Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

And I meant to give an update on my weekend - I ended up going to the event I'd signed up to, AND got to meet the lovely Margo to boot! It was hugely inspiring to hear all the amazing things these women had done, and made me realise that I have no time for BED and all the related anxiety if I'm going to get on with the rest of my life!

I then read an interesting book yesterday ("Brain over Binge"), which suggests that all the standard techniques - psychotherapy, addiction treatment, CBT etc - just don't work for some people. In a nutshell it says that binge eating is an evolutionary response to dieting and that your brain sensing you need more calories, causes you to seek out huge amounts of food to compensate. And once that's happened a few times, it gets into the habit of getting the food. So the only solution is breaking that habit, regardless of any emotions / trigger situations that might come into play.

I'm still processing what it all means for me, but it feels encouraging to know that there's another way. I'll report back if I see that framing it differently has any impact.

Maggie that sounds like a wonderful weekend. How lovely that you and Margo got to meet each other too!

Your book sounds very interesting. I know a lot of us, me included, have found Fairburn works for us but you're very right. Not everyone can take the same approach, we are all individuals and it sounds like something has clicked for you. Do keep updated when you can with your progress, the more tools we have the better equipped we are help ourselves and others.x

So far since I had the meeting with ED services I have managed the breakfast question each day. Saturday was the only one I didn't eat, we were incredibly busy and I didn't eat until mid afternoon. I haven't berated myself, just carried on. I have eaten 3 meals each day which has been good.

The biggest positive report I have is from last week. We had visitors and ate out a lot but not once did I scan the menu for 'healthy' food. I chose what I wanted and noticed how much more I enjoyed the experience. I didn't feel bad afterwards or feel I needed to compensate after days if eating out. Previously I would have been on the scales and going over how bad I was to not 'stay in control'. Any increase on the scales would have been attributed to that food and proof of my failure. I haven't felt like weighing and instead enjoyed my week. I am not suddenly fatter and the week has started as any other. It is such a nice feeling and unexpected experience, a stage I hadn't realised I had got to.

Tomorrow I will try and cook a large meal for dinner and some to freeze. It has been a while since I managed that but I am going to give it a go.... Small steps.

Small steps here too! After esting too little for a couple of days and then tripping obviously into binge yesterday, I am amazed how quickly I snapped out of it. Of course, due to yesterday's excess, low appetite today, but managed proper three meals today. If a bit late lunch, but was really busy working....

fighting, that sounds like fantastic progress. Eating out is still very tricky for me, I tend to take my cues from the people around me to make a 'normal' choice that I won't end up compensating for later.

And what do you tend to eat for breakfast? I used to never eat in the mornings (and very ill-advisedly attempted a 16:8 fast for a few weeks after Christmas), but am now in the habit of having quite a hearty breakfast - I quite enjoy the ritual of it to start the day now!

I struggle to move away from my restrictions pattern with breakfast. The plan we made was I'd work on getting it yo become habit and then work on what I eat later when ready. I eat museli or toast not much else. I prefer museli as it has a lot of things I need to have in my daily intake. I can't make myself eat other cereals and haven't got the will to go back to smoothies yet. I do enjoy them though. What about yourself Maggie?

jassS that is great that you can regognise the whole process and have stopped the cycle. Such great progress.x

Hi everyone, how fantastic to see you all providing so much lovely support and advice for each other . And two of you actually met! Amazing! Thank you for all your sweet words of thanks, I appreciate them and am so happy if I'm helping .

Small steps small steps...remember they add up to miles - you are all progressing, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. This process also isn't linear!

Down - so pleased to see you've booked pilates, let us know how you get on.

I also liked your insight about your IL's, you are right! It can be interesting to think about how we might look back on our lives when we are very elderly and consider what we might think about how we spent our time. I suspect many of us will wish we hadn't used so much time, energy and headspace on food and the size of our body. So for each of us, what is our real purpose being here in the world, if we could identify that? And how best to go about achieving it?

Soso, welcome back - your post made me about the three diets - we've all been there! Stick with us this time, give it a proper chance.

Dusky - I agree with Fighting's comment about your post actually being quite positive. It is a real shame about your counselling being withdrawn but you sound like you are doing well with Fairburn , keep at it and stay in touch here.

Maggie what a turnaround from Friday to Monday! It sounds like an inspiring event and meeting up with Margo must have been lovely .

Did you have a go at listing your 'food rules', or identifying where you could be a little more relaxed about your choices as I suggested? I like that you suggested to Lou that she include some 'less healthy' choices, have you tried this yourself ?

Lou - you are doing well too you know. I know it is hard going but it wasn't so long ago that you wouldn't even countenance letting go of your restrictions, so even if you are battling with the process, there is a part of your mind - call it your survival instinct, or internal 'parent' if you like, that is being rational and helping you with staying away from the juices and suchlike . You need to work on helping that voice grow stronger against the one that wants to take you back to old habits which can feel safe and distract you from the things that truly need your attention in life.

Can I suggest an exercise for you? Make three lists. The first, a list of the things you are proud of and think are great about you. A second list - the things the people who love you would say about you, what they value and admire most about you (you may need to actually ask to find this out, talk to DH!) Final list, what you value and admire in the people you love. Tell us what you have there.

Elfin - welcome. You sound like you have a great grasp of what works for you in terms of not bingeing, but I can see why you are having trouble putting into practice!

You have already had some good advice upthread, I agree that maybe a chat with GP about possible depression can't hurt.

I would add that your comments about wheat make me wonder about an intolerance which can manifest itself like an addiction. We can get a bit of a high from the very substance we react against, does this sound possible to you? Intolerances also commonly occur when we consistently overdo a certain food type, so this might be possible?

The best suggestion I have for when you do know you are going to binge is to turn it into a positive choice, give yourself permission to eat whatever you have been trying to resist BUT you must do it as slowly and mindfully as you can - so get a plate, serve yourself a single portion, sit down and eat and enjoy. Get another portion and repeat as many times as you want. See what happens. Note this isn't the same as planning a binge, it is a switch to make at that point where you know you are going to 'give in', from almost being helpless, into making it almost a ritual that you can see what you can learn from. Even more helpful is to note down any feelings or events that have triggered the binge and how you feel during and afterwards. What do you think about this idea?

Jass and Fighting I need to come back again for a chat in the morning but things sound good, really positive events you mention, your programme especially Fighting

Jass I think it could be amazing if you could re-engage with your love of food and cooking again, making everything as delicious and nourishing (in every sense, food prepared and served with love is always the best!) as you can. It sounds like an odd thing for someone with disordered eating to enjoy but it can be very therapeutic, as long as you are going to enjoy the eating part too (Lou's anorexic sister, cooking brownies but encouraging everyone else but her to eat them is quite a common thing ).

Oh- on your query about recovery, I think there are plenty if people who consider themselves recovered from ED's. Others (especially with OA therapy) consider themselves 'in recovery'. I think any ingrained habit has the potential to rise up in times of stress or upset but I don't think that means you aren't recovered and it depends how you deal with this stuff when it happens. If you can recognise it and use the techniques and awareness you have learned then it is possible to head it off.

I have a link to some mindfulness stuff for you, on phone so will post in a sec.

Here you go mindfulness.

Also check out 'Headspace' app.

Thank you for the link sleep, I especially like the R.A.I.N concept.x

Thanks for lonk. Will look as soon as I have time.
Today I did sth really interesting - first, I missed lunch due running and having forgotten to take stuff with me to work. Canteen had closed when I got back, as I was late going. Wuite common in my case. Then I got home and managed to cook, and eat until I was full, then felt I need sth more energy dense than salmon with rice. So I made some cheese and mayo salad and ate until full. And - I left the rest. I did not binge even if I had missed lunch. I even did not hide myself on third floor, I am still sitting on the first. where kitchen is, and I really am full and need nth else. It has not happened to me for years, afraid. maybe I accidentally hit the food balance my body neede in semi-starved situation? It really was calorie packed, I did not need to eat huge quantities, the satisfaction just came and sits with me. Weird feeling:-)

My breakfast is usually a salad with quinoa and salmon, avocado and egg. Lots of green leaves as well. Very autistic to eat the same every day, but I discovered it this year once in a restaurant and have for half a year eaten this breakfast for 80% of mornings. It tastes good and is so virtous, I am really stuck with it. I do not limit and refuse all else, I just like it!

That's great news JassS, enjoy it.x

It feels weird. I am watching eurovision I semis, late at night, classic trigger situation, no urge to binge. Yes, I have often withheld from bingeing, but not to feel the urge, because I am full.... Weird feeling:-)))

That sounds good jass - I often eat fairly repetitive meals during the week. Taking away the choice does make life simpler - we're like Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs wearing the same clothes every day!

I've been contemplating creating a work 'uniform' as well, with 5 x identical tops / dresses, but I think it might be frowned upon, and I wouldn't want to invest until my weight stabilises :)

Lots of positives steps - great to hear.

I wanted to share something I did with my CBT leader which I found very useful. She took me through drawing a diagram with BED in the middle, the trigger areas coming from it (being tired, internal issues, practical stuff etc) and then listing the stuff around each area which can help - so going to bed, voicing my issues etc.

I have drawn it (although not completely filled in, just so you get the idea) in powerpoint and attach (you can only see images on the desktop, should you now know):

Not sure if it helps, but I found it useful to do.

Was lovely to meet you too Maggie. I loved the speaker that talked about limiting herself to 2 work evening functions a week. It had never occured to me that I could have rules to protect myself. My 'I should' etc are all about delivering/doing stuff for others....

Maggie I like that comparison, made me smile

Margo such a great idea, thank you for sharing it with us.

I have positive updates too. I am managing breakfast still, I want to function properly and that my driving force. Yesterday was a great day, I was out all day and enjoyed it. Also managed to make the dinner I planned. When we ate I served up a much smaller portion than normal. I wanted to see if eating less I would be full still. It worked, I had eaten enough and didn't need more. Usually I eat as much as I can get in, which can be a lot. It was a nice feeling to just eat and enjoy rather than almost binge in a dinner. I went to bed exhausted from doing things rather than anxiety.

Seems like the positive vibes are being passed on. I hope everyone else is having a better time too.x

Jass I was cheering (inwardly ) when I read your post last night, I'm so pleased you've had a breakthrough - and Fighting, you too , it's fantastic. Now you can try to tap into that relaxed feeling around meals in future and it will become normal!