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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome! Thread #6

999 replies

kwick · 24/02/2017 13:13

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!  Thread #6
OP posts:
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37
witchmountain · 23/03/2017 09:38

Sorry, the dribble question probably wasn't what anyone needed over their breakfast.

Kwick you know this stuff and your own organisation better than me, but I don't understand why an interim role has to mean losing your permanent status. Where I am we probably have several hundred people around the world in temporary project roles at any one time (in fact I'm in one). When I took this role I had an official letter telling me my new title which I had to sign and return (it's the same grade, but I don't believe they would have treated it differently if it had been a grade change, in either direction). If it turns out there isn't another role I can move into at the end then I'd be made redundant, but on he basis that I had continuous service as a permanent employee the whole time I've been here. I know they could make you sign a new contract for opting to take a new job, but I don't see what's in it for them except to literally avoid a potential redundancy payment in the future - is it that shitty an employer? You are obviously useful to them - they aren't only doing this as a favour - so could you negotiate on that point? (Apologies if i said any of that before - I remember thinking it but not sure if I wrote it!)

Laura7883 · 23/03/2017 09:43

Hi all, long time lurker but thought I'd introduce myself now if that's OK....

DH and I have been TTC for 3yrs, DH diagnosed early on with secondary testicular failure. Very low testosterone and high FSH therefore makes no sperm and no treatment for this. Had micro TESE a year ago with IVF but they only found 3 sperm, miraculously one actually fertilised and I had a 3day embryo transfered but it didn't implant. No other IVF options now so looking at using donor sperm. DH isn't too keen on this, neither am I tbh but also don't see myself giving up my own child for him, as awful as that sounds. Anyway....we went to DC network workshop last Nov which was useful and are now waiting for our mandatory counseling appointment for using a donor.

I'd like to ask how everyone else's husbands felt about the prospect of their wife being insemination this way, I also wonder how I'll feel, being pregnant with another man's child, being happy and excited about it, will my husband be upset if I'm excited like it's a kick in the teeth?

Thanks y'all x

Calz81 · 23/03/2017 10:35

Hi all. Had a busy day yesterday and not much time to check in. Hope your all well.

Caution glad your home and it's gone well. Keeping fingers crossed for the next stage for you.

The iui dribble made me chuckle. There is no dribble as they place it high in the cervix so no chance of it escaping! 😊

Pickle there is nothing wrong in seeking a bit of extra help and support and counsellors are there to do just that. It's not failing or going backwards. It's actually there to help you move forward. Thinking of you.

Xx

Munrowalker · 23/03/2017 11:08

Hi Laura
Me and my DH are waiting for Donor IUI. We have been waiting on the NHS for 3 1/2 years now but we start at the end of the month. DH has no sperm, we discovered 3+years ago. A donor is the only way forward. DH has always been okay with it. It's not ideal but he wants a baby as much as I do. It was actually my MIL who had the hardest time dealing with it. DH is an only child so maybe that's a factor? Anyway, she's had 3+years to come round to the idea.
Really feel for you, it's so difficult to have these discussions without making DH feel like poop.
I'm currently signed off work with stress related to this whole situation, I know it's been hard on DH as he is feeling guilty although he def shouldn't be. You can't help how you feel tho?
You do need to have a serious conversation with your DH about bringing up a baby conceived this way; if he isn't sure then you have to wonder about the impact of this on the child's life. Big hugs to you, not am easy situation

StorkAhoy · 23/03/2017 11:12

Hi all, been a bit quiet, Im 10dp3dt and still getting BFN, still visualising, and hoping..... not testing officially till Tuesday though...

Welcome Laura, can't help Im afraid as Im single, but I would say that counselling seems like a sensible route. good luck.

caution glad youre ok!

Pez yeah, cetrotide can be a doozy, huh?!

Late wishing you a happy Egg collection. can't recall if you've been through this before, but if not, and if you are going on your own, may I suggest, Heating packs will be your friend!! & bring a bottle of water in your bag and some biscuits/banana to nibble on post EC in case the nurses are busy and you need a drink something?

everyone else, howdy!

Munrowalker · 23/03/2017 11:13

And hahahha to the dribble convo. I hadn't even thought about that! Glad it doesn't happen 😀
Caution; glad you're recovering. Sounds like a good step forward for you.
Pickle; there's nowt wrong with getting some help. I'm currently waiting to see someone. I think it'll help to speak to someone unrelated to my situation. It's worth a try anyway!

Everhopeful76 · 23/03/2017 15:35

Hi lovely ladies xx Trying to catch up with you all, am so crap on here so sorry.. So many of us now, which is great but its like reading a novel every time I log in.

Saw my Consultant this morning and have decided to have a 2nd shot of IVF in May. Had a baseline scan, 2 follicles on right, 3 on left (so like loads then ahhhh) and a small endometrial cyst on left of 1 cm (bastard) but she is unconcerned. My cycles have gone long since Mabel's birth and she wants me to lose 10lbs to a stone. Was wanting to crack on this month so if anyone can tell me a really good plan to lose that in 3 weeks time I am all ears but I think it will be May and will hopefully give me the chance of a weeks holiday in the sun.

My Consultant is amazing, she does a lot of humanitarian work in India and has just returned from Nepal at a medical camp where she was lead Gynaecologist. That all said rather a random topic to start talking about "so I ve just returned from camp, just as she was giving me dildocam!!" It just reminded me about "band camp" American Pie!! Ewww
I think someone mentioned about Cryos donors ages back. I'm a teensy bit apprehensive about using the same donor but Consultant Obstetrician said the Edwards syndrome was a sporadic non disjunction and the Bank said no issue with sperm and my clinic were happy with their response too. I still want Mabels sibling and with this donors sperm I got pregnant but I must admit I have a little nag in my mind that says the clinic have had this happen before and their client chose a different donor and I have just read about a family who had a 2nd occurrence of the syndrome (which is terrifying) but I ve been told a 1 pc risk and a 5pc risk overall taking into account my age, and the other trisomies. I think I have a 3 pc risk of a Downs baby but also a 95% chance of a completely healthy baby. Had a 12 % chance of getting pg with IVF the first time, and then a 1 in 6,000 chance of Mabel being born alive with Edwards so statistics just confound me totally now and I could over analyse this to death. My Consultant Obstetrician would monitor me closely from an early stage of any pregnancy, esp if I ve used own eggs but even if I chose later to adopt donor embryo or an egg cycle due to my anxiety he also will

Kwik hope you get some answers in order to move forward with next plan and your AF returns soon and hugs for the anniversary of finding out your BFP, I remember getting mine around 2 weeks after yours , Caution I know how you ll be feeling following endo op, keep your feet up and be pampered. Pickle am so sorry your struggling. I have given up on my bereavement counselling as I just feel that its not helping, and I just need to get thru in my own way. I hope you find something/someone that/who can help you. Calz so so sorry to hear of your still birth, excruciating thing to have to go thru, brave to be retrying. I am petrified but know I just have to go for it again.
Hello to all the newbies, xx

Oh and I m hoping that we ll all soon graduate to a soundtrack to birthing "breathe" Blu Cantrell, I think there was a mn thread on here about that at one point. Shoes cant be too long now for you, so exciting xx

Calz81 · 23/03/2017 16:15

Hi everhopeful.
Thank you. It has been difficult, my son had Down's syndrome, I don't think I mentioned it before so I'm also scared of a repeat but whatever happens I have to try and continue.
I wish all the very best your next ivf round. As for losing weigh the only experience of people around me needing to is on slimming world recipes and have actually had the success. Even if you try a for a few weeks. I've not needed to diet so I can't vouch from personal experience. Fingers crossed for you.

Karendvm · 23/03/2017 17:16

Hi all,

I can't seem to keep up! Caution I hope you are feeling better. Late good luck with the egg collection. Pickle I will add my voice and say that I have talked to many different people in my life and it has always helped.

Scan tomorrow. Terrified. I've been so exhausted I've been in bed before 8. Broke down and left my puppy at a kennel for a few days to try and get some sleep. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything and feel like everyone hates me at work because I've been a bitch. No one understands what I'm going through and just expect me to be business as normal. Can't wait to sleep tonight. I'll let you know how the scan goes. Not looking forward to it.

Munrowalker · 23/03/2017 17:50

Oh Karen I totally get it. That's why I've had to take time off work. I was aware that I was being a bit bitchy but also no one cut me any slack even though many of them know what's going on for me. I still feel this is a bit unfair.
Good idea to put sleep as a high priority. I'm sure you'll begin to feel better when you've had some decent kip

INeedNewShoes · 23/03/2017 17:51

Karen - you're bound to be anxious about your scan Flowers Its the reason the term 'scanxiety' came about! I'll be thinking of you and hope to hear good news tomorrow. Odds are that all will be well but I understand the fear that scans take on when you've had a MMC. I hope you have a restful evening when you get to it Smile

pickle162 · 23/03/2017 18:13

Ah karen my lovely, big hugs. Keeping everything crossed for tomorrow

Kwick good luck for tomorrow too missy,hope all goes ok and you get some answers

Thanks all u lovely people for your support...Told my manager at work how I was feeling and she said I should have told her sooner as she was thinking she only need to watch for me from late April/may time when start injections . Said that I couldn't cos it that headspace that wasn't able to ask for help but she is aware now :)

Ever hi lovely, nice to hear from u....so i use MyFitnessPal and I've lost 4.1kg since last Monday (admittedly I'd eaten out lots the week before so think a chunk of that was temporary weight from week before but off is off)

Hi Laura welcome :) I'm single too so not much help on the whole husband thingy

Just settling down to watch back up plan

Pez82 · 23/03/2017 18:47

Pickle, don't forget it's the final tonight!!

Karen, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and waiting for the good news

Will also think of you too late and kwick

Welcome Laura! I'm single too so it was just myself I had to convince 😉. It's such a delicate subject but luckily there are lots of couples going through the same and therefore lots of resources available online and in real life.

I have had on and off stitches all day on my left side, lots of activity down there - poor left ovary doing 90% of the job!!

pickle162 · 23/03/2017 18:56

Eek pez I know I'm so excited 😊 I meant to say that earlier but I forgot. Want clover or the young dude to win

Ooh yes sorry happy EC day tomorrow late

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 06:20

Kwick good luck today with work and the consultant. I hope you get some answers to help you find a way forward on both.

Karen thinking of you and hoping the scan brings happy news. Even if people don't understand they know you're not like this all the time. It's horrible feeling overwhelmed. Your puppy will be fine st the kennel, she's probably enjoying having loads of people to play withFlowers

Late good luck with the egg collection! Hope there are lots of eggs and there is not too much soreness afterwards.

Pickle good you've got her looking out for you, well done for telling her.

Pez stitches sound uncomfortable but hopeful a sign of a productive ovary. Are you saying encouraging things to the other one!!

TTC3 so did you do it?!

Laura welcome to the thread. Also single so no direct experience. It's emotionally complicated isn't it? You might want to think beyond just the single mandatory appointment for counselling so both of you have a. It more time and space to talk about how you feel.

Munro nice to hear from you. Hope you feel less stressed soon.

Ever and you, glad you've got a plan. Good one for the playlist!

I'm so tired. Had a cold all week and have been dragging myself from one end of the day to the other. Really cannot wait to go to bed tonight and not have to wake up for work tomorrow!

pickle162 · 24/03/2017 06:58

Good luck for today kwick Karen and late will be thinking off you all. Let us know how you get on xx

Latenightreader · 24/03/2017 08:20

Thanks everyone. I'm at the clinic but won't have the EC until 10:30/11 ish. I brought books, and a bottle of water for afterwards, thanks for the tip! Feeling a bit nervous now, but also really excited that things are moving on.

Good luck Karen and kwick!

INeedNewShoes · 24/03/2017 08:24

Exciting day Late Smile I hope all goes smoothly and that the time passes quickly between now an EC. Hope it's a good book you've got to distract you!

pickle162 · 24/03/2017 08:31

Yay have £1320 back in my baby account 🤗 phew and still another pay day (with my correct overtime 🤞) to go before more money starts going out in massive chunks

pickle162 · 24/03/2017 08:32

Hope all goes well late I always want to nap at my clinic, they should offer little pods to sleep in for if you have to wait any length of time :)

PhoenixMama · 24/03/2017 08:32

Good luck today Kwik Karen & Late! Thinking of you .

witchmountain · 24/03/2017 08:32

Oh that's annoying Late I found not being able to eat or drink beforehand a real pain!

On my first one there was a woman behind a curtain the other side of the room going on and on about how much pain she was in. I have no idea what she'd had done and I kept telling myself it probably wasn't an egg collection, but it made me more nervous and I did keep wishing they would wheel her somewhere else!

Pez82 · 24/03/2017 11:29

Hi all, I'm booked for egg collection on Monday morning 9am 😊 - I can't believe how quick this is happening. Exactly one week ago I found out my 3rd IUI had failed

Hope this Friday brings lots of good news to the thread🤞

Laura7883 · 24/03/2017 12:02

Thank you all for your thoughts and welcomes Smile Good luck to everyone too x

CautionHormone · 24/03/2017 12:18

Good luck today Kwick, Karen & Late! Seems like today's a busy day!

Welcome to you too Laura, I'm going at it alone so not much help, but I wish you the best of luck during your journey Smile

Pez you've done that quick Wink no waiting around and messing around for you, is there?! Wink

Hello everyone else!