30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

laurie I've given up chocolate - 40 days is all I can manage and I reckon the abrupt 200 calorie a day drop is enough to shock my body into losing weight. My top tip for soothing withdrawal symptoms is to choose an egg from Hotel Chocolat, and then visit it every day on the internet. Then buy it half price the day after Easter, tee hee. But you can't give up sweets AND crisps AND biscuits! Unles you belong to some very hardline religious order where you have to wear a barbed wire thong during Lent or similar.

I am 2WOOFLing by accident this month - DH and I somehow managed to do an uncharacteristically large amount of SWI at around about the right time, so who knows? If I have dropped the dish, I literally could not have picked a trickier time to get diffed, but isn't that the way it goes? [checks BESH rule book]

There is not enough violence, bumsex or alcohol in here

just because

Reading about you dedicated people giving up nice things for Lent it's just dawned on me that that could be a great excuse for not drinking when 2WOOFLing. Not sure I want to give up alcohol entirely for Lent though, a nice glass of wine seems an entirely sensible response to droid having arrived. Maybe I could just make people think that's why I'm not drinking......

I'm intrigued by the idea of an "initiation quiz" but confidently armed with information gleaned from a close reading of the patronising TCOYF tome. So c'mon and hit me with your hardest questions!

Bumsex, eh?

BUMSEX BUMSEX BUMSEX

Here is one just for you Igs

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/705894-To-be-overjoyed-that-a-complete- stranger-said-he-39

Witty You have stumbled into the BESHes lair... mwaaahh hhhhaaaaaa haaaaaa We are wimminz inour 30's being driven menkul by ttc. We indulge in drinking, violence and lesbian gropings. Oh, and use the word CUNT a lot. I think that about sums us up... anyone have anything to add?!

You will find the Q's on previous BESH freds - think of it as an initiation test . I will help you a little - the last one was called Shall I Get Me Rat Out Dr?

Nice thread this. I'm going to take over this little corner here, it's just for those of us who are temporarily on hold from menkulness. There are sofas and beanbags and ER box sets for entertainment. Plus the sexiest ER cast members to serve drinks (Drs Carter, Ross, Benson, Kovac, all present).

I have been jabbed and have 3 months supply of fucking Microgynon as proof that my SWI days are officially on hold. As I'm not allowed booze I'm claiming extra chocolate and pizza.

THE BESHTEST for Wit

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Hi all - will catch up properly one of these days, but wanted to post this to offer some cheer after Muser & Skater's news this week.

Bitchslaps and slippery nipples all round

ahh, I do love slippery nips! Thanks VAG

Fanks OhHeadyOne for attempt at making my fist banging appear normal, but in the Palace, it's expected really.

Five-O Out

Cokie thanks for that!
ta da:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Ahh, the festive clink of the ice-cubes, the joyful splash of the tonic - what?s not to love?

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Neither.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

d) obviously

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a) - though probably they don't need much encouragement...and what the hell is babydust anyway? Is it what they have on their ickle wings so they can fly?

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

Hmmm. I?m sensing it?s not a). Little help?

6. what colour are your walls?
   White

7. Number of pets?
   0

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   What do you mean, I have impeccable taste! (former rugby player Thomas Castaignede ? wrong team, but the heart wants what it wants...)

9. Lesbian crush?
   Penelope Cruz.

10. What are your views on camping?
    Give me a hotel anyday.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Oh God, considering it has actually been basically impossible for me to be pregnant up until now (please don?t think I let that put me off!), I have already amassed a fairly impressive expenditure of, oh say £25 or so?

So, what's a BESH? Am I a BESH? Hope so!

Excellent: new thread and a chance to unleash some pent up aggression. hhaaaaaaaaaii-ya! Miss Piggy karate chops to all. and rope burns. Share the pain!

muser stop stealing my pizza - or at least give me a chance to order double next time. Extra cheese?

I managed a whole two hours in the bath today

Getting there Wit, but I think a little extra revision might be required A skim through any previous TTC threads with BESH in the title should help you to understand our little quirks.

Starter for 10: Barren, Evil, Selfish Hags.

P.S Hello.

Ghostly are you calling me out? huh? are you? I'll take you on, you and your wrinkly fingers and toes!!!

Welcome Witty we might need to spice you up to get you ready for this barren, evil, selfish, desolate place. Do you have a pair of boxing gloves? or would you rather start judo with Casper here?

FFS! x-post with CurlyPastyOne

casper 2 hours in the bath?! Well I had nice lady come to my house and give me gentle massage for an hour! Then she left me with instructions to do nothing for the rest of the day. Um... OK. (I aways take advice from health professionals when it suits me.)

Hello witty. I am just visiting from PESH-land. That's a place you don't need to worry your pretty little head about just yet.
P.S. Have you POAS yet?

Hey Hey! If we're going for a record breaker then can we please do it in age order, with us croniest BESHes getting a win first? Tis only fair

ConradTWITTY, good answers, but I personally need some others: how old be you and just how bitter and twisted are you - a) you get a bit self-pitying now and then but generally cope quite well OR b) You think Charlie Brooker has got it right about everything OR c) your outlook on life makes you more likely to produce a black hole before the Hadron Collider does?

That seems only fair Scorps as long as you wrinklies get a move on and don't hold things up for us wee babes . Not that I have a clue how old anyone is.

Welcome oh WittyOne. Questions is, which is the right rugby team?

Having told TH about droid's arrival when he got home from work, he now keeps going on about it. Not helpful! He's now gone out again so I only have my sore insides to keep reminding me, just to rub it in. Gah. Am going out shortly but can't even drown my sorrows cos I'm driving.

Damn. I forgot we'd run out of cat food and am being glared at by my baby substitutes cats. Apparently dry food just isn't the same. Don't they know it's pissing it down outside and MrM won't be back for another 3 hours? I'm not going out.

cornflakes and bisto granules muser?

I found a tin of mackerel in tomato sauce. They seem happy.

bet they're bloody delirious! Catz has fishy treatz. nom nom

(showed SFF the I can haz cheezburger website earlier. he tried to hard to resist those pussies' charms)

Stand firm Muser, the greedy little blighters. Also, Microgynon?? Now that really is the source of all evil! Have you used that pill before? I was given it at uni many moons ago and it turned me into a BEAST! I'm pretty unreasonable at the best of times but my god when the droid was on its way I turned into a hideous monster. I had to get it changed after a couple of months as it was too unbearable! Just a warning in case this happens to you, which it probably wont cos you seem too nice to be that horrid!

Welcome to the palace Witty!

really Twinks? I was on microgynon for 13 years and I'm just fine.

Oh wait, maybe that's why I'm such a psycho bitch...

Hope it's ok (as it can be) for you mousse

Well Twinks isn't that just a cheerful thought for Muse! Not only does she have to miss out on 3 months of SWI, not drink and take horrible drugs, but they might actually turn her into a beast as well!