Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

How have your weeks been?

Ok here. Felt conscious of size yesterday. My winter clothes are tighter than there were last year :( Has a cry on my bed.

Fighting hope you nights out have been good and that the friend responded the right way to the important thing you had to tell?

Maggie hope your days have been better?

Jass thanks for sharing about your 'normality'. I am not sure I'll ever say goodbye to the binges forever, so good to know you don't but have found 'peace' of sorts with it. I am v impressed by your exercise regime!

I find keeping busy is good too, but I find it difficult to find a balance. Too much on and that leads to stress.

I LOVED this Buzz feed article - 57 ways people with eating disorders got better I found it very comforting.

Hope you have good weekends. I will be working quite a bit but hopefully doing a party with DD.

Margo, I hate to think of you feeling like that. I don't know if it helps to know that I've been exactly the same.

My MIL came over the other day and had bought me the most beautiful jacket in what she assumed was my size. Amazing actually because normally the things she buys me are really not my taste, but this time she got it completely right! Anyway, I remembered that the last time she saw me was when I was in my blessed binge-free period and I must have put on at least a stone since then. Sure enough, I couldn't do the jacket up. Both sad and embarrassing. My immediate thought was about dieting so that I could fit into it. But as we've discussed sooo many times, another attempt to diet is going to make things worse, not better!!

So this week I've been re-reading Brain after Binge, which is what helped me last time. I'm hoping to re-capture whatever motivation I got from it the first time. Although, full disclosure - I was compelled to read just after meeting you Margo, so perhaps that's what did it!

But contrary to all that, I've actually had a really good week work-wise - I'm trying to focus on the successes rather than on the failure of having binged most days. I wrote myself a list this morning of all the reasons why I'm great (in really hyperbolic American-speak, e.g. You rock! You're totally awesome because ...!) it made me laugh if nothing else :)

Wishing you all good weekends. I'll be travelling for work (due to a scheduling mix-up, not intentionally), but will use it as an opportunity to fit in some sleep, meditation and hopefully a few binge free days! Love to you all!

i have just had a binge free weekend. I overate, yes, but for good reasons - we had a party. Was it here a link to some TEDx speech about yes to eating all you want, but thinking when you do of the immidiate consequences - bloating, sickness, sluggish feeling after a binge. I only saw it once, but somehow it is still working inmy brain. it also said that instant gratification from not overeating exists, but it is not weight loss - it is rather the beeter feeling and pride that you have put good stuff into yourself if you have bothered to deal with thesemveg and fruit stuff. It spoke loads to me, obviously, as I have been thinking of it for last week. The binge has maybe also kept away because I have accepted it will be there forever. No doubt it will be back one moment or another, but for time being I am about 10 days from last one.
I have not lost weight, and it is very hard to accept that weight is stable even if tou go without binge for 10 days. Ridiculous, as I know by eating like a normal person I have to accept that weight is stable. besides, every calculator in the world says I do not need to lose. and yet - ridiculously, even if I like my own reflection in the mirror, there is some undercurrent which holds that if no binge, weight loss will follow and of course is somehow the goal. I thought I have broken our of that feeling, but obviously have not - as soon as I eat OK I want to be rewarded with weight loss. very spooky....

Maggie thanks for your kind words. I hate that any of us feel bad about ourselves.

Hope work travel was ok?

Jass sorry to hear about your conflicting feelings over a binge-free w/end. It is so difficult to shake the weightloss = good mindset.

I saw this good article about food issues and kids thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/9-common-mistakes-parents-make-about-their-kids-weight/

Still struggling with size consciousness here. Delivering 2 day event for client. Did same thing last yr and some of the same ppl were involved and keep thinking about what they are thinking about my weight gain. .

Rationally I know they don't care but the thoughts keep coming.

How has the week been so far? Any lurkers up to posting? Would be good to hear how you are doing - good or bad.

Not great here. I delivered a really successful work event, but I am focusing on the few things that didn't go well and I put myself first today and had some time off but then didn't feel at all comfortable with the decision. And I am really tired. It has not been a good food day. :(

And you know what. I walked past a bakers and didn't buy what I wanted as I felt it would lead to binging and funnily enough not buying it didn't prevent the binge. Maybe I should have bought it....

On a positive note (sort of) I decided to give in and buy a larger size of jeans. It is very depressing one the hand but not sure that squeezing into too small jeans helps my general feeling of well being. Bought a nice top too for our weekend away. Was impressed that I managed to do this having had such a terrible day with food. I only had today to do it, but even still.

Hoping you are doing ok.

MrsMargo,it is so typical - you forgo the stuff you wanted , really wanted, and then eat the rest of the world, still feeling sorry you deprived yourself of this first thing you wanted. I try not to fall into this trap and always allow what I really wanted, but luckily I rarely have cravings for sth special these days. But it took a long time to learn this. I do not know whether accepting your urge is good or bad, I always try to give in, but stop when I have had enough. It may work or may not, I have no pattern to see when it does or not, but sometimes it does.

My time has been pretty good. I am convinced I am as cured as can be, BED is a chronic condition and accwpting it is difficult. Self-acceptance is also so-so, sometimes I am a bit wobbly about how I look and then am half surprised that in the mirror ir shows actually OK looking middle-aged woman. Sometimes I feel that if I am controlling this BED thing then maybe it is time to eat less, but I know that would only mean more binges.....

That's great news Jass, if you're happy with where you are now. I've never actually thought much about what being 'cured' might feel like - I assumed the point would come where I would just eat normally, but we've talked a few times about how there's no such thing.

I'm having a mixed time where work is really busy (which should be a good thing now that I'm self employed), but it's starting to feel unmanageable, and I have a particularly tricky client that is sucking the fun out of it a bit. I've also had a terrible bout of what I'm calling stomach flu for the last 3/4 days - it's meant that I haven't been able to eat much of anything, let alone binge-like portions. In a way it's been a nice break (ridiculous, I realise), but I think I'm over the worst of it now.

How's everyone else doing? Any exciting half-term activities?

Maggie, sure enough - most of us if not all secretly feel good when they are sick and cannot eat. It is a moment of rest from the eat-not eat-what eat problem.
Self--employment is tricky on woekload management. Too much, and you feel like breaking, and you can never enjoy the periods of low load, the worry then creeps in. Hope it will go so well soon that you need to hire help!

Can anyone help me?

I mean seriously - how do I get someone to stand over me and make me stop doing something that I don't want to be doing anyway!?! If I can't do it for myself, then I need someone else to, right? How else can I stop this?

If I had the money I would hire someone to watch me 24 hours a day and physically remove me from the situation, or vice versa. Is that a thing?

I don't think anyone's reading the thread anymore so this is more just an empty cry into the ether - sadly, I know the answer to this question :(

Hi everyone, I have been reading intermittently since the thread has been quiet. I wasn't sure my input was needed anywhere .

Maggie what happened? Talk to us

Fighting you are very quiet, how are things?

Oh maggie. I know where you are coming from. I don't have the answer either.

I wanted to share this from Isabel Fox Dene who you introduced me to:

A person’s inability to break free of this “food thing” is based on one thing, and one thing only:

an inability (or a refusal) to accept your body and your food as it is — no matter what.

But I find self acceptance SO difficult.

Did anyone see Freddy Flintoff (the UK cricketer) on Piers Morgan last night? He had bulima. Really brave of him to mention it, esp as a bloke. However, I was a little disappointed how his recovery was 'covered'. It was sort of glossed over as him 'sorting himself out'. Which all sounded a bit easy. I guess it is up to him how he talks about.

Not great here either. Feeling overwelmed and like I am letting everyone down. Feeling slightly better today, although my 'binge hangover' feeling is a constant reminder of how I felt on Friday. :(

How are you fighting?

I think about you all.

We here, Maggie, write it out and sure there will be response! Overeating badly after being ill and not eating much? Again, we know every undereating is rewarded by a binge. You know it, it happens, just ride it out. if this is what made tou write what you did....

I have been checking in every couple of days, but indeed it is quiet here. Christmas and then the new year resolution time coming up! it is a minefield I believe, at least it was for me when I was still dieting. Megaoverload for the whole december, then diet from January, broken by Feb....

I have not done it for last two christmases as badly as before, this year trying to avoid totally! Plan is to eat as much as I need, but concentrate on the fruits part of things, less on gingerbread etc. More meat and veg, lots of good red wine, luckily eggnogg is not done in my cultural tradition, and sauerkraut is a traditional christmas food, so not very calorie-loaded if avoididn fatty meat in huge quantities and mulled wine, too. Sounds like a plan I can fearlessly enjoy...

I have dropped a couple of kilos by eating consciously and healthily - i.e. Thinking what is good and feels good, too, and preparing it with good care, then enjoying. making sure there is, above all, enough veg (enough fruit comes easily for me). Good poultry, fish, seadood and stuff - It is delicious and making sure I do not have to make do with less than satisfactory choices seems to be a way to make me feel well treated. Overeating mostlyn cheese which I love, but telling myself cheese is better than chocolate and it really seems to be. Cooking my favourite cakes, but experimenting eith gluten free flours like buckwheat, millet, rice, chickpea or almond powder. Substituing sugar with stevia if possible, but always keeping relaxed about it - I seem to be unable to count calories after not having done it for several years.

I still need to drop the cycle of weight loss - regain from being overly eager about my habits and then breaking out of the restrictions. Only to remind me that occasionally my healthy eating leads to restriction, and then accepting what is to come. And again falling into the same trap. I am not dieting, I am not bingeing - but I an still very concious of my weight, and some loss triggers wanting to lose more which triggers regain by overeating. But I habe not sat mindlessly dulling myself until feeling sick. That seems ot be my only true achievement in BED fight - I have not ate myself physically sick for long time now, even if I overeat considerably about onçe a week. is this progress or neglect of the issue I have no idea frankly.....

JassS I am so pleased with how far you have come, it's lovely to hear you are enjoying cooking again and you sound very happy

I don't know if any of you have come across them but there is a series of free podcasts available from The Institute for the Psychology of Eating that I think are great. They are condensed actual coaching sessions with real people. You can get them via this link and I'd really suggest, especially MrsMargo and maybe Maggie too, that you check out the Sugar/Binge Eating one from October 2015 first and have a poke around and see if any of the others resonate.

I do not want to stigmatise any food but if I ca avoid To have sugar and wheat the less I need my willpower to eat normally. if I have had a sugary treat I need a couple of days to regain control of my eating again.

Oh! People! It's so good to see you all! And hello "Sleep", thanks for dropping by. I've just downloaded a few of those podcasts, am going to listen to them on my way home and report back - thank you.

Jass you're so right - I'd had a break from overeating - or eating at all - when I was ill, but then bounced back with an almighty binge, over a couple of days. Cereal, bread, etc, all the things I was trying not to eat in case they had something to do with the illness in the first place. All the while I was thinking, I really don't want to be eating this. It made me feel really terrible, as in really physically unwell and that just made me sad. Even when I know how badly it's going to affect me, I still can't stop doing this to myself.

I'm also rather despondent because nothing seems to work, and I'm now really concerned about my long-term health. Could I be making myself diabetic by flooding my body with this amount of sugar at one time? Or risking serious internal trauma somehow? I'm too scared to Google it.

At the same time, I do have some good days - maybe 1 or 2 a week. I mostly keep up my training, apart from on days when I physically can't leave the house to get to the gym / track because I'm in so much pain, or need to be close to the bathroom. Blech.

Jass is a superstar - I'd love to get to the point where I'm only overeating once a week. That would be life changing. I got a bit obsessed with cooking for a while (in my paleo phase), but I'm not sure whether it was a good thing or not. I'll pop back after I've listened to the podcasts...

That should be Sleep- not meaning to be sarcastic :)

Hi Maggie how are you doing now?

Sleep I'm so glad to see you back, I had hoped thought about you over the last few days.

Maggie how are you doing today? I'm thinking of you.

Things at not good here but then you probably all guessed that as I'm not around. I just can't pull myself together my days are very hard lately.

Hey Fighting, good to see you . Are you talking to anyone in RL? What support and help do you have with the day to day stuff?

I have been talking to some friends but nothing much in detail, getting by day to day has been more of a priority. Having DM to stay really made things worse tbh, at first we got in but then her usual behavior started, oh well we live and learn. I have some time to myself tomorrow which will help, I like my alone time to just do not a lot. Still trying hard to keep up regular eating during the day so that I don't want to binge, haven't had one for a while now which is good I suppose. The urge to eat to feel better is pretty strong but hollow if that makes sense.x

I hear you Fighting . It's amazing and show how far you have come that you can recognise the urge to binge as not the 'true' thing that's going on. But at the same time don't surpress your coping mechanism completely, because cracks may appear elsewhere. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a loved one going through the tough time you are . Talk as much as you like here as well, however irrelevant stuff might seem. We are all supporting you

Thanks sleep, it means a lot.x

Sleep, the IPE link was super helpful - I've had a chance to listen to some of Marc's sessions, and to say they resonated would be an understatement. I felt like he was speaking directly to me (and actually found it a bit emotional tbh). So far I've taken a few concrete things from what I've heard - it's all a bit of a jumble now but I'd like to listen to a few more and have a good think about what it all means. I've also bought one of his books - the Slow Down Diet, I think, and will read that as well.

For now, this is what I've come up with:-

1. My body image and general self-esteem are really very poor. And I'm getting a much clearer sense of why that is. It helps to have pinpointed the steps I've taken to get to where I am now, because it makes me realise how much power I've let other people have over me. I need to reclaim some of that. I'm in my late thirties but am still allowing passing comments & situations from my teens reduce me to tears. I have lots more thought to put in here, but it's at least starting to make sense...

1. In a few of the sessions, Marc asks 'what would life be like if you did lose the weight, or had the perfect body?' I have my own list, which funnily enough is quite similar to what some of the other ladies came up with.

For me, not binge eating would mean that...

• I'd feel 'lighter', both physically and emotionally
• I'd be able to start fresh every day, rather than having to make up for damage done the previous day
• I'd feel permanently more confident and able to face the world, and take up offers & challenges, not feeling like I need to put them off until I'm a certain size.
• I'd feel healthy, strong, capable and in control
• I'd have more energy and capacity to deal with things other than food and my body.
• Practically, I would be able to train more consistently and perform better in my sport. And then the follow up question is 'what's stopping you from feeling all of that now?' This is where I struggle - I still feel like my fluctuating size is really visible to other people, and ascribe judgment to it. It doesn't help that there is so much focus on bodies everywhere you turn. So lots more work to do there as well.

1. I need to eat more slowly! I know I eat incredibly quickly, to the point where I sometimes look down and am shocked to find my plate empty! I tend to have such a sense of chaos and confusion around food at the moment, that eating can cause a bit of a frenzy in my head.

I'm starving... Is this a normal meal... Am I actually hungry... I shouldn't be eating this... I really should stop now... if I eat this I won't have breakfast tomorrow... Finishing this now means there won't be any to eat tomorrow... etc etc

It makes sense that my brain wouldn't have the chance to register that I'd eaten at all, and would still think I was hungry. I only started yesterday, but am making a real effort to sit down and make meals a pleasant, leisurely experience. And drink more water too. BED aside, this is something I should do anyway.

1. Marc asks 'when do you feel happiest about your body?'. For me, that's when I'm using it - I enjoy pushing myself physically, by doing something better than I have before, or something I didn't think I could do. I also like being outdoors, and alone, as it helps me to think through things. So I'm going to create that feeling more often, but starting my morning runs again. I got into a rhythm of getting out before the DCs woke up, but phased it out in favour of other training. But for sanity's sake, I think I will work at least a few runs in every week.

1. The last thing is one that I haven't got an answer for - I've known for a while that I have digestive issues, as I'm very often bloated and in pain, even when eating normally. I asked a GP about it a while ago but didn't really get any help. I told myself the thing to do was to exclude certain food groups to see what impact it had. But of course, as soon as I decide to exclude wheat and dairy, that'll be the day I eat 12 bowls of cereal in a single sitting. So that's clearly not an option at the moment. If anyone has any practical help on finding out if I have an intolerance to certain foods in my current situation, that would be great.

And sorry this has gone on for a while, but I really did get a lot out of the podcasts and thought I'd share - they're also on YouTube as well as a few other snippets, well worth a listen I think. Thanks again Sleep, I'm feeling really optimistic - not just about being in a better place soon, but knowing that it's a pretty common problem. I'm trying to feel like less of a failure about the whole thing, and focus on the positives at the moment. But as always, I'll report back and let you know how I get on :)

Also, sending lots of positive vibes to you Fighting, and anyone else who is still with us...

Maggie I'm so glad you are finding the podcasts helpful. Marc is the IPE course tutor and I think he's pretty inspirational, providing a master class in this coaching for me (even after completing the course) and so much help for anyone struggling with these issues. As you listen to others I'd recommend keeping notes of the stuff that resonates most. I'm happy to then suggest journalling work to help work through those issues if you like. The things you've listed so far is a great place to start, if anyone's been following the thread from the beginning it's all questions/things that I've tried to steer posters to think about as part of recovery and I think it complements the Fairburn programme very well, providing the missing (IMO) emotional/psychological element

On the digestive issues, there are tests you can do for intolerance but the gold standard is an elimination diet. As you recognise, that's not really going to work for you at the moment, you need to be in a much better place with the binges first. I'd also point the finger first at the fast eating and the mental battles you are having around food insofar as what/how much/shoulds and shouldn'ts . All this will create stress and affect your digestion so I'd work on relaxation, slow eating and enjoyment first.