30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

That's very frustrating Stewpot. Why do bodies do that to people? But I still say where there's no droid, there's hope.

Arsebiscuits, Cass. What kind of stick did you piss on?

I am pointedly ignoring that traitor grumperina who had the termerity to get diffed in seconds. (Huge congratulations, grumpy! Enjoy the PESHes - they're like us, but with cargo).

Am determined to rediscover my PMA this week. Any thoughts on how to manage this?

Day 28 - a Tesco cheapie.
Today - day 32 - First response.

So I think one of them would have found something... arsebiscuits indeed.

Is gin the secret to PMA?

Arsefarts titrots. I only signed in to chant POAS techno to you Goulash. Bugger. Well, we can't give you gin yet, but have a nipple squeeze from me. (Anything burning?)

Musette As any fule kno, gin is as Dylan Moran so eloquently described:

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. "Nobody likes my shoes! I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said 'Thank you.'" And my favourite: "Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me."

I'll be in the corner, listening to Loretta Lynn...

I heart Dylan Moran. I have therefore kidnapped him and installed him as the resident drunk at the bar. Here he will bestow worldly wisdom on us all.

Such as: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

Poss notgood for PMA though. We need someone perkier for that.

I am so fucking menkul today. Thinking about it all CONSTANTLY. Keep finding self staring into abyss and forgetting to blink.

Jeepers, turn my back for ten minutes and there's an outbreak of le diffulage! Confabs, Eeyore. Enjoy the PESHes! I popped my head round the Deli Door when I was menkulling like a bastard experiencing SYMPTOMS and they were a diverting bunch fo sho.

Mountie am following your trials with mounting (see what I did there?) frustration and anger on your behalf. Owing to the vagaries of Mumsnet I can't write this and go back and read the deets but trust, I've got your back girlfriend

Cass but I was so excited! Any chance it's a false neg? (HB demonstrates once again insane levels of boss-eyed optimism).

Muse I'm with you re. Dylan. Saw him live last year. Had hoped the sheer force of my adoration from the front stalls would bring him to my arms, but nope.

Gah, I am so aware I'm behind on everyone and everything. Aries, is it POAS time yet .

Well, we had a super time away. I was a mentalist for much of the time - the immensity of what I am about to try and do rendered me sleepless, eatless (hurrah! I have my COLLARBONES back!) and ratty. Nonetheless, SWI was achieved at optimum timing. Only the once though. And then of course I got in a further welter of self-agonising indecision (viz., am I secretly avoiding diffment so that my mind can dwell elsewhere???? DON'T ANSWER THAT).

For gin and those lucky enough to not already know every last fucking detail who missed it, here is the dilemma in brief:

Was civil servant. Jacked it in to do literary MA and PhD. PhD due Sept. Meanwhile been keeping roof over head working for the Bar (not the gin kind). 3 years of working for Bar has seduced me entirely and wholly. Struck last week by overwhelming sense of comparative futility of lecturing on narratology for the 30 years until retirement. Sought advice from barristers. Upshot of advice: am going to try the most bonkers volte face and see if, at my age, lacking a law degree, and having no money, and the world's worst credit rating, I can enter the Bar. (consensus answer: no probably not, but you might as well give it a shot).

Oh and have a baby at the same time too. HOOPLA!!!! Enter dancing bears!

"hic!"

"hiccup!"

Chocho staggers into La Palais clutching many clinking bottles of gin, wearing one high heeled platform 'Limo Shoe' and a hob-nail boot she won off a tramp in a fight...fatty upper arm now sporting an anchor tattoo emblazoned with the name 'PerfectDromedary'

"Heeelloooo, my BESHes...Mwah..Mwah!!!" Just had a vey, vey, fun night out with PrefectAndromeda, no PretendDrummerboy, sorry PervertDrudgery...ah forget it...it was La Humpelina!!! and she is a top drawer BESH who knows how to show a girl a good time.

Anywaaaay...she made me drink loads of booze, she did, but I think I am sobering up now...

MountainDew...sorry about your test results...it sounds as though your chap needs to give it a while off the booze first off to see if that helps, and when you get your results written down, I think that Zita West's book can interpret SA results...I will check if that's the right one when I get home.

Welcome back to GinGinnery, and chinese burns for Muser...Hell...chinese burns all round - I have been away a leetle bit too long to catch up now, but I will re-read to throughout the day to catch up...

Go for it Headtheball!!

I did a law conversion a coupla years ago, with the aim of doing BVC, but other worky stuff got in the way, so that's on hold (even tho I is ancient)...maybe never to be. I am not the most genius academic anyway tbh, but barrister would be my heart's desire career...but now I can live vicariously through you, yes?

Fanks chooochootrain! Outta interest - how hard was the conversion degree?? In moments of madness I persuade myself I can teach myself with the aid of the odd passing barrister and sit the exams independently

Re BESHmeet: JEALOUS! I'm having a secret one soon though yesh I am ...

They're back! Huzzah!

HeadBarMan sounds like a berloomin' marvellous adventure to me. Go for it girlfriend (said in true Ricki Lake stylee)!! Genuinely, i think that what you are about to embark on is so exciting.

LambTagine sorry to hear about BFN. I too have had BFN action. Two BFNs yesterday and two three days before that (so sure was i of upduffage this month that i POAS at 8 DPO, yes siree...). I am also staring into the abyss lots and feeling really quite upset about it all this month. Think just because i SO felt updiffed - exactly as i did with my one successful preggy and one MC. Am beginning to wonder if it was one of them there chemical preggies? Droid not here yet, but feel it a rumbling...

PerfectDoubleD i heart that quote. Have had many a spectacular night like that on The Gin .

Congrats Speedyrina!! Rub yourself round about my ovaries a bit will ya luv?

Aries i have my beady eye on you this month, oh yes i do...

Conversion not too bad if you are any good at retaining info for passing exams...I have a memory like a seive, so i did not do much better than just passing.

If you are good, and you are self disciplined, then you should be able to do it without going to lectures etc. You don't need to read outside of core texts really...you just need to know the law and apply it, plus throw in cases that show the development of the law. There are lots of publishers of core texts, but I found the 'Unlocking [eg. Tort] Law series v. good...really well laid out study/revision aid, but excellent as core text book. I finished in 2006, so my books will all be out of date, otherwise you could have had them.

If you are not self disciplined, then get on a course, but TBH if you have MA and PhD, then you will find this a piece of piss...it's a memory test really, and concepts not too hard to grasp!

Hi there, Decaff...sorry to hear you are having a miserable time this month, it truly is the time of menkul during the 2wooofl...it's amazing how symptoms are so strong when you are hoping for the diffment. I am still keeping fingers x'ed for you though...it aint over 'til you need to start drawing your own red lines on the POAS!

Poor old Decaff. What a load of arse.

Day 30. But will not POAS. Oh no. I don't know if this means anything, but does anyone ever get a really horrible smell up their nose like their very snot smells? I know it sounds stupid and weird; I don't need telling!

Sorry, that sounded very needlessly defensive.

Oh Decaff. Loving pinch to the arm for yez.

No it didn't Aries! That is all good quality menkul is that. Witness my loudly declaring in a local art gallery that my nasal capacities were increased to so diffular an extent I could smell piss. . . only to see a poor woman struggling with a toddler in a patently soaked nappy

Ahem. When diffed I could smell the smokers in the building from floors away. Nearly made me gag so it did. Sense of smell definitely goes weird.

Having had a non-diff period just now my signs of diffment are:

norks increasing a bazillion times
ow ow ow nipples
sleep now please
stinky stinky smells
period followed by spotting

Too many BFNs round here, but as others have said, it's not over till the droid beeps. Still can't believe your self restraint Aries.

I'm back to menkulling (yeah, like I ever stopped) cos temp was back up this morning. TH has now taken to asking when droid is due, I'm being evasive, not least because even if it doesn't arrive when expected, stupidly short LP means it'll still be far too early to POAS. Latest symptom is strangely sore ribs on one side, but quite why that would be anything to do with diffedness I've not decided. Still having strange dreams though - last night's was that my sister had a baby and wouldn't tell us what it was called.

When are you going to POAS, Aries??? Tomorrow??

I'm really sorry you are getting BFNs, Cass, but your idea of pissing on an actual stick did make me laff.

I'm at Cho and Drom playing together, but God Lyra knows that if anyone deserves the funs, it's those two.

I have been drinking gin (and wine) and eating blue brie (and crisps) all bank hol, so although I'm woofling a tiny bit, it's probably for the best that I was away from Him Outdoors during what was probably peak SWI time (although with my "cycle", if you can even call it that, there's no way of knowing).

Cho you drunken hag! How dare you suggest that I made you drink all the booze? You made me drink all the booze. Ahem. Maybe it was a bit of a tie.

Aries I haz forgotten - if I ever knew - your usual cycle length. Is it time to POAS yet?

Headcase I hate to point it out, but is not a secret BESHmeet if you actually tell us about it...

OK I haz serious question please. Have appointment with gynae a week today, because have been trying for 8 months without success (was not even 6 when I asked for referral, ggrr).

Anyhoo, what should I expect? Will I need to take my kecks off or are all the tests arranged following this appointment? Which tests should she be arranging? What should I be asking about?

Also, I've just phoned GP and asked for the results of my day 3 blood test so I could be prepared for appointment. FSH was 10 (which from a quick google, looks borderline dodgy), LH was 6. I feel massively that I have no idea what this means. Can someone explain? Is there a book?

Lyrebird Is referral to gynae? Women's Outpatients somewhere?

I have no idea what "normal" lh range is supposed to be, but your FSH is on the high side (though not terrifyingly so). Best explanation I have found for what high fsh means is likening it to putting foot on the accelerator of a car: as it gets harder for ovulation to take place, the ovaries need more gas to move the eggs out - so it doesn't mean you won't get pregnant, just that it's taking more effort on the part of your endocrine system to budge the eggs out.

Did that make sense?