To just want to end it all now

[EinsteinVonBrainstorm]

It just can’t do it. I can’t get through this winter. We already have no money. We literally don’t have enough to eat this month and I can’t afford my Sertraline prescription. We’re not even low earners but we have historical debt (I know some people on MN are rubbing their hands together in delight that people who are in debt are struggling even more) and we can never get out of it especially now. “D”H won’t talk about it and just ends up shouting at me. I’ve been in floods of tears because he says I have to sell my paddle board which is the only thing I own that’s for me and it helps my mental health so much. He won’t talk to the credit card company and try to work out a payment plan or just offer to pay only 2 weeks late incase it ruins his credit so he’d rather our child starved. It’s that serious and it can only get worse. I had my first panic attack since I was a teenager today probably because I haven’t taken my sertraline since Tuesday. I can’t stop crying but this just makes “D”H more angry and he just keeps coming back to shout at me. It’s his fucking fault we’ve got no money but he just expects me to fix it! He’s got no compassion at all.

I went to Aldi before and bought the bare essentials. Walking around calculating everything in my head and how I could feed DS while spending the least amount of money by buying the cheapest crap. I couldn’t even buy shampoo but plenty of other people had trolleys full of stuff and bunches of flowers etc.

Then to top it all off, a notification came on sky news about people getting the cost of living payment. That’s the exact amount we need to survive this month but of course we’re not entitled.

”D”H jokingly mentioned doing Only Fans yesterday and I bloody well would if I knew how to.

Of course I will sell my paddle board because feeding my child is more important than my own well being but what happens next month? How will we survive? I don’t want to be here when there absolutely no joy in life and we can’t even afford the most basic life and all I do is go round in circles cleaning up after people. What the hell is to become of us this winter? Im just done. I don’t even know why I’m posting but I’ve written it all out now so there we go.

Could you see if a food bank is an option?

You need to have a serious chat with him, it’s not remotely the time for his stupid jokes.

I’d be sitting him down and saying “We are going to seriously struggle and eventually go under if we don’t so something about the debts NOW. If you cannot take this seriously and start to work with me and step up to do what you need to do for our family, I will have to reconsider our marriage.”

I don’t know if tour situation would actually be better if you separated, you may be entitled to a good amount of help and if my DH could not put aside his own issues/pride/whatever for the sake of our DC, this is a road I’d be exploring.

So much love to you@EinsteinVonBrainstorm it’s going to be a shitty few months for sure but you’ll get through it, you just need the right support

Or see if you can get food via Olio?
Just thinking of practical solutions for you before you have to think of selling something that's helping you.
So sorry you're going through this.

Oh OP it is very tough. Have you looked into food banks?

Could he not get a zero interest credit card and transfer the debt over?

OP - you’re being financially abused.

You can’t just stop Sertraline, it’s bloody dangerous and I’m furious for you.

You have a DH problem. Who is the cause of the financial problems.

Bills and rent/mortgage take priority over credit card debt. If he's willing to see his kid go hungry, you should leave him tbh. There is support for single parents out there.

Seriously, late payments don’t mean shit in the big scheme of things. It means you won’t get more credit - but often “more credit” has led to people feeling like this (voice of experience).

try ringing the GP for an emergency referral to food bank/health visitor.

your husband is an arse and you need meds. X

Who’s name is the debt in?

it sounds like his in which case you need a divorce. Seriously,

I don't have anything practical to add except try your GP for a foodbank reference (I do know GP access isn't great for everyone) but just want to say that I have been where you are. The debts mounted up as the credit card was how I paid my gas and electric and a couple of food shops. I missed days of my antidepressants to make the prescription last longer. I didn't eat so my children didn't miss out.

A payment plan won't affect your credit score as I imagine your dh thinks it will, honestly. You could start by getting advice from charities like stepchange then take that info to him.

Contact Stepchange regarding your debt. They were intermediaries for our friend and got his payments down to £1 per month and stopped interest being added. They saved his life. His wife racked up debts in his name and then left him.

I agree contact a debt charity and talk through your options with someone.

I did a payment plan for a credit card once and a few years later boyfriend (now DH) and I were doing a bit better and wanted to try and buy a flat. I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage because of the payment plan still being on my credit report but we did, we just went via a broker who knew who to apply to. We weren’t high earners either. So just adding my voice to those saying a payment plan doesn’t completely fuck your finances necessarily.

I’d also agree with those who think you should consider separation, this relationship doesn’t sound like it’s helping your mental or financial state at all.

If I were you I would get some financial advice from someone like a debt counsellor. I know Christians Against Poverty do a service (you don’t have to be a Christian to access it) to help manage your funds. Then of course there are food banks like Food Works where you can go and just pay £1 and get a week’s food supply. Your partner should be helping in this. We can get through this but it will be tough.

You still have to make the monthly payments

@keeprunningupthathill yes but that are a lot lower.

He CANNOT pay his debts before paying the essentials.

Do you have access to the accounts? How are your finances set up?

You’d be better off as a single parent, potentially.

I don't know how serious your H is being but do NOT be coerced in to only fans, unless it is something you want to do, but I imagine if that is the case you would already have done it. Doing onlyfans when you don't want to will destroy your mental health.

Although it may seem impossible if you are already depressed, can you take on additional hours/ second job. Whilst it might be initially daunting, it could actually give you a sense of control and empowerment over the situation rather than this sudden terrifying 'car crash' loss of control so many people are experience right now.

I know you are upset about selling you paddleboard, but it is the end of the summer, and you could always buy a second hand one next year if things are looking better for you. Also if you live somewhere nice enough to paddleboard regularly then you must have some nice walks that you can still do despite being absolutely skint.

Get referred to a food bank, then you can use the money you save for you prescription. Also talk to your GP about you prescription, there may be something they can do, like prescribing a larger number of tablets/bigger box on one prescription, it's worth asking.

It depends how much the interest rate is at the moment but the minimum payment won't be that much lower. It's meeting the monthly payment that's causing the issue by the sounds of it.

This. I have only ever read good things about this government charity. Please get in touch with them I'm sure they could help you with the debt. Please do it before you sell your paddleboard, it sounds like it's really important to you and you need that right now.

I mean obviously it's a good idea in general if possible but not likely to solve the immediate issue and I'm sure if it was an option he's already done it.

Can you get a loan? To pay the CC I mean. Take it over a longer period. You’ll pay more overall but much less per month.

Some banks can do instant loans, it could be in your account in the next ten minutes. Pay the credit card off. Then there’ll be no credit card payment this month AND no loan payment as that will be next month.

Prioritising consumer debt over food and medicines is crazy. Pure madness, and your DH needs a reality check. What does he think happens when you run out of things to sell?

You might also want to point out that currently, he has more earning potential on OF than you do.

You must get your sertraline. You will likely feel a total mess if you stop without tapering, which will make everything much worse. You can go to your pharmacy and ask for an emergency prescription, which I hope they would supply as a one-off. It won’t be the first time they’ve dealt with this situation recently. Could also call 111 tonight to see if they can issue a free prescription as an emergency.

Just in case, the criteria for free prescriptions are here:
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/cheap-prescriptions/

I also call CAB, explain your situation and the financial control.