Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Margo good diagram to share. Sounds like you are also making good progress .

Hi everyone, how has today been for you all?

Another positive day here, I have eaten quite a lot through out the day and felt much better for it. I don't remember I ate that much without it being a binge or random comfort eating.x

Here, too, a good day, Three meals, no snacks, was busy. In the evening decided to eat a couple of sandwiches instead of my usual huge amount of fruit to see whether what I did yesterday can be repeated. it could. I am sad, but seems like cutting back the fuits and eating more solid stuff is an important issue somehow to keep the evening eating in check.

My sandwitches of course are ryebread, not wheat, so I guess quite good. Rye has some gluten though.....less than wheat and different, but still.

I did not run, walked instead, even if I had the urge to. But I ran an hour yesterday, and I refuse to let me run daily such long time.

Glad to hear we're doing well, have had a good day here too. Have been taking Sleep's advice - still eating healthily but working in other stuff too, and trying not to worry too much about portion size either. I also think taking a slightly different approach to dealing with the urges might be going well (although I didn't want to say that as it feels like every time I come on here with a positive update everything goes to pot! :))

Iron, thats how it is! Everyhting goes to the pot as soon as you think there is progress. Just what BED is, but over longer period serious progress can be measured, even if things still keep going wrong way occasionally. Just not as bad, not as long, not as imprtantly!

JassS, I completely agree! Maggie it's lovely to hear you are having a good time too. just keep going and don't worry about it (as much as is possible) it's all work in progress and as JassS said, changes still happen.x

hi all. people seem to be in good places at the moment .
I have done 1 week of Fairburn's "change days" so am going to move on to step 2 tomorrow. After a massive binge last thursday which i think was a sort of letting go day, I have managed to eat pretty nicely this week and am hoping I can move on, although the idea of 3 meals and 3 snacks feels frightening and much too much food at the moment, but i'll read through and think how to make it work.
the only strange thing is that i feel a bit like just on another diet in some ways, which is why i'm worried that i will fall off again when i have a bad day.
On the good side, i'm letting myself eat much more carbs and am managing my work commute (on the bike) much better and generally feel so much better in myself.
i don't post much here because i'm usually at work or on my phone and it's hard to write properly, but i'm going to try and write once a week and i'm finding it so helpful reading other people's experiences - ups and downs and makes me feel much less alone.

Soso, indeed - I can not journal or make sure I really keep to mealtimes and do not graze, it starts to feel suspiciously like a diet. I do make sure I do not eat less than 3x per day, but do not mind the snacks and also do not mind if I graze somedays. I rebel against every food related rule. So I have no rules, or if thrn affirmative - like "I need to eat real food" not "junk forbidden". Junk allowed, provided real stuff is eaten. Like in childhood - no treats until food is gone!
I am planning to bake a rhubarb cake on Saturday. Something I always used to do early summers, but since struggling with weight have not done for ages now. My kids deserve it, too!

Hi purple, so great to see you posting again. I apologise I missed your last post, didn't show up on phone before now. I have often thought about you and wondered if you were ok.

I hope the Fairburn book helps you again. We're always here when you need support, it's good that lurking has helped you.x

sospurple are you the previous purple? Guess so from fightings post but wanted to check. Lovely to see you back.

What a positive week on here. So lovely to see the updates & steps forward. Am ok too.

Am out. Have chosen to have a sarnie & crisps before I get the train as I need to go to bed when I get home and want to avoid being v tired in the kitchen etc. Hopefully that will work.

Not much battery left, so will be back.

no sorry i'm a different purple!

Hi Margo its great your having a good week too! The eating before you get home sounds like a good plan, much better than skipping it.

I have had a great day eating wise. I think my body is getting used to eating breakfast already (its a first for me to do this regularly). I became hungry by mid morning again, so ate and then had a good lunch. I think that has set a healthy pattern off because I don't remember the last time I ate so much in the day and was hungry multiple times. Each meal I have eaten what I wanted and added extra things in for 'fuel' such as grapes with lunch.

This is a big step for me as food such as fruit are associated with restrictions for me. I would live on only that when at my worst. It will take time to undo the association but so far I'm handling the anxiety well by correcting myself with positive thoughts if it occurs. The sense of freedom is immense!

Thank you to all of you, your posts and support have given me so much inspiration to keep going on this journey It feels like I have turned a corner.x

Ah apologies purple, I thought you were. Anyway, you were on the first thread so it's still good you have come back.

What a great week here

Soso try not to focus and stress about quantities of food with 3 meals 2 snacks, just eat make sure that you eat something, try and start gauging your hunger and serving yourself an appropriate portion for that, rather than a notion of what the amount should be. Regular meals/snacks help teach you that perception of your genuine appetite as Fighting is finding with the breakfast thing .

Fighting so glad to hear you feel liberated and Margo well done on recognising that letting yourself get to a point of hunger/tiredness is a potential trigger and heading it off .

Jass the baking plan sounds great

Don't be sorry soso! Glad you are back (from the 1st thread), finding it useful and making progress.

Fighting so glad to hear of the breakfast & fruit progress. It sounds like a big step forward.

Elfin,your descriptions sound very much how I was when I first on this journey. I did manage to find other things that replaced that buzz I could only get with food. Before that I was certainly depressed and unhappy with my life at the time, although I couldn't actually identify those emotions, I just couldn't control how much I ate or thought about it excitedly. It took a lot of digging to find those issues but it eventually broke the cycle and I don't have those same emotions now. Sure I still have a bad relationship with food but it's changed.

You're comment regarding will power struck me. If we simply reduce BED to a test of willpower, I think the only option it leaves is for us to permenantly feel defeated and doesn't acknowledge the overwhelming effects it has on us and our thought process. You are not a failure and disordered eating doesn't define who you are. There are things you can find you enjoy and will genuinely make you happy, for now food is faking that role but it is within you to get past that, think back through your life and there will be something you could try again even from a childhood memory or a longing for something once.

I appreciate Depression can mask the energy to get out there and participate in life. If its too much right now, use the web. I recently discovered a love of reading novels and it takes me away from the constant meh, to a place without sadness. The other thing I do is cape, it gives me a stimulus and flavour but no food, it has been a help for me.x

hmmm, contrary to that typo I don't run about wearing a cape! I meant vape but spell check decided superhero was more appropriate.

You are a superhero for starting & continuing this thread fighting.

Elfin - I have an addictive personality too, my bro goes to AA, I have a cousin with an ED too....I think there is something in the genes...

However, I don't think (personally) "we" have a lack of willpower (I am extremely determined in all other aspects of my life) we have an illness. I also don't think (again personally) it is "just" food addiction. Obviously though we are all different...

Have you ever been to the Dr to rule out any physiological issues?

Sorry if you have already said this, but do you try to look at the feelings you have when you eat & binge? I think that is a good place to start. I use the Rise Up app which is really easy to use and helps me to identify what I am feeling. I always have lots of feelings when I eat, good & bad.

It does sound like you have quite a few rules/restrictions around food (as we all probably had/have). I know the Fairburn book & the ED service CBT group I am going to advocate removing all rules & restrictions. I know it is scary, but they believe that it is the only way to recover....I have had periods of non-binging following this, which I never thought would happen. And my weight hasn't gone up massively having removed my rules.

However, I appreciate my reality isn't yours....hope that above isn't bossy/unhelpful/lacking in empathy..just reflecting on my own views/experience.

Re your question at the end. I don't think about food as much as you but I do think about my body quite a bit throughout the day. I try to challenge the thoughts. I shared this a while back, but it really helps me question what my mind is saying to me www.getselfhelp.co.uk/unhelpful.htm

Thank you for your very kind message Margo.x

I am loving the image of superhero Fighting in her cape (vaping) !

Elfin you may not be dieting but you do sound like you are restricting or trying to resist certain foods (hence the 'sod it', ie, a point where your resistance inevitably - humanly - fails). A little like Maggie when she was eating plenty of calories but only 'healthy' ones. You get what I am saying about eating mindfully and used it for a single portion outside the house. What would happen if you tried it at home with unlimited quantities available to you, providing you stick to eating each serving mindfully? Don't plan it but when you feel ready, switch that resistance to a positive decision to use the food, let it comfort you, rather than simply providing a cushion or distraction against difficult feelings...give yourself permission to eat as much as you want? Think of it as loving and enjoying food rather than loving eating?

Also, on another occasion can you remove yourself from the environment when you are feeling under pressure and on the verge of 'sod it', go to your bedroom perhaps and just sit with your feelings, write down whatever comes up for you - you have identified resentment for example, when preparing DSC food. What else is there? This is likely to be really hard, especially the first few times.

I would see GP to discuss depression, AD's might help take the edge off and enable you to pull yourself out of the negative Catch 22 that poor diet, lack of movement, fresh air and time for yourself (doing things like walking or yoga) creates. But really those things need to be addressed somehow too, with or without AD's

X posted with Margo's great post