Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

No, I don't recall her flouncing, she just left Mumsnet. She didn't get rude at all, as I recall. One further thing to bear in mind, she might have listened more if you hadn't all piled on to her so aggressively. Whereas as it is, she might already have gone.

It's not about feeling sorry for the OP so much, it's about getting the best result.

I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying, I'm ill myself, remember, but sometimes venting like some of you did isn't helpful.

And I have the right to post my view, too. This also isn't AIBU.

More likely the OP has agreed it with her daughter and now feels like they can't let her down.

I despair!

Some of you are really enjoying putting the boot in.

It's the same names over and over being aggressive for the sake of it, and yes I agree some of you need to take a break before you spontaneously combust.

It's the DD who is being selfish IMO. She shouldn't have asked her DM to pick me up. My DM suggest similar things and I just say 'no'.

I mean 'pick 'her' up.

No, I don't recall her flouncing

She announced to the mods she was going, which sounds like flouncing to me.

She didn't get rude at all, as I recall

She implied it was everyone on here’s fault that she was going to go against guidelines. I’m not sure if you’d call that rude, but it is low.

One further thing to bear in mind, she might have listened more if you hadn't all piled on to her so aggressively

I didn’t even see this thread until after she said it was everyone else’s fault, so that seriously coloured my judgement of her. My first post was quite measured. Then she flounced.

Okay, I obviously missed that post, I apologise for that. I would still blame other posters egging her on more than her, and also her DD, who is an adult, who should know better than to ask her.

It's the same names over and over being aggressive for the sake of it, and yes I agree some of you need to take a break before you spontaneously combust.

Well fortunately, you don’t get to say who can post Frankie. I’m nowhere near combusting thanks. Just pissed off with those who think they’re a special case and others who encourage them.

I don't get to say who can post, no. But I can tell which posters will rant and rave on threads like this.

It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

The OP didn’t like being told her actions were absolutely out of order.

She was happy as in her first ‘thanks for understanding speech’ when most people agreed with her initially.

I was one if the first to say absolutely not. Terrible idea and I thought I was going to get a bollocking off everyone for being ‘harsh’ as OP just wanted to pick up dd (24!24 for god sake 😳)

Thankfully more and more people also told her she was being absolutely selfish so she went off in a huff....

It’s a diabolical attitude to have under these circumstances and if everyone thought the same, the death rate would be even higher.

Why do people think that the rules don’t apply to them??

When are people going to realise that EVERYONE has to do their bit? Or we’ll be living like this for the next 8 months FFS 😤

Tragic like the many preventable CV deaths?

I think the posters who would have done the same as the OP are struggling with the anger that other posters are feeling/expressing against those who act irresponsibly.

I suggest they get used to this, because it isn’t going away. This is a very difficult situation and we all need to play our part to over come it.

People saying that this behaviour is irresponsible is hardly tragic

A question to all the ‘I’d get her in a heartbeat’ crowd:

Did you clap for the NHS last Thursday? If so, how do you justify encouraging non-essential journeys that risk spreading the virus, and putting the NHS workers at greater risk?

I suffer from poor mental health. I have adult children who aren’t at home, and yes, I am worried about them. When ds2 had a cough, a temperature and slight tightness in his chest, I wished I could do more to help him, even have him at home, but I am sticking to doing the things that are allowed - ringing them more often than normal, communicating on social media etc. I love my boys as much as any of the ‘maternal instinct/just go get her’ mums.

And I understand why people are finding this so difficult - everyone is struggling with this - but if we can all stick together now, and keep the lockdown as tight as possible, it will be over for all of us sooner, and we will all be able to see our families.

Please will people think twice before taking decisions that could have ALL OF US in lockdown for longer.

I would get my children had me in a heartbeat if l had room. But ATM I'm paying Thier rent to stay where they can. This is not going to end soon. We all going to get virus so why not bring your family together if you can.

Excuse me, I'm actually ill myself, I've had horrendous cough, chest pain and blocked airways. I've also been horribly nauseous for the last week, and have been very unwell for nearly 4 weeks. It's either COVID-19 or it's another infection that will leave me horribly weakened and at risk of catching it.

I've just had the same conversation several times with my DM and told her no. Because she's desperate to do something to help.

That's why I'm saying that I blame those who were egging the OP on and the DD herself more than the OP. Because my initial response was the same, when I was riddled wit insomnia and nausea.

Its a tough one. My DD lives alone in a nearby city. Currently doing what her boss is claiming to be a key worker role (I'm sceptical). Drives to office, socially distances once there. Has food at home for a couple of weeks. Going a bit crazy without social contact.

She thinks her workplace will close this week. The plan is then that she holes up for a fortnight to make sure she is symptom free and then drives home.

Yes it's against the rules but it's not putting anyone in danger.

But I can tell which posters will rant and rave on threads like this.

So, not only the thread police but Mystic Meg too. 😂

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I completely agree with you.

My children are away - one at uni, one a teacher who obviously is still working. They've both stayed where they are ( thankfully, both in the same place though living separately).

I am so upset that they can't be here and would give anything to have them both here BUT I know that it would be wrong to do it. We all have to make these sacrifices for the greater good and to protect everyone. How would these people feel if by doing this one of them got I'll and ended up.in hospital as a result?

This is what went so wrong in Italy - warning was given of the lockdown and people from the North dispersed around the country spreading it.

Every person who thinks that it's just them and that one little infraction won't matter needs to consider that if everyone made similar choices to break the lockdown we would be in serious trouble. At the moment they have the luxury of being able to break the lockdown only because so many of us are sticking to it.

The plan is then that she holes up for a fortnight to make sure she is symptom free and then drives home

And if she’s in the category that is infectious while being asymptomatic? 🙄

Yes it's against the rules but it's not putting anyone in danger.

What if she has it and is asymptomatic and then spreads it around an untouched area?

X post!

Isn't part of the reason it spread so widely and so quickly in Italy that when they put the north on lockdown, tons and tons of people fled to their mother's homes in the south?

Our continued survival at the moment depends entirely on everyone acting responsibly. No exceptions - even if your 24 year old will be a bit lonely, it's better than someone else's beloved daughter dying because your daughter carried another case of the disease to North Yorkshire. You'll never know how many lives were saved because your daughter decided to stay home and watch Netflix in her shared house and maybe feel a bit glum, and you never will know, but her staying put right now would be a heroic act, and for you to bring her home would be unutterably selfish

If, say - touch wood - your daughter was infected by someone who didn't observe the quarantine properly, and ended up in intensive care, wouldn't you wish they'd stayed home instead?

Ffs, well done OP. My DH is a key worker, he has to go to work to help protect the rest of us from the selfish like you why is he risking his, mine and our DCs lives so that everyone else can go skipping about willy nilly!? Thanks a fucking bunch. We also have family in London and abroad but guess what, we suck it up and think of the bigger picture.

I hope to god you ALL self isolate for 2 weeks. I know you won't though, because rules don't apply to you.

Then stop being a keyboard warrior and take a break

Back atcha. You have no right to tell posters what they can and can't post and admonish them. Not one of my posts have been rude.

I am so upset that they can't be here and would give anything to have them both here BUT I know that it would be wrong to do it. We all have to make these sacrifices for the greater good and to protect everyone. How would these people feel if by doing this one of them got I'll and ended up.in hospital as a result?

Me. Ditto. When something like this happens the first thing you want to do is gather your family close to you, even if they're adults. But you can't.

Yes it's against the rules but it's not putting anyone in danger

Errr... have you been listening to what this infection does? How it spreads? How long it lives on surfaces? That is absolute rubbish, it is putting any number of people into danger. If it wasn't, why are we locked down and why, with every press conference, the message is consistently plain.
Do not travel if you don't have to
Do not mix households
Only make essential journeys for food, medication or work if you can't work from home.

I am at a loss to understand how those who want the rules... not for them... can justify it. I would feel awful arguing that stance because it is So Wrong.

Yes it's against the rules but it's not putting anyone in danger.

So many of these posts demonstrate why we really need to listen to the experts and follow their advice. Epidemiology is a specialist subject so understandably, most have very little idea of the principles of infection control. However, every man, woman and their dog saying they ‘think it should be ok’, or ‘nobody is being put in danger’ is really spouting a load of rubbish that bears no relation to reality.