21, on apprenticeship. Mum wants half my wage each week.

[Helloworld469]

So im a 21 years old female, i get apprenticeship wage (dog grooming) 5 days a week which is not much. I clean up in the house, i wash everyones clothes, i cook for everyone when mum says she wont which is often. I HAVE to make everyones breakfast before work ( have to be in work for 8:50am.) I come home to cook my brothers teas and feed the pets take them out and do most things. My mum says i do not do nothing. I dont help with cost for food or anything even tho my half i do mostly spend on my brothers and not me. I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100. My mum says i should be paying her more so i should only get round 50 pound towards myself. Is this right or should i pay her more? I dont go out either and i dont socialise so im asking for advice.

£200 isn't much. I would cut right back on spending your own money on siblings and save some money. When apprenticeship is over and you're working then you can rent somewhere. You need some savings for that.

OP did mention that she’s doing an apprenticeship

It sounds like you are in a very tough place right now but I agree with everyone else in that you need to find someone who you can talk to who won’t go back to your mum. I know you will have left school a few years ago now, but is there someone there you could talk to to help you with advice on looking at housing etc? Or even your Doctor may be able to offer some advice. I hope you get something sorted x

My son is younger but on a much higher wage, sounds like you aren’t earning enough too?

But on the subject of how much, he gives us £250pcm towards his food, bills etc and he does no chores at all. He’s only just got enough with what’s left to run his car, some savings and a few treats. Sounds like you’re being totally taken advantage of sweetheart 😔

In 1996 my son began his first job and he paid me the current equivalent of £78 per week which I felt was reasonable. He did very little in the house apart from cooking dinner about once a week for three of us. Given the amount you're doing in the house I think that £100 is a lot.

I started full time work at 16 on £40 per week and after N.I. was deducted took home about £35 in cash. Of that £35 my mother insisted on having £15 which I wasn't overly happy about but I didn't think that my mother was being overly unreasonable. I wasn't, however, doing a lot of chores but did do some house maintenance as and when needed. I would advise caution before quitting your current job because you are in an apprenticeship/receiving training from your employer. It all depends on what it states on your employment contract and anything else that you have agreed with your employer and or signed. It is quite common now, unfortunately, for employers to expect employees to "pay back" for training received if the employee, in the employer's view, "leaves early", i.e. before certain time limits have expired. Like I say it all depends on what you agreed with your employer and what you may have signed before you started your apprenticeship. It's best to get professional advice first if you are not sure before doing anything.

Discuss with your mum you getting paid for the help you give her. It’s great you are a more fantastic daughter than she is a mum. Most parents would ask for £50 / week max - and there are plenty of parents on here complains of grown up kids not doing a fraction of what you do. I think it’s important you look at self care - whatever that means to you- and make your own life. For the money she is after you could get a flat share or lodgings elsewhere and make your own life independent of her. Don’t burn yourself out.

show her this thread!

OP you poor thing. I'm so sorry you don't have any trusted adults in your life who can help you. Some good advice on this thread. I really hope you can escape your mum's clutches and build a better life for yourself.

Half of your apprentice income going into your home is probably about right.
Having to do jobs around the house seems past for the course too, because if you lived anywhere else you'd have to do even more.
I know I'll be slated for this because times have changed since the days the dinosaurs roamed the earth (mid 1980s), when I was a teenager, but back then, I was on a Youth Training Scheme (YTS) which was very similar to an apprenticeship back then.
I earned £26.25 per week and got a travel allowance of £2.00 on top of that.
My bus pass was £6/week (if I bought a 4 week pass or £7 weekly).
My mother said I had to give her 75% of my take home pay (after my bus pass) for board and lodgings. I was also made to give my younger sibling £1/week pocket money, which left me with £4.25/week. Why on earth it was MY responsibility to give my sibling money when they didn't do any of my household chores, I'll never know, but I still had certain jobs I had to do around the house, and was actually given extra jobs to do because, in my mothers words, "You're an adult now, so I expect you to do an adult's share of things around the house".
This only got worse once I left the YTS and got a better paid job. I still had to give my mother 75% of my take home pay and she increased the amount I had to pay in pocket money to £5/week, it was absolutely no wonder I couldn't wait to get out of there as fast as possible.

Report the social-worker. She shouldn't be talking to your mum

But she’s not looking after you all, you’re doing most of the heavy lifting. She’s taking advantage of you and is sexist to boot.

This is a very sad situation and I hope you are able to use some of the advice on here. By taking half of your earnings your Mother is very skillfully ensuring you are unable to save enough to make your escape any time soon. If you did leave, she may actually have to get off her arse and get a job herself, and she doesn’t want that. Yes she has bills to pay but she has already got council housing so her rent will be heavily subsidised, she may even be paying less than the op would in a flat share? The ‘D’M is taking the piss and needs to take responsibility for her younger DC’s rather than eyeing them up as future cash cows.

I don’t think paying £100 a week is too much. You should be contributing to household bills now you are an adult. You should also be prepared to help out with household chores but I think your mum is expecting too much in this regard.

My son has just moved out at 25. In between he had a year living at my Dad's house. He was working full time so earning approx £350/£400 per week. The most I ever charged him was £70 a week for everything. I felt bad doing that but he was probably earning equal to me and it did cost me to have him home.
I have no advice really but I'm sorry you are being treated this way. Sounds like your mum is taking advantage of the situation knowing you couldn't afford to live by yourself.

Like others, I'm very sorry to hear how you are being treated. The standard amount paid here (not UK) by young people who are working and still living at home is 20% of take home pay. That's considered to be fair, and also allows them to save towards their future independent living.

Best of luck with everything.

Your mother is exploiting you.

Can you make an appointment with Citizens Advice, to see what financial help you would be entitled to if you moved into a house share/studio flat?

Lock your phone! Put a PIN number on it like most people! Your mum shouldn’t be able to see your private phone messages. I feel sorry for you but you need to wake up and realise you’re being a slave to your mum! I’d leave asap and keep your money to yourself and get a weekend job to top up your wages.

You are obviously being restricted in your ambitions. I know a young lady in a similar situation. She doesn’t know that we are aware of her plight.Her mother is a lazy person who made a lot of mistakes in her own life choices and is clinging on to her past experiences and forcing them on to the oldest child, We think you should try and save your money as
best you can, it’s not your responsibility to treat your siblings, they will not hate you for being you. You will always have their respect for making memories with them! Please just remember that your mum is suffering in her own way but don’t become a victim to it. You have the backing of lots of people, step outside and start refusing when you are being told off. You need to grow and in order to do so, you must rebel a little, in your case you need to just say NO. Believe me,
there is nothing she can do. You have friends and they will never turn you away. Please talk to the people who make you feel comfortable, you might be surprised. There are people around you who are missing you. Live your best life ❤️

You wouldn't get a room share for £400 round my way, maybe up North somewhere.
Sorry you are going through this OP. I'm sad for you that you don't have somewhere to escape to x

Yes. Did you choose to have them?

The answer is a big fat no.

I think you need to find a way to move out.

My god - £100 per week is more than enough.

I got £60 and had to give my mum £20, i was 16 didn’t have to do the other things apart from generally help out round the house.Doing my own washington but not a strict routine of it.

Once qualified i had to give her a quarter of my wage. This was last 90s and i moved out a couple of years later where renting was cheap back then! I don’t blame her for charging me rent it helps to learn but i felt like i paid a lot as an apprentice.

My mum worked though and didn’t demand all that of me!

You are not being paid correctly by your employer. This is your solution!

I used to work with a girl that was like you. She never left home and never had a partner she’s in her late 30s now and I think she’s waiting for her mum and dad to die so she can live her life.

She says because she’s a girl she has to do all these things.

You need to do your apprenticeship and free yourself.

Don't be so ridiculous @YourHangryQuail . One you are extremely judgemental on that woman you used to work with. Two you are deliberately pretending that it would be super easy for OP or any single person on a low to average wage to just jump into a house share. She literally said she is doing an apprenticeship..I mean come on.

OP, ignore the snide remarks. I am afraid it comes with the territory on this site. I haven't read through every single comment so apologise if this has already been mentioned but I think you need to speak to citizens advice to get professional advice on how to get out of this undeserved situation you have found yourself in. Some people here are just going to make you feel worse by making ridiculous and unfeasible remarks.
Please update us when you can. Stay strong and know there are lots of us rooting for you x