30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Sorry Scorps we crossed. Yours is definitely worse and you're totally justified in feeling furious. A massive swear is in order.

Scrops, I think that might ACTUALLY be the most fucking ridiculous case of 'computer says no' that I ACTUALLY ever heard. Fucking bunch of cockmongers. PATHETIC.

You know some people do the whole hand thing for fun, right?

scropster that's a pile of shit innit. Your surgery is a saga... Hope they call you today.

I am not listening to your tales of One born Every Minute - you mental fuckers - why would you torture yourselves with this?! I am trying to remain in blissful ignorance... or summink...

Roundshouse kicks all round. Hope cho hasn't snorted all that dust?

I just like watching babies being born. They've had so many different births it actually makes me feel less scared. Anything could happen so no point worrying.

I, of course, will have a water birth just like the one they showed last week. A little gasp and baybee. Although MrM has declared them 'hippy shit'. I told him when he gives birth he can have a say in what happens. And then told him I want a doula too. That'll learn him.

muse am with you - my body my choice

I used to like watching progs like this - but currently can't... am a wreck as it is, without seeing babies born with intestines outside bodies

So glad the Ginlet has put the horrible vomiting bug behind him. It sounded just vile. Good sign that he?s tucking into the cereal!

I don?t get to see that One Born Every Minute thing, due to not being in the UK, but I think I will have to check out whatever is available to view on catch up. I am intrigued?

Aries don?t worry about the weekend ? you can complain about droid/share POAS results with the beshes. It was a bit mad getting a faint line without anyone nearby whose nose I could shove it under, with a crazed look in my eye. But Besh wisdom was very helpful in getting me through that!

scorps that place is appalling. Crappy having to wait!

As for me, well, the line is getting stronger and coming up faster, so feeling hopeful. By the end of the weekend, if all is well, we will move towards dazed acceptance I think!

In an unlikely twist, SIL announced yesterday that she is diffed ? only 5 weeks and only close family know, but there you go.

SSW - how dare that bitch steal your thunder? This means you'll be popping out your parents' grandchildren at the same time, you know that, don't you? (Am working on premise that your line is true, because it is, you dozy mare! Accept! Accept!)

Muser, sadly 'tis true about the hand thing, yes. One night at Uni, we got v drunk and were playing truth and dare and one of my friends admitted to loving being fisted [shocked] It was double because she was under 5ft tall and a size 6. I mean, where was it going to fit?

Also want water birth and doula and to do hypno-birthing. And TYF called it all hippy shit too AND I told him the exact same thing.

Still fuming about not getting JIAP results. Waiting 2 weeks for them to do it all was bad enough but being palmed off cos someone forgets to write a note on the system? Is ridiculous. I NEED THOSE JIZZY RESULTS ASAP! will be ringing later to hassle poor receptionists again if Dr hasn't rung. Is not acceptable. Might not be life-threatening stuff, but is certainly sanity-threatening!

Urgh. Had blood taken by healthcare assistant and not nurse. It hurt! There's one nurse here who is so good you don't feel it. And the assistant left the tourniquet on as she was applying pressure. I bet I end up with a massive bruise.

Time to wait for the results.

Scorpy that is rubbish, I can't believe your doctors are so shit. I hope they ring you back, or the hospital can give you the results. I am fucking fuming on your behalf.

In other news, I am not in a good mood today. Don't know why, but it is not helped by Iris just pissing all over my sofa. Joy. Anyone know the best way of getting urine out of a piss-soaked square of foam? I whipped the cover off, quick as I could, but it had already soaked through. Gar.

Well no-one sticks their hand or fingers up my fanjo without dinner & flowers first!

scorps I feel your JIAP pain. My boyf has technically never had his results from - months ago!!

His GP said to ring after JIAP, which he did a number of times to be told results weren't in. When I went to fertility clinic form my first appointment consultant rang the other hospital for results, so I had to tell the boyf. I know fertility is a coupley thing but still not sure if that's allowed. The boyf went to the GP this week (unrelated man-flu) GP said results were there but he didn't feel comfortable talking about them, the fertility clinic will. Thankfully we both have the appointment tomorrow.

So there's always been a little doubt that we have the correct results (which apparently show the boyf has a lower than average "normal" sperm count).

lots to catch up on but witty, will you and SIL be at the same stage then? Might be nice to go through it together, even if she is a thunder stealer.

Anyway, your bump will be the neatest, your birth the easiest and your baby the best looking. Fact.

(My SIL is 34 weeks and we are exchanging updates. I'm liking it).

scorps arsefucks. Give' em hell.
gin glad the wee man is on the mend - snogs
muser sorry about the shitty HCA. At least it wasn't a GP - they really know how to hurt you. Fingers crossed for good results.

Ref OBEM. I cried when Joy got her baybeee. And now I know why so many women say you should speak up if you don't want an internal. The whole hand?!!!! Ouch!

I wanted to be angry at selfish/stubborn gas and air mum. but then I wondered how I would react once high as a kite and set in my ways... Think her fella could have been a bit more firm with her, seeing as her behaviour would have been detrimental to the baby. he was a big enough lump (though very sweet when laying out the little pink babygro etc, unlike Joy's muppet hubby!)

Laurie, I would prolly quip 'and you've not even bought me a drink' if they tried to manually intrude the tunnel of love. Or probably scream like a massive wimp. Yep, probably the screaming.

Can't believe your JIAP saga. They're fucking useless, aren't they? How hard can it be?A question also necessary before doing the JIAPing... I'll get me coat

Wow, check THIS out! Asda doing cheapo IVF drucks?!

Have been sniggering loudly at work desk at SIL being called "a thunder-stealing bitch". I love you beshes. Thanks for voicing my, up to now suppressed, but still deeply felt, personal conviction on the matter.

She would be just a week and a bit ahead of me if all goes to plan. They are very confident - second baby, first pregnancy went like a dream and she has even had some kind of scan already. Whereas I am still only 13dpo - sorry for the probably irritating refusal to accept, by the way - I want this so much, that I kind of have to give it a while to go wrong before embracing it like crazy. Anyway, she is SIL (not offically I guess as boyfy and self are not married) on boyfy's side. So that's ok.

(Plus, despite being fabulously amused by the above description, she is actually super sweet and would be very supportive I know).

hello? Where have you all gone?

Beshie I've been in the loo examining my gusset and wondering if this period is too light to be a 'proper' period (it's not). Then eating biscuits. Lots of biscuits. From a special tin with a man in a kilt on it.

hmm, headbanger, that sounds rather unsanitary. I hope you came out of the loo to eat the biscuits.

Just before I got updiffed I was starting to feel like it was never going to happen. Relatively, it didn't take all that long but it felt like ages, especially after the mc and having to start all over again. So chin up. Next month is your month, for sure [patronising emoticon].

mmmmmmm, men in kilts. And biscuits.

I have been asleep. Very tired after I got back from the hospital at 3ish. Thought I'd have a little nap. Woke up at 6.30pm when MrM called to say he's on his way home. Ooops.

Yes, mmmmmmmmmm, men in kilts. Because you know it only takes a small gust of wind to turn things into a party

Headcase, is prolly just spotting, not full droid yet. Not that that helps at all. Arsebuckets.

Well, we got the JIAP results. Everything is normal; in fact, slightly above average and there were 0% mutant swimmers, which is quite unusual (especially if you could see some of his relatives, chiz chiz). Then the Dr tells me she had reviewed my D21 results again and realised that the oestrogen was too high - she'd been concentrating on the progesterone, which was good. Agrees that our TTC ishoo is prolly Luteal Phase Defect BUT - and here's the kicker - the majority of cases of LPD are down to progesterone being too low during the LP. But a tiny percentage of LPD is caused by oestrogen not dropping off properly. The only treatment they've got is to help raise progesterone, which wouldn't solve my prob. There's nowt they can do to lower oestrogen. Fuck fuck FUUUUUCK! (Also means Clomid wouldn't work for me, for reasons she didn't explain very well and I don't understand.) This is what I thought the problem would be, so is not a surprise, but didn't realise they couldn't help if it was oestrogen issue. Am taking every supplement possible that alternative fertility experts recommend for oestrogen-based LPD, so have to kee fingers crossed it helps. Trouble is, B6 gives me a headache - have taken it in the past cos it also helps adrenal function, but have always had to stop because of the terrible daily headaches and am getting to end of my tether with current daily headaches. But B6 is what you must take to regulate all forms of LPD. Arrrgh! Am going to go get some acupuncture too, see it that does owt.

Dr also quizzed me about my pre-menstrual and droid symptoms and said she thinks it sounds like I could well be getting diffed but having a MMC most months! (Amongst other things, have started having super-clotteriffic droid, etc.). But, as she said, that can only be conjecture. Can't get her to agree to D3/4 tests, for some reason.

Sorry to waffle on. Just feeling v mixed about it all. Just knew we'd have a problem and that it'd be something small but difficult/impossible to sort out; 'tis the story of my medical life

Oh Scorps, come here for a big hug and grope. How crappy that it has to be something little and difficult to fix. Hope the acupuncture works, sounds better than the B6.

I have my blood results. They have dropped to 750, which is apparently a very good drop. I am a bit shocked they're still so high. But I guess they were around 3,500 to start with.

Well, Scorps, I 'spose there's nuffink I can say to make you feel better. I've got some funny pills which I think will do the trick. I've read the ingredients list and your not lergic to 'em....

Anyway - at least you did get the JIAP results in the end. Bet you're scary when you want to be!

I'm sure you'll get diffed without any kind of 'assistance'. It just takes time. Er... Jeez, it pisses me off when people say that to me. Sorry about that.

It'll be right. Chin up. Game of darts?

cross post.

Good news, Muser.

Muser, glad the levels are dropping. Let's have a big ole mutual hug

Thanks, CockRobin, but sadly with LPD, it's not a matter of it just taking time. I could not have the menopause till I'm 55 and get an egg fertilised every single cycle between now and then and the LPD could fuck it up every single time. LPD means that your droid mechanisms kick in far too early, even if there's a fertilised egg in yer Wimbledon Common all latched on and ready to become a baybee. The high oestrogen levels in my case means that the uterus is getting mixed hormonal messages and the wrong hormone wins.

Hah, mebbe all his overly high oestrogen is why I look so young for my age? Bah, is hardly a good trade-off.

Sorry to be so moany and didactic. But don't forget, I have the endo investigations to look forward to, as well! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to count all this paracetamol I've been stockpiling...

*Well, y'all were after colloquialisms for breasts last night and that's my fave local one