Coronavirus Briefing Bingo

[MockersxxxxxxxSocialDistancing]

Hancock has said "We have been very clear" twice. If he says it again, I'm going to shout "House!"

Also looking out for 'Guided by the science' and 'The PM is working hard...'

Any more?

Afternoon all. Sorry I'm late. The dog ate my mask.

So it looks like we are going to get that five-point pledge card read to us in headmistressey tones like we are mixed infants sat cross-legged on the hall floor every day.

And the testing numbers, having been massaged up to meet the 100k target, are now persistently below that figure.

And we have a death-spike, the peak having been declared past.

"The Virus has not discriminated."

(Unless you is black.)

...and not everyone around the world has our high standards.

'we're making good progress'

Oh scrub that, 'we're making progress'

Angela and Dominic are complete liabilities

Angela sounds as though she's at the end of her tether.

When they make the movie, Angela McLean will be played by Emma Thompson. Her colleague Mrs Doyle will have the appropriate rattling teacups.

They do all sound completely fucked off

They are showing too many slides. Other countries are logging their deaths in a different way. Some are notlogging them at all in any meaningful way. I think after listening to all of that that they will extend for yet another 3 weeks. The 70 + people are going bananas yet realistically they are the ones who are more hit by this virus. They also have underlying health issues.

Additionally whether they stay in or go out from a financial viewpoint it wont make any difference to them so they will probably decide to 'take the risk'. They have their pensions, savings etc so I guess they might decide to risk it....

It is not clear either whether these care home deaths are from people sadly dying with CV19 or because of it.

So we focus massively on care home deaths. How many people in care homes will normally die at this time of year I wonder? How many of these deaths are in addition to what we would expect?

Maybe they should show a graph of last years deaths. Then compare.

Didnt Raab and whoever the woman is today both state the 5 questions?

Same info, no answer, and stupid questions from stupid journalists.

These daily sessions have become pointless.

After Sunday the briefings should be one a week or something. Unless something bad happens , they are becoming a bit pointless now. Just put bullet points on the news or information films on Facebook !

DisinJenrick today, with Mrs Doyle, minus teacups.

Our hearts truly go out to the statistics. Again.

This million boxes of PPE. That million meals. It's like the output figures for a Ukrainian tractor factory.

Oh Good: We're going to be remined of the Five Tests. I'd completely forgotten all about them.

Next slide please

Ooooh, we have a new slide. To show that we do not make international comparisons except when we do.

Where is bojo?

That old trick of repeating the question word for word to give yourself thinking time, enough time to avoid answering the actual question, anyway.

my favourite thread

So it turns out that Jenrick's much-promised Turkish PPE is still stuck in a warehouse because it's made of stale baklava and old Turkish Delight wrappers.

Funny how it clean slipped his mind to tell us this.

Can I just add......'now is not the time'...
It bloody is!!!

International comparisons can be misleading

Raab confirms 30,000 dead.

Happy Monday, folks.