Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Margo, sorry to hear you had a tricky time last week. I hope the weekend was better and you managed to enjoy the do and catch up on your sleep a bit? The call sounds like one of those situations when a small prompt (like someone asking how you are) opens up the floodgates and all the emotions you've been bottling up spill out? I'm not an expert but I don't think there's a 'perfect' way to have dealt with any of the things you've gone through - I just hope you haven't been made to feel differently by anyone...?

Whiskers how are you getting on with reducing the weighing?

I had a tricky evening yesterday. I'd had two blissful binge-free weeks, as a result of following the very structured 3 hourly schedule, and was feeling really good about it. I even managed to follow it through a few tricky days - a couple of all-nighters with work, a health scare for DS1 (he's fine now though).

It was all going swimmingly until yesterday when I got trapped in a conversation with a lady who very well-meaningly suggested I might be able to perform better in my sport if I managed my weight better. She pointed to my thighs and said 'I can't tell if that's flesh or muscle, but the extra weight will probably be slowing you down'.

It's strange that I let it upset me because I've been actively working on building more power in my legs (have almost doubled most of my lift PBs over the last few months), so that might be what she noticed. It could just be my weight though. I guess I was also worn down with lack of sleep & confidence, after competing all day. And I'm not blaming her as I recognise that I'm in control of how I react, it was just unhelpful.

Afterwards I thought of how I should have responded, by cutting off the conversation altogether. But instead, I went home and ate everything. And haven't eaten today yet from still feeling terrible. I know that the binge-restrict cycle is not one that I want to get caught in, so will get back to regular meals as soon as I can.

Hi all, I lost you for a bit...just catching up. Maggie I am so at that woman on your behalf - the way people discuss their own and other people's bodies has become almost like discussing the weather and it is so wrong!!! A story to tell you...I am currently kickboxing with an amazing woman, ex ballerina, ex army, now a Bmf boot camp instructor and fitness model. She told me the modelling work has pretty much dried up lately because she is 'too muscular', doesn't have the yoga body that seems to be required. My point is - no matter what you look like, someone will find fault. Deliver a mental (or verbal ) 'fuck off with your uninvited opinions on my body!' Well done on smashing your pb's

Back later, I'm on my way home but so cross about your post Maggie, I had to respond!

Thanks for the support Sleep. That's so true - depending on who I'm with I can swing between feeling not muscular enough or too muscular. Where does it end? Can I just be a disembodied head for a while? Sigh...

Oh Jass, sorry to hear you have a feeling of lowness. Do you talk much in RL about your pregnancy losses? It must be difficult to live with at times?

I miss having the 'get up & go' I feel I once had. Maybe that was an age thing though?

I think I probably had PND the first time but struggled on. I recall sitting watching 2 friends who had babies of a similar age and not understanding at all their overflowing love for their babies/being mums. I felt like a freak :(

However, I re-read a note I wrote to my DH at the time (2nd time when I was actually diagnosed with PND), as I just found it so difficult to find the words and I am not in that place anymore which is good.

The Dr said "Sometimes life is overwelming". She didn't mean it in an unkind way. Maybe I expect everything to be ok all the time - I think that was a msg I got a home.

Need to get to the blood clinic for my tests for thyroid etc. She did say I could go back on the AD tablets, but I want to try excercising more to see if that helps.

OMFG maggie what a charmer! Was she sports related or just a random punter? I guess if sports related then they can see the body as a machine/tool rather than attached to someone with feelings!! Even so.

Try not to let her knock you off track. 2 weeks is great for non-binging behaviour - try to remember that.

Having met you I think all of you is very lovely (inside & out) and that woman's remarks should be discounted!

Anyone else seeing DC Xmas plays this week? I get so emotional at all!

How are your weeks going?

I saw this article come on Facebook about being photographed. It a good reminder this holiday season. The authour nearly died in a car crash and it made her realise that she hardly has any pics of her and family etc.

And Fairburn is in the news talking about online CBT. Exciting to see him in the news.

maggie, please do not feel people can judge whether you are matching their ideal body build. You have built up strength - that matters. You are stronger now than you yourself before - that is the right comparison.

The rest is insignificant. Totally so!

Thanks Margo for the support and info on PND. I see that if I do enough physical outdoors I feel much better. Trying to force myself out and about every day, even if only for a walk, if a run sounds uninteresting or I can not ruin make up because of work obligations:-)

Hoping you all had a good Christmas. A difficult time for those with food issues.

An ok time here although DH got unusually rather drunk which took the shine off as he kept doing/staying things like a drunk person.

Loved the panto yesterday.

How was yours?

Hi ladies - happy new year to you all. I hope you've all managed to enjoy the festive period without too much upheaval, and are feeling positive about the new year to come...

I find this time of year to be quite unstructured and a bit chaotic, and although it's been good to spend time with family, I find myself looking forward to getting back to some sort of routine. It would definitely be better for my plan of eating regular meals.

My eating hasn't been great over the last couple of weeks but I suppose even non BED-ites struggle with that at this time of year...?

I also wanted to share a link to a blog post that I've just seen about new year's resolutions for binge eaters:

bingeeatingtherapy.com/blog/

Here's a summary of her suggestions, all of which I wholly subscribe to:

1. Resolve to stop supporting a media that devalues women.
2. Resolve to stop comparing yourself to other people.
3. Resolve to stop spending buying money on miracle potions.
4. Resolve to let go of gossip and criticizing other people
5. Resolve to stop engaging in Fat Chat
6. Resolve to do the things you love more often
7. Resolve to work on letting go of what other people think of you
8. Resolve to spend more time with people or animals who have less than you
9. Resolve to take at least one month to go on a “spending fast.”

10. Learn to Recognize Your Emotional State

Here's to a fantastically happy and balanced 2016. Sending happy thoughts to you all!

Happy new year!

my new year promise: stop thinking about food altogether!
I found a site which offers meal plans and ingredients all delivered to my house once a week, it uses only fresh stuff and the receipes do not take more than 10-15 min to prepare. They are balanced and feed exactly the number of people in the household.

it is like a dream - someone else decides what I eat, makes sure it is balanced, all I need to do is to make sure I eat 25% of the food prepared for 4. I have not thought so little of food for last 30 years than I did last week and this week. 10 days in and I am ready to continue with my subscrition until summer break. Blissful, I have to say.

jass that sounds like a great solution - is it still working out well? I suppose it works on a similar principle to the meal routine - by reducing the amount you need to think about food outside of meal times. Do your family mind the new meals? And do you have nothing else in apart from the ingredients they send you?

My routine is working out ok-ish. Severe bouts of overeating are down to about once / twice a week which while frustrating is still a big improvement. I think we over-buy food because my boys tend to snack between meals and DP has a chaotic meal schedule, so there is always lots available. I'm going to see if being more organised about planning our meals in advance might help.

Hi everyone, how are you all doing? Hopefully 2016 has settled into a positive pace for you all.

I am putting myself back together and finding my feet again. Its been an up and down few months, but I've concentrated on getting better and improving my mental health. Doing the therapy sessions with the ED team has been the best thing I have ever done. I genuinely believe I am closer to recovery than ever ( as close as we can ever be). It will always be part of me but I am learning to keep it in check and override the urges. My biggest achievement is making eating regularly an engrained habit.

I still think of you all daily and hope you are doing well. Part of the recent therapy sessions have involved planning. I'm hoping to make time each week to keep in with the group. xx

For anyone that comes by, we have been here just over two years now! That's pretty amazing I think. There's been lots of love and support over that time and huge changes to so many lives. Thinking of everyone who has been part of the group and wishing you all well wherever you are.

Fighting! It's so so good to hear from you! I know you've had a difficult time of things but glad to hear things are looking up...? Things have been quiet here recently - I hope that's a good sign for the ladies who were posting regularly. But I'll keep checking in if you do.

For now I'm also concentrating on planning ahead and eating regularly - I'd like to say I was recovered, but it's definitely a work in progress. Looking forward to hearing more updates...

Hi Maggie, yeah I have been MIA for quite a while, concentrating on getting well and putting what I've been learning into practice.

How is the planning going for you? Are you feeling more confident when you do it?

Planning has been a big part of my 'work' recently, trying to look after my mental health. I smile to myself when I've made packed lunches the night before. I guess its the simple things sometimes that can make a big difference.

How is work for you now, any better?x

Hiya, I'm hoping I'll be allowed to join in here...
I've recently been diagnosed with bed. I've had an awful awful relationship with food for a long time. I was assaulted as a teenager and I think it's stemmed from there. I'm hugely overweight and disgust myself. I start group therapy soon and hope to feel a bit more in control.
Just saying hi...feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything at the moment

Hi MrsCK, you're more than welcome to join us. We all understand what your going through, it can be a little overwhelming to begin with. I am almost at the end of my therapy and its the best thing I have ever done. You have already taken some great steps to getting to a better place mentally, be proud of that .

Also, although the circumstances sound incredibly difficult, it is good that you have an idea of what triggered the habits. Its a place to start and work through.x

So glad to hear that about therapy. Was it group or 1 to 1? My doctor said I shouldn't try and diet at all...but I desperately need to lose weight. Should I wait until the therapy has finished or do it side by side do you think?

Glad your sticking with us, hopefully you had a nice weekend. It's so great to hear that you have a good Dr, in the last few years I have heard from so many people that don't.

Even rarer to have one that knows about BED and the not dieting. They are right, diets are not the way forward. If you have been back through the previous threads, you will see we were all horrified at the idea of abandoning our 'lifeline' to a smaller size. What we actually learn is that, ultimately, they make the problem far far worse.

We've all done so many of them over the years and likely still gained more weight (and preserved our bad relationship with food) in the process. I've been doing this 2 years now and I haven't dieted for...(need to really think to remember) 18+ months now. Its not something that happens over night, none if this does but small steps keep us moving forward. Does that make sense? I promise it is not as scary as the panic feeling tells you, it has been quite liberating for me. I have a long way to go with regards to being a healthier size too but I don't fret as much now and most importantly I have better coping mechanisms.

When I have time I with share the resources from my help group and what the sessions covered.x

Sorry forgot, mine was a group. I've made some great friends and learned so much with them. We all know how it feels and can be totally ourselves while were together.

Hello MrsCK, I'm glad you found us and are getting some real life help. I certainly don't have all the answers (I wish) but just wanted to say pleeease try not to diet. I realise it's frustrating, but restricting your food intake in any way is very unlikely to get you to a better place.

I know now that dieting is essentially what caused my problem in the first place, along with a few other contributing factors that I've only recently started to understand.

This week I'm going to be focusing on eating regularly (every 3-3.5 hours), which means planning ahead. I'd intended to do some meal prep this weekend but have been really busy. Let's see how it goes...

How's your wknd been Maggie?x

Hi Fighting, it's been a busy one which you would hope meant I hadn't found time to over-eat, but somehow I still have. Unusual because I was competing today and I normally eat really well in the run up to an event.

Otherwise it was the usual mix of trying to fit in the shopping, laundry, kiddies' birthday parties, family visits and all that routine stuff.

How was yours, and how are you doing at the moment? Have things settled into a new routine at home now?

It certainly sounds like you have a lot going on Maggie, do you have any methods that you use to help keep it all balanced? Hopefully you get help from family / friends too. What event are you doing?

Do you feel any better these days with regards to the over eating (any less likely to beat yourself up about it?)

My weekend was really good, I got my hair cut and bought some new make up. I'm really trying to do positive things for myself as much as I can.

We do seem to have a good routine going, my ex comes over most days still. We get on really well and have no problem spending time together, we even do dinner as a family now a few nights a week. I am very conflicted as to whether we will ever work out or not. Some days I am certain we can fix it and others I'm sad that it doesn't seem likely. Ideally I would like a happy family together but who knows how it will end up. I definitely know I am happier living alone and sleeping alone has made such a difference, I may be a bit territorial if I had to share my bed again .x