To just want to end it all now

[EinsteinVonBrainstorm]

It just can’t do it. I can’t get through this winter. We already have no money. We literally don’t have enough to eat this month and I can’t afford my Sertraline prescription. We’re not even low earners but we have historical debt (I know some people on MN are rubbing their hands together in delight that people who are in debt are struggling even more) and we can never get out of it especially now. “D”H won’t talk about it and just ends up shouting at me. I’ve been in floods of tears because he says I have to sell my paddle board which is the only thing I own that’s for me and it helps my mental health so much. He won’t talk to the credit card company and try to work out a payment plan or just offer to pay only 2 weeks late incase it ruins his credit so he’d rather our child starved. It’s that serious and it can only get worse. I had my first panic attack since I was a teenager today probably because I haven’t taken my sertraline since Tuesday. I can’t stop crying but this just makes “D”H more angry and he just keeps coming back to shout at me. It’s his fucking fault we’ve got no money but he just expects me to fix it! He’s got no compassion at all.

I went to Aldi before and bought the bare essentials. Walking around calculating everything in my head and how I could feed DS while spending the least amount of money by buying the cheapest crap. I couldn’t even buy shampoo but plenty of other people had trolleys full of stuff and bunches of flowers etc.

Then to top it all off, a notification came on sky news about people getting the cost of living payment. That’s the exact amount we need to survive this month but of course we’re not entitled.

”D”H jokingly mentioned doing Only Fans yesterday and I bloody well would if I knew how to.

Of course I will sell my paddle board because feeding my child is more important than my own well being but what happens next month? How will we survive? I don’t want to be here when there absolutely no joy in life and we can’t even afford the most basic life and all I do is go round in circles cleaning up after people. What the hell is to become of us this winter? Im just done. I don’t even know why I’m posting but I’ve written it all out now so there we go.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We've also compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place - we hope that it's useful for you

Just to be really clear, @EinsteinVonBrainstorm: three days after stopping an SSRI antidepressant is the peak time for withdrawal symptoms to kick in.

These includes tearfulness, anxiety, confusion, suicidal feelings etc etc.

Show your partner this:

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/medicines-and-psychiatry/stopping-or-coming-off-antidepressants/

You need to get your prescription before you can begin to deal with any of the other problems.

It's awkward when one person knows the problems and the other ignores it. I think we need to get stepchange involved because I can't afford to pay debts as well as live. But dh doesn't want his credit score to go down.
I honestly think he thinks money grows on trees and there is no problem.
I am worried sick I know that the heating will not be able to go on at all this year struggling now so it's going to get any better. You need to speak to him honestly same as me but I aren't getting very far so far.

Sal

Thanks everyone. I’ve tried to talk to him so many times about a payment plan and I have (unbeknownst to him) set one up on my own credit card. He won’t even let the words get out of my mouth, even though I could explain it clearly and it would be so helpful to us. I doubt he’d agree to speak to anyone but I’ll look into whether Step Change have online info I could send to him. Perhaps then he’s read it in his own time and digest. I know it will sound really mean but he’s not very smart about a lot of things and he just doesn’t get it. He’s obsessed with improving our credit, not that there’s any reason for us needing yet more credit. Having good credit is the last thing we need to worry about right now. He just doesn’t get that we need to prioritise food, he things the food fairies bring it. He always wants more and moans when we don’t have much in.

I already have a second job but it’s low paid and because my tax free allowance is used on my main job, my pay is even lower as I have to pay tax on it straight away. I worked 30 hours and lost 6 of them to tax and that was a full day’s work 😭.

You’re all right, I would be better off on my own both because I’d be able to claim a small amount of UC and because I’d be able to make sensible decisions and lead a simple but enjoyable life.

Sorry you’re in the same situation @Sadless 😢.

I really need to say this loud and clear for the people who have NO idea.

when your finances are on a precipice you Don’t GET approved for 0% cards and cheap bank loans. Cheap money goes to those who don’t need it.

@SparklingLime he doesn’t know I’m on anti depressants either as he would think I was being ridiculous.

Surely you can reduce your debt monthly payments now your outgoings have increased?

OK, but you need to know the impact stopping ADs suddenly can have. Screw him, he sounds like he’s holding you back on many fronts.

Just for that alone you should leave him - he sounds vile. Does he have ANY redeeming qualities?

I'm so sorry you're going through this 💐

I would recommend contacting citizens advice, they do a lot online now or over the phone. They can help with everything debts, food bank, emergency vouchers. They will be able to check if you are entitled to anything. I really hope things get better for you.

Looks like you've had a name change fail OP

Ah crap I didn’t want my family to see how I’m feeling and I’m not very discreet with my usual username ☹️.

Ask MN to delete the posts

@Batshittery I have thanks 😊

How are your finances arranged? Can you separate out your wages differently?

Yes, I was worried you would think you were simply not coping (although things sound bad enough to cause that alone) when you are actually in withdrawal which will likely be causing/intensifying your symptoms. I really hope that your pharmacy will just give them to you once. I googled but can’t find guidance on this so I guess it’s at the pharmacist’s discretion. But it is a medical necessity, and I hope they will respond appropriately. They need to know our situation first though. They usually have private rooms so you can request to see a pharmacist and explain.

(If you tick a box on the prescription saying you have a prepay they can catch up with you via a letter months later, and it may be similar with benefits if not true.)

Once you are back on your prescription, bear in mind it can take a little while for you to stabilise again, so don’t worry if symptoms continue for a bit.

Make sure you get your medication @EinsteinVonBrainstorm. The withdrawal side effects are the last thing you need.

OP we were like you a few years ago, (and thanks to the current crisis might be heading that way again.) and we used Stepchange.

They were a godsend and sorted everything out and I swear the stress relief was immense. We managed to get a mortgage and my credit score is excellent so it's not the damaging credit report people think it is.

Your rent, medication and food should always take priority.

We are a "high" earning household by MN standards and lived comfortably within those means, had savings, no debts bar a car payment but a high mortgage. This current situation will now have us struggling to pay our bills, its madness!! We're going to be going from financially okay to desperate in the next 6 months. I'm terrified.

Hi OP, as others have suggested please do consider contacting StepChange or Christians Against Poverty. You don't have to be in receipt of benefits (or a Christian for CAP, but they do sometimes ask if they can say a prayer with you at the end of the session - you can say no of course!) They will talk you through your options with no judgement, reassure you and give you hope. I've known them help so many people and they have all said how relieved they felt to have finally sought help. It should go without saying but your family's basic needs are more important than credit score. You have to do what is best for you and DC.

Leave him, you’d be better off alone.

I agree. You could take control of your life.

I already have a second job but it’s low paid and because my tax free allowance is used on my main job, my pay is even lower as I have to pay tax on it straight away. I worked 30 hours and lost 6 of them to tax and that was a full day’s work 😭

You're are clearly more than pulling your weight.

It is okay to end a marriage due to financial incompatibilty/ incompetence. I agree with other PP that you need to seriously consider this option. Or give your H an ultimatum regarding leaving, that for you to remain married he must be completely open about finances and engage fully with debt planning, even get him to relinquish control of family finances to you.

Please, above everything else, prioritise getting your sertraline.
I know how hard it can be coming off anti-depressants in a very gently tapered way - if you just stop it can be seriously dangerous. Please go to your GP or pharmacy and explain what's happening. It's so vital you have your medication so that you can stay well enough to cope with this situation.

I do wish you all the best.