In other good news, I am now damn sure I don't have Coronavirus.
All the suspected local cases have tested negative, so there is obviously a funny bug that causes symptoms like Coronavirus (dry cough, shortness of breath, zero snot, bit of a fever, etc) and I probably have that. I am going to continue to isolate myself as much as possible, just because I don't think anyone needs the anxiety of catching something like that in the current climate!