21, on apprenticeship. Mum wants half my wage each week.

[Helloworld469]

So im a 21 years old female, i get apprenticeship wage (dog grooming) 5 days a week which is not much. I clean up in the house, i wash everyones clothes, i cook for everyone when mum says she wont which is often. I HAVE to make everyones breakfast before work ( have to be in work for 8:50am.) I come home to cook my brothers teas and feed the pets take them out and do most things. My mum says i do not do nothing. I dont help with cost for food or anything even tho my half i do mostly spend on my brothers and not me. I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100. My mum says i should be paying her more so i should only get round 50 pound towards myself. Is this right or should i pay her more? I dont go out either and i dont socialise so im asking for advice.

I think as an adult you do need to making an appropriate contribution to your living costs. Many adults do not have £100 per week to do what they want with. If you add up rent, utilities, food, council tax £100 won't come near to covering it.

Mumsnet is populated by people who have enough money to not charge their kids "rent". For many people cost of living means every adult HAS to contribute or there won't be food on the table.

However if you are not happy plan to move out.

I think £50 per week would be enough as money towards the household from your apprenticeship wage.

You could move pit and see if you can rent a flat for £100 a week, buy your own food and pay utility bills? 🤔

Out not ‘pit’

What is the social workers role within the family? Are there any additional needs in the family other than your brother?

I had to have a provided social worker get me a bank account at the age of 19

Why did the social worker do this?

I give my mum 100 each week and i get 100.

So you get £800 a month but give £400 a month to your mum?
£800 is surely enough for a room in a flat share?
Is she claiming any benefits?

Tricky one.

When I was 21, I was married and had a mortgage. My DC are the same aged 24 and 25 and left home at 18 and 19.

All I can suggest is, if you don't want to pay towards your keep (your mum will no doubt have lost child benefit and tax credits, council tax reduction, etc, when you turned 18), then move out. Get your independence, you're not a child, you're an adult woman. So, do it! Find your own place, claim UC or whatever, but don't complain when you have a solution.

You are not a child. Go and get your freedom. Or, stay at home, and enjoy paying not very much in the scheme of things.

You are are only a few years older then my eldest and you sound like a lovely daughter and sister.
It's a shame your mum hasn't realised this .
You give her plenty already . Don't be bullied into handing over more .
I know its not much help but one day you will be able to move out and not have to deal with her .

No one works seven days a week? What planet are you on? Loads of people do to meet their goals or pay their bills. I did for several years, and the op can, too, in order to lift herself out of the situation she's in. A side job serving in a restaurant or bar never killed anyone. FGS.

If you are working and your mother is on benefits, it’s likely that her money will be reduced by about £75 a month, as you would be expected to contribute towards her, so that’s reasonable enough. And £50 a week should cover your food, and with a bit towards bills £80-£100 is reasonable. Living alone or in a house share won’t be any cheaper. You are unlikely to get any means tested benefits and depending on where you live, probably not going to get much help towards renting. The issue is your mother seems to be neglecting your brothers and pushing responsibility for them onto you, which isn’t fair and if she has a social worker they should be doing something about that .

The mum wants 150 a week .
It's a council house so rent will be cheap.
She doesn't work so council tax will be next to nothing .
Her daughters is out most days so not using loads of gas and electric during the day or food .
Noway is she costing her mum 100 a week let alone 150 .
I agree paying your way is good but having a parent who seems to not do much but want lots seems a tad odd.

Oh no sweetheart, this is so wrong on so many levels.
Your mum is really taking advantage of you and is behaving very badly. You're doing what she should be doing. Yes helping with chores is one thing, but the amount she is demanding you do is just so wrong.

Also half of your apprentice wage is a lot to be giving and no she shouldn't be telling you to hand over more than that.

How long do you have left on your apprenticeship?

Hiya, this sounds very hard for you. As a pp said, there will be someone at the college you can chat to about this. Im guessing you could ask at reception or ask a tutor.
I believe there may be funds for people estranged from parents, maybe anyway.
but certainly start asking and you will find a path. You’ve got this

No i dont, and dont worry ^^
No and only yesterday i got told id get a new one. As she was doing it to others as well, she hadnt been in the job long. But it was because i didnt even socialise or was allowed out i got one.

I think £100 is fair - council tax, food, electricity, gas, rent, water & TV/Sky box all needs paying for. You wouldn’t get a house share for that even in cheaper areas. You could put yourself on your council’s housing register. You can apply online.

I think your Mum is trying to make you understand the cost of living rather than abuse you although she needs to step up with the breakfasts etc. I don’t think that some of the people on here realise that some people don’t have an endless wallet to support their children.

Ive recently started it. In may when i was 20. I did earn more before i started the apprenticeship which was 50 a day and i did tell her. But she doesnt agree with me and said shell write down what i used. Even though i dont just do it for myself.

Thx for understanding xx

I think you should look on roomshare to find an bills inclusive room and move there.

Could work out about the same, but you're completely free from your mother.

Not all mothers are good OP.

Ok it's good you are getting a new one. Is it OK to ask why you have a social worker? It's not normally standard to have one unless you reach a criteria to have one

I know housewives that do less. Your mum shouldn't be taking half of your wage when you are only earning £200 a week, it's also unfair for so much parenting of your brothers to fall on you.

You need to plan to escape this.

A room in a shared house would work but you'll need to save for a deposit. So make sure you squirrel that away so she can't get her hands in it.

When will you go onto national minimum wage? What sort of long term prospects does this job have? What are your school grades like?

As others have said, you should be able to get universal credit to top up your income/ pay for much of your rent if you get a room in a shared house. You need to leave your current unhealthy environment as soon as possible!

1. because my mum said she wouldnt and said i didnt need one and said i want old enough
2. urm im not sure. Only for the boys?

Hi @Helloworld469 could you speak to someone at your college like a careers advisor or student counsellor? They have to keep to strict confidentiality (mind you so do social workers) but they may be able to give you advice on whether you're entitled to any other help.
You could also put up a notice on the student notice board saying your looking for a room in a house share?
I think you know yourself what your mum is doing is very very wrong and unfair but I don't really see any resolution other than you moving out xx

A separate issue which might help.

How many hours are you working? An apprentice's minimum pay for a 21 year old is £11.44 per hour (before tax and NI is taken off).

Haven't read through the whole thread but why are you doing all that childcare ?
Personally I do not think this is ok and while I feel your mum is fair enough in asking for some money, I really don't think it's right she takes half at your stage of life. Unless there are huge financial worries I have missed in your replies here.....