30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

Cheers iriemon. am alright really. Am never the most rational and stable person when tired n poorly. Meant a lot that you guys wanted to check on me though

are you n or s Cornwall? Or is that revealling too much? I was born there y'see n lived there til went to uni. My folks are in boscastle now...

Think it will always be 'home'

Umm.... s. Cornwall

Don't worry we can't track you down from that

okay, just have to get this out my system as I can't talk about it much in rl...

This time last year I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant. This time last year!!! that's a whole fucking year ago.....

erm,obviously this time last year was a year ago. that prob didn't need explaining

That's shit ginhag. I'm so sorry.

God I wish this was RL sometimes and we could dive into the computer and give someone a hug.

Thanks beefndumplings. being fairly new you may have avoided the ridiculous saga of my past year. It has not been great...the fab thing is that all my babyfail-related dates were also nice calendar dates...

Oh fuck it for the sake of self indulgence I'm doing this again. Those who know,sorry. Ignore...

Babyfail no 1... Conceived on valentines day. Due date our anniversary. 12 week scan that revealed was actually mmc Mr Gin's birthday.

Babyfail no 2... Tubal mc on Xmas day,resulting in me being stuck in hospital. Full mc bleed on new year's eve.

Babyfailno 3... Actually no significant dates,and was very early mc. But when I got the + I thought I was gonna be able to be pg again before mr gins bday which is prob worst date above.

God I'm sorry. This is why I haven't been posting.

Aries thanks for breaking protocol xx

sorry,tequila and violence all round...

cos I'm a double-hard bastard innit.

Gin, never say sorry for repeating the facts. They are pure horror. You can't just get over such things or do so alone, and that's why we're always here for you. I want to wrap you in a blanket and rock you on my knee, singing lullabies, that's how I feel for you, my lovely. And then punch you in the face, as you're a double hard bastard, obviously

gin dear, I did not quite know the full story, and am speechless, really. That you remain so kind and interested in everyone else here is fucking miraculous, so it is. I'll be lurking today as I'm in a lot of pain again and not much up to sitting upright. Frankly too broke to see the osteo so looks like it's borrowed drugs, hot baths and tearfulness until it sees fit to mend. Oh and at a party last night I drunk neat rum and chain-smoked, despite being on the 2WOOFL, so pondering just precisely how unfit I am to win a diffment. . . And by the way. Blame this in the drugs. You bunch are utterly fucking ace. What? What? You want some?!

I didn't know the full story and am a bit humbled really. I repeat Pencilgirl's opinion that I'm really admiring that you come on here and are funny and nice and interested and apologise again if I was insensitive the other day.

A broken nose to you.

Oh fuck no chaps don't fret. Just needed to vent is all...am feeling a bit rubbish. And Aries seriously you weren't,I was being daft.

Off to a christening now to spread the snot love.

Laters. And thanks.

Loving "a broken nose to you". It's like Shakespeare for our times. "A plague on both your houses" for the new millenium.

Gin, what a year you've had. What a woman you must be, just to still be up in the mornings and soldiering on. Respect to you, haggy-one.

Day 9 today and I think I may offically now qualify as a sexophobe. Honestly, the thought just makes me want to crawl at the moment. It feels so false, so fake, we do it like machines for a week and then neither of us can face it again until suddenly it's nearly time again and then you start to think, fuck, we really ought to try and do it at some point before the next SWI week before we completely screw each other up forever (pun intended).... where's the putting head on desk and wailing like banshee emoticon?

In other news, still revising. Or rather, VISing, since my brain swears blind it's never seen most of this before in it's life. Probably because I spent most of the lectures convinced I was updiffed and thinking about that instead.

ps gallstones o'er all your houses

Oh yes, am wondering if random violence will help poor ole Headbanger. I suspect not actually. How's the drugs hoard - still got some or are you running low?

Pencil. If you are running low, you can buy diclofenac (Voltarol) over the counter these days. Also if you can bear it, icing the injury better than hot baths (heat = increases the inflammation). Or you could alternate heat and ice. Don't ice for more than 10 minutes at a time though, and make sure there's a tea towel or summat between your frozen peas and you. Or Deep Freeze spray. Get the boyf down to Sainsbos pharmacy to check out your options.

Whereabouts are you? There may be an osteo or chiro college near you where the 5th year students treat the public at reduced prices.

OR I stand by my original post of getting yourself down to the out of hours doctor/clinic and weeping till they give you the good stuff. Actually fuck it, let's ALL do that.

Fanks painintheCass. You are V. NICE to advise. I've been cooking myself over hot water bottles but was beginning to wonder whether ice might be better. I have also overeaten to the extent that I feel sick, which was not wise, given that already precisely TWO skirts in my wardrobe fit me, and buggerall else. And the bed is broken so we're sleeping on the living room floor, so consequently the house looks like a crack squat. And I've drunk the best part of a bottle of Blossom Hill. And aside from a trip to the supermarket to buy Creme Eggs haven't left the house all day. AND in the Observer there's an interview with Julia Davies that ends on a brief description of domestic bliss (oh, so it's not enough she has Julian Barratt off of The Mighty Boosh, she gets adorable toddler twins too ), which made me sulk and want the remainder of the Blossom Hill. Where is everyone anyway? Out sunning your slender limbs in pretty dresses, I'll be fucking bound !

hello lovely ones. I feel my folic acidversary pales into insignificance next to what some of you have been through. And Creuset I hear you on the automaton sex - third cycle was a complete flop (not literally) when we realised we couldn't face it, so I try not to tell MrM when we need to be doing it, just jump him ;)

Scorps I think your theory on brains = unduffedness is a correlation rather than a causal one, as we probably think about this far harder than the people who just falled diffed, and also spend more time on careers etc. And may I just add a FFS at your "friend" for not knowing where the popularity of Amelie came from - I love it because of the film, but will probably avoid it due to its popularity.

Am hoping your back gets better v soon, BangersAndMash My right shoulderblade keeps hurting, as think I'm sleeping on it weird, but tis nowt compared to your woes. And although that article about Julia Davis does end on a lovely note (I find that papers always try and end interviews with famous women on a note of domestic bliss, as if to unconsciously reassure everyone that whilst they've achieved stuff, they're still 'real women', ie housewifeys), she talks about being v depressed most of her life and how it's only the kids that stop her thinking about suicide every morning AND she had the twins at 41. Twins at 41 just screams 'IVF' and therefore 'many years of BESH-tastic TTC Hell', so I will forgive her her good luck and call her BESHspiration. Bagging lovely Julian Barratt, however, is a step too far. Grrrrr!

Mediumrare, the 'friend' has further inflamed my ire by referring to the name as 'dead sexy' in other mails. What kind of freak refers to their new-born child's name as sexy (or chooses it cos it is sexy?!)?! It's reminding me why I hadn't spoke to her for nearly 20 years! Grrr, the crap side of Facebook.
I too heart the film Amelie and am annoyed it's become such a popular name. I've also loved the name Juno since my teens and am also annoyed that everyone would just think I'd named a daughter after a film if I used that.

We've just been to see Kick Ass and it is every shade of awesome and then some. Hope any future daughter of mine will be as cool as Hit Girl

You could name a girl child Hit Girl, but the registrar might refuse!

Headyheadybangbang - can I just say you've described my perfect day, right there. Apart from the pain, that is. But wine, papers, staying and CREME EGGS - bloody well done.

'lo all, I am back. Been at MIL's today, joyous. Thanks for all the input on my menkulness. I think I will keep going on the TCM/TTC etc but try not to make it the sole focus of my life - and therefore start planning our new life in cornwall. I think there is perhaps an element of truth in all that you lot said. It is true I do not want to have to take the Clomid, I don't like messing with my body on that level and maybe that is bothering me on a subconscious level. Perhaps I am focussing on cornwall because I no longer feel very hopeful about getting no2, or perhaps I am scared of hoping too much in case it never happens. I've spent so long being positive and pro-active and I am just utterly exhausted and done with it. For now anyway.

I dreamt the other night that I was at the doctors and she was prodding my stomach and saying 'oh yes, you are definitely pregnant' and I felt such a sense of calm and serenity. It was lovely - that was how I felt when I was pregnant with Boo. I was so angry when I woke up that is was all fake. So maybe I do want anuva baybee after all. Contradicting myself much?!

Occers soz about the beeping bastard and I sympathise on the 8 day LP, tis shit.

Scorpalicous I hope the droid pains are departing and I'm glad to hear you enjoyed Kick Ass, I really want to see it. Getting into double figures suck ass though.

Cho congrats on starting the IVF soon, tis good news.

Lorry I am following your Clomid-tales with great interest... our next FC appt is 19th May when we should win the clomid, providing the TCM has done its trick.

HB I am so sorry you are in such pain but like Cass , I agree it sounds like an almost perfect day.

Gin my luvver, come here and sit on my knee, poor darling. And poor little Mooch too. I sympathise greatly with the tiredness - I am emotional wreck without sleep. And I do not have to suffer all the mighty crap that you have been put through in the last year. Big hugs and smooches to you. And a bitchslap, seeing as you are a double-hard bastard.

Aries a bottle of pinot grigio on the beach sounds good to me, name the day BESHie.

Sorry that was long and I hope I haven't forgotten anyone but there was a lot to catch up with. I do heart you lot.