30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Puppy almost a fully grown beast, thanks, iggydoggy - he's asleep on my feet right now. My feet are on the point of pins & needling: he weighs nearly 5 stones. I pointed out to DB (boyfriend, not brother) that everyone will think we got the puppy because I am Barren, and that I secretly push both dogs around the house in a pram with mob caps on - DB spluttered for a second, then realised the truth in what I was saying, because he immediately reeled off his work diary for the next few weeks, outlining times he could come home and work on making a real baby.

How is yours? And how is the Honeydog? (Did I get that right? Was it Honeymoo with the new puppy?) There's getting to be a BESH presence on the pets board...

Cuntshine, I refuse to believe bad news till we have full droidfirmation. Until then, am going to lead the BESH Glee Club in a rousing chorus of 'Don't Stop Believin'... C'mon ladies: 2, 3, 4!

(big smooch)

MrsG, googled Molar Pg, wish I hadn't - poor you Life sucks huge shitty donkey dicks at times.

PS Fig, you say that about your dogs jokingly (?), but my bossfriend genuinely dresses her 2 cats up in little outfits and they have toy doll beds they sleep in and proper plates to eat off and... you get the picture. Yes, she is 36 and single. Wait, I work for this woman?

yeah figs - and I quickly ran away last night when things got heated over there...

honalululovely That's some really wanky arsefuck bolloks. Hot plate of spag bol flying across the room at ya right now. And a few indelible pink markers...

iggles Nothing definite about brufen but it has been linked to early MC/prevention of conception. Like most meds, they don't test on diffed wimminz so don't really know the truth. There's not enough info to blame it for anything, so I would not reflect on that too much if I were you. We should all just stay clear to be safe. (that goes for all non-steroidal anti-inflammatories - NSAIDs. Aspirin is another)

i'm going looking for a pic of muser's hair

cuntshine I am so very sorry. Maybe throw some plates at the wall? Fuck I wish I had a magic wand. I want to be able to DO SOMETHING! Am sending you loads of love and tequila.

mrsG bloody hell,as if you hadn't had a hard enough time. I hope they sort it as quickly as possible. Please rage as much as you like.we're here.

cam glad you back luvver. I could prob get extreme back too with a bit of work...

everyone else yep, bitter black baby-queue jokes are standard palace fare as far as I've noticed. I hope no newbies were hurt in the making of this programme... We are all good kind people I can promise 'ee.

Oh and ead I had a tequila bender back when I was 'obviously never going to get fuckng pregnant ever'... The Small turned out fine. Very smart in fact. Though he does like a drink

now cuntshine come and have a snuggle xxx

Oh and great hair, muse

very foxy.

...am I the only one that finds the thought of a naked russel howard a bit...umm...off-putting??

It's Russell's fangs that put me orrffff him. Right daggers so they is........

HCS fucking cunting arsewipes. Bollocking wank stains. Bastarding cock mongerers. Have this tesco value pikey bottle of gin I've been keeping for emergencies.

GinHaglet I think RH was here for Scorp's benefit, or was it someone else? EdCase has brought along David Mitchell and I think there are some rugby players floating around somewhere...

Is Dan Carter in here? I know he is antipodeans and not French (or Welsh) but he is just well fit

Russell Howard was brought in to take the piss out of me, after someone said TYF looked a bit like him (he doesn't; ma man be well fit, innit). Gits.

Really sorry to hear your news MrsG, and Hawaii

I think my problem with RH is (not very PC of me) his squint.

Still temping, still 2WOOFLING, but my temp goes up and down like a Whore's knickers and not sure which are the outliers to disregard!

Morning beshy beshes.

wildfig nuffink wrong with puppy as starter baby . I wub him and his ickle pink tum tum.

MrsG and Hawaii I think you both need a bottle of WKD, here you go.

Well I have been a right old menkul beatch this week. Have spent approximately £82 on piss sticks over the last 4 days, nipping into the loo at work etc etc. My Boots advantage card is doing v nicely thanks. How the frick am I supposed to keep my gob shut for the next 3 months is beyond me. Am off to buy an extra big batch of white knickers this afternoon for surveillance purposes.

scorps in case you haven't seen it, there's a message for you that appeared yesterday at the end of the "rat out" thread.

I don't think I have to explain name change.

I saw it - thanks muchly, mystery reassurer

Thumbs up on the £82!

Cuntflaps... only on 7DPO and droid is about to arrive.

pollypoops - how d'you know, old sausage? 7DPO is very early for a droid, non? Might it be and implantation bleed or similar?

Aw, polyps. Fucking little beeping bastard.

Am in Pit of Despair myself today; come and join me? And when you bought all your supplementy things, did you do so online? Am having a complete insane attack about fsh levels and need to buy a ton of stuff to make me feel better.

Sadly, Headcase, if I know PooPoo, it'll more likely be a rubbish Luteal Phase. But, Poo, I hope it is an implantation bleed!

Cameltoe, I've been having a 'need to buy supplements' frenzy this week. Have ordered Maca off internet and ginseng (read this can help when you have LPD, which I now clearly do have, grrr). Also bought some pregnancy multivits, but am confused - am I supposed to take em whilst ttc, even though they're pg ones? Why am I so thick? All of the pre-conception multivits in the shops or online have some filler I'm allergic to in 'em, hmmmph. But enough of my tablet waffling, can I come to the pit and cheer you up? I stocked the freezer down there full of Booja Booja ice-cream for times like these...

Bloody hell, snow is so bad here, dunno if can get to colposcopy if it's still like this on Tues. Just want to get the bastard over and done with

scorp Wish you'd mentioned the need for Maca; have loads which am not using. I bought it for t'husband but he is refusing to buy into the alternative stuff which I'm finding comforting. If you want the stuff I bought - or if anyone else wants it - let me know!

Hope the snow starts to melt so that you can get to the drs on Tuesday. How are you feeling about the colposcopy?

Morning BESHies. Hope the snow doesn't stop you getting to the colposcopy on Tuesday Scorps.

And I don't see why you couldn't take the pregnacare ones when you're TTC. I bet they're exactly the same as the pre ones.

I have the droid. A tiny little bit of me is relieved because actually now really isn't the right time at ALL (it might have been a Sagittarian - JOKE)

Easy to say, but don't worry (!) about the colposcopy, scorps; it's not as bad as you think it's going to be. I had one a few months ago after a series of abnormal smears, and was dreading it, but really, it's like an extended smear test. ie, uncomfortable, awkward, but ultimately shouldn't be painful. Plan something nice to do afterwards - I felt very emotional when I left the hospital (something to do with having to walk past the antenatal ultrasound dept, perhaps ), but then I do tend to get a bit teary after smears. It's like they jiggle some kind of emotion gland when they're rummaging round your fanjo.

drom I am going to wear my Vivienne Westwood shoes to the Lunch of Love next month. Look out for the tall redhead who keeps falling over people's handbags, and we can go for a pink fizz at the bar...

poo it could be implantation, seriously...

Actually, having said that, I've now had two colposcopies. And the fact that i'd forgotten about one of them means they don't have to be that bad. If they have to do a cone biopsy, or any scraping, they definitely give you an anaethestic - am sure it won't come to that though.

figlet bastard droid.

Am not sure of outfit for love lunch as yet, but pink fizz sounds like a marv idea.

Thanks guys. I WANT MACA! GIMME MACA! (please ) Have just realised that I didn't check the full ingredients list of the online one and it might have summat in it I can't have. Worra twat I am!

Is not pregnacare multivits, but Higher Nature's Mum-2-Be. Same difference

Thanks for the colposcopy reassurance. Am feeling okay about it now. My Mum remembered the other day she's had one and said it was just a 'more embarrassing smear test'. Am mainly going cos they can't read the results of my normal smear tests and possible removal of teeny polyp, so can't see it being too grotesque. They've already told me that as I am last person they're seeing that morning, if I need anything eek doing re: cervical erosion then it'll have to be rescheduled (this is fine with me, as would like one more try at ttc before any scraping/freezing puts me out of the running for a few months). Thing is, FiggyPudding, how do you stop yourself saying 'whilst you're down there' when the Dr has his face right up to your foof? Only colposcopy Dr there is a man. Would prefer a woman. Found out t'other day that stoopid Dr forgot to do swabs for thrush, so am wondering if colpocopy peeps could give me a swabbing. Don't think I've got it, as have no itching or weird discharge, but might as well get it checked.

But hark at my nonsense. How are you feeling, Muser? And you, Humpy? Big luvzzz.