21, on apprenticeship. Mum wants half my wage each week.

[Helloworld469]

So im a 21 years old female, i get apprenticeship wage (dog grooming) 5 days a week which is not much. I clean up in the house, i wash everyones clothes, i cook for everyone when mum says she wont which is often. I HAVE to make everyones breakfast before work ( have to be in work for 8:50am.) I come home to cook my brothers teas and feed the pets take them out and do most things. My mum says i do not do nothing. I dont help with cost for food or anything even tho my half i do mostly spend on my brothers and not me. I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100. My mum says i should be paying her more so i should only get round 50 pound towards myself. Is this right or should i pay her more? I dont go out either and i dont socialise so im asking for advice.

She is doing an apprenticeship, so in person with a real life business. It is just the theory/written assignments that will be with the online provider.

It is a perfectly valid qualification, that could go on to a good career. (We looked at it for DD.)

Op did say her brother had special needs/ADHD obviously I don't know how things are with her brother. But could mum be asking for the help because she's struggling with the brother.

Your mom is definitely being unreasonable. At 21 I was bringing home roughly £1500 a month and only paying £100/month in keep so I could save for a mortgage

I’m sorry but your mum is out of order. Does she have a conscience??

Your mum us a single, non working parent. So, she lost a certain amount of money when you left education and started "work", which an apprenticeship is considered to be.

It's all well and good for those in the very privileged position to say shouldn't be charging you but the money to keep you has to come from somewhere and as an adult who is earning, that really should be you.

She will not have lost child benefit, as she will not have got any previously for your youngest sibling. She will now that she's not getting it for you.

She will have lost ££333.33 in universal credit..... although actually maybe not, same situation as child benefit.

Anyway, she may have lost maintenance money.

Welcome to the real world though. Adults, which is what you are, pay their way in life.

I myself would love £100 a month to do what I like with,never mind £100 a week.

No, you should not pay more, but you shouldn't pay less either.

This was happening a girl your age I worked with, she ended up having to move out, you could get a second job in a shop, babysitting , something to move out and be able to afford the rent. I’d do that

Apply for the RAF or Army. They have apprenticeships going, and then you have the best of both worlds as you move out into digs and rent gets automatically deducted from you.

Not as an apprentice

You sound rushed off of your feet!
It seems like you have become a carer for your siblings, if your Mum is perhaps unwell, this is something you could talk to Carers UK about, they can advise you and perhaps find out if your family is entitled to any benefits to help with extra costs, I think it would be beneficial to talk to someone about the situation, it's really not fair for you to take on all of the workload and hand over all of your money.

£100 a week seems very generous to me, especially as you are helping out a lot at home. I don't know how old your brothers are but why are you expected to cook for them? If your mum is not working, surely she has time to do this?
I don't know what to suggest. Is there anyone you can talk to about this?

400 a month?? So you're basically paying her rent for her!? She's financially abusing you and exploiting you. Firstly - I would call welfare services and inform them your Mother is neglecting to look after her own children and you are bullied into feeding and clothing them. Secondly - I would give her 50 a week. 100 is far too much! 3rd - Inform your Mother about what you're doing. She will sh*t herself because it sounds like she needs your money and she's taking advantage of that; I think she will soon change her tune if she knows she will lose all of your money and would rather have 50 than nothing at all. If she does chuck you out - Tell her you're going for custody of your siblings, then you can take her child benefit and any tax credits/UC she is getting and top up your own wages instead. Tell her that's what will happen going forward, so she has two options available to her.

When I was younger I went out with a boy the same age as me, we were 17. We got paid (it was a good job) and had about £800 each (PT, 20 years ago). I asked if he wanted to go out on payday and he said he couldn’t. He said his mum took all of his pay, because that’s what “real men” do. The relationship didn’t last. She bought herself a cheap sports car and totalled it a week later.

Theres helping your mum out and there’s being taken advantage of. Providing yours is a truthful account, I’d suggest you need to work hard, save hard and get out of your mums house asap.

You don't know how much the rent is. Or the council tax which she won't be getting 25% off anymore. It does sound like op is doing alot but we don't know mums side of the story . Sge has a chikd with ADHD so we don't know how that effects the mum ie is sge uo several times a night is he hard to look after. If op moved out she would be paying way more than 100 a week.

Find someone to get a flat share with and move out.

Im now 43 I got £80/90 per week when I was 16 I paid £20 per week. £100 is enough out of £200

This sounds like you’re being financially abused. I was in a similar situation myself, right down to being told I do nothing to contribute to the household. The authorities nearly had to get involved.

You shouldn’t be holding down an apprenticeship and playing house maid. This is far too much and I’m sorry, your mum should be getting off her arse and doing the bulk of what she’s asked you to do. You do more than enough and give her more money than she deserves. This is abuse, I’m sorry to say it but it is. She’s financially and emotionally abusing you. Please try and get out of there as soon as you can. She sees you as a live in maid and cash point.

Many red flags here. Wanting to know who you are texting? The thing about not having a bank account until 19? I think I read something somewhere about the social worker becoming involved originally because you weren't allowed out (but not sure if misconstrued that)?

This is not right. You need to get out. I hope there is a social worker involved for the other kids.

This is so sad and reminds me of my own home life in my late teens.
I escaped (left home) just after my 20th birthday because I just couldn't stand it any more.😢
I know it's harder financially for young people these days, but as other PP have said, try and find a house share yourself and get out when you can.
Good luck 💐

As she says you do nothing OP stop doing everything you do. Then she can see what you were doing.

You can absolutely find an all bills included room in a share house for £400 per week. And you could absolutely find jobs that pay more with no experience required. You’re being both financially and emotionally abused by your mother, and you deserve and should expect so much more from your life.

You always have choice, you have the choice to move out and live your own life however you want.

How old are the kids? why can't they get their own breakfasts.

I think you should call citizens advice. They will be able to explain what you can get as financial help
whilst you are training. They can advise on housing any grants available and also what would happen if you wanted to move out over the constant threats of being thrown out. They are confidential and can help with so much.

I also do not agree with what your Mum asking in rent. She needs to factor in all the free labour she gets from you doing all those chores cleaners, cooks, dog walkers and childminders are expensive!

Hi op sorry but ur mum isn't showing you the cost of living she's using you and treating you like a slave. That is far too much to pay her I bet what she lost in benefits is no where the amount u pay her. I hope you get a decent social worker who doesn't blab as you are allowed your privacy. Is there anywhere you can go locally for a chat? It must be awful being constantly threatened by her. Ask her if she can afford to live without your money? If she says no ask her how does she expect you too. Your doing her job with ur siblings ask her for baby sitting pay. This has really annoyed me she's taking advantage of you. Good luck.

Is your mum taking that much because she now has to pay full rent or part of because you are a non dependent? Are you still under social services? If so you can still be classed as vulnerable adult and what you discuss with them should not be passed onto your mum unless abuse has been disclosed