Coronavirus Briefing Bingo

[MockersxxxxxxxSocialDistancing]

Hancock has said "We have been very clear" twice. If he says it again, I'm going to shout "House!"

Also looking out for 'Guided by the science' and 'The PM is working hard...'

Any more?

How the fuck can they justify sending people back to work with over 600 deaths....sorry I digress

But seriously

I guess they are looking at how many people have died each day to decide if it’s worth risking having more people go back to work.

You need to look at the NHS website to see a more accurate figure. Over 600 is from dates going back to March not from the last 24 hours.
Any death is terrible but making out figures are deaths in the last 24hours when they aren’t is causing more panic.

And yet again they fail to meet their own target of 100k tests, and the new graphic has been designed with a scale that goes from 80k to 120k without stopping, in the hope that you won't notice.

'Thank you, Laura.'

Jenny Harries has gone native. She is no longer spelling out the facts but defending the govt's contantly shifting stance.

....Thursday the 15th and we've hit the 100K. That didn't take long at all.

Shapps spouting all manner of flimflam gibberish: "If we can build a hospital in fourteen days then why are train tickets made of cardboard...."

The new narrative is plain: Go to work on the bus and it's your fault. Don't go to work on the bus and it's all your fault. But if you have a car and can work from home, well done, you are a true lert.

WHAAAAAAAAAA??????????????

So we are, "At Level 4, but now in a position to start moving towards Level 3."

So what were we doing before? And what level are we at now? Level 3 and a half? Level 4.00000000001? What do the bands mean? Is Level 4 the upper or the lower boundary of the band, when there is no Level Zero?

You make up an incomprehensible plan, and then against the odds manage to make it even more incomprehensible.

....Wanna be Scottish. Or Welsh or Federated States of Micronesia. Anything except Trump and this lot.

...Handcock really values nurses and the work they do, which is why they should be grateful for the huge pay-rises they have had in the past few years.

Crap for our Carers.

I think the Boy Gavin just explained by R and Y1 are being sent back early. This is apparently because the early years are the most important.

The problem with this is that most European countries do not start school until age 6, and quite a few of them have significantly better PISA scores than England and Wales.

I don’t think it’s about PISA scores though, I think it’s in terms of neglect and abuse.

Brendan from the Mail on Sunday wants to know why the greedy selfish teachers don't care about the well-being of children. Is it that they don't understand or just don't care? And should the teachers defy their unions who want children to die and be heroes?

Going to be a good front page tomorrow.