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Original poster

I’m thinking of leaving my partner for not getting vaccine

171 replies

Newmumlake · 16/10/2021 19:54

I’m thinking of leaving my partner for not getting the covid -19 vaccine. I feel like I’m putting my child’s health at risk for staying with him.
I love my partner very much although things haven’t been easy over the years. The vaccine has recently caused a big strain in the relationship.
I can’t understand why anyone would refuse without a genuine reason. My partner refuses to discuss his reasons with me apart from stating he doesn’t want to be tracked by Bill Gates. I answered that this is complete nonsense and that he is more likely to be tracked through a mobile device - which he obviously owns.
If it was just the two of us I think I would be turning a blind eye/burying my head in the sand but I can’t stop thinking about my son. Is he at risk? Am I failing to keep him safe?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 16/10/2021 20:23

@Newmumlake

He is - maybe I’m overthink from being so sleep deprived?
No. He's a conspiracy theorist and that never ends well.
AuntieStella · 16/10/2021 20:25

@amusedbush

I would leave him for being a crackpot, tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist. If my DH said something like that to me with a straight face, I'd never take him seriously ever again.
Exactly.

It's not because he's declining the vaccine. It is after all his body and his choice.

It's because he's spouting bollocks - so either he's a gullible fool or he's incapable of owning his decisions and is susceptible to other irrational thought process instead. Neither of those is an attractive trait

LivingTheLifeofMum · 16/10/2021 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as it quotes a deleted post

XenoBitch · 16/10/2021 20:28

@Newmumlake

It’s a horrible situation to be in. Am I batshit mad or right to feel I need to keep my child as safe as possible
Safe from what?
eightlivesdown · 16/10/2021 20:29

Believing the Bill Gates thing is nuts, but covid presents very little risk to your child and it seems extreme to split up your family over this.

HermioneWeasley · 16/10/2021 20:30

Children aren’t at risk from Covid so that’s not a reason

The fact he sounds like he believes incoherent conspiracy theories might be

Original poster
Newmumlake · 16/10/2021 20:31

Becoming really poorly I guess? But your comment has made me realise I’m not going to be able to protect him from every illness am I? If there is something I can do to protect my son I would do it in a heartbeat and I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t?

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 16/10/2021 20:31

Well you can do what you want but I don’t really understand the logic of you thinking he’s putting you or your child at risk by not being vaccinated. You’re vaccinated which reduces your risk of serious illness abc your child is low risk anyway. If he wants to take the risk of contracting the virus then surely it’s his choice?

DizzySquirrel90 · 16/10/2021 20:32

It's up to your partner wether or not he has the vaccine.

It's your choice.

If this is the only negative in the relationship though ... it's really not worth breaking up over. 😂

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/10/2021 20:32

Bill gates? 🙄
I'd leave him for believing in that absolute bollocks.

RobinsReliant · 16/10/2021 20:33

I have a colleague going through this at the moment. It is causing a great deal of distress.

I genuinely think I would struggle to respect a partner who was anti vaccine and who believed conspiracy theories around it.

@Imonlydoingwhatican I feel for you. I would be very unhappy if a partner’s anti vaccine views influenced the health of my children in any way. A friend’s ex-husband wanted to prevent their children from having the MMR vaccine. When she filed for divorce this was one of the counts of unreasonable behaviour on the divorce petition.

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 16/10/2021 20:35

As others have said, you can leave anyone at anytime. If the the relationship doesn’t feel right to you, end it.

Personally, him choosing not to have the vaccine wouldn’t bother me. I might not agree with the him, but the decision on what he does with his body is his. I really couldn’t see myself with someone who genuinely believed Bill Gates was trying to track them though. I have very little time for conspiracy theories.

As far as worrying about your child, I understand, but I think you need to take a breath. Your baby is not at huge risk from Covid. Don’t over panic yourself. Your partner isn’t attempting to prevent your child from having vaccines. They’re not putting them at increased risk there. Also, even if you do leave, your partner is still going to be your child’s father. A judge won’t deny access just because your partner has chosen not to have a vaccine. He’ll (rightly ) be able to have regular access. I don’t know how old your child is, so while it may be relatively little contact now, it will increase as the child gets older. Possibly even ending up 50/50.

Take some time to really think about what you want next.

Cattitudes · 16/10/2021 20:36

He sounds bonkers but if you split up then when he sees your son he can still pass on covid and as he grows older he will have him on his own to tell him things without you there to counter them.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 16/10/2021 20:36

He isn’t putting your child at risk… your child is putting him at more risk than the other way round.
But he’s obviously a crack pot so I would have no respect for him based on that.

Original poster
Newmumlake · 16/10/2021 20:36

It’s good to know I’m not alone

OP posts:
PurpleOkapi · 16/10/2021 20:38

The conspiracy stuff would worry me. But while everyone seems to want to believe that being vaccinated makes a person less likely to infect others, there's no solid science backing that up. And even if there was, if he's the child's father, he'll still see the child all the time if he wants to. So if you want to leave him for some other reason, fine, whatever. But don't leave him because you think your child will be safer for it, because that's probably not true.

Tigerwhocameforsupper · 16/10/2021 20:38

@Lbnc2021

I wouldn’t leave a partner for not getting a vaccine but I would leave them for believing all this bill gates tracking bullshit
Snap!
Babochan88 · 16/10/2021 20:43

YABU. I can’t believe people have really bought into such scare mongering. The science behind whole herd immunity isn’t stable and things are always being contested. I’m vaccinated - but If he gets the vaccine or doesn’t it’s his choice…he can still pass Covid to your son even if he’s vaccinated

2boysand1princess · 16/10/2021 20:43

@Lbnc2021

I wouldn’t leave a partner for not getting a vaccine but I would leave them for believing all this bill gates tracking bullshit
Same
GoldChick · 16/10/2021 20:45

I think the issue for me would be if he does get covid would he then expect you to look after him and have sympathy for him?

Dancingbugbadge · 16/10/2021 20:46

Agree with previous comments. I wouldn’t leave him for choosing not to have the vaccine but I would leave him for believing that shit.

Confiscatedpopit · 16/10/2021 20:47

Has it passed you all by that this vaccine does not stop you spreading this virus? It just (apparently) keeps you a little less at risk. I say this as someone who has had both.

Please have a good think before splitting up your family over this OP. If he’s normally great then don’t just go for it on the opinion of people on the internet who don’t really know you or your relationship. That sounds equally as bonkers to me as his Bill Gates comment.

Aderyn21 · 16/10/2021 20:48

I think we have to respect, in a relationship, that our partner may not view the world the same way that we do. You can have differing opinions on lots of things and yet still be compatible as partners.
I don't believe the Bill Gates thing for a minute and he might be yanking your chain on that because he's fed up of discussing it. I don't think it's unreasonable to have questions about the vaccine or doubts - we are still discovering side effects.
I'd decide to stay or go based on how he is wet things that are important in your day to day lives. Do you have compatible attitudes towards finances, where to live, moral values, how you will look after your baby? These are more important than whether he gets a Covid jab or not. Presumably he's in favour of the standard childhood vaccinations and isn't going to try to prevent these?

XenoBitch · 16/10/2021 20:48

@GoldChick

I think the issue for me would be if he does get covid would he then expect you to look after him and have sympathy for him?
He could be vaccinated and still get Covid, as could the OP.
GoldChick · 16/10/2021 20:49

@XenoBitch yes I know this but if he's vaccinated then he has at least tried to prevent it affecting him

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