30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

Aries, just spoke to my Dad on your behalf re: accountant fuck-up. Dad's a retired Chartered Accountant and Small Business Advisor. He says it's total unprofessional bullshit and illegal for him (the accountant, not my Dad!) to ask for money to sort out his own mess. Pops' advice was to: a) check the accountant's qualifications and membership of a professional body (this can be done online). If he's not in a professional body, this is v dodgy. b) find his professional body, or a major one and report him to it, telling him that you are doing so unless he sorts it out ASAP (Dad says to get him to sort it out and then still send the letter, as he's being a chancer). c) when you do this, write to the tax authority explaining that you are reporting your accountant for dishonest practice (as the tax you have paid and will paid will be affected by having the figures put right). d) if the loan is needed urgently, just keep pressing your bank manager and then calmly suggest you will take your business elsewhere if they can't be more amenable.

Does any of that help?

I love it when the BESH get feisty. Makes me feel all empowerfulled on everyone's behalf.

You're all gorgeous. That is my helpful and considered contribution to todays menkulness.

Muse Say no to group weight loss. Diets are horrible and you don't need anything else fucking with your head at the moment.

Aries Scorp knows all. Listen to the voice of reason. Also, I am almost 33 - have no idea whether that makes you feel better or worse, but love the idea that it can even be considered very young.

Laurie Have they not been monitoring you with the Clomid, then?

Mountie Mutant tests were to see if there was a genetic reason for TNB's

Thank you, Cameltoe, I try not to blow my own trumpet, but truth will out...

The reason why you cared more about TNB having a genetic link to the child than you is cos you LURVE him and are a fabulous, selfless person. Urrrrrgh, Camel loves a BOY! Cooties!

Seriously, it must be such a relief. And you are 32 - that is indeed v. young! You are 5 years younger than me Been reading the Zita West book - it is v informative but every 3rd paragraph seems to be about how hard it is for women 35+ to get pg or to have IVF success. Oh Christ, I'm going to become an obese cat woman, aren't I? And I'm allergic to cats, waaaaah!

More needles this avo. Maybe she could also bitch-slap the boohoo out of me as well?

I like my Head Girl's badge. I was banned from standing for Head Girl at my school cos I lead a campaign to force the Head to let 6th formers join the NUS (totally illegal to stop 'em, but it was still banned till I kicked ass) and they said I was too much of a 'rabble rouser' to be H G. My bro was Head Boy a few years later. It still rankles.

I dunno why Astrologers always bang on about Scorpios bearing long and pointless grudges

perfect nope, no monitoring. Well, I had 1 dildocam after 1st dose of Clomid to check number of follicles, but that's all. Not good, is it?

Also they tested follicle size on CD9. Said they usually like to do it CD11/12. So while my follicles looked OK, they were still on the small side.

I'm winding myself up now at my naivity & FC fuckwittery.

GAH!!!!

scorps you & your dad are the biz!

Scorps Bless you, you're very lovely. And will be pregnant very soon with all the good shit that you are doing. I KNOW

Plus, if I have IVF octuplets, you can totally have one.

laurie If cho's around anywhere, she's your best person to talk to about Clomid. I think some doctors hand it out like magic candy...But is not naivety and FC fuckwittery - it's really hard to take any control back once the IF rollercoaster starts.

Thanks PerfectDay! I'll take a little one, if you like - I'm a shortarse, so it'll be more believable Thanks for the reassurance - let's both win this summer and my kid and your 8 can all play together!

And thanks too to Lozza! And you are NOT a fuckwit, Missy - the NHS are really vague and dismissive and impersonal about it all. My Doc was quite put out that I wanted to know the actual figure for my FHS instead of her just fobbing me off with 'fine'.

Blardy hell, pre-op assessment for Lap can take up to 3 hours tomorrow. Will be zzzzzzzzz as fuck but it makes me a lot more confident about the levels of professionalism regarding my Lap. Ooooh, hang on, now I'm worrying all that fussing means it's a really dangerous op! God, my mind is shite. I rilly think I might have some sort of anxiety disorder

Cameltoe, that is great news, chuffed for you.

I hope Aries is taking Scorps kick-ass advice on evil accountant.

Both parents and ILs read the Daily Heil. In their defence, they know not what they do, although we have tried to explain. Drives me mad, especially when they start spouting absolute claptrap that can only have emanated from that source.

I have gynae appt at 2pm . HO not coming with . I kind of wish I'd asked for referral sooner, feel like I've wasted loads of time . But I suppose I didn't know it wasn't going to happen naturally (although I never really thought it would).

Laurie, you don't use a day 3 to compare against a day 21 - day 3 is FSH/LH, day 21 is progesterone. The day 21 shows whether or not you have ovulated (progesterone 30 or more), it's the crucial one and it doesn't need to be compared against a baseline. My GP was reluctant to do a day 3 test at all, I had to ask on two separate occasions and then beg a bit! Also I think with clomid they should ultrasound track you on the first cycle, but don't have to do so after that (the guidance says "at least" the first cycle).

It is a rollercoaster, isn't it? Kind of found myself on it by accident - thought I was starting the menopuase (don't ask!) & ended up leaving doc with a referral to FC!

To be honest, I think its only the last few months I've started to take it all a bit more seriously & start to question things.

Pliz to see earlier post re "Britishness". I'm in awe of doctors & don't think to question them. Stoopid!

Lyra, it's natural to feel like you've wasted lots of time, but nobody goes into TTC thinking 'let's go straight to AC!' (unless they're 44, perhaps!). Be nice to yourself, you have done NOTHING wrong. Good luck with the gynae later. You may be going physically alone, but you have the spirits of the BESH all around you (knocking things off the desk, whispering inappropriate questions to ask in your ear, goading you into asking 'shall I get me rat out?', making childish noises when the gynae mentions foofoo words, that sort of thing)

Thanks Scorpy, love you

I can't help thinking about what Mountie said, that in the US you would have all of the tests that we are just getting into now at the pre-conception stage. Whilst that could be considered overly interventionist (and not exactly romantic), I find it appealing in a Girl Guides "be prepared" way.

I hope this afternoon goes well Lyra. As Scorps says, we will be there in spirit.

On the subject of tests, do you think I ought to be concerned that as far as I know nobody has peered at mah tubes to see why Bob2 didn't make it to the wombular area? I also never found out about the ovarian cysts they saw. Now that's British. You have all got me wondering whether I ought to go to the GP and say "Oi, can I get my rat out for someone pls?"

Fingers crossed for you, Lyra. Will be there in gin/vodka/rum/spirit of your choice.

I know what you mean about pre-SWI testing - would have saved me a lot of money in pregnancy tests, opks and their ilk. Probably comes down to NHS priorities, though - no point in sending the fertile for tests that shagging will prove are not worth it, then they can concentrate resources on people who are more likely to need help. While in the States, insurers/the patient are paying for tests, so they do more testing - on those with health insurance...

Muse I dare you go to the GP and say exactly that.

Please can someone hurt me? I'm being all daft on here, but I keep doing spontaneous little sobs and having to stop myself crying. I just feel so empty without having kids. My life is so dull and boring and there's nothing I want to do. I have 2 days off and can't make myself do aaaanything because it all seems so bloody pointless and shallow. Can't even rouse myself to exercise, which I know would improve my mood and help me lose weight. Would probably diff if I lost a bit of weight but I just can't seem to do so despite being on allergy-safe diet of dust and plankton and having an active job. Waaaaah, poor me!

Poor Scorps It is shit. And feeling like this is one of the hardest things to deal with in this whole annoying process. Is it being magnified for you this month because of the no SWIaction?

Am listening and lurking but have many works, so hopefully others will be along to comfort also.

Oh yes, I go for the Monty Python form of violence.

What I think you need is manageable chunks of things to do. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 20 minutes. In that 20 minutes do something. As you are a good writer I think you should write. Doesn't matter what you write, just keep going for the 20 minutes. Tada! Achievement.

Also works for: mad cleaning sprees, dancing round the living room to loud music, gardening, kicking a pillow repeatedly, or doing a full on cry. Once the 20 minutes is up, you do something else for 20 minutes. And that way the day does go.

And I am going to take my own advice and do 20 minutes of actual work. Seriously, only way I can get through dull reports is to do this routine. I allow myself a 5 minute break after every 20 minutes of solid work.

Oh Scorpy, does it help at all to know that we are here for you and think you are awesome and genuinely understand your pain because we feel it too?

Good idea from Muse re: the 20 minute chunks. We could just cuddle for 20 mins if you likey?

Muse, your outstanding queries regarding tubes and cysts sound sensible and important to me. Given what you've been through, I don't think anyone would think it unreasonable for you to ask at least your GP, if not the folks that were treating you for ectopic. I imagine this is wishful thinking, but don't suppose you can call/email someone at the hospital?

And I'm clearly getting fuck all done mesen.

Muse that is the best advice I've ever heard about anything.

Love the 20 minute chunks idea - I'll be back in 20 mins!

Thanks guys. Am off to Needles lady soon, so that will eat up most of avo and then it'll be tea-time and I'll have wasted the whole day (or some such hysterical, self-defeating nonsense). My Mum rang earlier just to tell me she's proud of me for having all these medical tests done and changing my routine and doing Acu, etc., but it just made me feel worse, because I'm such a fucking loser that my folks don't have anything real to be proud of me for (unless you count my MA); don't have a good job, aren't married, have totally squandered any early potential I had, blah blah. I know they love me and don't care about all that so long as I'm happy but I'm such a fucking failure.

Will shut up now as am crying and need to apply mascara. I'm such a fucking perfectionist that I cripple myself into inaction through the sheer weight of expectation I place upon myself.

Is good to know I have the love, support and heaving buzzwams of you lot; you are all truly amazing and I heart you so fiercely and I just wish we didn't understand each other's pain IYKWIM. Big snogzzz! You have helped, believe me

You are NOT a loser. And seriously, it is never too late to do something with your life. I have a friend about your age who decided that she'd had enough and was going to go and become a doctor. And she's doing it. She'll be 40 something before she qualifies, but she doesn't care.

I also have a friend who finally, after years of mumbling, took the plunge into activating the career in make up she really wanted. She started a blog, kind of as a hobby, doing reviews. She now seems to spend every night at another product launch, has been to Andrew Collinge's house, backstage at the London Fashion Show, and paid money by a big beauty brand to tell them how to engage bloggers. It's bloody amazing. She will be 40 next month.

If you want to do something, do it. Start a blog for your writing. Do some kind of course. Don't focus on the massive ambition, focus on a small step to get there. Then another small step. If we all thought about the final goal we'd go proper menkul.