30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

Have gone back in because of my thick fuckwittery. Can't even summon the will to abuse poor Mitchell. He's very disappointed.

Maybe I'm entering a ferocious bout of PMT? Don't usually get it mind.

Sorry. Will stop stupid multi-posting now.

Or you could be up the duff Aries? I really did spend about 6 months of first pregnancy plotting ways to do TG in. Was like having PMT all the time!

Boo. Cameltoe I live and work near you, where was my invitation to your beshtival? Am v

Gin it's lovely to see you, you seem to be feeling a bit better..?

But Bessie, no-one likes you and you smell of wee - you bring it upon yourself.

Me and TYF should be coming to That London for a night in June or July (because we just can't get enough of that muggy weather pollution) so I am up for a BESH n PESH bundle if you Laahndaaahn lot can handle The Scorp!

Really? You're really coming to thatLondon? That would be utterly brilliant.

Think hanging out with Cho last night has sort of fixed me, after an awful Friday. Spent today with BFF, plotting, talking about boys and having vegan food (because healthy, obv, not because vegan). Have made PLANS to take over the world.

Genuinely, how do we feel about a BESHtival? Would be nice acksherly to meet you lot, given I have been whining here for nigh on a year...

Beshie, I doesn't have your email & you refused to fb. Therefore impossible to organise boozes, woman.

I am watching QI and they're discussing ye olde pregnancy tests. Namely injecting pee into an African Bullfrog. Apparently if you're pregnant the frog will ovulate in 12 hours.

Doesn't sound as fun as POAS. IAF anyone?

Humpelina, I am up for real BESHfest, having also been here for a year and not met yet any of you IRL. Am of you and Cho, Scorps and Poll, Gin and Extreme, Curlz and Iggy, etc, wot has all paired off lezzertastically.

Muse, IAF, love it, sounds more fun than POAS to me.

Have been shagging without intent this morning. For funs . Pleasant but also felt kind of pointless .

Going for a run now. I did a half marathon t'other week, in the gap between PapaLyra's two hosp admissions. Did 2hrs2mins, and am v proud considering training was interrupted by stuff with dad . How are the other BESHfit BESHes doing?

Hello ladies,

I'd like to introduce myself and hopefully join you if you'll have me! I'm just shy of 33 (feeling quite shy of it ) and trying for first baby. I'm am so relieved to find your thread with its zero talk of "babydancing" and "baby dust", etc, etc as I was spending all time reading TTC threads cringing and choking back vomit. Please. please let me stay

I likes sound of youz whoyouwhatwherewhy. I am a bit of an intermittent BESHIE meself (brace yourself, about to hear me whole story), but I welcome you, provided you fill in the infamous questionaire. First task: find it. I am also just shy of 33 (end of May) and trying for my first, and encountering some problems. At this stage let me say: WARNING: ME ME ME POST! STAY AWAY FROM THE SCREEN ... BEEP BEEP BEEP ... ME ME ME POST ... STAY AWAY FROM THE SCREEN ... ME ME ME POST ... BEEP BEEP BEEP... and so on with flashing lights.

Anyhoo, I've been away for a while, although lurking. Hey, what's the change of career you are going for Headster?

I've been away because I had some major deadlines and you old hags are just too amuzing. Wait, scrap that soppy-ass comment. Too distracting bunch of evil wimmin and wouldn't let me concentrate.
But really more of a reason is that I was really menkuling as CH was called in to discuss his spunk results at the GP's, and well, we knew that could not have been good news so we were biting our nails and all for a week till he had his appointment. Which he now did and it's kinda shite. Apparently he's got enough boys and they are good swimmers and all, but shite morphology. Him being all confused and shy didn't ask exact results, so I have no idea really, except that there are still some normal healthy ones, but dunno how much. She said options are: referal to the urologist or fertility clinic. GP suggested the clinic as urology is uncertain if it will help, and given he's still got some good boys FC will be able to help and we fit their profile: young (wohoo) wife and older hubbie. And she added that it's more likely to be him than me. Poor guy. So now I am waiting for an appointment at the GP's because only I can be referred to the clinic, not him . Maybe then I'll find out more about the results.

Now, while I have always been all Eekover, organic and all that kinda stuff (Didn't even take a pill, not to mess with my body, how unfair is that??), I was never too bothered about interventions, with the logic of: hey I take Neurofen when I have cramps, bla, bla, bla... well, now that it is becoming a possibility, I am really feeling shit about what we may encounter down the road... I don't know how long it will take, what they will do, what the risk factors are and am so afraid of chemicals and shit.
Everyone around us is getting diffed at the ages of 40 and 50! I have a sneaky feeling my BF is diffed too. Shite. I mean good for her, but why can't we just fall into some cheesy-ass passionate embrace, wake up the next morning with a glow in the knowledge we have just spawned our love child? CH cried last night watching an old episode of Friends where Rachel has a baby.

Anyway, sorry BESHES, I know some of you will have encountered all sorts of shite before, I just needed some gin and beshing around time as this is kinda new. And I think I am unique in the palace for male factor probs, right? Any BESH out there with a BSES (Blank Shooting Evil Sod)?

Again, big appologies for a long post. Just making up for the absence . Kicks to all and pass me buckets of gin.

Off to the Politics boards to vent my anger.

Sorry about the bad news Mounty. Hope you can get a clearer sense of what's actually going on. Am utterly bemused as to why they can't refer CH to the fertility clinic as he's the one with the suspicious looking sperm.

I have no experience of the what might happen next bit (and I guess exactly what's going on with CH will determine that) but can understand your unease about it all. Other people round here will no doubt be more informed and have experience to share.

In the meantime, have some more gin and a headbutt. That goes for you too careylouwho; the questionnaire's out there somewhere (even maybe on this thread if you're lucky).

Welcome WhodaresWines and sorry to hear about the wonky swimmers MoveanyMoutain, hope you get a referral soon.

that was meant to be Whodareswins, but I rather like the typo.

ClimbEveryMountain Am waiting for Barts to tell us when we can start ICSI - like IVF, but they pick a happy-looking swimming sperm and inject it into the egg.

Firstly, DON'T PANIC. GPs are not fertility specialists, so even if the results aren't great, there may be options that your GP couldn't discuss with you. Secondly, sperm quality can change pretty radically. Booze, fags and drucks are the main culprits in messing with morphology, and cutting down/giving up can change sperm in around 3 months. Acupuncture may help, tho TNB is too much of a science brane to go with that. Supplementation can also help, esp zinc -there's a new wellman preconception thing on the market which I'll be buying for TNB soon. Atm, he's being forcefed taking wellman vits, wheatgrass & omega 3. May or may not help.

I think you have to be referred to the clinic because sadly, if it does go to treatment, they can only mess about with your reproductive organs. But seriously, try not to fret yet...

Hope this helps. In the last few months, I've found it hardest to come to terms with the loss of some v filmic ideals - particularly being able to surprise TNB with the news that we're going to have a baby. I do really understand where you're coming from.

Hello newbie. Go forth and questionnaire.

lyra Well done on living up to your name! I haz 10k in July & training is going ok. Have also just started ashtanga yoga and enjoying the amusing heavy breathing.

Montaigne Meant to say, if you wish for more info, email me: perfectdromedary at gmail dot com.

Fairycakes, 'tis rubbish about the motility ishoo. Think the reason why they're sending you to the fertility clinic even if the prob is with him is cos it'll still be you that has to have all manner of unpleasantness done to you, despite being a-ok yourself. Thems the unfair biology breaks

Welcome Academy Nominee CareyMulligan! Find the questionnaire and reveal to us the full evil of your black, black heart.

It's a rainy, lazy Bank Holiday and I have the hottest boyf alive and I cannae sex him up. O the humanity!

He's also making it worse by wearing tight jeans. It's like Keira Knightly attending a WeightWatchers meeting and working her way through a KFC family bucket

Oooh, slight X-post there, Camelina So sad when I think of all the things you're having to process, but I do think you're doing v well. I'm going to start doing Ashtanga Yoga - used to do it ages ago but gave it up. Have been realising recently just how much good stuff I used to do that I've given up for whatever reasons that I can start doing to make myself healthier and happier. You are my BESHspiration, with your holistic approach and amazing strength (and general fabulousness). And I know you are going to win your baybee because the collective force of the BESH love n hope for you will not let any other outcome happen. BY THE POWER OF BESH HOPE!

BESHTASTIC! Denise Van Outen has had a baby girl (Betsy). Can't say I'm a fan but am always happy to see 30+ harridans winning their baybees.

Scorpette how funny, I resolved today to get back into yoga too. It must be a day for feeling stretchy... also, sorry to ask as I know you've said all this before but absolutely none of the sexing can be had, is that right? Why is that? You don't have to answer if you're just sick to the ovaries of repeating yourself...

Fairyliquid that really does all sound shit, I'm sorry. I was cheered by what perfect said about improving sperm quality though, that's got to be worth a try. It is so rubbish that it's got to be you being referred, too. Tho I guess only bright side I can see is it puts it back in the realm of it being something you both need to solve together rather than him just feeling like tis all his fault. I nearly cried when you said he cried at Friends.

Welcome georgecarey. Get thee to the questionnaire sharpish, there's a good lass.

I am making ham and mozarella toasties, good Sunday night fodder. Anyone want in?

What plans for BH Monday all? Am hoping for a BBQ here if it would only stop freaking raining....

Cass, is fine to ask - is not like we're exactly shy here! I had some cryo treatment for harmless cervical erosion nearly 2 weeks ago and after the freezing there mustn't be any activity in the tunnel of love for a month. Is also reason why I've not been entertaining all with my usual 2WOOFL menkulism!

As for BHM, if the weather holds out then we're going for a long walk round local nature reserve (there's miniature ponies there - OMG PONIEZ!!1!!1!LOL!!!1111!!!!!!) and then watching An Education and I will finish the bloody blog post I've been taking so long to compose that it's virtually irrelevant already! Nowt exciting, but will probably be knackered from all the Ashtangoing! What are you up to?

I am likin' me new nicknames . Gotta menkul more. Thank you all laydees hags and a special shout out to my fellow washing liquid Arial for otha fred support.

Perfection I will e-mail you. Is it similar reasons for your referral? The loss of filmic detail is a sucker, but I guess here is where the big picture comes in.

Yeah. Rant 1: so fekkin unfair that it is OUR bodies that still get messed with. I am thinkin' that urologist ain't a bad idea. All that AFTER I avoided the pill, fed myself all organic... must be because I did not exercise and took Neurofen.

Rant 2: If you thought I was just being unreasonable just there, I am seriously thinking that we are being punished by da univerze 'cause we left it so long. Then I opened the papers to see Dave Cam and Cleggy to realise they are both CH's age and have recently succesfully updiffed their laydeez. Maybe that's why they can run the country? Mine's just a meer mortal. I am sorry, I am in some weird place.

Medicine like the newbie's nicknames though I thought you wrote WhoDaresSwines

Zinc and no booze! Sadly he does not smoke / take drugs so I cannot stop him from doing either.

I share Goulash's curiousity as to the lack of secs chez poisontail. Must have missed it in the menkulness. Sorry if prying .
Pass us o'er some of that sarnie, I'll share me wine with you and let's try and find something decent on telly... You are right, it will be good going for appointments together.

Super fertile friend from the West Country (this is somehow the fault of all of you who live out there) was just asking me when I will stop studying so I can make baybees .