21, on apprenticeship. Mum wants half my wage each week.

[Helloworld469]

So im a 21 years old female, i get apprenticeship wage (dog grooming) 5 days a week which is not much. I clean up in the house, i wash everyones clothes, i cook for everyone when mum says she wont which is often. I HAVE to make everyones breakfast before work ( have to be in work for 8:50am.) I come home to cook my brothers teas and feed the pets take them out and do most things. My mum says i do not do nothing. I dont help with cost for food or anything even tho my half i do mostly spend on my brothers and not me. I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100. My mum says i should be paying her more so i should only get round 50 pound towards myself. Is this right or should i pay her more? I dont go out either and i dont socialise so im asking for advice.

Just so you know, I think you sound like an absolutely amazing young person 😊

Thank you all. I think this has helped a lot ! ^ know i know a bit more and these links ill look into that and get the help i need. Thank you again ^

OP I am sorry you don’t have somewhere to call home where you feel welcome and wanted.
Head down and concentrate on getting out and making your own lovely home. Then be careful who you allow in to it. That may be an unnecessary remark but people who are treated badly are often poor judges and you deserve to be treated better.
I have 21 yr old twins and they know they are welcome in my house. I want them to save and be happy. Sounds like your mum is a bit stressed and taking it out on you.

There's a lot of house shares for students for £100 a week and you won't have to make breakfast or clean up after everyone. I lived in Lincolnshire a few years ago in a 2 bed house which was £400 a month - obviously I had bills and food to pay etc but there are places that you could afford. I know its awful but the way you're being treated is abuse, I really hope you manage to get out and build a lovely life for yourself

The college of animal
Welfare state that you should have a tutor who you can discuss stuff with.

They also have counsellors available should you wish to talk to one of them.

www.caw.ac.uk/students/student-support/

My niece was in the same situation. I helped her to apply for social housing and because of the circumstances she was housed very quickly. You would get help with your rent until you've finished studying and earning more
I strongly feel you need someone to advocate for you whether that's a social worker or a family member but you need to speak up as to how you are being treated

This sounds awful ,I can hardly believe it.

I'm really sorry because I can see you are between a rock and a hard place here. I would say look to move out but I suspect it would be hard for your wage to cover a decent place for you to live.

Is there anyone you would consider living with instead of you mum, nice grandparents who would appreciate a lodger for half the price?

How long do you have left on your course, until you can get a better paid job?
Your mum is unreasonable and it sounds like she's got a taste for the easy money that you can provide. Also, breakfast is basically the only meal that doesn't really need preparing - if you didn't prepare it would the kids not be able to pour their own milk?

Sounds like you're being taken advantage of by your mum. Why should you subsidise her decision to have children? It's not your responsibility. Keep working towards becoming independent. 💪

I'm really sorry your Mum is treating you like a cash cow, maid and housekeeper.
It's normal to contribute to expenses, but she is exploiting you
A loving parent wouldn't put all this responsibility on you.
Your young siblings are her responsibility.
It's difficult because you're working long hours, so wouldn't have time for an evening job.
I'd look into a house share, perhaps even post on FB to ask if anyone knows of anything local( anonymously if preferred)
I

If you earn about £200 a week, your Mum will have lost £44.40pw from her UC as a non dependent deduction. Her Child Benefit (Apprx £25pw) will also have stopped, so straightaway her income has dropped by nearly £70pw. For someone on a low income that is huge. She must be really struggling financially.

I think £100pw is reasonable, £70 to cover the reduction in her income plus £30 towards food and bills. Still way less than renting a room elsewhere which can easily be £550pm+, plus all food and bills.

The rest of it sounds crap, all the housework and child care etc.

At 21 you should be living your best life - not worrying about providing childcare when you don't even have any children, paying for treats and trips for them, all on top of giving your mother 50% of your wage and, keeping house. I feel very sad for you. You're clearly doing your best having worked, and now chosen a career and studying & training hard to get there - this is far from easy with abuse and uncertainty at home. Been told to move out on an almost daily basis (whilst happily taking £400 a month from you!), is a monumental stress to be under when you're trying to better your circumstances. It's also just not fair. What a horrible way to make your daughter feel, 21 or not - not much of a mother I have to say.

A lot of people your age study and live at home - well into Uni, all the whilst staying at home - people commenting here forget that it seems. Not having support at home, even into your early 20's if needed, has a massive social-economic impact for the future - and, let's be honest here, compassionately, on people as individuals as well.

Telling her to work 7 days a week is ridiculous. OP will need adequate rest in between working, studying, keeping house, looking after children, and battling with her mothers (very obviously very poor, and very up & down) mental health almost every day.

I was in a similar situation to you OP, once upon a time. I was a bit younger but suffered through uncannily similar abuse that you have from your mother, and the financial abuse (everything was taken - and I was accused of lying about what I was earning). Even any birthday money I got was taken. I distinctly remember opening a birthday card from my father with £100 inside. The first bit of money he'd given me for a birthday or otherwise, in years. My mother 'asked' (told) me if she could have it as she was skint, I said 'No - this is for me. This isn't fair, I opened the card less than 1 minute ago and you're already trying to take my birthday money from me' and the treatment I got for the next week made me forfeit my money just for a stable and non threatening atmosphere. I daren't have gone shopping with it - I think I would have been locked out of the house.

I really empathise with you, and really understand, OP. Other posters commenting how you're an adult - clearly didn't share your upbringing, so wouldn't understand how abusive mothers like this are very manipulative and as a result, very successful at keeping their children 'young', not so knowledgeable about their rights (it's absolutely obviously in their best interests to make you believe you have none, other than the situation you are in with them) and erode your self esteem so well that you truly get to a point of believing you can't make it on your own.

She is wrong.

I won't advise anything else as you've received plenty - but I wanted to provide some genuinely empathy here, from someone who went through extremely similar. You will be OK. This treatment from her will leave a big mark on you though, and it's important to seek help for that.

So someone chooses to have a child and that child is responsible for paying when the government stops paying?

My daughters the eldest, and really really helpful, I think you're being abused here.

You're into cinderella territory here, why do yoi not socialise? Is it a lack of time or time and funds?

This isn't what your young years are supposed to be about.

Just to add - I suspect your mother suffers from quite severe mental health problems, although I may be wrong? She sounds so similar to mine, who did.

If she does - please remember that what she is doing is still abuse. People with mental health problems may not intend to be abusive, but it doesn't mean they aren't abusive.

It took me a long time to figure that one out.

I’m finding all your posts really upsetting. Your mum is mistreating you and, as others have already said, you need some help from an independent person.
Please, please speak to Citizen's Advice or one of the other organisations already mentioned.

Lots of people are suggesting you move out and get a room in a shared house, but this is incredibly difficult to do without someone to act as a guarantor for your rent, and you’re need a deposit and rent in advance which will be hard for you to save up on so little money.
So you must speak to someone and see if you qualify for any help to get away from your current home. You are being abused.

No doubt your mum is struggling financially, but that doesn’t make it ok for her to demand so much of your money, or to treat you as her free nanny. She is responsible for looking after her children. You are not responsible for their care.

It sounds as though your mum has not been kind to you for a long time and you have had some awful things happen to you. Please get some help to escape this situation. You have to look after yourself and not let her take advantage of you anymore.

What a heartbreaking post.

I have no idea what you can do to get away from your awful 'mother' but I suspect that others in your situation are so desperate to escape that the only solution is to meet someone and have a baby and get out in social housing! I have no idea if that's how it works but it seems very depressing if so.

I hope someone with knowledge about benefits can advise where you stand if you leave home.

What does your mum do?

Actually, our dog groomer probably earns about £3-4k/month. She started out without much coming in but after a few years it’s difficult to book our dogs in as she’s so popular and she charges £45/dog. Each one takes no more than an hour. I keep telling my DH to become one….

Fuck all by the sounds of it.

Hi, so have read most of the posts but not all. Firstly I would speak to your local housing team and see if there are any schemes that provide shared accommodation for young people in your situation. As you are doing an apprenticeship you should be eligible for financial support including universal credit towards rent. I think it’s reasonable for you to contribute an amount but equally I feel like you are being taken advantage of! Do you have any other family members you could stay with?

@MadeleineLucyMaxwell

She's not a child, she's an adult. £100pw is considerably less than she would be charged living in a room in a shared house. Parents can't always afford to subsidise their adult children, it really isn't that unusual.

She sounds like my mum (who I stopped talking to years ago) This is financial abuse and she able to do it because she knows you don't have any other option.
Get yourself on the housing list, and perhaps contact a charity like shelter (I'm not saying you meet the criteria for this but they may be able to provide advice at least)

I disagree. You can rent rooms from £75 a week where I was and some one bed flats are £350 a month so it depends on where she lives. It shouldn't be up to your child whatever their age to replace your government handouts. A bit towards food and bills yeah and clean up after yourself but not half of what you get and you're the maid and nanny as well

Find out the cost of renting a room as a lodger. You're spending most of your wages on your family but they're not your responsibility. For £200/wk you could probably move out. Rent a room bills included and sort your own food, toiletries, clothes and travel expenses.