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So confused re FIL - handhold please?

233 replies

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 16:24

Sorry this is long...

Ten days ago my FIL (75, lives alone 50 miles away from us, very active and healthy) came down with coronavirus symptoms. He didn't call DH until day 4 and we encouraged him to call 111; by then he wasn't eating and did not sound good.
A doctor came out early on day 5 and prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection. FIL thought he had also tested for COVID-19.
Day 6 he felt a bit better and ate something.
Day 7 he felt awful again and didn't get out of bed. We called 111 but there was a mix up and we were promised a call back which never happened. At this point we were waiting for the COVID test to be negative so DH could go and look after him - we then found out FIL had been confused about this and he hadn't been tested after all.
Day 8 he seemed confused, didn't know what day of the week it was or what was going on. My DH called 111 who sent an ambulance and he was taken in.
We eventually got though to A&E who told us he was being admitted but couldn't give us any details but said he "probably has coronavirus".
Day 9 we managed to speak to FIL on his mobile and he seemed ok. A nurse on the ward said they were still waiting for results of tests, inc for COVID-19. From what I gather, he is on a general geriatic ward so this is worrying itself.

Anyway today, day 10, DH called the ward. The results are still not back but the nurse has said FIL has spiked another fever, he has fluid on his lungs and basically we need to prepare ourselves for the worst. She even said he has signed to say he doesn't want respiratory support if it's required.
The really confusing part is DH then spoke to FIL on the phone and he sounded ok-ish?? He said he's got no trouble breathing, just feels weak and shaky, he was grumpy about his uncomfortable hospital bed and kept saying he couldn't wait to get home. He certainly does not sound like he's a death's door, but then we are not medically trained. Do people tend to go down hill very quickly in these circumstances?
We are really aware of how much pressure the staff at the hospital must be at the moment so don't want to keep ringing but we are just so confused and don't feel like we have any answers. It is SO hard not being able to go to him. We just don't know what to do with ourselves, we keep swinging between feeling like it can't be that bad and fearing the worst.
Has anyone been through similar? Any advice?
Sorry if this is garbled, I can't think straight atm.

OP posts:
SirChing · 29/03/2020 22:30

@EchoLocation Thinking of you, your DH and your FIL Flowers The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. Can your DH have the ward phone put next to your FIL so that DH can speak to him. FIL may not be able to reply, but he can listen and know he is loved. Or one of the nursing team can read a message from your DH to him. It gives your DH something to do so he may feel a little less powerless. Ironically, night time is often the best time to do this as wards are quieter and nurses have more time.

If this doesn't appeal to DH, then that's understandable too. Your FIL will already know he is adored. Every word you write about him is filled with love. If a stranger online can tell, there is no doubt that your FIL will know.

You will be in my prayers tonight Flowers

littlemissmuffins · 29/03/2020 22:30

I'm so sorry to hear this. Hoping for your Family xx

NotStayingIn · 29/03/2020 22:34

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to reach out and give you all my best wishes. Thinking of you all.

JammyGeorge · 29/03/2020 22:34

Sending you much love & support echo.

What a terrible harrowing time, this is so unbelievably shit.

Lougle · 29/03/2020 23:06

I will also pray @EchoLocation, if that's ok. I hope you all sleep tonight.

flowerstar19 · 29/03/2020 23:18

Everything crossed for your FIL, how incredibly distressing for you all Xxx

NotAGirl · 30/03/2020 00:05

So sorry Echolocation how awful for all of you.

Flube · 30/03/2020 00:19

Oh Echo, so sorry. Flowers

It must be an awful shock, and horrible not being able to be by his side.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/03/2020 00:28

This is the last post i’ll Read tonight and it will be the first one i’ll Read in the morning.

Thinking of you, it’s awful. 😥

Dippitydoodle · 30/03/2020 00:29

I hope you manage to get some sleep. Il be thinking of your all op.

WingingItSince1973 · 30/03/2020 00:30

Have just seen your post and wanted to send my heartfelt love to you and your family. What an awful awful illness! I certainly hope your FIL pulls through. Hes just a tad older than my own dad and it doesnt seem old to me! So hard for you DH to be so far away from him. Hope you manage to rest and hear some positive news soon xxxxx

Dizzygirl00 · 30/03/2020 00:41

Sending strength to you all I’m so very sorry you’re going through this Flowers

Roostersmum2 · 30/03/2020 00:54

Thinking of you all OP. I hope he is as comfortable as possible Flowers

InglouriousBasterd · 30/03/2020 01:50

This is so sad. Thinking of you all Flowers

Ifeelinclined · 30/03/2020 01:57

Thinking of you and you family. Want a difficult situation. Thanks

dalmatianmad · 30/03/2020 04:47

In my 24 years of Nursing I've never experienced anything as heart breaking as this.
Its unthinkable that the relatives cant be with their loved ones.
Thinking of you and your family x

ThePawtriarchy · 30/03/2020 04:56

Just here to say I’m thinking of you and your FIL and hoping for the very best FlowersFlowers

Rookie93 · 30/03/2020 05:14

Thinking of you and your family Flowers

Tp93 · 30/03/2020 05:58

So sorry for you and your family x

JulesJules · 30/03/2020 06:23

I've been thinking about you Echo

cheeseislife8 · 30/03/2020 07:18

So sorry OP, thinking of you Flowers

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 30/03/2020 07:48

So sad to read this OP x

ArbitraryNameChange · 30/03/2020 08:55

Thinking of you Thanks

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/03/2020 09:55

Any news, OP? Praying things aren’t as bad as they sounded.

EchoLocation · 30/03/2020 10:14

Morning everyone, once again thank you, I am so touched by your kindness.

No further update I'm afraid.

I have woken up today full of rage at the unfairness of it all. Having to push it down to homeschool the kids and get on with my own work but barely holding it together. DH is trying to carry on as normal and get his work in order incase he has to suddenly leave.

It sounds like FIL is being cared for by lovely people and that is a comforting thought. I hope he is not scared. I don't think he will be.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, we are still desperately holding on to hope, but the thought keeps creeping in........ he won't even be able to have a proper funeral :( He loves a party and has tonnes of friends - mostly younger women, the tart Grin

I'm trying to distract myself from that thought, I am trying to distract myself and praying and hoping his poor body will start fighting back. I don't have anyone to share these thoughts with so I thought it might help putting them here. I feel terribly guilty but it's hard when you are so helpless, my mind is going off in a hundred different directions.

Thanks again for listening, I'll update when we hear from the hospital.

OP posts: