Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Hello everyone, sorry for my absence, I was on holiday for ages with poor wifi and also locked out for a while during hackergate!

Lou it was good to read your latest update, congratulations on the new job, it sounds great and the meeting with your friend was also pretty significant in giving you a different perspective . So pleased for you.

Margo how are you doing? Office stuff sounds hard, can you try and observe the conversations and consider how much like a collection of cult religions diets are ? Did you get the thyroid testing done yet? Sounds like a good plan. I'm really pleased you are continuing to see your CBT gang, v valuable support I'm sure .

Firsttimer - welcome! How are you getting on reading through the old threads? You make a great point about what we are accustomed to seeing as attractive - doing things such as avoiding the sidebar of shame and magazines that focus on celeb bodies/diets etc is a good starting point. Also looking at body positive websites and RL fashion bloggers that aren't size 6. It's amazing how much a specific criteria for 'attractive' becomes lodged in our minds when we are shown it incessantly . I'm still not home but I will link to some good resources for all of this next week when I get back to my desktop. I also think that when we judge ourselves harshly we also judge others (albeit not so harshly!) it's a good starting point tinting some awareness to this - when we assess/criticise other bodies and try to just stop the thoughts as they arise! Then apply it to our self-criticism!

Fighting - tough times. How is it going with DH? So glad you have your counselling dates. Wrt coming out, I think if that is the way your instinct is leading you then it's the right thing. It comes back to being your authentic self and letting people truly know you - vulnerability. It feels scary but there are great potential rewards in terms of self esteem and feelings of security. Brené Brown has written/talked eloquently about this topic, I'm going to try and find a link...

Sorry - should have said 'bringing awareness' not 'tinting'

Here it is Fighting...Brene Brown TED talk - Everyone should listen to this, funny, wise, brilliant.

Thank you for the link sleep. It's definitely something I needed to hear. I hope you had a great holiday! I'm still not able to get in via the app, not sure why, hopefully normality resumes soon on MN.

The idea of outing myself is a scary one, absolutely the vulnerability is the crux of my fear, what will people think of me? will they back away?

On the other side, my head is saying that this is who I am. Both the confident part I have built up over the year and person I reveal on here are me as a whole. I always encourage people on here to seek RL help and be as open as possible, I feel like I should be doing the same (with a few posts that may have negative impacts being hidden )x

That all makes sense with regard to you realising that (as Brene) talks about, 'you are enough', just as you are, flaws and all. And I think you know that the people worth keeping close will accept and support you whatever you reveal to them about yourself..any who don't aren't worth your time and affection anyway.

May I join please? I'm having a terrible time with binges these last few weeks. I think it's the stress of moving and having to get all the insurance and professional qualifications and paperwork sorted, buying all the furniture, a car etc And starting a new job soon, that I'm really nervous about.
The job I'll be doing means I won't really have time for therapy (plus there will be confidentiality issues) and therapy has never really helped much in the past either. Maybe someone has a good book reccomendation?

back from hols and MN lockout here, too! Fighting, if the idea of outing still seems scary, a more difficult thing to do than not to do, I would wait. until it feels totally right to do so.......

Welcome to all newbies and I hope reading through older threads will get you some insights on how BED can be tamed, if not overcome.
I have lived scaleless life all summer holiday and somehow managed to convince myself that I have gained a lot. I could not exercise much dueing holidays due to injury and was sure this too must have had an impact. BUt getting home tonïght I checked and my evening weight is the same as my morning weight was when we left for holidays. This clearly proves relaxing about thongs works, but body takes damn years until it believes this relaxing is for ever. Brain does weird tricks - i was so sure I had gained through hols just because I had no scales to prove otherwise.... I almost decided to go back on diet or some restricrions, but realised (before weighing) that I would not bother. Not woerying about every bite I take is so relaxing that losing some looks over it is so worth it!

Everyone gone missing? I hope all are fighting their personal fights against BED and having some successes. Would be good to hear from you all!

Yes, how is everyone? Fighting I saw your latest blog - how are you doing?

Hello

I hate the fact the app is gone!! Ridiculous as I used to use the desktop before...

Am ok. Have been away somewhere sunny since I posted last. Faced the dreaded 'all you can eat self-service buffet' and was actually pleased with my approach.

I decided to eat a plate of what I wanted but no starter which is what we have all done previously. And the scales were down after the hols. Not really sure how that happened! But so glad I decided to enjoy myself.

Read some of 'Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook' by Ellyn Satter whilst I was away too. She basically says you need to eat.

It was interesting seeing all slim German/Skandi women tucking into food too.

Have a good few weeks with food. Not managing to fit any exercise in as so busy with work which isn't ideal, but there is only so much time.

Have officially been signed off from my CBT group. Did have the option of follow up sessions but decided I need to do this on my own.

DS still being challenging but trying different things and not reaching for food to cope with it. Read a post in parenting last night that struck chords, but the advice was to give up work so you can spend lots of time with the DC. Not sure I am cut out for that!

How is everyone else? Any lurkers do post.

Good to hear, Margo! You seem to have got ot the next level of beating the BED! Indeed, eating regular three meals a day and not grazing through day means stable weight (if you are at the weight normal for you) or weight loss (if BED has damaged you).
I am mostly sticking to this approach, too - eating as much as I want at mealtimes, whatever I want, and then no snacking. Feels very much like I have control over this BED thos way, if I can do it.

... Posted too quickly. Some days I can and some days i am not able to. But I am looking for thricks to do it, without having to hide in the attic. This part is most difficult - not eating, when you are 3 meters from fridge full of good stuff:-)))

Hello everyone! It looks like things have gone super quiet since I was last here...!? I'm now feeling a teensy bit guilty as I think I'm partly to blame for that. I'll put it down to a combination of things being VERY busy for a number of reasons, and then being locked out of the website and app too. But I've worked it all out now.

I hope everyone's on an even keel? I'll turn on my notifications again so hopefully I see any new messages, or feel free to PM me if you're needing support or want to chat.

I'd like to say that I'm all fixed as a result of being too frantic to binge, but no such luck. I'm still trying to work my way through it, but feeling much less despairing about where I am now. I weighed myself on Monday, after a 6 month break and it didn't send me into a self-loathing spiral which I think is a positive thing.

Sending happy vibes to anyone that needs them!

I have trouble avoiding scales, Felt very lonely eithout them and dug them out. Now teying not to feel guilty about weighing myself daily. Luckily I really do not feel guilty about the numbers on the scale...I have somehow managed to accept that BMI at or below 25 really is OK, it does not need ot be much lower. This for me is an achievement, so trying to hang on to it.
also, in my third day of eating just three times a day, every time eating all I want until really happy.
it means I have just finished my third meal today, three slices of cantarelle pie with millet flour, and one piece of cheesecake (regular wheat in it) with redcurrants. Two glasse sof the champagne I got as a last weekend half marathon finisher. i earned it, after all! I kknow it is a lot and not the world's most healthy cuisine,cbut it was what I wanted. now the trick is to not eat before breakfast....

Wow Jass, well done on the half marathon! You must have been training pretty consistently for it then?

I'm thinking of signing up for something - I had a big competition a couple of weeks ago that I had to concentrate on training and eating well for, and I think the motivation is definitely a good thing for me. Perhaps a pre-Xmas 10k might be the thing.

I'm actually ok with not weighing myself every day - I have some quite rigid rules that determine whether I get the scales out (has to be first thing, before I've had anything to eat / drink, without any clothes on, and I have to not have binged the day before). From now on I'll aim to check in once a week at a regular time.

I'm not sure I trust in BMI, as I know some very fit people with 'high' BMIs and some supremely unhealthy people who are supposedly ideal weight, but I can see how it's a useful measure for people at either extreme of the scale.

Thanks for the support Jass. Yes feeling like I am making progress but as I a v overweight size is often on my mind. However, I am much kinder to myself about it. I have also started to think that if I could get to a size 18 that might be good enough. I just want to be able to shop in 'normal' shops and to fit into most chairs...

My mental health has improved. I am managing to moderate my thoughts and feelings more. Which it is easy to forget is a big part of recovery, as the negative thoughts/feelings lead to the binges.

Well done on the half-marathon. Your celebration meal sounds great!

Hello Maggie so lovely to see you back. The MN hack has really effected the whole of the site, it is less busy generally I feel. :(

Glad to hear you are feeling ok. And training for a run sounds good if that motivating for you. And glad the "weigh-in" was ok for you.

Had a good week with DS which feels good. That is often a trigger for me. He was elected to the school council, I was so chuffed for him. He didn't think he'd be chosen. Was so overwhelmed with pride.

Thinking of you all. Any lurkers do post an update or ask for support.

Er, no, I did this half marathon basically just on the last minute decision. i used to run full marathons, so half is just for fun here. I try to rest a week before and a week after, but otherwise I do run quite regularily. interstingly, I feel this autumn like doing s lot of sports. Just want to do it. My week includes about 25km running, 4h in two instalments of figure skating, one hour swim and two hours yoga/pilates, all together sth like 10-11 hours of physical activity. I really like it, but of course being at this level of activity when you have done it forevwr means you are fit, but do not get that much of calorie burning benefits from it. i remember my first 30km training run for the full marathon, It burnt 3000kcal in 3h. My last one on this long distancw only took 1600, according to my polar watch. of course this means prob that without exercise I would massively gain, but right now it does nor matter. I like my workout routine. Oh, and I did not do much during summer and still did not gain. maybe my appetite does adjust itself, finally?

Hi Everyone, it's so good to see the thread come back to life again after the hacking incident. I am aware I have been away for a long time. I am not doing that great these last two weeks so decided to get back on top of it all.

The updates from JassS (well done on the half marathon and relaxed approach), Margo (so glad your feeling able to be kinder to yourself) and Maggie (giving the scales less hold over you is great) all wonderful to read, you have all experienced some permanent changes as well continued progress!

Life has been very up and down for me recently. Ironically I have had two sessions with the CBT programme now. The group is lovely and very friendly, I feel much better after going. My 'homework' for this week is to eat regularly, I have completely lost that and my binges suddenly reappeared so back to small steps. I think not being on the thread has been a bad decision on my part, so I will be back to posting as much as possible.

Has anyone else felt the change in seasons affect them? My depression is a little worse after quite a few months of it not bothering me. Motivation is missing in action recently which makes me feel bigger, although my rational brain says that's not the case.

My DH and I have permanently split now and no longer live together. It has taken me a while and a lot of anxiety to get everything sorted financially but that is done now. It's all very amicable and we are still good friends, which I'm very grateful for but obviously the situation is hard emotionally. Keeping myself busy and getting out was helping but I think these last two weeks it has hit me properly and taken it's toll hence the binges.

So anyway that's my essay on myself and my crappy situation. I hope today is a good day for you all and we can get back to regular contact and supporting each other. Oh and the new app appears very soon!

Oh Fighting! I'm so sorry to hear about the break-up, but amazed to see how well you seem to be handling it. I have no words of wisdom but just a big bear hug for you. It must be incredibly hard to go through. Yes, please let's back to posting regularly, it was very busy here for a while and I know I certainly still need to be on here.

But I'm glad that you're finding your CBT group helpful, it must be nice to be able to share with people who get it? I still have no-one in real life that knows that I struggle with this, apart from DP and recently my brother who also has food issues. We've talked about what it could have been about our childhoods that has made us this way - we had lots of theories but unfortunately no instant breakthroughs!

Margo I don't know what the answer is when it comes to our feelings about our size. I'm still trying to shake off this diet mentality, but finding it impossible to do.

I've been reading this lady's blog and she talks about doing exactly that - I just haven't worked out how to put it into practice. And it gets harder the more weight I put on. If anyone knows of a magic switch in my brain I can turn on to make me forget about losing weight that would be great - ta!

When I've had brief periods of success in the past I've attributed it to being too busy to worry about food as much, but I'm now the busiest I've ever been and still bingeing, maybe even more than before. I know I need to work on getting more sleep and organising myself, but find I'm lacking the ability to prioritise sometimes. A few early nights might be the answer...

Maggie there is always time to binge :(

Fighting nice to see you posting, but obviously sorry to hear of your situ. I hope you are able to be kind to yourself. It is a difficult time, I think there is some element of just trying to get through it - one day at a time. I hope you are managing to have time to yourself away from the DC.

I think the winter can be a miserable time, lots of being stuck in due to rain. I took DS to a club tonight and was cold on the way back, it is now coat weather.

Glad the CBT group is good and helpful.

I know when I am busy I have a f**k it mentality & zone out of trying to manage my eating. We had 2 take aways last week and that was definitely in play for me.

The recent posts from you all have helped me think about sticking to 3 meals and the snacks - so thanks.

Maggie - I love that women's website banner. Yes, cake crammed in, in secret is rubbish! Lots of interesting posts on her blog - thanks for sharing.

It is interesting about perceptions and what we think the lower scale number will deliver.

It is my 40th next year and I am starting to think about that and how I want to wow everyone with my future thinner body. But obviously anyone who is worth knowing won't be coming to any celebrations to see my body!

What is everyone doing at the weekend? We might go apple bobbing.

Eating proper meals is probably the biggest thing I need to work on - planning for a discrete 'unit' rather than snacking all day. I think I can do it if I make a concerted effort.

Margo I think that way too, all the time! If I have an event ahead I automatically calculate in my head how much weight I can lose before it. Rationally I know that this always backfires, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it.

This weekend I'll be frantically trying to get some work done in-between having the DCs on my own and my in-laws visiting. Not ideal at all, but with deadlines approaching I have to fit it in somehow. Hope you all have fun plans...

Maggie I hope you manage to find some time to get your work done, I think quite a few of us appreciate how hard it is with DC around.

The upcoming event is a big diet trigger in my head too. I think that's on the list of things to try and remove from our thoughts, easier said than done I know. However I do think it will be possible, given time. We need to remember to be kind to ourselves in the mean time. We could look at it as just an old habit to think that but repeat to ourselves that eating well will make us feel much better both physically and mentally for that upcoming event.

I have a busy day today which I'm looking forward to. This evening I have plans with a friend, I need to tell them something important so I'm quite nervous how that will go, I woke up early worried about it.

Thinking of you all and hoping your day goes well.x

Fighting, sorry for the break-up. I hope the binge will soon again loose its power. It has a nasty tendency to reappear when you are vulnerable....

Winter for me in Luxembourg means miserable evenings only made more tolerable by watxhing winter sports on TV - just to see the snow. Drinking lots of wine as well. candles. Not really bad, but defo not healthy neither.

Foodwise, at the moment, I am doing great in this sense that I am really and truly eating everything I like. it is a lot, but my weight is stable, thanks to sports and actually having a horse's metabolism, because I have more muscle weight than usually women of my size and age do.

I have started to really enjoy home-made cakes again. i rather make them and have them than avoid baking and then eating shop-bought rubbish like white bread with jam or honey instead. it is cheesecake, apple crumble, roly-poly, pavlova, cinnamon buns and all other childhood favourites again. I am expwrimenting with rice, corn, buckwheat, almond and other gluten free flours, to keep it gluten free, but am using real sugar as most of these cakes can not be done with stevia or even honey. Gluten free is a fertility related approach, but as I feel I am coming to the end of that road it is more and more simply interesting how you can make eveything,even home-made pasta, without wheat.

I binge about once a week or so, and have accpwted that I do it. One day a week has no effect on weight whatsoever, that is clear, but the indigestion of the day after is disugusting. But nobody is perfeçt, I think I have now got to the point where I am safe deom diet thoughts and the will to be "perfect" one day. I know that at 46 I will peobably only look worse than now every next year, with or without weight issues. It is strangely liberating and actually I find myself able to enjoy compliments when ppl say I look much younger. previosuly I thought - yes, but it is only because I am on the round side, if i weighed less I would not look tounger. and still wanted to be slimmer, Now I feel rather smug that a higher BMI gives me younger looks than have those who have pefect BMIs of 20! At our age the difference is striking, so I now see a positive to my weight. Clothes size 14 ppl are supposed to be happiest of all and I start to believe it. It is really first time in 25 years I am teuly happy about myself. I am also the heaviest I have been, if I count out immidiate months after pregnancy and delivery. In fact, I am as heavy as afetr pg/delivery with my 3 kids out of four, the record weight after my third was born has still not been beaten.

Wow JassS it sounds like you have got to a really good place with how you feel about yourself. I'm really happy for you, it must feel like a bit of a relief after so long not being able to think those thoughts. A good inspiration for the rest of us too.

I came on last week and it always makes the eating worse. Now I'm past it again and had another CBT session things are much better. I have done so much these last two days and eaten very regular, I'm feeling happy with myself for that. My diary is full for a couple of weeks so that will help, too much time on my hands can be a bad thing for me.

I have found making 'to do' lists again has given me a sense of achievement when I tick each thing off. It boost my confidence in general. I have a night out at a friends tonight, looking forward to that.

How has everyone else been this wknd?x

Glad you've had a good couple of days Fighting, I'm living by my to-do lists too at the moment too. Hope you have a good night out, it's been a long while since I had one of those! :)

I've had a terrible couple of days - not sure why but hoping I get back to 'normal' now.