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Original poster

Covid-19 and a very difficult ex husband

222 replies

Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 15:31

Hi all,

I am hoping for some advice and appreciate these are difficult times and you may not know the answer but opinions would be welcome.

I have a CO with my ex husband. We split the nights 8/6 in my favour. Shared holiday. The order is clear on split of time week to week.

Yesterday my now husband developed a cough so as well guidelines we are as a family self isolating. Including my 2 children with my ex. This is obviously not ideal.

He is saying whilst they are not at school we should be splitting the time 50 50. I am working from home / home schooling at the moment. I have said these 14 days are no contact with anyone and he disagrees he says its guidelines not law. He has a nan with respiratory problems. His parents came back from spain sunday and his sister is 5 months pregnant. He would see them. He thinks all this doesnt apply to him. Hes invincible.

So what would you do in these circumstances he is saying I am purposely restricting their time with their father. As if I really have a choice.

If I let them go to him, am I part of the problem in terms of spreading the disease?

Thoughts? AIBU?

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 18/03/2020 15:32

If you can then I would text his family to warn them so they won’t see him

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 15:33

I have no contact with any of them at all.

OP posts:
Youdreamedmydreamforme · 18/03/2020 15:34

They should be staying with you for 14 days. He can FaceTime them, two weeks will not damage him or them in the long run.

Ponoka7 · 18/03/2020 15:35

Yes you would be part of the problem spreading it, as are people like him.

But it's a difficult situation. However for the sake of your children's health, i would stay self isolated.

Beesisabuzzin · 18/03/2020 15:38

No wonder he's your ex. What an idiot.

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 15:54

I have tried to be reasonable. This is not an easy situation to be in. I am working from home and looking after and trying to school 2 energetic boys. Its hardly a holiday. I said some input from him on lessons would be helpful as of yet I've had nothing from the school. He can speak / facetime / email. I am making that all easy for him.

One of his responses...

S,

In short are you preventing the lads from seeing their father for the next 14days because of "guidelines", not anything legal but simple "guidelines".

C (not real initial)

I mean really!!!!!

OP posts:
Bloatstoat · 18/03/2020 15:57

Such a difficult situation. I despair of parents like him, my friend is in a similar difficult situation with her ex. You can't control his choices, sadly, but if you can get him to agree that they isolate with you at least you make sure they aren't in contact with members of his family who are at risk. Would he agree to them spending 14 days with you if they then did 12 days with him afterwards, so like your usual proportional split but for longer - not sure if that would be possible in your circumstances? My friend is doing something like that as her ex was similarly unreasonable, implying that she'd set up the whole situation to get more time Hmm

Windyatthebeach · 18/03/2020 15:57

Just say yes exh I am....
And ignore him.

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 15:59

Oh yeah because we want to be indoors for 14 days through choice!!! Honestly these men are not fit to be parents.

I'm hoping he takes me back to court on this.

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 18/03/2020 16:00

What a bellend. I’d reply

C,

So we’re clear, dh has symptoms which require him and those in our household to self isolate. This does unfortunately include keeping them in the home we reside in. However I am not preventing our sons from seeing their father, I am more than happy for FaceTime to happen. Government guidelines are here (add link) and are such for good reason. Don’t worry, the two weeks should fly by. Let me know when you want to FaceTime the kids.

C

Sickandscared · 18/03/2020 16:02

Nope. If anyone is isolating then you can't have back and forth between the two households. That's what my doctor told me. It's tough because as I'm high risk my partner now can't see his daughter at all.

Be firm and don't let him bully you.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/03/2020 16:05

I’d reply Link to current nhs guidelines and say I’m not preventing you I’m acting in childrens’ best interests by following current government advice. Contact can be via Skype/phone in these unprecedented circumstances. I doubt he’d be daft enough to apply to court but if he did he’d be the one who’d look like an idiot.

HugeAckmansWife · 18/03/2020 16:08

Idiot. My ex and I live far apart and don't have the best relationship but we are trying to work out what to do to ensure contact and be safe. I'd engage as little as possible, offer the longer stint with him after the 14 days and be clear that should they develop symptoms while with him, he then has to keep them for 14 days. His family are his responsibility to keep safe.

Windyatthebeach · 18/03/2020 16:13

This is the type of thing exh would have done before dc went nc.
Previously he has made me get dc up from their sick bed to take them out. Ds puked in his car....
Some people just won't accept rules apply also to them...
Keep them with you op. He is a twat..
Bet you already knew that though...

Poppinjay · 18/03/2020 16:13

Tell him that you're happy to be held to account by the family court for insisting on following govt guidelines that are designed to save lives.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 18/03/2020 16:15

My DC’s dad has symptoms and he is isolating with his household and not seeing my children so I think you would be correct. X

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 16:19

Thank you. Its good to know I am doing the right thing. This was my first email to him.

As promised I said I would up date you with any developments our end. Unfortunately overnight / this morning DH has developed a continous cough. He is showing no other symptoms and seems to be ok.

We have looked at the government guidelines for advice and are following their instructions. This means as a family unit we are going to self-isolate for the next 14 days. I have informed the school and have asked for work for the boys to be sent over email.

I am fortunate that I can work from home, so will continue to do this as well as home school the boys.

They will be available to speak / video you as much as you / they want to.

His response was sorry to hear that so are you preventing me from seeing them...

I have replied

As you should be aware, any family with one person in the family showing symptoms MUST self isolate for 14 days. If one person out of that family has contact with anyone outside of the household then that said person must then self isolate in their own home.

So for example, if the boys see you then you will need to self isolate as well. Children are the biggest carriers and they very rarely show symptoms. If you don’t self isolate after seeing the boys, you will risk passing it on to someone else. This is why everyone has been advised to follow these rules.

This isn’t about me keeping the boys from you, I am following guidelines, that is all.

For ease, guidelines are here:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-stay-at-home-guidance/stay-at-home-guidance-for-households-with-possible-coronavirus-covid-19-infection

I also spoke to the school this morning and they supported my decision.

The boys tried to call you twice today and I messaged. I trust you will be available to speak to them tomorrow.

I am.still getting shitty emails!!!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 18/03/2020 16:20

If he chooses to be an arse and go to court because you're self isolating the children, he's going to look like a total idiot. No judge in the land will back him.
However, be prepared that after the 14 days isolation he will do exactly the same oncenthe children are with him.

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 16:21

I fully expect him too xx

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 18/03/2020 16:23

Send his emails to spam.
For 14 days!!

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 16:26

Its tempting 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
BanjoStarz · 18/03/2020 16:26

I’d stop using the word family and change it to household.

Less emotive for him.

But he sounds like a dick. No wonder he’s an ex.

themuminator · 18/03/2020 16:32

just sending support to you. You are doing the right thing.

I also have a really difficult ex. We haven't even been in touch about Corona yet because I can't face the conversation. I know I need to though.

I'd stick to your guns if you can in a way that is as non-emotive as possible but making clear what will happen. Good luck.

GabsAlot · 18/03/2020 16:33

Hes a knob no youre not stopping him seeing his child he can skype facetime or whatever he has

but ignoring phoencalls thats real mature

lowlandLucky · 18/03/2020 16:47

You have explained why he cant see them, you are in the right and he is in the wrong. There is nothing else to say to him so simply ignore him.