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So confused re FIL - handhold please?

233 replies

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 16:24

Sorry this is long...

Ten days ago my FIL (75, lives alone 50 miles away from us, very active and healthy) came down with coronavirus symptoms. He didn't call DH until day 4 and we encouraged him to call 111; by then he wasn't eating and did not sound good.
A doctor came out early on day 5 and prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection. FIL thought he had also tested for COVID-19.
Day 6 he felt a bit better and ate something.
Day 7 he felt awful again and didn't get out of bed. We called 111 but there was a mix up and we were promised a call back which never happened. At this point we were waiting for the COVID test to be negative so DH could go and look after him - we then found out FIL had been confused about this and he hadn't been tested after all.
Day 8 he seemed confused, didn't know what day of the week it was or what was going on. My DH called 111 who sent an ambulance and he was taken in.
We eventually got though to A&E who told us he was being admitted but couldn't give us any details but said he "probably has coronavirus".
Day 9 we managed to speak to FIL on his mobile and he seemed ok. A nurse on the ward said they were still waiting for results of tests, inc for COVID-19. From what I gather, he is on a general geriatic ward so this is worrying itself.

Anyway today, day 10, DH called the ward. The results are still not back but the nurse has said FIL has spiked another fever, he has fluid on his lungs and basically we need to prepare ourselves for the worst. She even said he has signed to say he doesn't want respiratory support if it's required.
The really confusing part is DH then spoke to FIL on the phone and he sounded ok-ish?? He said he's got no trouble breathing, just feels weak and shaky, he was grumpy about his uncomfortable hospital bed and kept saying he couldn't wait to get home. He certainly does not sound like he's a death's door, but then we are not medically trained. Do people tend to go down hill very quickly in these circumstances?
We are really aware of how much pressure the staff at the hospital must be at the moment so don't want to keep ringing but we are just so confused and don't feel like we have any answers. It is SO hard not being able to go to him. We just don't know what to do with ourselves, we keep swinging between feeling like it can't be that bad and fearing the worst.
Has anyone been through similar? Any advice?
Sorry if this is garbled, I can't think straight atm.

OP posts:
Boozeless · 29/03/2020 02:18

So sorry to hear this OP Flowers

eaglejulesk · 29/03/2020 02:24

So sorry to hear this OP Flowers

BootShakin · 29/03/2020 02:29

So sorry OP. Sending you strength. Hope he pulls through Flowers

stealingchristmascake · 29/03/2020 02:32

I'm probably way off here - but have they ruled out Sepsis? Have you asked that question ?

Sending you a handhold Thanks

SirChing · 29/03/2020 02:34

I am so sorry about your FIL. Re him signing to say no respiratory support, it's a tricky one. On the one hand I can see why you feel like he is almost not fighting hard enough. On the other, intubation is no picnic.

It can cause lung problems and brain damage amongst other physical issues. And many people who require this do, sadly, pass away anyway. The chances of that increase with age. Some are also left in a situation where they would not be able to survive in future without ventilation, meaning that a decision has to then be made in the future about when to withdraw it, as someone can't be on ventilation indefinitely.

I am only saying this so that you know that the decision to be ventilated or not isn't a cut and dried one, and the medics will have advised him on the pros and cons.

I really hope that your FIL has a peaceful and settled night, and that your DH is able to spend time with him. Thinking of you all Flowers

PointlessUsername · 29/03/2020 02:41

Thats really sad to read. Thinking of you all Flowers

sazza76 · 29/03/2020 03:25

What a heartbreaking situation for you and your family Echo i’m so sorry. I hope that things your father in law improves over night and the news is better tomorow.
It’s hard having to put your trust in people to take care of someone you love especially when you can’t be there. It might seem like a small mercy being that you can’t be there, but he is with people who will take care of him and he’s not alone.
I’m glad that SirChing posted above about ventilation, I wanted to but wouldn’t have been able to word it as well.
This is such a desperately shitty shitty time for people, take care of yourselves.

Mittens030869 · 29/03/2020 03:34

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP, how awful! Thanks

notsodimwit · 29/03/2020 04:48

So sorry op Flowers how awful for your family 😟😢

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 29/03/2020 05:40

This is so awful, I’m so sorry. I know that the systems are overstretched but in your position I would be making a fuss of getting in touch with the consultant or JDr. as other posters have said. You should be afforded that, that’s not an unreasonable request.

Kittypillar · 29/03/2020 05:47

I'm so sorry to read this OP Flowers sending you a handhold. What an absolute nightmare this all is Sad

EchoLocation · 29/03/2020 08:49

It was a difficult night here, thank you for your comforting words. Goodness knows how FIL's was, I hope peaceful.

@SirChing thank you for posting what you wrote so sensitively, I needed to read it. I do feel it's the right decision for him, as much as it hurts very much.

I will update later.

OP posts:
buckeejit · 29/03/2020 09:04

Thinking of you @echo

Thanks for the info @SirChing

LittleCandle · 29/03/2020 09:13

At that age, the risk of putting someone onto a ventilator is that they will never come off it again, hence why they don't tend to do that. I am so sorry that you are so far away. This must be so difficult for you all. Flowers

letmepeeinpeace · 29/03/2020 09:18

Keep us updated OP. Hand hold if needed

SirChing · 29/03/2020 10:19

@EchoLocation Flowers I know it hurts Sad If the Drs thought ventilation was the best thing for him they would have pushed for it with him. Sadly, the stats for people over 70 recovering via ventilation aren't great. I am so sorry OP, and it's a huge shock, but there is so much to be said for slipping away peacefully when it's time, even if that time is much earlier than anyone would ever have wished.

Thinking of you today Flowers

LuciLuci · 29/03/2020 18:40

I’ve been avoiding commenting on this thread as I don’t feel I have anything actually helpful to say, but I wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking of you and your family since I read this last night and I hope you’ve had some reassurance today. Thinking of you Flowers

Bagelsandbrie · 29/03/2020 18:43

So sorry to read this. Thinking of you all.

RandomWok · 29/03/2020 18:49

Thinking of you OP Flowers

Sweetpea84 · 29/03/2020 18:52

So sorry op my heart goes out to you x

binkyblinky · 29/03/2020 18:56

Thinking of you all xxx

Desertislanddreamer · 29/03/2020 19:11

Oh god this is so awful. Thinking of you all xx

NowSissyThatWalk · 29/03/2020 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chimpfield · 29/03/2020 19:47

Thinking of you and your family

EchoLocation · 29/03/2020 22:22

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to comment, it is such a comfort knowing people care.

No update really. He has been on max oxygen all day, no improvement but no deterioration either. The doctor has made it clear that this is the end of the road in terms of treatment so we just have to wait and see. He's too poorly to talk on the phone now. My DH desperately wants to go and see his dad but the sad reality is he will only be able to if he is nearing the end.

We are trying to distract ourselves the best we can. Thanks again for your support, I'll be back tomorrow Flowers

OP posts: