Cats , Flaps and The Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

The other thread is filling up fast so setting up the foundation for our new evil lair. One where we follow real guidelines, not made up ones, make sock cocks ,ruin hair and bemoan the shortage of Spanish soldiers.

This is where we'll keep each other sane or descend into madness together... depends on the day.

The only reason we haven't had a bbq yet is because our garden gets no sun in the evening and it's bloody cold. I'll whisper this quietly in case the essentials police are about, but I ordered some patio heaters. Non essential shopping AND a bbq!

My faith is reaffirmed on discovering this thread full of people the same as me! Thank you!

My cat is still going out (gasp) and I do not give her a full wash and blowdry when she returns. I do not take three individual plastic gloves when I go shopping (funniest AIBU I’ve seen in a long time) and yesterday one of my neighbours handed me a bottle of Prosecco over the fence with no hint of use of a litter picker, fishing net and no rubber glove usage. Oh and I bought two (yes two) Easter eggs today.

Given the above confessions I sincerely hope that I can now be considered a member of this hallowed thread.

Hold on, hold on, 3 individual plastic gloves? What batshittery is this?

Pink
You silly billy. You should have said that you filled your trolley with choc, said you have a rare medical condition and can only live on dairy/cocoa produce and claim it was your weekly shop. then watched their brains melting out thier ears as they wrestled with that

Oh lordy i am so tempted by that gloves thread but not sure i can handle any more batshittery.

Damn, why didn't I think of that!

I might be really frivolous this weekend, have a takeaway and a bbq AND buy some chocolate. I might even sit out in the garden at the same time as the neighbours!

It didn't take long, the bbq police have arrived - no one should be having a bbq. The poor OP has agreed not to have one until after this is over.

Pink
You know how to live on the edge😉

We went for a walk this evening (me, husband and small boy. Teenage daughter stayed home because walking with your parents is weird, obvs) and I switched on Strava on my phone and was greatly amused to find that I arrived back on my doorstep at 59 minutes and 58 seconds. It made me think of the mumsnetters with the made up 'one hour of exercise' rule. Had I been a responsible citizen by arriving home within the hour? Or was I dangerously flying by the seat of my pants because that could so easily have turned into 1 hour and 1 second?

The poor OP has agreed not to have one until after this is over.

She might as well go ahead and have one now, because she committed the thought crime by just thinking of having one. She will already be on some overzealous rule enforcer's mumsnet spreadsheet, in the column labelled 'wreckless murderer' so she might as well enjoy her dinner...

Evening all!

I am betting excited.....its food shopping day tomorrow!

Need to start getting my list together!

Alcohol is already on the list!!!! Lots of it.

Hope you are all ok

Someone needs to tell thay OP to sneak on here and then have her BBQ!

The gloves thread is excellent value. It's now moved on to sanitising shopping.
For my next supermarket shop I'm going to hire an industrial paint sprayer and attach it to a barrel of dettol and wear a hired space suit with oxygen tanks.

If you're looking for a new series to watch have a look at Home before dark. Pretty cool.m, and quite unusual to have a child main character in the middle of a drama/mystery.

As for the new batshittery ... this is all I have to say

Fuuuuck I just read a bit of the gloves thread. Jaysus is there no end to this utter madness. Someone actually thought this through and decided a thread on mumsnet was THE place to put this shite.
And then after all this glove fuckery you have to clean your shopping too? I cannot imagine a world where I will ever clean my bloody shopping.

I may have accidently set of the Planes over Manchester thread. Forgive me for I have sinned.

To cope I have sent Dh out to buy medicinal wine (they came back with the cover story of yet more tinned tomatoes & bog roll - we are going to have to do bloody mummies costumes for Halloween).

That gloves thread is hilarious! I can't believe someone takes undiluted dettol (or any dettol for that matter) shopping!

I must be really odd, nothing is quarantined or dettolled here. I don't wear gloves or a mask and I don't strip off in the porch when I come in! (To be fair I don't have a porch so it would probably scar the neighbours for life if I stripped off on the doorstep!)

Tbh while hilarious in some way it's worrying what a slippery slope this can become for people with OCD and anxiety. Shitloads of posters falling over themselves to explain how the disinfect,burn and sanitise every thing (and I can smell the bullshit on some from the comfort of my own garden that I am ALOUD to use) not only gives confirmation but adds new things to worry and obsess about.

Gets of high horse, burns the horse, Dettols butt, burns clothes and washes in bleach.

I must now whip myself 10 times for being on a horse which is unnecessary travel AND taking an animal in a public place. I suppose defacing of council property too because the horse shat everywhere. Make it 50 whips.

I agree. There's been a few times the hysteria has got to me, which is why I'm grateful to have found this thread!

Oh and please don't burn the horse, it's not his fault!

I read that post on the other thread from the poster who says they take kitchen roll with undiluted dettol, and all the steps she goes through, about five times and I still wasn't sure if she was being serious or taking the piss.

How do you disinfect things like a bag of flour anyway? Or a cardboard box of cereal? They would turn to mush.

Which is the gloves thread? I just looked through and couldn't find it

I wish I was part of the BBQ police. Sounds fun. ‘Scuse me Sir, I will have to sample this food, it’s in my job spec ...

OMG, should I have been stripping off in the porch @PinkSparklyPussyCat ?

Oh and do I need to install one of those sunken holes before my front door and fill it with bleach (like existed many years back before going into a public swimming pool)?

I am now hotfooting over to the Planes over Manchester thread to see what madness @Unescorted has unleashed ....

I used to have quite severe OCD focussing on contamination. I've found the cleaning your shopping issue quite a minefield, as there was an expert of sorts on Radio 4 who suggested it was a good idea to wipe shopping down, and it does seem the sensible thing to do. But then I remember I need to protect myself and my sanity, so as long as it's not official gov.uk advice I'm not doing it. That reminds me, it's high time to find out whether the one hour limit on exercise is official or MN hysteria

Here are my tips for using disposable gloves.

Method 1:

Take glove and a very thin needle. Make one puncture on fingers 2 and 4. Fill quickly with water , about 3/4 and tie it up. Hang on something, holding or just give it to annoying child while they can play at "milking a cow".

Method 2:

Take glove and fill with water(you can add food colouring for extra creep factor). Tie it up securely. Leave in fridge overnight. Take out of fridge,cut glove out and voila! ice (bloody?!?) hand for annoying child to play with, suck on if hot or experiment with.

I'm 100% more likely to do both every week than doing all that shopping debacle.