To just want to end it all now

[EinsteinVonBrainstorm]

It just can’t do it. I can’t get through this winter. We already have no money. We literally don’t have enough to eat this month and I can’t afford my Sertraline prescription. We’re not even low earners but we have historical debt (I know some people on MN are rubbing their hands together in delight that people who are in debt are struggling even more) and we can never get out of it especially now. “D”H won’t talk about it and just ends up shouting at me. I’ve been in floods of tears because he says I have to sell my paddle board which is the only thing I own that’s for me and it helps my mental health so much. He won’t talk to the credit card company and try to work out a payment plan or just offer to pay only 2 weeks late incase it ruins his credit so he’d rather our child starved. It’s that serious and it can only get worse. I had my first panic attack since I was a teenager today probably because I haven’t taken my sertraline since Tuesday. I can’t stop crying but this just makes “D”H more angry and he just keeps coming back to shout at me. It’s his fucking fault we’ve got no money but he just expects me to fix it! He’s got no compassion at all.

I went to Aldi before and bought the bare essentials. Walking around calculating everything in my head and how I could feed DS while spending the least amount of money by buying the cheapest crap. I couldn’t even buy shampoo but plenty of other people had trolleys full of stuff and bunches of flowers etc.

Then to top it all off, a notification came on sky news about people getting the cost of living payment. That’s the exact amount we need to survive this month but of course we’re not entitled.

”D”H jokingly mentioned doing Only Fans yesterday and I bloody well would if I knew how to.

Of course I will sell my paddle board because feeding my child is more important than my own well being but what happens next month? How will we survive? I don’t want to be here when there absolutely no joy in life and we can’t even afford the most basic life and all I do is go round in circles cleaning up after people. What the hell is to become of us this winter? Im just done. I don’t even know why I’m posting but I’ve written it all out now so there we go.

That's horrendous. I'm so sorry. You need support, and he really doesn't sound like he's offering it.
Once you've got your meds sorted again, try to give yourself a few days to let them kick back in, and then do think hard about what you need and deserve.

I really feel for you as I’ve been in a similar position before. This was before he cost of living crisis but my ex was horrendous with money always getting us into a cycle of debt. I’m actually much better off as a single Mum with virtually no contribution from him because I have no debt and have minimised our outgoings. He was abusive so had to leave but I was able to claim universal credit following our separation and work around the children.

Can you get a prepayment prescription? Mine is £10 a month and I’m sure I didn’t have to pay right away but I could use it from that date.

@ArtyChoc thanks I didn’t know that so that’s helpful.

I think you’re right, it is the lack of Sertraline making everything feel even worse. I had a terrible headache too this morning so that might be the same thing. Plus H being totally unsympathetic. Even if he’d have given me a hug instead of shouting, I’d probably have felt better.

Apparently, he rang the credit card company (after telling that he wouldn’t) and they “can’t do anything”. Just don’t make the payment 😡.

You cannot stop your medication like that. You need to get it. I’m on citalopram and I stopped mine thinking I feel fine. After a week I felt like I was getting electric shocks when trying to go to sleep. You have to taper off you simply cannot just stop. You need to get the prescription.

(I know some people on MN are rubbing their hands together in delight that people who are in debt are struggling even more) - seriously only a complete psycho would feel gleeful about this.

don’t sell your paddleboard - tell your dh it is a necessary tool to keep you sane. It’s unsustainable anyway - it’ll be a one off (likely small) amount - especially as it’s now September.

try to use a foodbank - this is exactly why people donate food.

is there a particular reason you cannot confide in your family? If anyone had the means in your family, would they not help you out - even with something small?

I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but just an idea to make some extra money quick is matched betting. Have you come across this before? It takes a bit of time getting the hang of it, but once you do you can make hundreds every month doing it whilst just watching TV on an evening. Google 'profit accumulator'

Sounds like you may be getting overtaxed?

Contact HMRC to check. You may be due a rebate. Check for previous years too.

Debts in your name deal with yourself with charity help.

Pay for food/ prescription and housing out of your pay and leave the rest to him.

Then leave him!

we will be in the same boat. My DH is a self employed plumber and electrician specialising in bathrooms and renovations, and I run a small cleaning company, again a non essential job, although my loyal clients are sticking by me.

We have started to take cold showers, do shorter wash loads on low temperatures, we don't use the tumble dryer (haven't since January). Our food bill has gone up but I'm starting to buy stuff to bulk out batch cooking. Today I bought some ASDA yellow label bits and they're fabulous.

My son starts high school on Tuesday so we had the school letter about buying uniform, most of which needs to be official school merchandise. I used FB marketplace and bought him two stages of uniform which will see him over two years for less than £100. I also got things from OLIO, the giving app. (Check it out, you can get food and household stuff etc). Use FB market place, next door neighbour, olio etc to get free or very inexpensive bits for the kids etc.

I used to buy a £3 bunch of Alstroemeria every two weeks but now just use a dried flower display with hedgerow flowers to keep things looking happy and to replace where my flowers would go.

Please also speak to some trusted friends I'm pretty sure that despite many of us being in the same boat none of them are going ton see you go without.

I know that as Autumn draws in things can start to look bleak, this is also the case as you are not taking your sertraline, you much continue with it. Is a Pre payment cert an option? Along with my HRT I have about £40 worth of meds a month and the pre payment really helps. Definitely speak to your GP as you need your meds to keep you on an even keel. This will make life easier to handle on a daily basis. Your GP will help you find a solution.

Good luck. Please don't get despondent, this won't last forever. xxx

On what basis do you say that?

On what basis do you say that?

Just to be clear, Stepchange isn't a 'government charity'. It has no affiliation to the govt at all. That's not to say it can't help you, it is one of the decent ones.
There are many others who you can approach - Money Advice Service, Citizens Advice, National Debt line (which is the govt one) to name a few. Please be careful as there are many unscrupulous people claiming to offer 'govt backed' advice.

I understand OP things feel bleak. There are many people like you so please don’t feel you are alone. There are always solutions and always help, you are worth more than your debts. You have a child, family, good jobs and a life please don’t think about ending it. Contact step change, get a food bank referral (it hurts your pride I can confirm but it’s 100% worth it and the people running them are always amazing and in no way patronising). Prioritise health over everything, health is wealth. Ask your GP for the most possible in one prescription to minimise costs.
You need to give your partner an ultimatum- he considers the well-being of your whole family and takes control of his debt or you leave. The current situation is unsustainable.
Youre doing the best you can and people out there care about you. Hold that thought, it will get better.

Can you put your debt into an IVA or DMP to have them under one payment ?

I would look into using Payplan to manage the debt

You could declare bankruptcy, I’d imagine a lot of people will be doing this. You can’t get credit for six years but doubt anyone will be able to get much credit. You don’t have options.

So you do have options I mean.

I know he won't listen, but if you have unsecured payments just stop paying for now. You can send them a letter about it rather than calling. It feels like a big scary step but once you've decided that you can't pay and start dealing with it head-on, it gets easier.
Visit Money Saving Expert's Debt Free Wannabe board and have a read.
Your credit score is the last thing you need to worry about if you can't afford medication and food. Plus if you've paid late before, your credit score is already messed up.

I don't know if this is anyway helpful. I have enough money to survive. Im not loaded but Im not struggling. I dont have to worry about money at the moment.

However, I am 38 and totally alone in life. I have No parents, no siblings, no husband, and no children. I would love to have a husband, to have a child, to have anyone that loved me. To have one person that loved me. I can only dream of it.

Money does not make you happy. As mother teresa said "the greatest poverty in the world is a lack of love, not a lack of money:.

If you have people that love you, like you do, a husband and child, you are rich beyond measure. Some people have no one. Financial poverty can always improve. Good luck OP.

Do you have any nice clothes that you don’t wear anymore? Bags? Nice pieces of furniture you don’t use? I have sold SO MUCH stuff on eBay in the last few months. You don’t have to pay anything to list items, though there is a commission if you sell something. It’s super easy to list things from your phone. Take nice photos and write a short honest description.

Another one here who can not afford prescription:(

I really hope you get support x

Look up whether there is a 'community fridge' in your area. You don't need a referral and just go along when they are open, it's normally 5 items per person plus unlimited bread, fruit etc
It's not based on 'need' their aim is to stop food going to waste

We slowly sank into debt and couldn't get out.

I couldn't work because my middle son needed ft care once he turned 11. Interest free credit card debt grew, consolidated it through charity Step Change via a debt management plan, then my bad credit rating meant we couldn't borrow money on our mortgage to pay for the collapsed drains on our property (4K), husband still able to get 0% credit cards until he couldn't anymore.

Debt repayments were huge and for the last year we couldn't the basics.

We sold our house, moved into rented and will use the equity to keep us afloat for the next few years.

The worst bit is that dh's credit rating needed to be good to be able to rent. We had to default on our mortgage one month but a lovely friend of mine bailed us out until the house sold and we could pay her back.

It was the worst experience of our lives.

My advice op is to stop limping along and living from loan to loan and selling stuff. It won't work long term. You need something more permanent.

If your dh won't do this with you, split up.

I am so sorry, I know the pain you are going through. Hang in there.

You are shouting at each other because you are all stressed and starting to feel out of control and hopeless. If you take actions, just you by yourself to start with and feel better, this situation can be improved.

1. Get onto Stepchange or Payplan (I think we used Payplan in the end), tell your husband you will do it all, find out about what will happen to your credit and get this sorted, this will take away a huge amount of stress
2. Try Olio if you are in a busy builtup area with lots of free food, if not it won't be worth it
3. Get a referral for a food bank from GP or somewhere else
4. Sell spare clothes on Vinted (you do have to print the labels out)
5. Get your Sertraline, in fact, this should have been number one as if you are withdrawing off these meds you will feel terrible. There will be a time for coming off them but this doesn't seem the right time at all.

I don't know about your relationship because debt stress eats away at everything so it may be if you can sort that, other things will also improve, it's not possible to say, but this can be fixed OP, you are not the first or the last to struggle, even with a reasonable income, we were quite well off but got into a debt spiral where our debt interest was constantly outstripping what we could pay and it was one of the most stressful periods of my life. We did get help through Payplan (I think) and eventually got out of it, I have no debt now at all.

OP I’m so sorry you feel so hopeless, lots of PP have provided far better practical advice than I can, but for food have you had a look at Too Good To Go? I’ve had some great bags from there. The bag I got on Monday had jacket potatoes, orange juice, milk, salad leaves, tomatoes, margarine, yoghurt, babybels and bananas in it - cost me £4. The Greggs bags are £2.50 and usually a combination of sandwiches/baguettes/sausage rollls/bakes. Not the healthiest perhaps but I’ve halved my shopping bill by incorporating 2-3 bags a week.