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So confused re FIL - handhold please?

233 replies

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 16:24

Sorry this is long...

Ten days ago my FIL (75, lives alone 50 miles away from us, very active and healthy) came down with coronavirus symptoms. He didn't call DH until day 4 and we encouraged him to call 111; by then he wasn't eating and did not sound good.
A doctor came out early on day 5 and prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection. FIL thought he had also tested for COVID-19.
Day 6 he felt a bit better and ate something.
Day 7 he felt awful again and didn't get out of bed. We called 111 but there was a mix up and we were promised a call back which never happened. At this point we were waiting for the COVID test to be negative so DH could go and look after him - we then found out FIL had been confused about this and he hadn't been tested after all.
Day 8 he seemed confused, didn't know what day of the week it was or what was going on. My DH called 111 who sent an ambulance and he was taken in.
We eventually got though to A&E who told us he was being admitted but couldn't give us any details but said he "probably has coronavirus".
Day 9 we managed to speak to FIL on his mobile and he seemed ok. A nurse on the ward said they were still waiting for results of tests, inc for COVID-19. From what I gather, he is on a general geriatic ward so this is worrying itself.

Anyway today, day 10, DH called the ward. The results are still not back but the nurse has said FIL has spiked another fever, he has fluid on his lungs and basically we need to prepare ourselves for the worst. She even said he has signed to say he doesn't want respiratory support if it's required.
The really confusing part is DH then spoke to FIL on the phone and he sounded ok-ish?? He said he's got no trouble breathing, just feels weak and shaky, he was grumpy about his uncomfortable hospital bed and kept saying he couldn't wait to get home. He certainly does not sound like he's a death's door, but then we are not medically trained. Do people tend to go down hill very quickly in these circumstances?
We are really aware of how much pressure the staff at the hospital must be at the moment so don't want to keep ringing but we are just so confused and don't feel like we have any answers. It is SO hard not being able to go to him. We just don't know what to do with ourselves, we keep swinging between feeling like it can't be that bad and fearing the worst.
Has anyone been through similar? Any advice?
Sorry if this is garbled, I can't think straight atm.

OP posts:
ThelmaDinkley · 30/03/2020 21:43

So so sorry OP What an heartbreaking situation. Flowers

Salene · 30/03/2020 21:48

Gosh this is awful to read, I can't believe you'd husband can't say good bye Sad

If he does pass away maybe once this is over you could hold a memorial for him so he can have that final party he deserves xx

ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 30/03/2020 21:51

This is just heartbreaking, I’m so sorry 💐. Much love xxxx

HelloBambinos · 30/03/2020 22:43

Thinking of you at such a sad and difficult time 💐

LittleCabbage · 30/03/2020 22:58

I am so sorry for your FIL and this situation Flowers

Lougle · 30/03/2020 23:03

Oh @EchoLocation I'm so sorry. I can't imagine (well, actually, don't want to imagine - I'm a nurse and I've seen many people die) how distressing it is that you can't say goodbye. Please know two things:

  1. Nurses will be with him until his last breath. They won't abandon him. They will care.
  2. Very often patients wait until their loved ones step out to make a phone call, go to the toilet, go to get an hour's sleep, etc., to die. We don't know why, but it's quite common.
TheGinGenie · 30/03/2020 23:14

I'm so sorry, my family have just been though this, almost identical to what you're describing and it's so horrible. Sending you the very best wishes

2018SoFarSoGreat · 31/03/2020 01:21

Reading this has brought me to proper tears. This stinks.

So so sorry for you all ❤️

Bingeslayer · 31/03/2020 01:30

I'm so sorry op (flowers)

Didkdt · 31/03/2020 01:41

I don't know what to say. These are horrible times
Your poor FIL hopes a nurse will be with him
Possibly he will recover the odd wonderful story pops up with all the tragic ones that pop up.
I just wish you all peace

Icanflyhigh · 31/03/2020 02:04

So sorry OP :-(

altiara · 31/03/2020 02:08

Thinking of you OP 💐

mortforya · 31/03/2020 02:22

Oh op, my heart is breaking for you and your whole family, this virus has robbed so many of so much, reading your posts reminds us that it is not just a virus that gives you pneumonia, it's an evil cruel monster that takes away the most important things to people in an end of life situation, it's the lost heartbreaking of situations, take care and mind yourself and your family, if possible maybe send a photo of your family in a card into FIL to tell him you are with him and maybe one of the kids blankets or a jumper of dh for him to hold for comfort, I'm so very very sorry op xxx

LuciLuci · 31/03/2020 10:26

Good morning OP. Just bumping to let you know all our thoughts are with you today. Don’t feel compelled to update if things get overwhelming, we’re here regardless! Also, if you do get a chance to talk to FIL, please tell him that so many people are thinking of him, if that feels appropriate for you xx

blossombabies · 31/03/2020 10:34

im so sorry to hear this. my heart breaks for you and your family Thanks

Elpheba · 31/03/2020 10:45

Another reader in tears here at how cruel this is, to take people too early and to rob loved ones of the chance to say goodbye. Thinking of you, your DH and FiL and everyone going through this. Sending many many hugs x

EchoLocation · 31/03/2020 11:20

Sorry, I don't have the energy to reply individually but from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all your thoughts, prayers and well wishes, you have all helped so much.

To the nurses reading this, you are wonderful Flowers I cannot thank you enough for your compassion and all that you do.

To anyone else who has been/is going through this, I am thinking of you.

We managed to video call my FIL earlier. It was just lovely. He is struggling but still believes he will get better which is actually comforting. My DH told him all about what the kids are up to and FIL reminded him that he is coming over in the summer to help fix the garden fence. It felt almost normal and has given us great comfort.

He knows he is loved and adored and that is everything right now.
xx

OP posts:
Member · 31/03/2020 11:34

So glad you could video call, such a horrible situation & I truly feel for you all x

wildcherries · 31/03/2020 11:38

I'm so glad for you all that you manged to have the call and conversation.

JulesJules · 31/03/2020 11:57

Oh Echo xx

picklemewalnuts · 31/03/2020 12:29

Sad there are no good words, but we are handholding when you need it.

stophuggingme · 31/03/2020 12:35

This is heartbreaking to read. I’m so sorry.
You and your family are in my thoughts as are all those people out there who are going through this utter hell.

Sending a hand hold x

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 31/03/2020 12:44

Absolutely heartbreaking, such a horrible evil virus .
I hope that your fil has a peaceful ending Flowers

Lougle · 31/03/2020 12:51

I'm so glad you spoke x

Noworrieshere · 31/03/2020 13:01

So glad you could speak. How brave of you to hold it together, that's the best thing you can do for him right now. You are an amazing family