30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

I want a Greggs sausage roll now.

Loving the newbie!

That blanket is gorgeous.

My second year supply of folic acid arrived today, boohoo, which means it is a year since I started the 3 month countdown to coming off the pill. Seriously, thought I would have had the baby by now.

I should point out that my version of the blanket will not look anything like that. I have fucked it up again on row 3. I am not bloody well unpicking it again though. The stitch can stay a bit wonky.

There may never be babies in the Muser household given I still haven't worked up the courage to SWOI. Is that TMI? Ah fuckit.

MILF means 'Mum I'd Like (to) Fuck'. Nice, huh?

Have headache now, so, for once, can't waffle self-indugently, but the job situation is either halve my already-pitiful wages OR look for summat else. As I have the shittest CV ever, due to having been ill since I was 21, I've never had a good job and never been able to develop any sort of career, so bumflakes to all that

StewieGriffin, that imaginary chatback to the delivery man cheered me right up. More than made up for your errant LOL

Headcold, you don't scare men off cos you are minging or patrician, but because you are so gorgeous that they know they don't stand a chance

Dead legs all round. Ain't life grand? "Mum I'd like to fuck" eh? What a total and utter nobber (to quote someone else's favourite word - can't remember whose. Was when I first started lurking). I hope you told him so.

Sorry to hear that Meds. Too long
I'm sure the blanket will be several thousand times better than anything I manage to produce Muse. Casserole, I heart you.

Thanks all, I know there are others here with things much harder though.

In random feminist news, is anyone else pissed off with the Bing.com ads that sponsor the Simpsons. They seem to infantilise the man (Bleurgh face at the mention of salad in the fridge for his tea) which to me just further enforces the stereotype of women as mother to their children and husbands, and domestic supergoddesses. The woman in that same ad is going out with her daughter. Or am I just reading too much into it. Think I have been radicalised a bit watching that recent Women documentary series on Beeb4.

Morning Medee, have we been properly introduced? I am a newbie too but been a bit awol.

Didn't see the add. But I thought that the documentary was crap. (That is if you are talking about the most recent one, didn't see the previous one.) They kept calling women's rights radical. What's radical about women having the same rights as men? Hmpf. Also,I thought it was very old fashioned feminism they portrayed, there are new streaks of it all around, I think. I am blabbing, aren't I?
But no, I don't think you are radical, I would have probably been annoyed at the add from the way you describe it, but then again, it is the Simpsons model, isn't it?

Am on pre-full-Droid day today. Means will have weekend of agony (there go our plans to see Kick-Ass [mature emoticon]). Not even bothering to get upset, as clearly the only person who will ever visit my rubbish womb will be Laurence of Arabia

BTW, also found the documentary patronising and crap - was still presenting Feminists as strange and not like 'normal' women and Feminism as something weird to be wary of. Ergo proving the point that it's still vital. Grrrrrrrr. The young women in the last documentary did, however, reflect how I feel so often, ie. life is a series of being expected to tolerate offensive bullshit and stereotypes, being judged, being patronised and treated like I'm thick, being reduced to the sum of my body parts and attractiveness, not being able to do stuff cos might be dangerous (alone at night, etc.) and feeling denigrated and offended by the horrible pornification of culture. I had the self-same rant and TYF the other week when I was sorting out a problem with Tiscali and one man asked if my 'husband had given me permission' to speak to him and to use the computer to fix the issue and another reeatedly asked to speak to 'my husband' as he would understand computers better than me It was nothing to do with our puter, which is irrelevant, but WHY am I getting this shit in 2010? Cuuuuuunts!

Right, just slipping into my dungarees and DMs and it's off to work (whilst I still can). God help any fucker that pisses me off today!

Oh Scorps. 'Ave a cuddle . Bloody fucking droid. And not fair that it's painful for you too; I feel mildly guilty that my droids involve a slight pang that's easily alleviated with a hot-water-bottle (in its special Gromit cover ) and a demand for chocs.

Kick Ass by the way is SOOOOOOO good that if you can at all drag yourself out it might actually be as effective as a morphine hit. And knowing your taste in boyz, you'll quite possibly spontaneously win twins at the sight of the Main Fella (cannot be arsed to Google name).

Muse I despise adverts that show men to be lumpen bloated idiots pawing at their glossy wives. As if we should be grateful if a man merely has prehensile thumbs! I find it deeply offensive to men, and then as you say on a more sophisticated level, it says something slightly sinister about the continuing objectification of women: just because the object must now also have a Blackberry in addition to an apron and a 24 inch waist makes no difference. Is still objectification. Yeah, now I feel guilty that I shave my pits this week.

Talking of ME , we SWId again last night. Now that the OM has realised that a) he does not require the full ninety minute session in order to even begin to enjoy himself , that b) he may tend to his own pleasures, I shan't divorce him, and c) a twelve hour shift is no bar to virility , he is becoming distinctly frisky. I sense that I shall be beating him off with both hands. But that won't get you diffed! comes the universal cry...

I now commence the 2WOOFL

Sorry, 'twas M'Dear fulminating against the advertisements.

Medee also felt slightly misty-eyed when I read your Folic Acid related post last night. And also when I saw my box of the stuff this morning. . And then, to make up for it, herewith a savage pinch to the forearm.

Squeeze and chinese burn right back at you, HeadyLamarr.

I enjoyed the documentary series, and I think the modern women had some really good points, esp re objectification and violence against women. I think we do both sexes no favours creating these stereotypes of superwomen and childlike men. It certainly is the Simpson's model Mountie though being a cartoon seems less offensive somehow.

I acknowledge I am not consistent in my views - I am married and took my husband's surname after all (hell, it was that or keep my father's and MrM's doesn't need spelled all the time.

Mountie no, I think I missed your entrance, pleased to "meet" you.

And Kick Ass indeed rocks!

Hear, hear Scorps.
Medee How do you do.

I'm too fucking tired for any of it today ladies. Thank GOD it's not SWI day cos I'm just not sure I can face it. I think this may leave me permamently asexual if it carries on much longer.

Had my "folic acid moment" yesterday when my new supply of piss sticks came through the door. Was sure when I bought the last lot that I'd have plenty left over to give to another friend who's trying. Sigh.

Where is my bed full of babies? I KNOW I have one, I know. I know I should shut the F up and be grateful. I really really AM grateful, he's the most amazing thing that's eve happened to me. And I know I'm behind you all in the queue, and rightfully so. But I ordered a bed full of babies, you hear me? A bedful.

Anyway. "Tomorrow slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaags" has raised my first smile all day, thanks scorps Hope your head's better this morning and the droid isn't too painful/sadmaking.

How's the back doing now pencil ?

Just the quickest of quick messages as I am in a different office today on a very inconsiderately located monitor.

I heart cass. Loved your "rant" to Tesco Boy. It even made me..... LOL!!!!

Is Pencil me?

SHEDLOADS better. Drugs lovely drugs. And being pommelled by a rugby playing osteopath.

Oh Cass. You need a fishslap don't you, Chuckles?

I heart the idea of a bedful of babies. Creepy and cute in equal measure.

You a Londoner, Stewpot? (barely concealed stalking emoticon)

You lot appear to have invaded my subconscious. As I woke up this morning I was dreaming that one of you had just announced you were pregnant and everyone was lining up for the nekkid dancing.

So I'm hoping I'm some kind of psychic dreamer and there'll be good news soon.

In the meantime I'm 2WOOFLing away quite happily despite not being sure I ovulated. No sign of droid despite all signs pointing that way the other day, which somewhere in my head clearly means I'm diffed . For once am v tempted to go after the first response, but am adamant that's not a good idea, and anyway waiting for the inevitable droid is cheaper.

Yes HBpencil twas you. Glad the drugs and pummelling did the trick. In answer to your stalkiness (I once, very briefly, had a stalker. Oh the glory days) I was born a Londoner, and now live precisely 3 miles outside the M25. I realise a simple "yes" or "no" would have sufficed ;)

Yes please to fish slap. Or a fishfinger sandwich? Mmmm....

I give up. What's 2WOOFLing then? I've got as far as 2 week something, am I right? It's like a very short cryptic crossword... Ocarina what day are you on, and how long do you usually go?

Ocs aha! Aren't vivid dreams a diffment symptom? Actually, ignore me. You're talking to the woman who noticed bleeding gums and persuaded herself she'd won her baybee WHILST HAVING A PERIOD.

Cassie, at not getting your perfectly delightful bit of word-play there. Am having blonde moment. 2WOOFL = two weeks of obsessive fucking lunacy.

oooh, another possible symptom! I tend to convince myself I'm pregnant just after droid, so bleeding gums during period sounds like the sort off thing I'd pick up on too. Ttc does strange things to normally rational individuals.

Cassiopeia I'm 7DPO (if I oved at all) and only ever seem to make it to 8 so if droid stays away beyond tomorrow that's a bonus, but still too early to starting testing. Cycles don't seem to want to be consistent in length which is most irritating of them.

Yo, G-dogs,

there is an affy lot of woofl-ing and swi-ing going on raaahnd here these days - but whence the fucking baybeeees?????

Laurie aaargh...I had forgotten the hot-flushes you get with Clomid...the worse part of which is suddenly finding yourself comparing symptoms with manupausal colleagues or relative...oh the bitter irony....wails!!

It's my hysteroscopy next week, so no baybeemaking treatment for me this month, but happy to report that the nurse at my clinic has confirmed that as soon as my hysteroscopy is done, I can call to arrange the info session for IVF to start, so hopefully that will happen in May.

Oh! HBPencil! NOW I get it. Very good.

Pencil-girl, nice to see you Frolicking. They are lovely there. Glad the back's feeling better. I too am a Back Person. I have ideopathic scoliosis (wotchoo make of that one, Cass?) and it pinches me nerves like. Also I had an injury ten years ago which is gradually coming back to haunt me. Not sure if there would be room in my twisted and bizarre anatomy for a baybee anyway, and probably wouldn't be able to push one out, so it's the operating table here I come, if and when I ever get diffed.

Sorry about your rotten mood Scorps. I'd certainly be tiptoeing round you gingerly if I was in your office now (a ginger reference! Yay!) I feel very non-feminist and rubbish for not having watched the feminist programme, but the objectification of women is something that has driven me wild since I was a teenager, so I would have probably been in full rant mode had I seen it.

Yes they do seem sweet Ariel. Refreshing to see a familiar BESH there. But I will reign in my language and coarse behaviour. No I will! For realz! STOP IT! Your poor back though dude. Ouchness.

Chokehold, hurrah for progress. Is so nice to have a date to pin things on. And May is such a lovely bright happy baybee-making sorta month too. [boss-eyed hippy emoticon]

I wonder how FordScorpina is doing. And whether she belted anyone today

On the 2woofling while having a period. I have been pregnant twice and never missed a period. I am fecking doomed. I have been wondering lately whether the period was a sign of doom or if I am just one of those women who bleed.

LOVE 'FordScorpina' They should defo bring that out as a model!

CHOkehold, is verh good news about getting the AC ball rolling so soon

Was the very picture of good temper and restraint today (not including dropping 'dragon butter' into every convo I could muster, thus rendering BossFriend a howling chump - she can't keep a straight face, whereas I am a comedy sociopath ). But then discovered chavvy, all-odds-against Instant Differ ex-schoolfriend has had a baby girl the other day, which has tipped me over the edge. Especially as we had this fb msg conversation (I shall paraphrase) over the baby's name - Amelie:

Me: Congrats (blahblahblah). Is Amelie one of your favourite films, then? Good choice.
Her: Nah, I can't watch films with subtitles, it's too difficult and I never understand foreigners anyway , I'm not a swot, LOL (and so on).

I mean, FFS. How can someone who finds reading subtitles win a baby and not ME? How can you give your child a name with very specific cultural connotations and not know what they are?! [shameless middle class emoticon] To this end, I have formulated a breakthrough theory. A theory so brilliant and yet obvious you cannot help but know it is true, instantly. It's this: that the brainier you are, the harder it is to updiff (exceptions made for my Mum and Gran, ahem) - excess brain cells act like some sort of swotty endometriosis and migrate to the female workings and cause lesions, blockages and scarrings, etc. It's so obvious when you think about it. I don't think any of the PESHes had easy wins and they're a brainy bunch too, so I AM RIGHT (as always).

I am now on Babyfail no. 10. Double figures! Do I win something (apart from the obvious)?