30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

That was mr gin's dad by the way. After sending a birthday email to his son and getting the reply 'actually it was quite shit dad,we went for anna's 12 week scan and blah blah blah'

NO RESPONSE.

Oops. Gin's 12 week scan obviously

drom just wanted to post and say i fink I am STILL guilty of saying fucking stupid fings to people - even after baby fail / 14 month trying to get diffed etc. I had to tell a relative of mine (who has been trying for 6 years and has had MC - v. open about it all) about diffedness - so I emailed her to say that I wanted her to hear it straight from me - and that it hadn't been that easy and I appreciated that it must be hard for her to hear. Then I fretted alot about having made it fucking worse by saying that shiz...

Sorry your friends made you feel bad lovely

I fink before current diffed status - hearing about anyone's happy news made me cross/ sad - however they did it.

Also wanted to say a big YAY for weewee

shin kicks all round.

On the 'not saying the right thing' thing - I get all tied up in knots, and then I know damn well I'm getting tied up knots, and then that's worse. So last time I needed to say something, I said, "I'm so terribly terribly sorry, and just I wish I could think of the right thing to say," and went bright red. Then I found out later the chap had been pleased (he'd been diagnosed with cancer) because no-one else had even acknowledged it. So I guess being red-faced and feeble and stuttering is better than nothing maybe?

I don't know....

I know what you mean tho camel. 'Part from anything else no-one likes being on the receiving end of KINDNESS and SYMPATHY puke puke puke.

Am sure that I still manage to fuck up.

It can't have been easy for lovely friends -counting back from their twelve week scan, they must have got the news that they were pregnant at much the same time that we got the diagnosis that we are infertile. I'm sure it has all got confused in their heads.

gangbanger you are Molesworth with the random CAPS and the chiz chiz.

gin Am with you on the acknowledgment lark.

Was out for dinner with my mama last night, and it was odd. She kept trying to be positive and upbeat to the point where I felt like it wasn't worth talking to her. I think am just skulking in that weirdy place at the moment when I need to be left to brood and be sad, rather than be cheered up.

Camelly you know of Molesworth?

I thought I was the only new bug that knew of St Custards! I award you the Mrs Joyful Prize for Raffia Work!

Hm, sorry about your Ma. People don't always realise that sometimes the Pit actually is the best place to be.

Hello Beshes. It is I switty - I have suddenly materialised from the woodwork, where I have been cunningly camouflaged all this time.

I wanted to say a warm congrats on the latest besh diffment! Hurrah for that. poo sorry about the POAS crap response. High temps still seem promising, so holding out some hope yet!

I also had a good friend tell me about a miscarriage by email yesterday. Very sad and very hard to react in a helpful way. Anyway, I tried. I am glad to hear gin say acknowledgement and an attempt however illadvised to understand and commiserate is better than nada.

Cho your Uterus sounds like a Besh boudoir!

head I don't want to be a crazy paranoid loon (please don't tell me it's too late for that), but unexplained spotting or bleeding between periods should always be checked out by a doc. It's probably nothing, but it could be something. You should go get a check-up and smear, especially if it's been a while.

Smooches to you all. I miss the gin.

PS: Camel so sorry for the shiz with the well-meaning friends. They do sound sweet though and clearly they really care.

witty truly it is. Best thing I think is to not try and 'fix' the situation (you can't) but to simply say 'i'm so sorry' and let them know you're there if they want to talk. ead I think your words to your friend were spot on. Heartfelt and lovely. Eloquence is not really needed if you know what I mean.

Right I'm of for some more extremeaction. PG rated this time tho.

Witty I just made a GP's appointment. Never let it be said that I don't take advice

Well done Headbanger. I'm such an utter coward when it comes to the doctor that I need to have an arm hanging off or something before plucking up the courage to seek medical help, or one memorable occasion pissing pure blood and being dragged into Withybush Hospital, Haverfordwest on my holidays. What a a good holiday. I'm very ashamed of this attitude and I know I must change it, so, well, good luck anyway. Hopefully s/he'll say "What are you worrying about - you're superfertile with a womb like Cho's."

As for the saying something/nothing thing - well, I don't know what to say. Except I invariably get it wrong, but agree that someone making an effort to be nice is much better than nothing at all.

Morning!

head I think a GP appointment is wise. Just to get your brown stringy stuff sorted.

gin totally agree its better to say something wrong than nothing at all. My friend was in bits years ago after her sister committed suicide. I actually made her laugh as I was so fucking inept. But she said I went to see her.....

all that said camel doesn't make it any easier to be on the receiving end of it. Well meaning people try to jolly you along, but sometimes a good ole sulk & feeling sorry for yourself is what is needed. Just do what you feel best.

poo arsebiscuits to the neg. I'm pretty rubbish at DPO & best time to test, but agree with - sorry whoever said it - that going with your body is the best, & if droid hasn't arrived there has to be some hope.

weeeeeeee hello!!!!!

I've got a crap tickly throat & cough today. Spent all night up coughing. So I "slept" in spare room. Now I need to cure it by tonight as we need to spend time in the same bed, then I have to lie very still clenching, so can't go into spare room.

aries I feel your pain on the crap sex thing. The boyf & I bickered while getting down to it. Beautiful!

ANY FULE KNO MOLESWORTH IS THE BEST and those who don't deserve an apple pie bed, chiz chiz. Knowing of St Custard's has always been a requirement for my potential beaus (beux) - thankfully, TYF loves it: it is TOPP, he sa.

Firstly - HUZZAH for Longmasweera ! Excellent news and I hope The Fear soon subsides and The Joy takes over. Or at least The Vague Nausea Top work, matey!

Cameltoe, good to see you delurking again but about your pals and Ma upsetting you. Sometimes, when you're very down about summat, people being nice is as bad as (and sometimes even worse than) people being insensitive and/or uncaring. It makes you feel like you've been given the label of 'damaged' or 'victim' or 'different' and when you're struggling with feeling like that within yourself already, you just don't need to feel like that's how the people closest to you see you too. And you don't need the unintentional headfuck that you could be tarnishing your pals' babywin with them feeling guilty, either. And Mums - good Mums - always end up making things worse by being too loving; my Mum does that sort of thing to me and it ends up making me feel like she pities her pathetic freak of a child. Obvy, Mums are going overboard in the positivity and well-meaning because they bloody adore us, but it gets lost in translation.

But you know this already, Wise Humpsy One. Now then, how's about a Mitchell sandwich?

Poo, step away from the piss-sticks! DPO9 is far too early, you menkul! Even I wouldn't POAS at DPO You could be having quadruplets and the stoopid thing would say nah! Linger in the pit if you want (one more in the Mitchell bundle won't hurt ) but remember that it ain't over till the metal bastard bleeps.

A... Gin, am speechless at Mr Gin Sr. What a heartless, emotionless GIT

And MrConradtWitty (please someone say they get this), welcome back!

Beaux! Beaux! Arrrrgh!

I get the ConradTwitty joke miss, I get it! Family Guy! AS ANY FULE KNO!

You may hold my hand and play with my My Little Pony now, Headache

Oh, so that's what you're calling it now, is it?

I have fallen out of love with Family Guy/American Dad/South Park because they're just so homophobic and misogynistic and at that stage of shocking the politically correct which just starts to read as right-wing propaganda.

With whom (grammar) do you have an appointment later, scrofulous? What specific kind of fanny man?

Dr Camel, am seeing a speshulist about my hurty droids n ting to see if he thinks it might be the dreaded endo and if I therefore require various intrusive investigations (inc. a laparoscopy, which I am v scared of, as have silly exaggerated fears of dying under anaesthetic). Tbh, it was booked so farkin long ago that I can't remember if it's just to discuss possibility of endo or if it's a more general checking out of my workings. Letter doesn't say owt about him doing anything, but he might want a rummage, who knows. Have never had a male Doc touch my precious area before, hmmph. Boys are yucky!

Agree that the later series of those shows are exactly how you say. When I mention them, I'm harking back to their halcyon early days

BTW, does anyone watch Masterchef? One of those food critic judges looks exactly like Peter Griffin. I nearly herniated myself with laughter when he described one of the finalists as a 'smart fella'. I was praying to Teh Baybee Jebus that the contestant would then burst in, hold the judge's face to his arse, trump and then proclaim 'and you're a fart smeller!'!

Puerile, moi?

Male doctor, eh? Aaaaah, there's nothing like having a total stranger gently parting your beef curtains .

Shame you're not seeing this lady

Well. On a whim, just PAOS (only an ov one, don't get too excited) and got a 2nd line, not as strong as the first but a definite line - which is good news for me as it's only day 13; normally I don't get anything that strong till day 17/18. So maybe I'm going to ov a bit earlier this month, which would then give my luteal phase a fighting chance to keep up with the rest of the gang. Hmm. I am tentatively excited...

Actually no, I'm not. I'm overtired and emotional. But you know. I'm working up towards tentative excitement.

Exam tomorrow morning people. Think clever thoughts please. Have eye infection due to staying up till silly o clock trying to remember random drug formulations and mechanisms of action. Can't even prescribe myself something to help with it!! But I did at least give the sainsbos pharmacist a run for her money this morning:
Her: "Oh, you need a tube of XXX."
Me: "Well, actually, XXX is for abc symptoms, whereas I have def symptoms so please can I have some DLGMWS instead?"
Her: "I don't think we've got any of that"
Me: "Oh, yes actually, it's in that preparation over there behind you"
Her: "Perhaps you need to see your GP"
Me: "I'll just take the DLGMWS please"
Her: cats bum face
Me: smug bitch.

Can't wait for tomorrow to be over. Have been in such a ditch, partly cos of exam and partly cos I hate the 2 weeks after my period starts - not only am I not diffed, I also can't do anything about it for another 2 weeks. So let automaton shagging commence ( I am feeling better about that since I realise you all only do it every other day - we've been doing 5-7 days solid, sometimes twice! Which, you know, is more shit on the not-conceiving-front, but less shit on the I-think-I'm-going-to-hate-sex-forever-front. You win some, you lose some.

Off to see my friend's day old newborn tonight. That'll help the menkulness no end .

Right. Back to me books.

Let me list the things that you might want to ask the lovely gynae (apart from the ever-classic "shall I get me rat out?" and the more menkul "where the fucking fuckety fuck is my fucking baby?")

Do you still have the results of your blood tests? I'd be cheeky and try asking him to go through them...just because my GP was a bit less clear about what they meant.

I'm not sure, btw, whether this is reassuring or voice of doom, but if you do have to consider any kind of fertility treatment (obviously you won't at all and I'm being insane) it is possible to do unmedicated "natural" IVF. The success rate isn't as high, but, well, see for yourself:

www.createhealth.org/

Heid That is the best name evah.

MamaCass, despite you saying 'don't get too excited', I totally did. But I have remodelled my excitement. This is Good News!

Watch Brokeback Mountain. Always puts me in the mood for SWI. Ah yes, rugged handsome boys miserably in love and a brutally tragic ending. Gets me going NO END. Or there's always YouPorn

despite you your saying

HEADBANGER! A gerund takes a possessive pronoun! Fucking HELL!

I thought a gerund was a small furry creature, shy, and with a long nose.

Shall we all have a whipround and go and see Dr. Minge en masse?

I heart her already. I think she may already have all our baybees in a drawer somewhere just ready to hand out to us.