Husband imposing lockdown long term

[Bluebell3459]

I feel so trapped with nothing to look forward to. I have a 6 month old very clingy baby who only naps on me and a 9 year old with severe ASD. It is really hard to cope with both of them during the day whilst my DH works.

My older child's school is very happy to have him back as he has an ehcp and is therefore classed as vulnerable however my DH thinks it is too much of a risk.

I have spoken to my DH about when he feels he can go back and his view is when we have a vaccine. I really can't go on like this though for the next 18 months as I am exhausted and my older son is regressing badly, really miserable and has started hitting himself.

Since lockdown I have had zero time to myself. I look at mumsnet whilst the baby is napping on me and that is the only time I get. Becuase I am so exhausted I go to bed when the children go to sleep at 8pm.

I have explained how I feel to my husband. He has offered to quit his job and help out however when he is around at weekends I don't find things any easier, he will generally just do something messy with my older son and leave me to look after the baby and clean up. In addition we need his salary, although we could live off savings for a few months we have a massive mortgage and I would worry about him being able to get another job.

His other suggestion was to get a live in nanny when lockdown ends and continue lockdown with her for the next 18 months. I just dont think this is feasible though, I cant imagine we would be able to find someone who would want to do this.

I am also keen to go back to work when my maternity leave ends but this is not going to be possible unless we get external help. My salary is not enough to cover the mortgage so we would both need to work.

I am fed up with living like this. For most people it seems like there is at least some hope of loosening of restrictions but I feel likeI am trapped permantly. I am also worried about my health, I am permantly achy and think I might have fibromyalgia. A a carrier for the genetic condition my older son has this is common.

I thought about moving to my parents house after lockdown for a few weeks break but they feel the same as my husband, that we should not go anywhere until there is a vaccine so we are completely trapped for months on end.

I keep having suicidal thoughts but my husband just dismisses them and says we are much better off than most people as we have a nice house and garden.

Not sure why I am posting, I have no one to talk to about this so just wanted to vent really.

I cannot understand why people think they know more about what a child's school is going to be like than the parent of the child. Do they not think the parent of a child with severe autism would check that before they decide to send their child in.

Spikeyball

Well, I don't know. Op didn't say that she'd checked did she, just that he could go in if they wanted.

She is the parent of a severely autistic child. We check everything. We have to.

🙄ffs

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

OP’s post this morning was crystal clear when she said

Well done, OP, it sounds really positive that you've all had a discussion and started on a path of compromise.

I expect you're still feeling a bit low but I just wanted to say that you should give yourself a big pat on the back for being able to find a way forward between different viewpoints within your family - that is no small thing.

I hope you find you have a bit more of a break next week while your DS is at school and I hope he relishes going back. Good luck.

Ooops...

This is what OP said;

“My OH and I had a chat with the school on friday and they reassured him of their social distancing proceedures. My DS will be in a class of 4 with his usual teacher and 3 TAs and there is a deep clean every evening.”

@Bluebell3459

You’re doing the right thing for your son and I hope you trust in the decision you’ve made. Please take care of yourself too, you matter.