21, on apprenticeship. Mum wants half my wage each week.

[Helloworld469]

So im a 21 years old female, i get apprenticeship wage (dog grooming) 5 days a week which is not much. I clean up in the house, i wash everyones clothes, i cook for everyone when mum says she wont which is often. I HAVE to make everyones breakfast before work ( have to be in work for 8:50am.) I come home to cook my brothers teas and feed the pets take them out and do most things. My mum says i do not do nothing. I dont help with cost for food or anything even tho my half i do mostly spend on my brothers and not me. I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100. My mum says i should be paying her more so i should only get round 50 pound towards myself. Is this right or should i pay her more? I dont go out either and i dont socialise so im asking for advice.

Far too much! I wouldn't take anything of my 21 y/o but if your mum has to, only £25 per week would be ok. Does your mum work ?

So monday every fortnight. And same for Saturday. And on those days on weekend i have to do 3 essays or assignments for my apprenticeship

If your mum won't let you talk to people without demanding to know who it is she's abusing you. I strongly recommend you talk to your college's pastoral care team (ask your tutor if you're not sure how to contact them). If you still have a social worker talk to them too.

I would but the social worker we have keeps telling my mum so ive stopped talking.

Do you still have that social worker who helped you get the bank account? Can she help with advice?

If my mum had told me it was her responsibility to look after us kids and then she told me to make their meals I think I'd have been saying no thanks mum as you said it's your job to look after us I'll keep out of your way....

But i was a bit cheeky.

Your mums lazy.

She needs to get a job and stop making excuses.

All her kids are at school/training.

She will be doing nowt during the day.

I hope the dss realise that and tell her to her her finger out.

I'm sorry they're not helping you. As well as your college and Citizen's Advice, you could also contact Women's Aid - they can advise and support women living with abuse, including from family members.

Just to add, I would never take 50% of my child's earnings, it's far too much. I gave my mum a third back when I was a teenager thirty years ago, which I think it about right.

What's the situation with the house you live in?

Obviously it's the family home but is it rented privately, social housing or owned?

Your mum is asking a lot, but presumably shared housing would be a lot more?

What would happen if you refused to do it all? Would she ask you to leave?

Are there any reasons why she can't do it (disabled, ill etc?)

Contact citizen's advice, they have a telephone number and local offices most places. Explain your situation and they will tell you what you'd be entitled to living on your own. They can give you support to get out and know what you can do. They aren't perfect but they'll know more than most people. It can get better and your mum is not treating you right. It's hard when you want to protect your siblings but you need to look after yourself too xx

Urm its a council housing. Yep, shes threatened to kick me out multiple times nearly everyday at most. Which is the only reason i came to this site as i know she doesnt use it.

And no shes not disabled

That was my first job when I started at a bank and was still living at home, age 21. Was pretty much minimum wage at the time , full time about 13 years ago.
I contributed £50 a week which went towards food and bills and I got to keep the other £600 for whatever I wanted.

You shouldn't be the mother. I'd never take more than ten per cent of wages. That's really mean

You are old enough to move out. Move out until you are angry and fed up. This will energise you

Op, you're 21. Your mother can't control you anymore unless you allow it. Get the information you need and get away from her home.

There is a calculator here that will help
You work out what benefits you are entitled to.

It's also worth talking to an actual advisor about this as it can be complicated. If you have a social worker they might be good otherwise citizens advice.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk

Try looking on here for house shares.

https://m.spareroom.co.uk/?aff=2375&gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADvyJlN8XhTndkuOe7axjVyDDGWCL&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuOLtyIOliAMVo5BQBh3pdy0TEAAYASAAEgJCLfDBwE

Yes she’s taking far too much.

Use an online benefits calculator to see if you’re entitled to anything else to top up your wage and go on spareroom and see if you can afford a room in a share house in your area. Maybe try find some weekend work too.

Worst case if she boots you out then she will have made you homeless and you can get help via the council.

OP, your mum sounds extremely controlling and others have said, she is financially abusing you. You shouldn't have to do all these things and work.

I get the impression that you are a little lost as to how to help yourself. Do you have a tutor at college who can advise you? Do you have any special educational needs that might impact future job prospects? Some of these comments have been quite blunt and I don't think that is what you need. Do you have any friends from school you can talk to?

Citizens advice is a good place to contact if you can't speak to anyone at college.

No, your mum should be charging you 30% and not 50%

As well as your apprenticeship, you are more than pulling your weight and she sounds like she's taking advantage.

The poster is talking about 200 a month. Not a week.

£100 and some chores each day is fine. When you qualify, move out and pay rent bills and food you'll probably have no more than £100 a week disposable- times are tough.

I disagree with the people saying 'I wouldn't charge my child anything' as part of parenting is apprenticing your child to adulthood- you're not doing them any favours indulging them and treating them like a child.

But OP you are doing too much. I don't even make breakfast for my 10 and 7 year old on a weekday- they're perfectly capable.

Just to ask though- is a dog grooming job going to pay enough for you to live independently (in a house share) when you complete the apprenticeship? Because it sounds as if you need an exit strategy from living at home.

Hadn't rtft so my previous response was to the original question. But having done so, I agree with this.

But still not with the people who wouldn't charge their adult kids rent!

Sorry I hope I don't offended you . But do you have any special needs or disabilities. My son is 17 he has a social worker . But im not told anything at all as its confidential.

Another "handmaiden" from the 17Century..
Poor you. 'They are avin a larf'

My daughter is 21 and works full time so has a full time wage, she give me £200 a month her choice, I do all the cleaning and cooking if she is in she cleans her own room tho, she doesn’t do any extra, doesn’t look after her siblings as that’s my job, she lives her own live as you should be doing

No she does not need a weekend job.

No one works 7 days a week.

Have you read all of the things she’s meant to do in the home?
And you want to add more to her plate??

OP how long have you been doing this course and how long have you got left?