WHY WOULD DIVORCED WOMEN KEEP SURNAME?

[Noddyandbigears]

I am really curious about this. I am married and have 2 children and I honestly think I would revert back to my maiden name if I was to divorce my partner.

When woman say they want to keep the same name as their children I honestly can't help thinking that really its just a way to stay connected to their ex. I mean come on its 2013 and lots of people have children out of wedlock, double barrel their surnames and all sorts. Why would you honestly hang onto a name of someone who clearly doesn't love you anymore? I would be looking to get back to my old name as a kick in the face for him!!

Thoughts?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

You may have a point OneHand - but it's a long tradition so to call women "slightly pathetic" for carrying it on seems a little harsh to say the least.
What surname will the couple's children have is a crucial question. Though you can double barrel it for one generation you can hardly keep doing this or you'll have a name longer than royalty pretty soon !
Society could change over to following the matriarchal line I guess ?

[ISeeNoReasonForBandage]

Moving on from what other posters have said, I think the one time I was very was when a friends XW remarried, started up a business after her remarriage, but used her "old" (for want of a better word) married name. Now, IMHO she could have used just about any name she desired in her new business venture and I have to confess to thinking "what is that all about?"

[Bonsoir]

This is something I do not understand. My DP's ex stubbornly uses his surname, hyphenated with her maiden name, even though they split up years ago and she has a new partner.

[flipchart]

I think it is a completely none issue tbh.
I couldn't care less what people use as their second name or why, whether they are married, single or divorced.

[cjel]

Interesting to hear that an ex is 'stubbornly' holding on to her name, if she feels like I do she will be giving no thought to her ex , just getting on with her life, it is now her name and you thinking badly of her for using it says more about your insecurity than her. Also the idea that i was somehow submitting to my husband by taking his name is absurd. It was nothing to do with power it was what i did the same as i wore a white dress for purity and my dh said vows to a god he doesn't believe in to 'submit' to me. it was all part of a lovely commitment we jointly made to each other. I find it odd to think that people still think i am submissive because of it. do they think i was bought from my father because he paid for the wedding?

[Thurlow]

I think sometimes keeping the name can be a little bit odd. ExSIL kept her married name when she divorced. She was an only child and close to her parents and had a nice surname which went with her first name, so no apparent issues with her family name. She had a short and shitty marriage to my brother, no DC, that ended within two years. Yet she kept her married name. That always struck me a bit strange.

If you have changed to have the same surname as your DC then I think it makes complete sense.

[SoupDragon]

I think it's strange, and tbh, slightly pathetic that women still change their name to their H's on marriage.

I think it's strange and slightly pathetic that other people make such a big deal of it.

[Bonsoir]

I think it's stubborn - and it sort of indicates to the ROW that the marriage, even though it failed, was one of the woman's proudest achievements. It says "even though I am an old washed up failure, once upon a time I was attractive enough to nab a fabulous man" IYSWIM.

[lottieandmia]

I think that's rubbish Bonsoir! A name is just a name.

[lottieandmia]

A bit nasty to assume someone must be 'a washed up old failure' just because they want to keep their married name. I am certainly not washed up or a failure and I have a new relationship but my ex does not, yet I've still kept my ex's name.

[FreakoidOrganisoid]

Damn bonsoir you've got me. My ancient 32 year old washed out self was once attractive enough to catch such a prize as my fabulous xh and I'm stubbornly clinging onto his surname to show that to the rest of the world.

Or, I've got used to using and being known by this name , don't give my ex a second thought most of the time and simply can't be bothered to change my name yet.

[cjel]

Not washed up or failure either and not attempting to show ROW anything its my name , has been for 30 years and i am comfortable with it, I don't relate it to whether iam married or not. If i was single and my dad was a pig should i change that name or would i be showing the ROW that i supported my evil father? i don't follow that argument at all. its just my name doesn't signify anything. i don't think of ex every time i say it - its mine!!! wherever it came from!!

[jenny99]

Have been thinking about this a lot now. It was actually the first question my DC1 asked - will I change my name - I thought not but the more I think about it I will. As I said above, I don't want to have the same name as my mil or future wife of stbx. But I can understand both sides. It has been my name for almost half my life so it will be odd but I feel it will make more of a 'fresh start' for me. I have mentioned it to a couple of friends in RL and they thought it was really odd to change my name (they are both married and use husbands name).

I guess it is such an individual decision. And not always an easy one. I probably need to make a list of all the things I will need to change. When marrying, names were changed by using marriage certificate as proof. How do you change back a name legally/officially?

[DonutForMyself]

I love the idea that my ex was such a prize I'm clinging onto his name to show the world how lucky I was to have him!

[Noddyandbigears]

It really seems to come down to the individual doesn't it? Maybe when you get married later in life you dont feel so attached to your married name and therefore would be happier to revert back to your maiden name??

[500internalerror]

Because my maiden name was hideous.

[lilackaty]

I haven't read the thread but I have kept mine as it is easier to pronounce than my maiden name & I'm a teacher. Also, I would have lots of questions if I changed it now. And I do like having the same name as my kids - I know it doesn't really matter. Oh, and I'm not actually divorced.

[flipchart]

Of course it comes down to the individual.
I have had my married name a lot longer than my original name and it is part of my identity. Not a married identity but its a comfortable name. I like my signature, I like the sound of it. I'm not changing just because of a divorce.

[FannyMcNally]

When I got divorced in 1983, the first company I contacted about reverting to my maiden name was my car insurers. They were going to charge me £30 just to change either my name or my title. Considering my insurance at the time was only £50 I thought it was a joke! So I just started keeping my married name. Also I was a contract IT consultant at the time and my name/rep was known at a number of computer agencies so it was just easier to leave it, changing my title to Ms when I came across new forms to fill in.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

OP, does your DH's ExW still go by her married name?

[overtheraenbow]

I plan to keep mine for now, for reasons stated above ( kids/work/prefer it to maiden name)
Also if I were to change it and then remarry later would confuse me to change it again!! I'd be writing the wrong one all the time , too confusing for me!!

[Frikadellen]

I wouldn't change if DH and I were to divorce My maiden name is a euthanism for the male genitalia in English why would I deliberately saddle myself with that?

My married name is nice and easy to spell but not overly common perfect imo.

If i was to remarry I would likely take on a new name then.

[Ledkr]

I kept mine as too bone idle to change it but also as I thought my dc had enough to be dealing without their mum being called a different name.
I'm re married now and still have exh name for the same reason new dh couldn't care less even when his baby was referred to as baby

[CheesyPoofs]

I don't understand why women change their name in the first place. I intend to be Ms Maidenname all my life whether I'm married or divorced. Easy peasy.

[Noddyandbigears]

DioneTheDiabolist why would you think my DH had an ExW?
Actually he doesn't I am just honestly curious!

One of my close friends married, then split up within about 2 years, she had a tattoo of her married initials and everything, she didnt have any children but still kept her married name for a while. It was only recently she reverted back to her maiden name but she admitted that she'd kept the name through spite to annoy his new girlfriend. I could'nt really understand that thinking at all.