I need help. I’m privileged, and I should be grateful, but I’ve hit the lowest ever point. This is my sitch:
- I have been separated for almost 2 years
- We have 2 daughters aged 12 & 15
- I own a house in the Yorkshire which is where we tried to settle as a family. But failed.
- It is 1 hour away from anyone I know
- I feel like my home is in Sussex (300 miles away).
- My job is in the sussex
- My new partner is in sussex and we have a flat there
- My friends are in sussex
- I am incredibly unhappy with the disruption joint custody has
Our current custody arrangements are:
- We have 50/50 custody with some flexibility
- I travel 300 miles to my house in Yorkshire
- I pick up the kids from their mums
- I stay for 2 weeks
- Often alone, without my new partner.
- I drop them back at their mums
- I drive back to Sussex.
I then spend 2 weeks trying to re-adjust and get comfortable. And often I do. But then the next day I have to disrupt again.
It’s extremely stressful and upsetting because of the disruption it has to my friends, myself, my relationship, and not least of all, my kids. They also have to live in two homes, albeit in the same town, but I still understand their anxieties. I really dislike it in Yorkshire and can’t find the mental strength to try make that better.
Me and their mum do not get along. I want to, but she’s still very bitter about the breakup and is only negative when we talk.
Very recently my current partner and I have been having relationship troubles. And while not solely to do with this, it has had a huge impact on us. She’s incredibly supportive, but it obviously takes its toll on her too.
We both love our lives when we are together but we are not very good at being apart.
At the weekend just gone, I felt like I was having a mental breakdown at the thought of my relationship ending because of my past and it felt horrible. So I vowed to fix it.
I have to be happy for my kids to be happy too!!
And while that was a satisfying bit of honesty with myself, it made coming up with a solution that whole much more difficult. Making me happy isn’t easy, but I think I know what I need. But that has a profound effect on my kids and my ex-partner.
I feel like I’ve turned a corner in admitting to myself I have to get a grip on this to be happy. But I don’t know where to go next.
I am incredibly lucky that my job is flexible, in some ways I wish it wasn’t.
If I spend more time with my partner, I spend less time with my kids, and visa versa.
If I keep it as is, I will increasingly become more unhappy and my relationship is certain to end
I am afraid to ask my partner to move up north with me for the sake of my kids because we both love it in the south and that is our home. They are also not her kids, although she does love them.
I would love some observation, guidance, advice and criticism from anyone who may have had similar experiences.
I just want everyone to be happy, and if possible, keep hold of my incredibly loving and amazing relationship with my partner.