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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Daughter 24 wants to come home

762 replies

AinJD · 28/03/2020 20:55

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

OP posts:
bombaychef · 30/03/2020 23:55

Get her. All students have returned home

PotholeParadise · 31/03/2020 00:04

Get her. All students have returned home

She's not a student! She's an independent adult with a job and home at the other end of the country.

I moved out from my parents at 18, and had been living on my own for 6 years at 24!

Jourdain11 · 31/03/2020 01:58

Some of those students will have had part time jobs as a means of paying that term's rent. They won't now have the jobs, therefore can't pay the rent.

So they need to move out. It's a "need" not a "want".

eaglejulesk · 31/03/2020 02:39

@aloealoealoealoe - so sorry, thinking of you Flowers

Roussette · 31/03/2020 07:58

@TheHonestTruth100

Well done. Yes. Totally agree. And you have the same mindset as my two DDs in London who are staying put.

The OPs DD is not a student in halls. She is an independent adult living in London but hey.... let's break the rules because it's family, why not... sod everyone else.

Oreoed · 31/03/2020 08:00

I am guessing this ship has sailed, but I hope that you didn't pick her up. Students are a bit different if in halls as a lot have been told that they need to go home, but for someone in a secure houseshare it seems right that she stays put, when things are relaxed again if it's advised that it's okay she could travel back.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 31/03/2020 08:13

Get her. All students have returned home

Firstly, she's not a student. Secondly, not all students have returned home. My daughter is a student and has stayed at uni and so have others.

Mittens030869 · 31/03/2020 09:00

@TheHonestTruth100

Yes, my DM keeps wanting to 'help' me; I'm 50 and she's 80. But some of her ideas are ridiculous, liking adding more to her ASDA order and bringing over to us. Or offering to have one of our DDs with her.

Not only is she supposed to be in self-isolation, but I have suspected COVID-19! How would her getting ill (or very possibly dying) help any of us?? That's where we should just continue saying, 'No.'

TeaForTara · 31/03/2020 13:07

It's not about "appeasing strangers", though - it's about saving lives.

Theodoreb · 01/04/2020 02:51

At first my initial reply as a mum was go get her as a mothers strong instinct which is hard to ignore. however reading comment on thread changed my mind that coupled with the fact that although I'm older (32) I have severe mental health illnesses and 3 dc with severe sen and to top it off I been bad for nearly 3 weeks now.

This led to a phone call this morning crying down the phone to my mum as I want her however I wouldn't dream of asking her to risk her health and as hard as it is for both of us as until about a month before the virus my mum moved out of my house so I could try living alone and just coming round every day instead and I just want my mum back home. But I can't as I'm not willing to spread this disease further after listening to all replies on here so just came on to say my initial reply was incorrect and thinking from the eyes of a mother as opposed to a responsible adult daughter.

Inappropriatefemale · 01/04/2020 07:23

OP so is your DD home and well now I take it?

Frownette · 01/04/2020 07:32

I don't think OP will answer...but I assume so

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2020 07:36

The OP is not coming back to the discussion.

But yes, I expect so.

Roussette · 01/04/2020 08:17

Theodoreb I feel for you. It must be really hard. But you're doing the right thing for your Mum, and for you, upsetting though it is.

My DDs in London are on their own and I miss them even though we're in constant contact. . Youngest lives on her own so all she has is the four walls of her flat. However, she is working from home so that gives her some focus during the day and she has loads of friends that she is in contact with online.

This is just something we all have to get through and it's hard for some people.

Theodoreb · 01/04/2020 09:25

@Rousette thank you it's hard but I can do this I been fighting all my life I can do this as well and we talk on phone about ten times a day Blush.

Mittens030869 · 01/04/2020 09:52

MNHQ reporter that OP has actually left Mumsnet, so she won't update us. I expect she did bring her DD home.

Mittens030869 · 01/04/2020 10:06

@Theodoreb I responded the same as you, despite having been very ill for 3 weeks with distressing symptoms that are like COVID-19 (not tested). Because I have adopted DDs oh 11 and 8 with attachment issues (DD1 has SEN too), so I would have found it heartbreaking to have to say no in the scenario described by the OP.

But, like you, I realised immediately afterwards that I wouldn't dream of asking my 80 year old DM to come over, despite her wanting to do that in the past or offering to have my DD1 for a while, as my DH has been struggling with looking after both of them. I said no! So I think the OP's DD was being very selfish asking her mum to come for her.

SharonasCorona · 01/04/2020 10:07

Why would OP come back after all the personal attacks?

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2020 10:12

all the personal attacks?

You mean people telling her she was acting against guidelines?

Roussette · 01/04/2020 12:08

I just think everyone's emotions are running high. And when you/we abide by all the rules, we are bored senseless stuck in, we are missing loved ones we can't see.... we just get a bit narked when someone blatantly thinks the rules don't apply to them.

Personally, I start to think... what's the point. There's me doing everything I can for the sake of my family and others. Yet some people just don't care and do what they want with no thought of the bigger picture.

Not really personal attacks. Just frustration and annoyance

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 01/04/2020 12:19

Roussette

Exactly. Plus these people who think the rules only apply to others would I'm sure, have something to say if we were all doing it. If we all decided to interpret the rules to suit ourselves this virus would be out of control and thousands would be dying. The only reason they have the luxury to choose to not abide by the rules is because so many of us are. They never seem to appreciate that though. They just think "well, I don't see anyone when I go for a walk so what's the problem in going for 20 walks a day, or the shops are empty so why can't I go three times s day every day, or what's wrong in driving 200 miles I don't see anyone and the roads are clear so I won't have an accident" well, those things are only true because most people aren't having the same selfish attitudes.

It's like people in the theatre who choose to talk throughout the play. They get the arse when told to be quiet because they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing. They'll be quiet when it's a bit they want to hear. What they don't understand is that if everyone in the theatre was as selfish as them, then they wouldn't hear what they wanted to because everyone else would be talking.

Essentially, these people only have the option to be selfish twats because other people are restricting what they do.

Roussette · 01/04/2020 12:30

Exactly Hear and I just want to hear one reason, just one, as to why they are different and can ignore the 'rules' from Chief Medical Officer, PM, Police Chiefs, health professionals, scientists etc. We never get an answer because there is no reason and no justification.
And they actually know that deep down, although they think they're the exception for some bizarre reason.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 01/04/2020 12:41

They just clearly feel that they are above everyone else.

My son is a teacher and he's been saying how shocked he is how so many students just cannot cope with being told "no". I was really surprised until these threads started appearing and now I can see that it's true. So many of these posters just won't accept being told "no".

SharonasCorona · 01/04/2020 12:43

You mean people telling her she was acting against guidelines?

MNHQ referred to them as personal attacks and said they would be deleting them (see upthread).

I’m quoting them. @LaurieMarlow

Frankiecandle · 01/04/2020 12:47

The OP was hounded off here.

Well done.