Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Lou, I would also go for the job interview. Try not to worry about the friend's reaction, although easier said than done. Any good friend and would be happy for you.

Dolly welcome to the thread. As Margo has I have also had a hugely positive response from my GP. After the holidays I will also be starting the treatment programme. Well done on recognising that this is something you want to change, that alone is a great step.x

Welcome from me too, dolly. My problem started with what I would call comfort eating - when I was feeling down, stressed, tired etc. - and escalated into BED over a period of time. It still is comfort eating for me in a way, but it is complicated because it is all tied up with feelings of disgust, shame and guilt as well - so in another way could actually be better described as punishment eating (as in punishing myself). My standard response to a very stressful situation - like the ones you described with seeing your mum in hospital and your row with your partner - is to do exactly as you do...binge. This is pretty common I think.

As for GP, a visit to him was my starting point. He took me seriously and was lovely, and referred me straight away to an NHS CBT counsellor, but the 6 sessions I had were just not enough and I ended up funding my own psychotherapy sessions (which I was advised was more suitable for me) after that. To date I have had 2 quite lengthy rounds of therapy, with about 2 years in between them, and finally gave up on it 2 years ago now. It just didn't work for me. And I honestly don't feel any the worse for not having that support anymore. But that's just me; I'm sure it's helpful for many BED sufferers.

If you have a supportive partner you can talk to that is great (many don't). Think about ways in which he might be able to help you, both practically and emotionally.

Lou perhaps this job interview is a sign...the get-out clause you've been secretly hoping for...? Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well.

I am going to go for the interview ... not said anything to my friend as yet so just debating now whether to use the interview as an excuse not to meet up at all, or to try and reserve a later train (which means paying twice over, so very annoying, but would show her I still care).
I somehow feel I shouldn't go, as I know if I cancelled I would feel a lot more relaxed, including about food; I think I am restricting, though only very slightly and not enough to provoke a binge, due to worries about meeting up with my friend. Currently on holiday and finding it very difficult to relax around DH and unwind. I have no body confidence at the moment and this does affect my relationship with DH a lot in terms of intimacy etc. How do others deal with this? I find I have enough difficulty with accepting my own body, I can't deal with DH 'wanting' it?? I just feel like 'euch, get your paws off and leave me alone to deal with my issues.'
Am stressing out at the moment about what I would do if I was potentially offered the job next week (not at all a given as I'm sure some very good people will have applied), and was subsequently called for interview for the other one (closing date tomorrow), which I would really prefer ...? If I were (very unlikely I know) to be offered both, is it really awful to accept a job and then pull out a couple of weeks later due to a better offer???
Am annoyed all this is ongoing when we are on holiday ... feels like it is spoiling my chances of relaxation.

Lou I think you want a new job (from memory) so I would put yourself first. Go to the interview, postpone yr friend. An int will be stressful enough without having to race to a friend who's friendship sounds tricky, plus it will cost more money. It sounds like too much for one day/afternoon.

I am like you. I would try to squeeze everything in but it is exhausting and it is putting the needs of others before you and generally adds to the stress.

Try not to worry about any other jobs etc. You might go to this one and think "Wow, I have found the one".

Would it help to make the decision to go, postpone your friend and then try to worry about it once you are home? The longer you leave telling the friend, the shorter notice it will be etc.

Any friend worth having will be happy for you that you have an interview.

I have the same issues with DH. I don't see what he does.

Sorry, I didn't read properly. You are going which is good.

Hi I'd like to join you ladies
I've only realised my eating is worrying a few days ago. I've been fine most of my life and did first diet.at 30. Ten years later I see this set off problems and my weight has risen over this time despite 'successful' diets. The most recent was a vlcd which has turned.into a 6 week overeating/binge period instead. Predictably Ive now gained.more than twice what I lost on the diet. More upsetting is bmi is overweight and climbing steadily. I was just inside healthy when.I started. It's hard not to diet to get back to 25, but I have the fairburn book and can see.I.either have.or am v close to developing a BED with a pattern of overeating.
Anyway I'm going to be monitoring. If anyone would like a review buddy let.me know. I could do w outside accountability but am too embarrassed to share in RL. I feel a bit ridiculous I'm 40 how do you develop an ed at my age?! My dh knows I'm sure he suspected anyway and I'm.not secretive about eating at home (I don't purge) but I can get v defensive and rebellious about eating and don't want.him trying to engage w me. I don't think I'd be like that in a weekly review conversation but it would spill over w dh

Welcome firsttimer I think EDs can appear whenever. It seems to be a combination of things to lead to it.

Glad Fairburn is 'speaking' to you.

I am struggling here. My jeans were tight yesterday, which made for a uncomfortable day all round.

Depressingly these are jeans I bought so they'd be more comfortable. I weighed myself and there is weight on.

Need to get back to monitoring. I will be your buddy. I will PM you first.

Just finding lots of things difficult at the mo. Haven't binged much as such but think I am generally overeating.

Thanks margot - wishing you less stress x

Welcome firstimer, glad you have found us. Hopefully having a buddy in Margo will help you.x

Margo, sorry to hear you're struggling, just hang onto the knowledge our weight does naturally fluctuate from time to time. It isn't the huge deal BED makes us feel.x

I have been thinking of you all lately, wishing you well and hoping the summer is being good to you all.x

I have been debating updating for a day or so...the 6 weeks have been a very difficult time for me, DH and I split up. As you can imagine this has been the most emotional time and a huge trigger for me. We have now reconciled and are currently working on fixing our marriage.

The effect on my ED has been as you would expect. Initially I stopped eating regularly, then I gave up entirely. I actively chose to stop eating and restrict as much as possible, a completely aware self punishment, to be able to cope.

As things have calmed down, the inevitable binges have begun. I can't stop eating and I know my body is fighting to get the food in, in case I don't eat. Seeing your post about monitoring Margo, has prompted me to go back to it too. I am desperate for my CBT course to start!

On top of the current circumstances, my counselling finished so I have very little outlet of late. Back to blogging intensely I think.x

Thanks fighting - sounds like you have had an extraordinarily emotional time. Take it as gently as you can

Thinking of you Fighting. I hope you find the monitoring helps you to re-establish yourself on a more even keel. Really feel for you with the situation with your DH. Wishing you all the best as you begin to rebuild things. I think making a conscious decision to get back together after splitting up is a very powerful and positive thing and I hope you can find the foundation you need to anchor your marriage and yourself firmly.
I am struggling with DH at the moment also and I think the summer holidays can be a very challenging time, especially for people who need time alone to recharge batteries and think things out ... Look after yourself.

Fighting A difficult time. Esp over the summer when the routine is gone and the DC are there 24/7.

Good to hear of a reconciliation after the split. As lou says it can be a powerful thing to actively decide to star together.

Be v v v kind to yourself. Try to find the outlet, if the words don't come out, the food goes in.

Have managed some monitoring but not enough. Need to keep focused.

DH thinks I should see the doc about an under active thyroid. I tick lots of the boxes.

Thinking of you all. Would be great to hear from any lurkers....

margo even if it's just a suspicion have a test. I once had a dreadful year thinking I was severely depressed. When I developed pica and saw Dr turned out I was hugely anemic. He just went 'how do you get up in the morning w an iron count that low?' and I think.I cried. I'd spent ages feeling a total failure because everything was hard. Thyroid stuff not as easy a fix as iron levels but they can definitely help w that. Don't put it off

Thank you for lovely messages of support ladies.

Margo you are so right about the food going in! I went to be feeling sick from eating so much and things I shouldn't eat. Today is a new day and I will take it one at a time. Had a good breakfast, so I think aiming for that every day again is first goal.

Lou sorry to hear you are having the same experience with DH. It makes things so hard to keep on top of. we're only a PM away if you need someone to chat to.x

Day two of a good start, having everyone here in mind helps hugely.

Very glad to hear things are improving steadily Fighting.
Bit of an update from me ... I had my job interview yesterday, and was offered the job! I have given notice officially today, and hope this will mark a new, less-stressful start in terms of work. It is different hours, and not term-time only (though part-time), but will work out as slightly more money and, I hope, a much better working environment.
I also got on the train to London straight after the interview to see my friend, which I had been really worried about. Providentially, I got the call about the job while I was on the train down, which gave me a bit of a boost and some more courage to meet my friend. Also I was still dressed in my interview clothes so feeling a bit 'dressed-up' helped.
My friend was a lot slimmer than the last time I saw her, and I am larger in comparison. But, I managed to convince myself it didn't matter. There wasn't much talk about food, thankfully, and she seems to have stopped her more extreme restrictions so that was good. Overall, the impression was of someone who is very unhappy and a bit irritable. I felt unsure of how to talk to her really. She gave me a fairly continuous monologue of grievances from when I stepped off the train, and didn't even ask how the interview had gone, or much else about me, really!
I think the ED issues I have been dealing with have made me think a lot about the degree of self-absorption and, conversely, comparing oneself with others that is healthy. I ended up feeling that her skinniness was, fundamentally, irrelevant to me. I think this is the right way to feel.
Didn't each much at hers for breakfast this morning as didn't feel right, but I didn't binge on the way home either, had coffee and muesli on the train.
Thank you for all your supportive comments in the run-up to this. I feel really, really lucky to have you all here. Hope all those who are finding things especially stressful can find some relief in posting too.

Well done Lou on lots of counts! When does the job start?

Great to be able to see you friend objectively. Will you see her again?

I met up with a couple of my CBT group ppl yesterday. We talked a lot about friends and how we find ourselves 'giving' much more than our friends do. I think it is linked to esteem but I also think ED thinking warps our minds so much.

It was nice to see them but sad that was are all still struggling.

Glad to hear of a good 2nd day fighting.

My eating has been ok. I have done somethings which have helped my general mental health - exercise and I also put DD in childcare yesterday to help me get on with work. DS was at camp anyway. I think that is key for me being proactive.

Hope you all have good weekends.

Do post updates esp any lurkers. It generally helps to share.

Congratulations Lou, on all counts it sounds like a very positive experience for you. A less stressful job will be great for you!

Margo, having your fellow session friends will be a wonderful support. Who better to know how you feel and help you cope in RL.

I have just opened the post...I have it!! my session start date. I am so relieved I have something to aim for and therapy can't come soon enough.x

Well done lou

Great news margot

Hope everyone struggling just now finds things that make it easier

I've realised how in recent years my ideas and ideals looks wise have become less attainable and that that isn't good for me
I'm going to work on finding some age and body type appropriate eyes again. I think I'm seeing and admiring things that just aren't good news

Also had a frank and v interesting conversation w my h. I wonder if I'm projecting sizist thinking onto others whereas it's actually my own thoughts that are nasty about my size...I plan to observe myself more closely
The monitoring has also been.interesting, if time consuming.lots to rethink methinks

Yay fighting such great news. So glad you are getting additional help, when you have been such a help to us starting this thread and keeping it going.

First I think lots of us on here share similar issues re what we think we look like, versus what we think we look like versus what we think we should look like.

I know from sitting in my CBT group with what I consider slim women, that body hatred can apply to anyone. It isn't always linked to what they look like.

I am v overweight, but I still probably think I look much much worse than I do. And actually, does what I look like matter that much in the scheme of things?

I think questioning yourself and your thinking is a step towards feeling better.

How is everyone doing?

Had an ok week. Have really been focused on 3 meals & 3 snacks.

Although when DS cuddled me earlier I felt conscious of my size, which made me feel sad.

Also I am in a client's office this week. Lots of talk around me of size, dieting etc....

Thinking of you all.

First how is the little project you set yourself going?

Margo it is good that you are looking at things that way (from previous post, MN would post this earlier) each time we do it can chip away at the thoughts we struggle with.

sorry to hear you felt that way hugging DC. Would thinking if hugging as their way to show just how amazing you are? The office environment sounds difficult to navigate but I have faith in you, you can be strong and hold your head up.

I had a thought this week and put it in a blog post. I'd be be really interested in any of your opinions ladies.

What do you think?

Hopefully everyone will be filtering back into MN soon, hope you are all doing OK. Thinking of you all.