30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Fabks = fanks, cars = cards (I'm a good dauther but not that generous)

daughter, for fucks sake - sun is shining on my screen

Hope your Dad feels better over the weekend LovelyLyra

I bought one of gin's cards too - I always buy gin cards cos we is lezza luvvers and that like innit (according to Hom)

lyra do you think you'r dad might benefit from some BESH comedy violence to ease his passage to good health? It seems to work round here ok

you'r????

"ease his passage", was that a bowel cancer joke there cnuthead? If so, ho ho! Although it's his liver on this occasion, so he has been receiving many "humorous" cards re: when he can get back on the booze (probably not a great idea given that they removed about 80% of said liver). I fink he's in too much pain for even comedic violence at the mo Maybe could manage a Mallet's mallet

God no!

Twas meant in a well-meaning way, not a thoughtless way. I knows about dads being ill I duz.

I know mate, I know you do. I thought was amusing! We spend a lot of time thinking up new poo jokes these days. Yer've gorra laff, etc.

thanks for supporting my Rioja habit laydeez!

Am seriously all bout you lot buying gincards!!

cunty I promise not to put my hand down your top next time. That might make Hom feel better.

Gin - The Fear is less immediate but now manifesting itself in terrible procrastination when considering telling the wider world (too real, too real!) I keep hoping for some sort of wave of preggo hormones to sweep over me and make everything all right. And failing that I am eating a lot of chocolate which also helps.

Bad back seems unfair given what you've been through - Slap in the face with a wet fish to the Fates for that one. Hope you feel better soon.

gin he's quite fleecey but in a nice way. He wouldn't mind, I'm sure

Why thank you ginlover you NOBBER.

Also I appear to have scalp psorisis - anyone have any experience? Google says it's incurable. Itchy and not aesthetically pleasing.

Glued to gusset watch! RootinÂ? for ya Scorpy. I have been accorded the throne of insanity for menkulism and denial, but I sense you would be a contender for my crownÂ?

Libations and lovely youths to the LyraGod that it might be so. Oh and maybe fix GinÂ?s back while youÂ?re at it?

VAG I have quite bad druff, but at the front, and itchy temples.

Am a barrel of laughs at the moment me lol

vag actual scalp psoriasis? Or just kind of dandruff... cos I had that for a bit - but my whole body appears to be drying out at the mo... I is well sexy.

ooh, VAG reminded me, I had tilapia for dinner last night. It was, erm, chewy

Piggles I've tried, really I have, but I just don't get why you're convinced there is no k in (k)nob. Pliz to explain?

vag at some point they might guess so don't worry about that. There is a point where it becomes a weeny bit apparent that you have tripled in size got a baybee in your tumtum.

Ta for the good wishes. Am a bit wobbly at the moment as have now reached the point where this time last year I was diffed. And that will go on tokens ofapril. I have to get up the fucking pole by mr gins birthday so I don't spend the whole day sobbing about last year's scan of doom...

Anyway,we are SWI at the moment. Well actually we are shagging for the sheeer love of it,which is nice. Nothing like a night in a good hotel and a bucket of champagne to kick start your live life (and great pants obviously )

Erm, don't know, self-diagnosing here! Looks like the pics on t'interweb. Is huge flakes (nice), itchy in random patches around head (incl temples)and bleeds a bit if I'm overenthusiastic about itching. I itch it subconsciously then stand up and it looks like it has snowed. V attractive.

Eh? There is no 'k' in nob when used in this context. I have not a fucking clue why. Except 'knobs' are on doors and 'nobs' are on men. Is just how it is,awright?

lyra cos knob = like door knob and nob = penis.

that is my deinfition - did you read my pedants corner fred - where I kind of lose my arguement

'tokens ofapril' = TO END of April

www.shoulderumbrellas.com, for all your dandruff needs.

I've just been over to read it now, Piggywiggy, OED beats urbandickionary, so I will be sticking with knob.

Sheeet need new fred, I hope someone is on it...see ya there