30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

I want something made out of pistachio green cashmillion wool!

Ocarina... well, right now, a pharmacology exam a week on Friday. I'm studying to be a chiropractor, this is just one of the completely irrelevant very interesting submodules.

Giving up for the night now. Need cake! Big lardy slices of cake.

Morning, morning. Got any lemon cake left? That sounds delish.

cho sensible moment, yes it is 50mg of Clomid to be taken on days 2 to 6 of cycle. Done that bit, am now on day 10. And am still fucking BOILING. Last night I had to sleep nekkid on top of all the covers, I just couldn't cope. T'wasn't that warm, there was ice on my car this morning. The boyf says I'm boiling coz I'm a sexual dynamo

muse I'm v impressed with your knitting. I tried it once when I was younger. I knitted a "Doctor Who scarf". Yes, showing my age I'm of the Tom Baker Doctor days, when he wore a ridiculously long scarf. I didn't know how to cast off my knitting, so just knitted a long, long line.

cass well done on losing the poundage at Fat Club. I've found it for you. Plus about 10 more. Thanks to a weekend of mini eggs & buttered hot cross buns. Still have 3 Easter eggs to go. Yes, I confess, I'm 37 & my parents & Nana's still buy me & the boyf Easter eggs. Good luck with your exams too. Am tres impressed re chiropractor. I love my chiropractor with a passion.

Muse I can knit too. But only simple things in straight lines. Are you doing a fancy blanket or plain sewn together squares (which would be my only option I think)? My great aunt did something similar when we were babies and you've inspired me to do the same for my sis for her July bubba. Though I'm going to have about 5 minutes of spare time between now and then now our tourist season has suddenly sprung into action. I'm also feeling guilty about having occasionally not quite delighted thoughts about forthcoming baby. But I know I'll adore it when it's here particularly in a knitted blanket.

PS though I think "bubba" may have to be a word subsequently banned in the Palace along with bbds and bd. If it's not already.

Cassie did you ... did you .... did you say 'LOL'? I feel sure you can't possibly have done. My eyes must deceive me. Well done on the pound loss however. Having lost three and a half stone and then gained a stone and a half I am in a frenzy of self-loathing and self-recrimination (though not, as the OM sagely pointed out the other day, enough of a frenzy to put down the fork).

Muse I am hugely enjoying the idea of a beautiful, carefully-knitted guilt-blanket. Not least since the only time I have ever knitted anything it started out as a scarf around 12 inches wide and ended up broad enough to swaddle a fat horse on a cold day (and see ref. to my own lardiness in para. 1).

Loz I wish I were a sexual dynamo. I'm more a sort of sexual blanket or teapot. Useful and pleasant, and under the right circumstances nothing else will do; but can't say as I spin ferociously

That being said we SWId in a pained, geriatric fashion last night (a big thanks to big pharma companies: HB salutes you). And will try again tonight. Then that's it for this cycle. Does anyone get diffed on the basis of two shags? Who knows ....

Lots of people seem to get diffed on the basis of one, so two should be plenty!

Fanks, oxocube! Hm, I wonder if this means tonight I can curl up and watch telly in my socks instead (HB: poster-girl for sex after fourteen years together )

head I salute you! SWI whilst in back pain. You are indeed devoted to the cause.

Serious question - do you ever worry your back won't cope with updiffedment? God, I hope this had crossed your mind & I haven't given you sommat else to worry about!!! I've had a slipped disc & crazy muscle spasms in past. When I started with chiropractor I told her of updiffed plans & asked her to make my back strong enough. I too have lost 3 stone, put back 1 stone. Don't need scales to tell me, my back does.

Sadly, I don't think I really am a sexual dynamo. I think the bpyf was high on Olbas Oil, the "perfume" of my choice at the mo.

Mini egg anyone?

Damn straight LOLz. If I don't win this time out of sheer martyrdom to the cause then I shall just jolly well sulk. So there.

'Sallright, it had crossed my mind! I had nasty trubs with lower back pain and sciatica back when I was truly enormo. Weight loss, exercise, and strengthening helped (and the lovely yummu chiro), so I'm fairly certain that my back problems have all be fat-fat-fatty related. Hence I joined Fat Fighters as soon as we started trying each other's brains out, har har.

I could do with losing 3 stone (the one and a half I gained like the dozy cow I am, and another one and a half). I have it on good authority it's possible to lose weight whilst diffed (one of my pals was something like 8lb lighter at 8 months diffed than she had been before...all because of giving up the booze!). So, yes. It has crossed my mind. But I intend To Do Something About It. (This current bout of agony is neck/shoulder related and the osteo's fairly certain my fattery has nothing to do with it, thankfully).

hello Gin monsters! I have just been very confuddled for a few moments, with the references to LOL and fat club - then realised there's a new cas in the Palace and you were not talking to me afterall. Welcome hotpot

laurie congrats on the juicy folliculars, I shall cross any bits I can for an immediate clomid diffment, as long as you keep up the intercoursing end of the bargain.

Very impressed with all the knitting and baking. Despite starting a PESH lemon drizzle cake bake-off a few weeks ago I have mostly been living on shop-bought hot cross buns and choc eggs.

I shall be heading up the M74 myself in a few weeks. Or perhaps not, should SFF get his way: a night in the lakes and a detour up the western coastal route, before trying to see rellies all across the motherland in the space of 48 hours.

BESH of the day award to head for being such a martyr to the cause. Hope your back is feeling better. Have a bottle of gin to help numb the pain. I'll even throw in two straws so you can get up close and personal with one of the others

Glad you're getting a trip up north originalcas. Hope the weather's improved by then, it's grey and yuk today. I've never driven up the coast - is it worth the detour? Usually I'm just desperate to get home by then, although I did manage a detour to Moffat to buy sweets yesterday.

Thanks occurence. I've never done the west coast route to be honest. We've come south via the east coast (Berwick etc) before and that is stunning. We have to go west once in Scotland anyway to see my gran, and it would be nice to see the lakes etc, but I am beginning to wonder just how long going off the beaten track will take! But it should be quite relaxed if we manage to find a nice hotel in the lakes for the Friday night. (so many not allowing a single night stay on the bank holiday weekend )

Sorry it's miserable up there. Lovely here today. And usually nice first weekend on May in Scotland - that's why we got married on that weekend three years ago

I've done the east coast plenty of times on both road and rail and it's definitely fab. Be interested to hear how you get on in the west if you go that way. Pain about the hotels - I remember trying to book hotels in that bit of the world years ago and having similar problems. Hope you find something lovely.

Afternoon BESHalinas - am missing you all

gingin I can share a bit of brad tho? can't I?

extreme my lovely dressing gowned one - i seem to haz totally missed your sad news so sorry. If it helps - i iz on annuva fred which I joined after baby fail and there is a recent one-tuber on there - plus another one who has since got diffed and won baybee... If you wants to speak to others? Is not a fred in true BESH spirit but is very kind fred...

other BESHinas I wish I could stay and feel you all up - but I simply don't have the time....

Aries I am knitting the Big Bad Baby Blanket from Stitch n Bitch. It's patterned but just straight lines so I will hopefully manage it. Seed stitch edging and then the middle you knit half, purl half, then switch, so you get 4 different squares.

It should look something like this when it's done. But given my abilities it probably won't.

Gosh!

I think I'll stick to the plain multi coloured squares, but good luck with that. It's beautiful.

If you can knit and purl and count you could do it. Theoretically it's not that complicated.

Unfortunately the counting is where I go wrong. And the dropping stitches.

Ooh, I did, yes. In my defence I was really, REALLY tired and headfucked at that point. As opposed to those of you who were just fucked

So. Tonight's delights include respiratory and gastrointestinal drugs. Anyone want any info on those? Or just want some drugs? I've got the Big Bag Drug Book baby, puts that Big Bad Blanket into a corner (actually it doesn't. That blanket is GORGEOUS. But sod the babies, I want to lay me down under it, thanks very much).

I WANT A BLANKY

I had a blanky It was yellow and every time my nanny came to stay she had to mend it because I used to shred it in my sleep whilst sucking my thumb. Were we talking about grandparents yesterday? Both father's side died in an accident before I was born. T'other side lived into their eighties, both mercifully dementia free. However there is crippling emphysema in the family which I hope isn't beckoning for me. So far I have been in rude health though touch wood.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Today, I have been told I am a MILF , by a bloke who works up the road (the sleazy git keeps finding reasons to hang out where we work; we're an all-female staff - hmm ). When I told him I didn't have kids (bravely stifling a bitter sob), he was all surprised and said I seemed like a 'natural mother' and was all 'warm and caring but also bossy' (in other words, I'm a bad-tempered cow but I disguise it with a smile). He then tried to ask me why I had no kids but I wouldn't be drawn into that shite. For the love of sweet Charlie Mouse, whhhhhhhy is Mother Nature taking the piss like this? Turning me into a MILF before giving me the goods? BITCH!

Am off to pit to sulk and draw Hitler 'taches on all the caaahs in the MILF-y Boden catalogue.

PS Muser, am well jealous impressed by your mad knitting skillz.

PPS Might be losing job (complicated reasons) and as I've whined on here before, I'm the world's least employable person; things keep getting better and better.

PPPS I also had a blanky and I really could do with it today!

BTW, I forgot to mention - on a lighter note, I scored a MN hat-trick today: saw a baby (@ 12 months) with pierced ears, clutching a fruit shoot bottle and being fed a Gregg's sausage roll by her mum, I shit you not. The wind filled my judgeypants and I sailed merrily home, avoiding all traffic!

Oh Scorpie, my duckling. You're certainly a BESHILK, if that helps AND I'M SURE IT DOES

Men are swines, are they not. I say that, but I have the sort of basilisk stare that means men don't dare to come within twenty feet. Although maybe that merely indicates that I am a munter of the first order

Seriously though. Awful sorry about the job posish. What can be done?

The ridiculously inappropriate questions don't stop after one child, if that's any sort of hollow consolation. The number of fucking people at the moment who keep asking me when I'm going to pop out another, ranging from my own mother to the Tesco fucking delivery man.

Him: How many kids you got, then?
Me: Just the one
Him: Got any plans to have any more?
Me: Well, funny you should ask. As it happens I seem to have a short luteal phase. But I don't let that get me down, no siree. In fact that tub of natural yoghurt you're delivering is to calm my inflamed nethereds. It's been Shagweek this week you see. Oh yes. We've been at it every which way and then some. My fanjo's been more occupied than Grand Central Station all week. We've given up on foreplay, it just frankly takes up even more of an evening. I'm thinking about giving up consciousness during it, too, what do you think? Oh, are you off? See you in a fortnight. Most likely I'll be weeping into the tissues you've just delivered whilst plugging the great falling clots out of my ladyflower with those tampax maxi in bag no.34. But you never know. Look out for folic acid in my next order, perhaps we'll get lucky. Bye!

OK, so the last sentence didn't happen. But it fucking well will next time someone asks me!

What can be done about your job, anything? Is it in your power to change anything or is it a wait and see and pray to the baybee moses jobee?

That sounds horrible Scorps (though I'm not sure what the acronym stands for ). And sorry about the job front - hope it doesn't come to that.

I'm sure the chav baby cheered you up also. Not. Poor little sod.