship with food, so sick of waking every day with my first thought being guilt at how much I ate yesterday. I'm so sad about it.
Does anyone have any tips for how to intervene when you can feel yourself about to get in the car and go round to the shop for a packet of biscuits?

jassS · 10/05/2015 08:55

Hi Skoda, welcome and sorry to hear about the state you are currently in! I guess we all have been there. Yes, we are the brave ones here who have decided to sod the common understanding that people need to diet. We believe you do not need a copying strategy to stay on diet or stop yourself from eating what you want. Because it appears diet makes people fat, and in addition, anxious about and around food.
We are trying to get rid of that fear and general nervous feeling about food and eating. My bible is overcomigovereating.com and the books recommended there, others have other crutches. But we all think excess weight is a symptom, disease is troubled relations with food. So we try to normalise it instead. And those who have been at it longer can testify that we have not really gained weight while normalising. Of course, mostly we have not lost or no tlost much neither, but we did not lose long term neither. yo-yo dieters actually gain weight over long period of timel so staying stable and enjoying better relations with food seems preferable.

To get out of the deepest hole you just decide and reaffirm all the time, that you can eat all you want and whenever you want and really not cheat on yourself. This way your body slowly, over months, starts to believe you and there is no point anymore in stuffing itself. Why eat until you are sick if you can eat the rest tomorrow or day after, since diet will not start tomorrow/next week/ever? Just tey to pay attention how you feel when stuffing yourself mindfully, try also to eat good things and drink water or tea, this way putting accent on getting good food in, not leaving bad stuff out. Never eat nothing you genuinely do not enjoy, unless you have got to the stage that normal food never gives you any enjoyment. In that case I would say make yourself eat these veg and fruit and meat and fish and salad, until you regain the ability to like it. Do not restrict at the same time these cookies etc.,just eat good food yourself. I find it is important to cook from stuff which comes home from shop in the format my granny would have recognised, i.e. no preprepared stuff. It never is exactly what you like, so you get a better mach cooking yourself. Brhw, I find that also helps to make your own cakes, because nor only do they taste better, but the ready made stuff can be too easily replaced, home made thing needs to be repeated by tourself and often to do not feel like you need it badly enough to do so.

Others have differetn copying tips, i.e. food logs etc., but everyone needs to chose and see themselves, which act of kindness towards oneself gives the best result. Eat away, but observe how you feel, give up on diets forever snd make yourself believe it. The binge stops, it comes back again, it never gives totally away, but it gets weaker over time. And people take very different time to get to better place, I think it took me alltogether about one month to first feel I crave a cherry tomato instead a piece of cake, about a year until I stopped mentally calori counting and about 3-4 years until I suddenly discovered binges are replaced with some overeating and grazying days, not real binges anymore. Even if i had to start restricting certain stuff, I immidiately had a pre-diet binge, and i just accepted it is because I need to restrict, sat it out for maybe two weeks and then one morning just woke up able to do it. I still eat all the otherthings unrestrictedly and make sure I do, checking for reappearing wishes to diet somehow. Because of course these thoughts reappear as do the overeating episodes, it is just important not to try to change yourself, but support yourself. And keep going, three meals a day, or more, if you are a grazer, and never restrict to compensate for that binge of yesterday.

jassS · 10/05/2015 08:56

Holy god, that was long, but I feel it also told the whole story of me the BED person. Should maybe save it somewhere to remind me my own progress:-)))

FightingBed2014 · 10/05/2015 09:11

jassS that is a wonderful summary of BED and how to approach it.x

Welcome to the thread Skoda. I hope you find it a good support.Thanks

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