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Original poster

My DD has bulimia.

314 replies

StolenStollen · 02/02/2014 10:01

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 Sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 14/03/2014 07:45

Body image is portrayed in a way that I hate in the media. You have to be skinny to be right. You dont, that makes girls like dd turn to disorders in a bid to get the right image.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 14/03/2014 09:05

Maybe. My DD didn't turn to eating disorders because of the media hype, it was more the other way around. She found herself with eating disorder thoughts and behaviours and wanted some sense of comfort that it was 'normal and acceptable'. To accept that the thoughts in her own head were wrong, harmful, and misleading her was impossible to accept. How could she trust her own mind on anything? She could trust her own mind on other things she applied herself to, so why not this too? The images and healthy eating/living talk was there and she latched on to it as a crutch and rudder. She still does this and it's wearing me down.

Original poster
StolenStollen · 14/03/2014 21:26

I don't know what started dds eating disorder. I suspect,
like your dd Yegods she had thoughts which needed to be normal and something she could control. I'd love to know what was telling her to throw everything back up. And why she needed to.
Massive unmnetty hugs Ye. Pm me if you need to talkxx

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 14/03/2014 21:28

I want to know what made her become bulimic so I can help her. I wonder if genetics played a part. I've read stuff Ye, you mentioned the Iidea to me and I've looked into oit.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 15/03/2014 08:12

What have you been reading? Really glad you've done that and I'm surprised the unit your DD is at hasn't got a library of books to lend out to parents. Ignorance is not bliss at all in our situation! Reading around the subject does help to make sense of some of the behaviour. There might well be a genetic factor to it, but in our case I think it is linked to what happened to DD's brain at birth and that the cause of her difficult birth has a genetic factor. It can only ever be a theory but it seems to fit in our case. I don't think we'll ever know for sure.

Original poster
StolenStollen · 15/03/2014 21:10

I'll find the links again and post them Ye. I tthink dd and scbu may be linked to her disorder but I don't know. There is a libary but it hasn't got any new information for me - I've read all the books they have and I prefer to find things out myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 15/03/2014 21:17

www.something-fishy.org/isf/genetics.php
www.mcgill.ca/reporter/37/17/bulimia/
Both sites talk about sterotin and how it may effect genetics.
There are more links but I need to google for them which will take a while - these I had saved.

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 15/03/2014 21:17

www.something-fishy.org/isf/genetics.php
www.mcgill.ca/reporter/37/17/bulimia/

Clicky links!

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 15/03/2014 21:28

Ooh, thank you lovely, I'll have a read tomorrow when I get some time to. :)

I'm having problems now with people we know suggesting diets (e.g. vegetarianism low fat, low carb and now low protein) to DD and as they are really evangelical about it I don't hold much hope of stopping them. I really feel like asking them if they are trying to help kill my dd, as she doesn't need any encouragement to restrict her diet. There are so many ways of restricting our diets that we're bombarded with from all sides anyway (news, internet, magazines, radio, shops, adverts etc) so much harder to deal with from people we know. :(

Original poster
StolenStollen · 15/03/2014 21:43

Yes, diet crazes. I had a 'friend say to me the other dau that I suggest the 5:2 diet to dd. I told her dd was being tube fed because of her bulimia.
The look on her face was... errr... interesting to say the least.
They need no encouragment to restrict their diets. It is hard as it is without people giving 'useful' ideas.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 15/03/2014 22:34

Ha! I do wish I could have seen the look on her face. Grin

I wish there was something we could have done to avoid their illness, something we can do to take it away, but I am sure if there were we'd all know about it.

I wish we could wipe these eating disorders off the planet and come up with a cure for everyone who has them. In the mean time, at least we live in a time when there is treatment. I'm so glad that your DD is in the unit and getting the medical help she needs. I do so hope that she will get through this in a way that it becomes something she can look back on with love for you and appreciation of you and of her own ability to get through tough times (with the right help).

Original poster
StolenStollen · 16/03/2014 08:55

I could have slapped her to be honest Ye.
I wish we could cure them for everyone suffering and wipe it out. But at least we live in a time where they are treated as you say. We are lucky in that respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
StolenStollen · 18/03/2014 21:59

Weigh in tomorrow.
I am so exhausted.

OP posts:
giraffesCantBoogie · 18/03/2014 22:59

Hi just dropping by to see how you are

yegodsandlittlefishes · 19/03/2014 04:50

Hope all goes well for you, Stollen.
Hope you have slep well (better than me, that is!)

yegodsandlittlefishes · 19/03/2014 04:51

*slept

ZingSweetCoconut · 19/03/2014 04:56

or me!Grin

good luck, hope she's put on more again!Smile

ZingSweetCoconut · 19/03/2014 14:34

how did it go today?

yegodsandlittlefishes · 19/03/2014 15:16

Thinking of you and your DD, Stollen. xx

Original poster
StolenStollen · 19/03/2014 16:19

3st 11 this week. Heading closer to nearly a stones gain since the tube.
I haven't been sleeping too well. But I'm sleeping.
She's getting stronger everyday. And more like she used to be - happier and brighter.

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 19/03/2014 16:30

That is good, heading in the right direction. It does feel like two steps back one forward but progress shows that it is the other way around, at least.

I'll try to pm you later Stollen.

ZingSweetCoconut · 19/03/2014 17:25

she is doing really well, brilliant.

why can't you sleep my love?

Original poster
StolenStollen · 19/03/2014 17:35

I'm awake at night and so tired during the day. I have sleeping pills but they aren't working as well anymore.
I am also worried for dds future. How will this effect her in later life?
This sounds so selfish but... I worry I'll never get grandchildren because of the long term effects. I know she wants children but the damage is going to have its effects.

OP posts:
ZingSweetCoconut · 19/03/2014 18:03

Not selfish at all, why shouldn't you wish to have her be a mum and you a grandma one day?
It's totally normal.
and I think it's very positive you see her as capable of doing so one day!Smile

insomnia is a bastard.
do pm me if up, I was up at 3.30am (nosebleed), unable to fall asleep againConfused

big hugs & lots of love

yegodsandlittlefishes · 20/03/2014 06:51

Sorry, last night was our Skype night with DH.

It's hard Stollen..but the thing is you don't know what will happen. Yes, there could be long term effects of the eating disorder and her low weight which means she has difficulty having children. I've read and been told that too. The thing is though, she does want to have children at some point, so that makes a massive difference. It will mean she will want to keen on with recovery to give herself the best chances. If it does turn out that she has trouble it will depend on what the cause is. There may be things which could help her to conceive, such as IVF or carry a baby, or there is surrogacy or adoption. Let God hold these worries, give them up and allow yourself to be at peace and sleep, lovely.

Neither of my children want children themselves, so if they never change their minds that will mean I don't have grandchildren.