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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome! Thread #6

999 replies

kwick · 24/02/2017 13:13

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!  Thread #6
OP posts:
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37
INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 16:59

Kwick - great news that your tests didn't show any sinister!

It could absolutely be a coincidence that you've miscarried twice. I know that's little comfort though Flowers

Eating well when traveling is so difficult. I know I don't manage it, but luckily for me I travel far far less than you do. You're a determined lady and I have no doubt that you'll do what you need to do. I seem to remember that Caution has achieved some impressive weight loss recently so maybe she can suggest some things.

For me, the thing that stabilised my weight was making sure that all of my meals have good nutritional value - so plenty of protein and plenty of veg. By that I am not suggesting low carbing; rather than reducing my carbs I just make sure every meal has a decent portion of protein (chicken, fish, occasional red meat, eggs, dairy) as its protein that will stop me wanting more food two hours later.

Good luck with the change of job. I hope it can all go ahead and with reasonable terms. I have to say its going to be an absolute relief to leave my job next month. The pressure can be immense at times and changes to hierarchy and processes over the years mean that it has descended into working practices that just do not work. This is on top of job satisfaction there being so low that they are losing staff roughly at a rate of one per week. It feels fairly toxic and it will be a huge relief to walk away from it.

INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 17:00

Bear - well done on navigating the hycosy hurdle Smile Exciting times ahead now! Smile

INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 17:04

If anyone needs a parking thread to entertain their early evening, this one is mildly entertaining (though not nearly such good value as Pez's parking thread):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/2886037-Car-has-been-blocked-in-who-to-contact?pg=1

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 17:07

I haven't read previous messages yet. I will do as soon as I'm able to. Basically there's an issue. My donor sperm never made it to the clinic's freezer, I got the notification that it was delivered when nobody emptied the container and it was collected with my donor sperm still in it!!!!!
So now egg collection is on hold... I'm going for scans tomorrow, sun and mon to check follicles with no guarantee the sperm will arrive on Tuesday - which is already one day later than I should have had the EC. And if they do receive it my eggs will have to sit for about 8h until they get mixed with the sperm, which to me isn't worth £6k
I'm devastated and escalating this as much as I can but I have no hope....

All was too good to be true

INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 17:13

Oh no Pez - how very very frustrating Sad

FWIW I completely agree with you: don't spend £6k on a cycle where the timings are having to be tweaked to fit in with delivery of the sperm.

You definitely need to make a fuss. It sounds as though the clinic are at fault here so that should be moving heaven and earth to make things work. Do the clinic not have any reserve vials on site for when this sort of thing happens?

I know you'll be upset, but try to keep things in perspective. I know every month waiting is a trial, but you will get there.

Its like an awful awful game designed to develop patience and resilience Flowers

StorkAhoy · 24/03/2017 17:37

pez that's bloody awful, I am so sorry. Forget the 6k, I'd also be asking for compensation if it doesn't work!

How could they?! Just goes to show their processes are completely shite. You should not pay for their stupidity and lack of professionalism.
I'm fingers crossed all goes well though!

kwick I know I'm not at OTD yet, but I've started looking at embryo adoption or egg and sperm donors at midlands fc and in Cyprus too, £5k...just in case this doesn't work. I would seriously consider it.

Bear1980 · 24/03/2017 17:40

Aww no pez awful to have got your head in the space for EC and the clinic to mess up. Hopefully they will do everything they can so that you can go ahead this month.

karen I will start on my May cycle because couldn't get consent appointment booked in for before my April cycle. A bit frustrating having to wait an extra month but I guess patience is something you need for this whole process Wink

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 18:02

Thanks all. So the ESB is closed for the weekend and there is no emergency number. They will call 1st thing on Monday to have it delivered by Tuesday. I'm insisting that they guarantee this will be delivered by 9am but I don't have much hope. And then the embryologist started saying my eggs could wait 6-8h with no problem!!! Wait a second, I thought I was paying for FULL treatment not 95%!!!!

When I get home I'll write a long email listing all my concerns to the clinic's manager. I want this to be sorted more than anything but regardless of the outcome I'm raising a complaint with the HFEA and after treatment will write on all existing forums to share this dreadful experience.

I cried on the tube and that lovely guy started to ask me if I needed help and I ended up telling him what the issue was about. He felt so sorry, I wanted to say I was doing this alone so he knew I was single but didn't dare

So now my whole weekend is ruined and God knows how I can explain to my manager that the surgery has now been moved!!

INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 18:30

I am astounded that the sperm banks close at the weekend!

I've just checked and Cryos also only gives Mon–Fri opening hours.

Your clinic might have more power to contact them (I don't believe for a second that there's no staff at all at ESB on a weekend.) My donor's sperm came from ESB and my clinic is open on a Sunday so you'd think that would mean that there are staff there on a Saturday to send out orders...

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 18:45

That's the thing Shoes, I insisted the clinic checked if they had any emergency number as I couldn't believe it either and they say they don't!
I honestly dont know what to do

Karendvm · 24/03/2017 19:25

Pez that is terrible!! I agree you should be compensated. The time and drugs.... your emotional investment! Total bs. Wish you had told the guy you were single. :). I feel so bad for you. I hope things come together and it all works.

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 19:56

Do you think they could freeze my eggs if it comes to that?
I feel I have to come up with the solutions, not them
I want them to tell me what is going to happen if the sperm isn't there by 9am on Tuesday.
If i were them I would offer free ICSI if the sperm arrives a bit later or to freeze all my eggs and do the next cycle completely free of charge if not. Is that unreasonable?
Also they did find out about the issue before ESB closed so how come they didn't managed to get a new straw shippers urgently??!!
I feel sick, as I've cried way too much. Just taken some paracetamol and will probably go to bed without any food in my stomach

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 20:10

Oh Pez this is shit situation.

I wouldn't opt for egg freezing. It's a less well established process than embryo freezing and fewer survive freezing - my consultant though I would have enough embryos to freeze after one cycle but recommended three cycles if I was freezing eggs. They have to strip a bit off to freeze them which means you have to use ICSI to fertilise them, not that it really matters, but just so have full posture expressed in layman's terms!

You could try posting in chat or something to see if there is an embryologist on here who could give you a second opinion. It might actually be ok for them to wait, I really don't know. And the day later thing might be ok because the trigger would be later.

The other option is to see if there is any uk based sperm that you would be prepared to use (at the clinic's expense)?

I'm so angry on your behalf that they've put you in this situation. Especially the fact they found out before ESB closed, that's unforgivable.

And I completely agree that as it won't go ahead as planned due to their mistake you shouldn't be paying. That would be a better option for them than a lot of bad publicity.

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 20:11

That should have been: just so you have the full picture

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 20:24

The reason I say the eggs might be ok for a few hours is that they don't fertilise them immediately - if you are using a partner's sperm I don't think they provide it until after they've extracted your eggs. Maybe not hours though...

It says on the HFEA site that after extraction they put them in an incubator to simulate your body and leave them with sperm for 16-20 hours, so quite a while. There's also a bit on there about IVM which is in vitro maturation of eggs. Again that's different to this situation but it sounds like they can look after eggs outside you.

Still not OK but might genuinely be the best option.

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 20:31

Witch, I don't know how to thank you, you've given me some reassurance when I don't even have the strength to google anything. They will basically need to track the delivery every hour as I will be their worst nightmare on Monday. That is, if my follicles can hold on until Tuesday...
I am in the process of listing all my concerns by email to the clinic manager.
I have now thrown up the paracetamol I had taken 20 min earlier as the situation literally made me sick to my stomach 😩

Munrowalker · 24/03/2017 20:35

I'm so sorry to hear about his pez. I have zero advice to offer but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and I hope yesterday everything gets sorted x

CautionHormone · 24/03/2017 20:56

Oh Pez. This situation really does suck...
I have no advice to offer you either, other than kick up as much fuss as you can until you get the results you want. This isnt fair and you shouldnt have to just put up with it.
Thinking about you, try to relax a bit, stressing will do you no good... You've got follicles to look after!! Xoxox

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 22:25

You're welcome Pez, that's what this thread is for! Well, that, and mortgage advice, and diagnosis of skin conditions.

Tomorrow one of the embryologists needs to talk you through exactly what would happen once the eggs are outside of you and how it affects them if they have to wait for the speed. The consultant needs to explain the possible impact on the likely number of eggs retrieved and the possibility of doing a fresh transfer this cycle. Maybe get them to tell you the detailed count and measurements for today and for the next three days so you can be sure what's happening. Presumably they will give you the thing that delays ovulation for a day longer, so I would want to know the impact on mature eggs of not being collected/ovulated as planned.

I'd also want to know what would happen if I abandoned the cycle - will you ovulate one or more of the eggs, what is the impact on the next cycle, would you need to wait longer etc.

Having done two cycles I think my instinct at this point, pumped up full of massive follicles, would probably be to see what could be salvaged from this cycle, especially if you can get the payment for it partially or fully refunded, but that might depend on the answers to the above.

Re the bit about telling your manager, that's the easy bit. Surgeries get cancelled/postponed all the the time because of availability of staff, facilities or equipment. So either make something up along those lines, or make out that the Monday scan is you going in for the surgery but they find some reason you can't have it, e.g. you haven't responded to medication, they forgot to tell you a crucial thing (like 12 hours pre surgery nil by mouth) or they sent you to the wrong place.

If you want some stuff googled let us know, I'm sure we can help. Hang in there, you could be pregnant in a couple of weeks Flowers

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 22:27

Sperm, not speed, I don't think amphetamines is going to help! Typing is not my forte.

StorkAhoy · 24/03/2017 22:32

Hey pez probably not what you want to hear right now, but I urge you to take a breath and continue to breathe, have you got a meditation track or something that you could listen to?

It's really important to be calm, and not be anxious if at all possible. (Be angry later, for now bring the zen if possible?) You have done all you can do, there is nothing else you can do to get the donor here faster. As kwick would say, you are in perfect time. The only thing you can try and do now is control your emotion.

I realise as I type this that if it were me I would be reacting in completely the same way! But my mother would be telling me that I have done all I can do and that I must be calm. So I'm passing on her advice.

Wishing you the absolute best in this, one of the most sh*tty scenarios.

pickle162 · 24/03/2017 22:54

Late glad egg collection went well :)
Karen so so happy for you, hope this little embryo behaves and stays around, glad you get to have regular scans to keep an eye
Kwick glad nothing sinister going on, maybe have a chat with Spanish clinic and see what they say? Good luck with possibly going for new job and weight loss. Agree we should start a weight loss group
Pez honey I'm so sorry to hear about this major cock up ( I haven't read fully-at friends house and can't concentrate properly but I will catch up!!) I hope they manage to sort this for you!!!! Maybe try the normal esb number tomorrow to see if they are open? Hope everything works out, this is a total headfu$k as it is without all these stupid dramas that are sent to tip you over the edge!!! Biggest cuddle.

At my friends and she was like oh are you coming outside whilst I have a fag....hell no I'm protecting my little eggs from danger! Bad enough that I drank 3 glasses of champagne and ate bad food!!

pickle162 · 25/03/2017 06:51

Did you manage to get any sleep pez? Thinking of you xx

pickle162 · 25/03/2017 07:14

Sorry Munro Missed your news yesterday, how exciting, your nearly there 😊

Bear have you had your implications counselling? If not then my clinic advised now if this is done & just waiting for nurses appointment to go through consent forms then yes you can order but take into account whether it includes a pregnancy slot and how long for ( I don't know where u r ordering from but my 6straws comes with 6months preg slot that if not pregnant in that time the sperm (at the bank) is open for others to use- I was prob extend my preg slot if needed)
Yay for ticking off the hycosy from the list :)
And yay bear is my cycle buddy 😁

Kwick I dropped a band when we had our organisation split of my department, I could have stayed on much higher wage with yearly increments but not be happy and hate my job or do what I did and take the lower paid job with no yearly raise as top of my band and more likely to be happy and have support with this little venture. Money really isn't everything-- as long as u have enough to live on but that work-life balance is there it's worth every penny

Pez82 · 25/03/2017 07:17

Morning and thank you all. I went to bed shortly after 9pm as I was sick, managed to sleep until midnight and then laid awake until 3am; woke up again at 6am and can't stop thinking how bad the situation is no matter what angle I look from. And I have a massive headache from all the crying...

This is going to be awful going to the clinic today. I think they told me it is the lead consultant doing my scan today.

I'm not giving up. They need to fix it even if I have little hope for this cycle now. I want serious compensation so I can move on to another clinic and I'm ready to seek legal action if it comes to that. If they really don't do anything to help then I'll also contact the media to tell them my story. I have enough stuff to seriously damage their reputation (not only this mess with ivf but also from my previous IUIs)

Deliveries always go wrong and the timing is too short, I don't see how this is going to happen unless they fly someone there to bring the potion back to London (if it were my clinic's reputation which was at stake I would definitely look at all options possible by they don't seem to care)