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Original poster

My DD has bulimia.

314 replies

StolenStollen · 02/02/2014 10:01

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 Sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 21/03/2014 23:15

I think dd wants children because she saw how badly I wanted another one for her not to be an only. I also think the fact she's an only has helped her decide she wants more than one.
The things they say about the effects scare me. The doctors say it with no emotion in their voices just as though she is another thing who will get 'better' and have to live with the effects.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 22/03/2014 19:41

Yes, it is scary. I will be honest, it was when DD's periods returned, that made a huge difference for us. It doesn't mean she is better, but that side of things are less of a concern now, which has, gradually meant one less thing to worry about. I know there is no point in telling you not to worry, it isn't really something you choose! Hand to hold here any time, and equally, pm me any time if you want to.
Obviously your DD has been through much more and for longer, and so she may need extra tests and so on later on. (In the sense that there may be extra tests that can be done on top of waiting for her periods to return, but that would be later.)

The doctors don't sound very friendly there, I am shocked that they are not making the atmosphere and environment as comfortable for you and your DD as is possible! I've been told/read enough times that's what I have to do! I suppose they are trying not to shock you with emotive language, but that doesn't mean they have to behave like robots. ((((Stollen))))

Original poster
StolenStollen · 22/03/2014 22:23

The doctors are... they are emotionless. The nurses are lovely and go out of their way to make sure everything is as good as it can be.
DD had been having periods since 11, I kept out of it because I suspected and still suspect things have happened with her boyfriend and I'd always told her that should she ever have sex or consider it to go to the gp with or without me. I had no idea they had stopped.
There will be tests I think. But will she go through them?

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yegodsandlittlefishes · 23/03/2014 17:27

I don't know as DD hasn't been as low weight or for so long. I do have to administer DD's meds. I had a similar attitude to dd's health before this - her body and her private business. But with a mental illness they do need support and someone to make decisions about things like tests, and someone watching them swallow their meds.

I haven't gone for any extra tests since her periods have returned as it hasn't been deemed necessary for her. If she wanted children and that caused her any anxiety i would help, look into what tests there and and take her.

I think I'd feel differently if she had dropped down to a BMI under 14 for any prolongued time. Id give her less of a say and just go ahead and say she needed tests (there's brain function tests which I think I'd be most concerned about getting.)The time to consider tests is when her weight is restored and she is able to take it.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 23/03/2014 18:02

I hope your daughter continues to improve, Stolen

Thanks
Equimum · 24/03/2014 10:08

stolen, I'm so sorry to hear what your daughter and you are going through. EDs really are tough on everyone.

I just wanted to comment on your current concerns about fertility etc. I had anorexia as a teenager and spent long periods at a very low BMI. I recovered in my early 20s and my local health authority wouldn't do any tests beyond a basic ovarian scan. Despite my parents having been told I was unlikely to survive, let alone have children, I know have a healthy 15month old.

I think what I'm trying to say is that although there is a risk to fertility, it's not a given that your daughter won't have children.

I wish you both the very best as she proceeds on her journey to recovery

yegodsandlittlefishes · 24/03/2014 10:27

Thanks equimum, that helped me too. Flowers

Original poster
StolenStollen · 26/03/2014 21:54

Equimum thank you. Thats helped me x
No gain this week.

OP posts:
ZingSweetCoconut · 27/03/2014 12:45

how are you today?

Original poster
StolenStollen · 28/03/2014 18:32

I'm still going Zing. Just about keeping a fake smile on for work.
I did burst into tears earlier. I can't do this at times. I need her. Mothers day this weekend.
I need that just as much as a hole in the head Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 28/03/2014 18:35

In all honesty, I am not fine. I am so close to saying I give up. I just can't see the end of this.
I need my girl back.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/03/2014 20:53

It is very hard. You have to let yourself have some let up, as we cannot keep going under pressure without making ourselves ill in a way too.

ZingSweetCoconut · 28/03/2014 21:39

clock's go forward so Mother's day is only 23 hours.
hope that helpsWink

so sorry for all the pain and heartache, I think about you two a lot and still here to hold your hand.
Sad Thanks

yegodsandlittlefishes · 29/03/2014 20:31

Zing you are lovely. Flowers

Original poster
StolenStollen · 30/03/2014 09:23

I'm spending today under the duvet then I'll go and see dd.
Zing, you are such a kind caring person. Thank you so much for listening to me and thinking of us.
You and your lot are never far from my thoughts, how long till minizing is due?

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 30/03/2014 09:25

Ye your lovely too. Your so kind and you have excellent advice. Thank you Thanks.
Zing Thanks

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ZingSweetCoconut · 30/03/2014 16:52

Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks

for you both on Mothers' Day - just because! Wink
Hope you are okay today Stollen - did you get to see your DD?

baby's due on 15th July, seems like ages away!

Original poster
StolenStollen · 30/03/2014 17:36

It'll come fast Zing.
Not yet, I'm going now. Hope shes ok today, she was quite down yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 31/03/2014 22:06

She is doing better everyday. She's gaining independence - they are happy for her to go into the garden without a nurse, she can use the bathroom without someone outside.
I think that's helping.

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yegodsandlittlefishes · 02/04/2014 14:39

Thinking of you, Stollen and your DD. So glad she is building up some independence. It shows trust (both ways) and that is so important to recovery for anyone, but with what she is going through and the extreme she is coming back from, it is very moving to read of her every success, every small step.

I've had a tough few days sorting out some deeply personal troubles in my head (not ed related, but affected the rest of the family too, sadly). Better now. It feels as if I've had a massive spring clean inside me and I feel fresher and better.

DD has a conditional offer to the school she applied to, and that has helped enormously. I hadn't realised quite how much I was worried about it all.

Zing Flowers How are you feeling?

Original poster
StolenStollen · 03/04/2014 21:52

3st 13! Almost at four stone Smile. Four stone is almost half way to target.
I'm so happy for your dd Ye. That's great.
I am sorry you've been struggling for a while, I'm always here if you ever need to talk Thanks.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 03/04/2014 22:48

All going in the right direction, so pleased for you. 4 stone feels like such a great milestone for your DD.

ZingSweetCoconut · 04/04/2014 13:34

almost 4 stones - well done, what a star!Smile Thanks

more independence must feel great, another positive step forward.
what is her to target before she can return home?
I hope you are coping ok. big hugs!Smile

Original poster
StolenStollen · 05/04/2014 22:25

She needs to be 8st 10 before she can come home. Then she will be treated as an outpatient until they are happy with how she is.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 06/04/2014 08:17

It is so hard that she is gaining weight so much more slowly than she lost it. But I'm guessing the staff are ensuring she's gaining at the rate that is best for her, so her body and organs can be restored. Do they say this, or is there some danger to her to refeed/tube feed her at a faster rate? Can the amount they give her be increased as she gains more weight and is better able to process the food?

Sorry for all the questions, am worried for you having this excruciating wait. If they can keep reassuring you that they really are doing all they can for her and give medical reasons for what thwy are doing, it could help you.

How are you getting on, Stollen?

((((StolenStollen))))